The REAL Oppressed Demographic

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

I’d like to start things off by wishing a happy 30^th birthday to my baby brother Kiel. Good father, ok brother, lots of untapped potential in my opinion… but he’s great to those kids of his. We haven’t always gotten along… but still, congratulations on reaching 30. We were all worried for a while that you wouldn’t make it. Next stop: Making 40 without being incarcerated for killing douche teenagers that Kairi dates.

 

This weekend was again, pretty laid back. Saturday we did some running around… and got to make some free tie-dye T-shirts in El Cerrito Plaza (shout out to Joann Fabrics), then we went to Dizzy’s Aunt’s retirement party. She’s retiring after 46 years of nursing. We had a few beers, some great food & just hung out with a lot of nice people in beautiful picturesque weather… so yeah, good times. The rest of the time… we basically watched movies…

 

First up was “Senna” which is a documentary about the meteoric rise & tragic fall of Formula One racecar driver Artyon Senna. Basically, he was a Brazilian man who from the time of being a little kid wanted to race… and he burst onto the F1 scene in the mid-80’s and had a very confident personality & aggressive driving style. Then again, don’t all racecar drivers? True… but this guy basically propositioned Xuxa on live television on New Year’s Eve. Don’t worry it was tasteful… and successful. Anyway, during that time, Alain Prost was the world champion & main rival of Senna… but he was a Frenchman… as was the President of Formula One. So basically there was a lot of political stuff done to kind of restrict Senna and keep him in 2^nd place for a while… but eventually he became world champion (using their own BS rules against them by the way) and representing an entire nation in need of a hero at the time (Brazil). Tragically, he died in a horrific crash in the early 90’s at a track where… basically it seemed in the movie like half the people that drove that day died in crashes… but since then, Formula One has placed a lot of safety protocols in & have yet to lose a driver since. Unfortunately it was too late for Artyon Senna. The documentary itself was VERY well done with great score and basically just compiled of footage from the time with supplemental interviews voiced over, so you’re never really taken out of the moment. Great story, well done, check it out.

 

Sunday night I watched “A Haunted House” which is a parody of the “Paranormal Activity” & “Exorcist/Exorcism” style movies starring Marlon Wayans, Nick Swarsdon, Dave Koechner & Cedric the Entertainer. It’s set in the found footage genre and includes takes on a lot of the iconic scenes… but yeah, with that Wayans touch to it. Basically… it’s exactly what you expect. A lot of fart jokes, gay jokes, a few bare male asses, more crude sexual humor… and if that’s what you’re looking for… it’s still only okay. Fun fact: Did you know that “Scary Movie 5” came out in April? I had no idea… then again, #4 was pretty terrible… and this actually rated much higher (26) on Metascore than SM5 did (11) and this was kind of hard to watch for the most part. I’m a huge fan of good parody movies… but unfortunately this just isn’t one of them. Sorry guys! I’d rather watch “Don’t Be a Menace in South Central While Drinking Your Juice in Da Hood” for the 1,271^st time.

 

 

Early this week, I also watched “The House at the End of the Street” starring Jennifer Lawrence & Elisabeth Shue. The story is about a mother (Shue) & daughter (Lawrence) who move into a new house… and they got a good deal… because the house next to them was the site of a double murder a few years earlier. Nice, right? Apparently the daughter of the murdered family was just nuckin’ futz & killed the parents... and then disappeared without a trace into the woods. Well, the son who was away at camp or something still lives in the house a few years later… and of course he’s a boy with a sad story so Jennifer Lawrence’s panties are overflooding… and there are secrets… stabby secrets. As you can tell, I think the whole premise of the movie is obvious & cookie cutter… and the movie didn’t disappoint. Basically I’ve found that a lot of these kind of lower-budget horror flicks are just ways for directors to flex what they learned in film school from a visual perspective to polish a turd. Some do it very well… most don’t. I think Jennifer Lawrence was only involved because she got to sing a little bit & strum a guitar so maybe she’s trying to be a crossover artist or something but… yeah, pass. It’s also a shame that Elisabeth Shue is an actress in her 40’s so this is the only kind of work that she can get… but hey, I’d still do her. (wink, call me when you’re back on the singles market). Here’s some news…

 

Is This Justice? – No, no, no… I’m not even touching the George Zimmerman thing… cuz basically since the day it happened… my guess was that he was going to get off without a charge & then Florida was going to immediately change the “Stand Your Ground” Law. So let’s countdown until the day that happens (my guess is by August 1^st & it’ll be the first time that a government act has taken two weeks to happen). Rather my injustice… is from this story. The Iowa Supreme Court ruled unanimously on Friday in its second decision in the case…. that an Iowa dentist did NOT discriminate against a female assistant he fired for being "too attractive," In December, the all-male court (that’s right) ruled that Dr. James Knight did NOT discriminate in firing dental hygienist Melissa Nelson after more than 10 years' service because he found her too attractive… and his wife saw her as a threat. Nelson had argued she would not have been fired if she were a man, and her attorney, Paige Fiedler, argued in seeking a second hearing that their decision was a setback for gender equality in the workplace. In late June, the justices decided to reconsider the case. "We ultimately conclude the conduct does not amount to unlawful sex discrimination in violation of the Iowa Civil Rights Act," Justice Edward Mansfield wrote. Knight had hired Nelson in 1999 and on several occasions in the 18 months before he fired her in early 2010, he complained that her clothing was too tight, revealing and distracting, the decision said. She denied wearing anything inappropriate. In her defense, saying that the clothing was too tight may have been construed as saying that she was getting fat… but then I’m sure we would have an assault case on our hands if that was the interpretation.

 

Nelson and Knight began texting each other in 2009 (uh oh… I think I know where this might be going). Most messages were work-related or otherwise innocuous, but some were more suggestive… including one in which Knight asked Nelson how often she had an orgasm. Wow… Oddly enough, Nelson did not answer that text. "The fact of the matter is Nelson was terminated because of the activities of her consensual personal relationship with her employer, not because of her gender," Chief Justice Mark Cady wrote in a separate special concurrence, probably using the term “work flirt” several times. In late 2009, Knight's wife, Jeanne Knight, learned that her husband had been texting with Nelson while he was on an out-of-state vacation with their children and she insisted he fire her, saying "she was a big threat to our marriage.” Knight read Nelson a statement when he fired her that said in part that their relationship had become a detriment to both of their families. Nelson's attorney, Fiedler, said Friday she was "beyond distressed at the lack of awareness and understanding this decision demonstrates. Women already have to balance on the very fine line of being respected, professional and well-liked in the workplace without having their perceived charm or attractiveness garner unwanted sexual advances, harassment and discrimination," Fiedler said in a statement. She’s absolutely right… when are attractive people going to get a fair shake??? This injustice will not stand!!! This is why I only hire attractive prostitutes and housekeepers!!! Todd Pettys, associate dean for faculty in the University of Iowa College of Law, said it was unclear why the court decided to rehear the case, given that the justices did not change their positions from December to July. "It appears to me what they really wanted to do was take another shot at explaining why they were reaching the conclusion that they did, understanding that they had come under some criticism for that conclusion." My guess… their wives made them look at it again… as the criticism was a strain on their marriage... but I have no evidence to back that up. With all of the protests out there for Trayvon Martin… why don’t we have any for Melissa Nelson??? This is the true outrage!!! For God’s sake, won’t somebody help a hottie out? Even if it’s just buy her a drink… or dinner… or a car… or a diamond ring… or pay her bills… or f**k it I’m done with this story. Tough break, toots!

  

Death Valley News - It’s really, really hot in Death Valley… so hot that you could probably fry an egg. Unfortunately, that wasn’t exactly the message the national park in eastern California had hoped to impart. But the weather has been so warm, a park staffer filmed herself cooking an egg with nothing but a skillet and the sun. The buzzy video took off on the Web (over 170,000 views) and soon enough, visitors to the hot, dry area were imitating the staffer… except they didn’t have the skillet, leaving a runny, drippy mess… because people nowadays are apparently arrogant, self-centered narcissist idiots. It actually got to be such a problem that the park issued a plea on its Facebook page to crack down on the egg frying frenzy: “An employee's posting of frying an egg in a pan in Death Valley was intended to demonstrate how hot it can get here, with the recommendation that if you do this, use a pan or tin foil and properly dispose of the contents. However, the Death Valley NP maintenance crew has been busy cleaning up eggs cracked directly on the sidewalk, including egg cartons and shells strewn across the parking lot. This is your national park, please put trash in the garbage or recycle bins provided and don’t crack eggs on the sidewalks, or the Salt Playa at Badwater.” Park supporters also weighed in. LaMoine Hill posted, “Some people need to have their heads fried, or maybe they already have, anyway people, use your heads.” Wow… eloquently put. Brett Houston added, “Some people do not belong in the wild.” I… have no idea what you’re going for… but preach on. The reason the employee made the video in the first place: Death Valley temperatures have been around 120 degrees, and in fact on Wednesday the park marked the 100th anniversary of the world’s hottest day on record: 134 degrees Fahrenheit on July 10, 1913. For the record, the temperature in the egg-cooking demonstration hovers just over 127 degrees. Damn… I’m sweating just thinking about that. Even the note on the description page of the YouTube video alerts viewers: “Be sure to drink plenty of water and avoid outdoor activity in extreme heat. And please don't try to fry eggs on the ground. It makes a mess and it doesn't work.” On our next video… the health benefits of drinking plenty of crystal-cloudy water from the Great Salt Lake to stay hydrated in Death Valley. The results may surprise you… for a few moments… and then destroy you from the inside.

 

That’s One Way to Do It - How far would you go to quit smoking? I’m sure that if you’ve ever really tried… you’ve found it to be pretty difficult… asked friends for methods… maybe even sought other oral fixations… or even professional help. Well, one Turkish man has literally locked his head in a cage as a last ditch attempt to quit the habit. In a YouTube video, 42-year-old Ibrahim Yucel explains why he went to such an extreme measure: “I have been smoking since high school. I have tried to quit smoking each year on my birthday. Unfortunately, I could not.” Yucel told the Hurriyet Daily News that he smoked two packs a day for more than 20 years before putting on the cage helmet, which he says was inspired by seeing motorcycle riders in helmets. "My father developed lung cancer and died because of smoking. I decided it was time to hinder my will.” And for at least two days he’s managed to stay cigarette free, though not without some serious effort and potential embarrassment. To construct the helmet cage, Yucel took around 130 feet of copper wire and wound it into a tight circle and placed two locks at the bottom of the cage. When he heads out to work each morning, he gives the cage keys to either his wife or his daughter. Initially, Yucel’s wife says seeing her husband walking around with a cage on his head bothered her but she says she now supports the move. “This cage is embarrassing at first, but he wants to quit smoking,” she says in the video. While at work, Yucel says he can drink water through a straw and manages to eat small crackers through openings in the wire helmet. “I swear an oath to Allah and the Quran. I’m not going to smoke again.” I wonder if he wears the helmet to bed too… you know, for those late night cravings? Let’s ask the wife next time. He’s probably not much of a looker anyway. Building a cage for your own head might be less extreme than the plan to quit smoking employed by California’s Etta Mae Lopez. In May, the 31-year-old waited outside a police station where she subsequently slapped a police officer. It was all according to plan: Lopez wanted to be sent to jail, where smoking is prohibited… and she got her wish with a 63-day sentence. Talk about two birds with one stone! Quit smoking AND slap a cop. Anyway, maybe these methods will help you with your resolutions.

 


 

Goat Update – I know the past few entries have kind of ended on sour notes… so today we’re going to do something a little upbeat… and I know Dizzy has a thing for goats. Japan is a place of mystery & wonder… and of course, crazy sh*t. First, there were the maid cafes, their customers pampered by women in maids' uniforms. Sounds sexy, right? Well, then that led to the cat cafes, which allowed cat lovers to play with frisky felines while sipping a cup of coffee. Hey, pussy is pussy! Now, enter the goat cafe, which houses a pair of friendly goats for customers to pet, play with and even take for walks through Tokyo's concrete jungle. Rena Kawaguchi and her staff brought the animals (named Sakura and Chocolat, or “Cherry” and “Chocolate”) three years ago, hoping to attract a new breed of animal-loving customers and spice up flagging weekend business. "Back then animal cafes were booming, places where you could play with cats or dogs," Kawaguchi said. "But we reckoned a normal animal like that wouldn't have the wow factor of a goat." Customers can pet the goats in their pen while drinking a coffee, or book a slot to take them for a walk through the crowded area surrounding Shibuya station, a hub for commuters and Tokyo's trend-conscious youth. "When you live in the city like I do, places where you can meet animals are so far away and you rarely get the time to go there," said Kotaro Nakazato, a 21-year-old university student. "Having them nearby like this makes it easy to commune with nature." Keeping the goats has its challenges. Staff have to muck out their pen between serving customers, and the goats are fed special protein-rich pills to prevent foul-smelling droppings. With the goats proving a hit, Kawaguchi says she's got even bigger plans. Yes… an elephant cafe is at the top of her list, although it was not clear what her pen-cleaning staff thought of the prospect… but hey, it’s a sh*t job anyway (rim shot). Now I know the first stop for any trip to Japan with Dizzy. “But you don’t even drink coff…” “I DON’T CARE! I WANT TO PLAY WITH THE GOATS!” Hmm… I wonder if places with rats in New York could sell it as a rat café? Interesting twist to a Kitchen Nightmare show…

 

Anyway, that will do it for today. Thank you all for stopping by & I’ll probably catch up with you after the trip back to Utah for a few days. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Watch Out Pujols!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First things first (chronologically), I had the game of my life in softball Tuesday night. As usual, we spotted the other team a 15-0 lead after two innings (have no idea why that always happens) but then I stepped up to the plate (my usual position of 10th in the rotation) and brought in our first run…and after that it wasn’t too bad of a game. Basically, I went 4-for-4 including a double, 3 RBI, and 3 runs. On defense, as the catcher, I caught two pop flies (one off the backstop) and caught one runner at home. Basically, it was the softball game of my life, which isn’t saying much… but still. Not bad for a guy who hasn’t really played since 5th grade. I must be a natural athlete.

Well, about to head out for a date. We'll see how it goes. My mom & aunt arrive tomorrow… so it may be a few days until you hear from me. Don’t fret. I’ll have plenty of stories and pictures when I come back to the blogosphere. In the meantime, please enjoy these newsy nuggets…

Fox Update – Sorry, but you’re not the only one that’s a little disappointed that this isn’t about Megan Fox. Authorities in China's far west have bred and trained "an army" of silver foxes bought from a fur farm to fight a plague of rats threatening a huge expanse of grasslands, state media said on Wednesday. The Xinjiang government bought 20 foxes in 2004 and they have since increased to 284 (they must be clones…) and been released into the wild, the official Xinhua news agency said. "Foxes are excellent natural predators of the rodent. One fox can catch about 20 rats per day. There has been a decline in the rat population in several counties where the measure has been adopted," it quoted official Ni Yifei as saying. Rat numbers have exploded due to unusually dry conditions and threaten more than 5.5 million hectares of grasslands, the report said. In one of the areas where the foxes have been released, rat numbers have dropped 70%, it added. "The silver fox was chosen to be the rat fighter for its distinctive ability to run, hunt and live under the harsh living conditions on the prairie," Ni said. Silver foxes are more normally bred in Xinjiang for their rich fur, used to make clothing. Other parts of Xinjiang are using wolves, eagles and even chickens and ducks to control rat numbers, Xinhua said. "It is a green way to tackle the rat problem," added another official, Lin Jun. I just thought it was kind of cool that instead of being skinned for yet another fur for $teve’s night on the town (ladies love it), that they can clear out rat populations…and then be skinned. I’m sure the rats combined with sunshine give their coats a marvelous sheen. Also, reminds me of the time I told the dean of Shanghai Normal University that I planned on taking over the country with an army of pandas, tigers & monkeys. He didn't think it was funny. Guess you'd have to have been there. Sigh… at least this took my mind off Megan Fox getting married to Brian Austin Green…

Tombstone 85628 – Speaking of 90’s teenage drama stars whose appeal I just don’t understand, fellow "Beverly Hills 90210" stars Luke Perry and Jason Priestley are reuniting for the Hallmark TV movie western titled "Goodnight For Justice" reports Deadline. Perry (“8 Seconds” & “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) came up with the idea, will executive produce and will star in the project as a circuit judge on a quest to catch the outlaw who killed his family. Neal and Tippi Dobrofsky penned the script while Priestley (acted in “Tombstone” & “Calendar Girl”) will direct the project which begins shooting August 4th in Vancouver for airing sometime next year. I just mention it because it’s funny. I don’t anticipate that anybody will watch it.

Shue Update - My first crush Elisabeth Shue ("Karate Kid" & "Leaving Las Vegas") has joined the cast of the "Psycho"-esque thriller "House at the End of the Street" for FilmNation and A Bigger Boat says The Hollywood Reporter. The story follows a teenage girl (Jennifer Lawrence, "Winter's Bone" & Mystique in the upcoming "X-Men: First Class" movie) who moves to a new town and learns that a double murder took place in the house across the street. Things get complicated when she befriends the massacre's sole surviving son (Max Thieriot of "Kit Kittredge"). Shue will play the girl's mother (MILF!!!). David Loucka wrote the script from a story by Jonathan Mostow while Mark Tonderai ("Hush") is directing. Aaron Ryder, Peter Block, Tim Williams, Hal Lieberman and Jonathan Mostow will produce. Filming kicks off next month in Ottawa. Sigh... to be an actress over 40. You know I'm still going to watch this movie, right? It has Shue AND Jennifer Lawrence. Too bad it's probably a year or so down the line. Plenty of time to forget about it... but hey, we'll see. Glad to see Elisabeth can still get work though. I'm sure it'll be great.

Hottest First Lady Update - France's first lady, a former supermodel turned singer, is making her debut as an actress, filming Wednesday in the shadow of Notre Dame cathedral for Woody Allen's "Midnight in Paris." Carla Bruni-Sarkozy jotted in a notebook while seated next to actor Owen Wilson on a park bench. Allen gave instructions, while dozens of onlookers tried to get a glimpse of the action on the cordoned-off Jean XXIII Square. The French president showed up on a nearby set Tuesday, in dark suit but no tie, to watch his spouse in her latest creative venture. Allen, beloved by the French, recruited Bruni-Sarkozy last fall for a role in the romantic comedy which follows a family traveling in Paris for business. France's first lady reportedly plays a museum director. This week's scenes were shot in the heart of Paris, near the Pantheon, the resting place of many of France's luminaries, and on the Ile de la Cite, the island that hosts Notre Dame. In November, when she announced her plans to accept Allen's offer of a role, the 42-year-old Bruni-Sarkozy had said she was unsure of her acting skills. "I'm not at all an actress. Maybe I'll be absolutely terrible," she said in an interview with Canal Plus TV station. However, she said she couldn't pass up the chance to play in a Woody Allen film. "I'd like to — you know — when I'm a grandmother, to have done a Woody Allen film," said Bruni-Sarkozy, who has a son from a relationship before Sarkozy. "I cannot in my life miss an opportunity like this." Bruni-Sarkozy had a small role in the 1994 Robert Altman film "Pret-a-Porter" (Ready to Wear) and the 1998 move "Paparazzi," by Alain Berberian, each time playing herself. Her sister Valeria Bruni-Tedeschi is an actress and director. When Allen was once asked what famous person he would like to see act, the Dalai Lama or the queen of England, he replied: "Carla Bruni", according to the first lady's Web site. "She has charisma and she's used to appearing on stage. I could give her any role at all," the site quotes the director as saying. Bruni released a new album two years ago but refused to tour and gives royalties to the Foundation of France. It was not clear whether she was being paid for her Allen film role. The film also features Oscar-winning actress Marion Cotillard along with Rachel McAdams and Kathy Bates. Hmm, would I watch a Woody Allen movie that features the reuniting of "Wedding Crashers" stars McAdams & Wilson? Probably not... but hey, good for her. I hope that she is getting paid... and giving the proceeds to a worthy cause. That seems to be her way... and makes her even hotter. Rrrrrrrrrr...

Romantic Comedies & Fairy Tales - Romantic comedies might provide 90 minutes of light-hearted fun but the happy-ever-after movies are also impacting people's real love lives, according to an Australian survey. A poll of 1,000 Australians found almost half said rom-coms with their inevitable happy endings have ruined their view of an ideal relationship (and the other half are probably lying or in denial). One in four Australians said they were now expected to know what their partner was thinking (ESP? Really? Do you even WANT to know what I'm thinking?) while one in five respondents said it made their partners expect gifts and flowers 'just because'. "It seems our love of rom-coms is turning us into a nation of "happy-ever-after addicts." Yet the warm and fuzzy feeling they provide can adversely influence our view of real relationships," said Australian relationship counselor, Gabrielle Morrissey. "Real relationships take work and true love requires more than fireworks." The survey was released by Warner Home Video to mark the movie "Valentine's Day" going to DVD (shameless promotion). Personally, I have no problems with gifts & flowers "just because" but... I can't afford flowers everyday. Also, don't give me sh*t if I get caught picking the neighbors' flowers and wrapping it in a newspaper for you. "What the f**k is this?" "I got you flowers. Happy Wednesday!!!" "Miss Williams called and told me that she chased you out of her rose bushes. Why would you steal roses from her?" "Because they're your favorite." "WHAT? I won't be a part of this." "FINE!!! Then I guess you don't want any of the strawberries that Mister Jackson donated to our Love either?" Oh yes ladies... This guy would steal for you if he had to... at the very least. Not all of us get free stuff just for showing a little cleavage & a few bats of the eyelashes. What was my point? Oh yeah, romantic comedies are destroying the world. Don't you dare blame me as a movie goer either. I don't even go to romantic comedies on dates unless there's an OBSCENE amount of profanity, sex jokes and full frontal nudity. Go ahead. Look it up. Even though it's always ladies choice... I can usually influence the decision a wee bit. I've never really liked the messages in fairy tales. Even when I was a kid. The vast majority of them tell women to just sit there and do nothing... and everything will be taken care of for you. Some Prince Charming will wisk you away & live happily ever after "just because". Maybe. I wouldn't plan on it... but anything's possible. And you know why I love the Little Mermaid. Anyway, just a little food for thought... but wait, there's more when it comes to dating and your mind...

Sex & Brains - Sex apparently can help the brain grow (ladies...), according to new findings in rats. Sexually active rodents also seemed less anxious than virgins, Princeton scientists discovered (oh yes, Princeton scientists discovered that getting laid makes you less anxious. That's your government grant dollars at work, ladies & gentlemen). Past findings had shown that stressful, unpleasant events could stifle brain cell growth in adults. To see if pleasant albeit stressful experiences could have the opposite effect, researchers studied the effects of sex in rats. Scientists played matchmaker by giving adult male rats access to sexually receptive females (mmm... dirty girls) either once daily for two weeks or just once in two weeks. They also measured blood levels of stress hormones known as glucocorticoids, which researchers suspected might lie behind the detrimental effects that unpleasant experiences have on the brain. When compared with male virgins, both groups of sexually active rats had cell proliferation, or an increase in the number of neurons, in the hippocampus, a part of the brain linked with memory whose cells are especially sensitive to unpleasant experiences. The rats that had more sex also had adult brain cells grow, as well as a rise in the number of connections between brain cells. However, the rodents that only saw females once in two weeks had elevated levels of stress hormones, while the rats that had regular access showed no increase in the hormones. Sexually experienced rodents also proved less anxious than virgins, in that they were quicker to chomp down on food in unfamiliar environs (but... that's kind of like, not thinking things through first, right? It could be a trap?). These findings suggest that while stress hormones can be detrimental to the brain, these effects can be overridden if whatever experiences triggered them were pleasant (and boom goes the dynamite). The scientists detailed their findings online July 14 in the journal PLoS ONE. So there you go. Incredible sex can positively influence your memory. I know some of my greatest memories are directly linked to it... but can it help me learn Mandarin? Hmm... I wonder if I can get a government grant to study that... and I'm sure I can find a few willing interns to be test rats. Heck, I may have to just to make sure the study is effective. Hmm... I may find my way into the science books yet. I've always wanted to be an answer in a multiple choice question on an AP test.

24. Which legendary scientist is credited with linking sexual activity to brain cell growth & telekinetic pleasure powers, as well as regarded as "The Father of Panda Porn"?

A. Albert Einstein
B. Stephen Hawking
C. George Washington Carver
D. Dr. Mookie Love

Anyway, that'll do it for tonight. I'll let you know how the date goes and when/if I ever get into the history books. Hopefully it's not posthumous or something. Though I'd like for my legacy to live in, I'd like to take advantage of the financial rewards during my own lifetime. Seriously, if the guy who did "Girls Gone Wild" can be a f**king self-made millionaire, why not me? And you know that I'm willing to share the wealth. In the meantime, have a great day everybody!!!

RIP Chef

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,


Did anybody else catch the Spurs / Lakers game last night? Great game…and the Spurs won. That's all. More excited about my mom coming to town tomorrow, my new phone that she'll be bringing, a weekend of adult fun with her and my aunt, the possibility of T.O. being released by the Cowboys because he's a douche…and the Eagles going on to the Super Bowl. Super excited about all of it. Also did some more cooking, mixed vegetables and chicken with teriyaki sauce (hadn't been used yet). Pretty good if I say so myself. I'm starting to get a knack for this cooking thing. Did I ever mention that I took one of those personality tests my sophomore year of college (almost 8 years ago now) that matches your personality with what occupation would be best for you. At the time, I was an Engineering major…and just wasn't feeling it. Yeah, the math and stuff was easy to do…but I just didn't have any Passion for it…and didn't want to do that for the next 40-50 years (though the money wasn't bad). So I took the test…and basically, the Bottom 5 occupations for me…were basically Engineering, Physics and Accounting type occupations that I was studying for…even beating out jobs like Assistant Crack Whore, oddly enough. However, the Top 5 occupations that matched my personality were…

1. Chef


2. Travel Agent


3. Teacher


4. Psychologist


5. Gigolo / Man-Whore
   

Okay, so #5 was a lie…but still, I was surprised at the time that Professional Basketball Player, Game Show Host, Movie Director and Bank Robber weren't among them…because that's what I really wanted to be at the time. Very surprised that Chef was #1 because…well, I could do a few desserts at the time…but you can't really screw those up. I was living off microwave pizzas and my stepmom's cooking at the time (swung by after work to pick up leftovers…and they basically just started cooking extra for me). Now, I don't know. I'm liking the cooking thing. It's not going to ever be my profession (unless I’m forced to work at Burger King in this recession) but definitely a hobby…especially if I have no friends to fill my free time. Anyway, here's the news…with strippers, Steve McQueen and bank robbing…like a movie I would make...




Stripper Idol - "American Idol" wants an Austin, Texas strip club to take it off. Oh yeah, I went there. The company that owns the popular television show sued in federal court to stop the weekly "Stripper Idol" contest at Palazio Men's Club. FremantleMedia North America also wants to seize Palazio's profits from the amateur stripping contest. In its lawsuit against Palazio, FremantleMedia calls "Stripper Idol" a trademark violation that could mislead the public to think the TV show sponsors the event (See? Proof that they think you're simple). Advertisements for the stripping contest use a logo with a "color scheme, design and font" similar to the TV show's. Waitresses at the club also wear T-shirts emblazoned with the logo, according to the lawsuit, which alleges "Defendants are infringing upon FremantleMedia's trademark rights. There is a substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused, misled or deceived as to the sponsorship ... of the defendants' stripper talent contest." Palazio managers initially thought the lawsuit was a joke…but they don't plan to end the Thursday night strip-off. The club's managers said their contest doesn't resemble the TV show. In "Stripper Idol" the women have 60 seconds to dance topless, then are ranked by audience applause to win $500. "Fremantle can't lay claim to the word Idol," said "Kinky" Kelly Jones, a club manager and the show's master of ceremonies. "It's shocking. We're just a local company it's not like we're some big threat," said club operations manager Scott Stevenson. In fact, the lawsuit has brought the club national attention. Club managers say its contest is in its 12th week and has a growing popularity. The best part of the article was when Mr. Stevenson said, "I didn't know they could copyright an oval." Well, yeah, they kind of can. It's similar to the copyrighting of golden arches. Now I’m thinking…if I’m FremantleMedia…and I have this alleged copyright and franchise built on the word Idol and a blue oval…and seeing the success of this small-time promotion for Stripper Idol…then I may have the next big hit on Fox during the American Idol off-season. You heard it hear first. Stripper Idol starts this summer…on Fox. Now those are some talented individuals that I would watch.



Feeling Pretty? - On a stretch of a segway…and feeling that I need to balance out the medical research between men & women from a few days ago, a new study reports that women with high levels of oestrogen not only look and feel prettier -- but they may act on those feelings by moving from man to man. Oestrogen, the so-called female hormone, affects fertility and has been shown to make women dress more provocatively and show more thrill-seeking behavior. Dr. Kristina Durante of The University of Texas at Austin (home of Stripper Idol) and colleagues found that young women felt more attractive when they had high levels of an oestrogen known as estradiol, and they acted on those feelings. "Women with higher estradiol reported a greater likelihood of flirting, kissing and having a serious affair with someone other than their primary partner and were marginally more likely to date another man," Durante's team wrote in the Royal Society Journal Biology Letters (which I'll bet are really steamy). "Results provide support for the relationship between physical beauty and fertility and suggest that women high in reproductive health engage in opportunistic serial monogamy -- being open to affairs and moving on to a new relationship if a higher-quality mate becomes available." Durante's team tested 52 female undergraduates aged 17 to 30 who were not taking hormone contraceptives. They took two estradiol samples from each, as hormone levels fluctuate from week to week. They had the women rate their own attractiveness and showed their photographs to others to rate, as well. "High-estradiol women were considered significantly more physically attractive by themselves and others," Durante and colleagues wrote. The high-oestrogen women also reported more sexual behavior -- especially outside of a relationship, although it was not linked to one-night stands. "Our results are consistent with the possibility that highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by their long-term partners and are especially motivated to become acquainted with other, presumably more desirable, men," they concluded. The findings fit in with many other studies showing that hormones influence the behavior and success of both men and women. Earlier this week, U.S. and British researchers showed that male financial traders whose finger lengths indicate high testosterone levels in the womb made more money. We're all just rushing hormones, I guess. It's science. It has to be true. This may not be breaking news to many people out there though. Like I said, I just had to balance it out.


Bank Error In Your Favor - A Pennsylvania couple is behind bars after police say they failed to call the bank when a glitch put an extra $175,000 in their account. Authorities say 50-year-old Randy Pratt and 36-year-old Melissa Pratt instead withdrew the money, quit their jobs and moved to Florida. They were buying a house in the Orlando area when the mistake was traced. The two were arraigned Tuesday on theft and other charges and jailed in lieu of $100,000 bail. A public defender was being assigned. A $1,772.50 deposit showed up in their FNB Bank account last summer as $177,250. Police say Melissa Pratt said her husband, a roofing installer, often got large checks and she wasn't aware of any error. Nice try. Oh yeah, I had no idea. I was blissfully unaware. It was all his idea. That's the kind of wife I want right there. Still, I'm a big fan of Monopoly…and if there's a bank error in your favor, I seem to recall that you get $200. Due to inflation from when that game was made, I think that'd work out to about $175,000 today. I mean…where else can you buy the entire Boardwalk of Atlantic City for $400? You guys don't need a public defender, you need a doctor…who is just looking to use the Monopoly Defense in a court case that has absolutely nothing to do with anti-trust laws. Gimme a call. You know the number…and I'll work for a plane ticket out to Philly for the weekend. Think of it this way, you have nothing to lose…because you're going to jail anyway. I may be able to at least confuse them for a second…or there's always the Peter Griffin Defense, "I thought I was like their millionth customer or something."



Steve McQueen Update - Producers Michael Cerenzie and Christine Peters are working on a biopic for my namesake Steve McQueen according to Variety. The project will primarily chronicle McQueen's Hollywood career, which began in 1956 when the Indiana native got his break in the film "Somebody Up There Likes Me". The pair will produce, along with Brian Oliver and Chuck Rock, based on the Marshall Terrill-penned biography "Portrait of an American Rebel". It also examines his three marriages, including his stormy relationship with Ali McGraw, as well as his battle against lung cancer and off-screen penchant for motorcycles, fast cars, fast women and drugs. "The King of Cool" led a pretty exciting life…including convincing THE Chuck Norris to act, training with Bruce Lee, Sarah Tate & Jay Sebring of the Manson Murders were friends of his, and even though he starred in a bunch of blockbusters, he turned down roles in movies ranging from Breakfast at Tiffany's to Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid to Apocalypse Now to Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Anyway, it could be pretty good…but I don't anticipate a summer blockbuster.



Karate Kid Update - In the most predictable casting call possible, martial arts legend Jackie Chan is in negotiations to star in Sony Pictures and Overbrook Entertainment's remake of "The Karate Kid" says the trades. Chan would take on the mentor role of Mr. Miyagi, made famous by Pat Morita in the original. Jaden Smith (son of the Fresh Prince) is set to star as the boy that Chan trains, and the movie will examine the relationship between a martial arts expert and a boy who is picked on by bullies. Harald Zwart ("One Night at McCool's" and the new "Pink Panther 2") has been signed on to helm the feature which will begin shooting this year in Beijing, Chris Murphy (originals) has been attached to pen the screenplay. I hate to say it…but I predicted it two months ago when it was first announced. Still think Sonny Chiba would've been better. More of a straight-face comedy like Pat Morita. Next prediction - Jackie Chan will act like a drunken monkey at least once during the movie. Maybe they'll have bring back a star from the original, like Ralph Macchio as the school janitor…or Elisabeth Shue as Jaden's mom. Oh yeah, the skin tone might not work…or at least need some extra explanation. Fine, a caring school teacher then. There you go Chris Murphy. I'm already helping you out. Any chance I could get a role as one of the bully's friends…who was held back a few years. "Put him in a body bag!!! Yeaaaah!!!"



Anyway, that'll do it for today. Super excited about my mom coming to town tomorrow. I don't know if you realize this…but I really love my mama. Not quite to the point of those guys on that "Momma's Boys" show, which I'm a little ashamed to say, I've seen a few episodes of…and yeah, I want that racist bitch mom to get attacked by sharks in the pool or something…but we'll see how it goes. Hopefully her son JoJo or whatever can find a good girl. By the way, is it just me…or are 90% of the girls on that show centerfolds? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, mama's coming to town. Gonna be a fun weekend…and I even get Martin Luther King Day off from work so I can spend the day with her. Yippee!!! Have a great day everybody!!!

Triumphant Return of the Movie List

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So yesterday I basically just ranted about football…because it's awesome. Now to catch you up on what happened over the weekend. Well, I woke up Saturday a little under the weather. Not sure why…but it happens. I drank me some cranberry juice and decided that I was going to sweat it out at the gym. It kinda worked…but I wouldn't recommend that method to too many people. I may have overworked it. Oh well, I had fun shooting hoops to cool down…then took a nap…after being awake for about three hours. As mentioned, I also paid bills and watched a lot of football (I guess about 12 hours worth while cleaning during the commercials) along with laundry and general cleaning about the apartment. I also watched a few movies like "Hamlet 2" and on TV, a few like "Joe Dirt", "Empire Strikes Back" (first time in about fifteen years) and "Mr & Mrs Smith" (yes, AGAIN!!!).

I also watched "Righteous Kill" starring Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino. Now, I was expecting a great movie…because we're talking about two of the finest American actors ever…and past performances together were "The Godfather II" and "Heat", both classics…and it was highly recommended by Bubbles. It did not disappoint. Basically, two old NYPD detectives (Deniro & Pacino) are trying to find a serial killer who targets sociopathic criminals…so it brings up some issues about "Do we arrest this guy or give him a medal?" However, as the number of victims add up…the evidence turns to one of their own. I like cop dramas for the most part…and this one was pretty good. Great ensemble cast with John Leguizamo, Carla Gugino (hotchuma hotchuma), Donnie Wahlberg (Donnie Don?), Brian Dennehy, and 50 Cent…and directed by Jon Avnet who's done everything from thrillers like "88 Minutes" and "Red Corner" to "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "Up Close & Personal" (you all remember the Celine Dion song, don't lie). I would recommend checking it out…especially if you're one of those people who'll watch an all-day Law & Order Marathon on TNT. Great flick.

Anyway, that's really about it for my weekend. I'm feeling much better now than I was…and got to see that beautiful full moon the past few nights outside of my window…and don't worry, I didn't feel lonely at all…with no cell phone or anybody to share it with. Please don't think that for a second. (Sniff sniff) It's okay though…because my mama's coming to visit on Friday…and she's bringing a phone…and my aunt. Should be fun…and guess what, here's the first Movie List in a long ass time…

Elisabeth Shue Movies

Medal Winners

Gold - Leaving Las Vegas (1995) - Okay, so for the longest time, I really had no desire to watch this movie…because I heard it was basically about a down-on-his-luck guy (Nicolas Cage) drinking himself to death…and at the time, if I wanted to see a tired looking man with a receding hairline do that, I would have just hung out with my dad more (almost seven years sober now, praise Jesus!!!). So yeah, it took time to get over that…and somebody mentioning that Elisabeth Shue played a Las Vegas prostitute named Sera…and there was nudity…and that somehow convinced me to give it a gander…or two. Little did I know that it would be a pretty heart-wrenching little movie with great acting and I sadly connected with it a bit. That's why it gets my Gold Medal. Watch it if you want…but don't say that I didn't warn you about the emotional stuff.

Silver - Adventures in Babysitting (1987) - This was the movie that made her my first crush…and I watched it a LOT back in the day (though not as much as "Back to the Future 2 & 3", which she was also in). All us eighties babies have seen this movie a few dozen times…and I still wake up a few mornings and have that damn "He Kissed Me" song stuck in my head, dancing around in my boxers (hot, right?). Anyway, it's the story of babysitting in suburban Chicago…and the adventures that ensue…involving Thor and jazz clubs and knife fights and gangsters and frat parties. I don't care what you say…I still want to f**k with the babysitter…and she's 45 now…oh yeah, and married with three kids…but that's just semantics.

Bronze - The Karate Kid (1984) - Another movie from my youth that has been burned into my psyche so bad that I will occasionally catch myself saying "Wax on, wax off" while doing chores. I would work on the catching flies with chopsticks thing…but apparently I'm too good at the cleaning because of it. Anyway, Jersey kid moves to California, bullies give him crap, he stumbles upon the maintenance guy Mr Miyagi (Pat Morita) and learns the way of Karate…and lessons in life. Oh…and he finds a cute girl (Shue) who I noticed wore a lot of layers & sweaters in the movie for being a Cali girl…but it's okay, she's still gorgeous…and thick girls need Love too. Another classic…and "YOU'RE THE BEST…AROOOOUND!!! NO ONE'S GONNA EVER KEEP YA DOWN!!!"

Suggestion - The Saint (1997) - I keep hearing that they're going to remake this movie…which is itself a remake…but how are you going to top Val Kilmer as a master of disguise with Biblical references, Russian mobsters, and a hottie scientist (Shue) who stumbled upon the formula for cold fusion? By the way, the taking our clothes off and warming each other to keep from freezing to death…always works. "If we don't act now, you'll surely freeze to death. Take your clothes off. Quickly, before it's too late." "$teve, it's sixty-four degrees…and I just spilled a little wine on my…" "I'll get you another bottle…but PLEASE…take them off NOW, for your own safety." Okay, so that was an awkward first date…but the weather was nice. Also, if you get time, check out "Hollow Man" (2000) where she's yet again a hottie scientist with Kevin Bacon playing the role of everybody's teenage fantasy, the Invisible Man…only creepier. "Hamlet 2" (2008) is probably too damn funny for any of you. I can't in good faith recommend it to anybody, it's just so damn funny…and she plays the role she was born to play - Herself…as a nurse.

Flush It - Cocktail (1988) - I'm sure that I wasn't the only person that watched this movie…and when asked about it later said something along the lines of, "Well, there's this bartender…and a hot chick…and he flips bottles…and there's a Beach Boys song playing all the time…and you know what, I honestly don't remember what it was about. Something about him wanting to open his own bar…but couldn't…because he was whoring himself out or something…" Not a great flick at all. I also imagine Tom Cruise standing on a milk crate or something just so that he can see over the bar…and juggling those little bottles from hotel minibars. So rather than show anything to do with the movie...I put this picture instead. My blog, my rules. I was also a little disappointed with the horror flick "Hide & Seek" (2005) with Elisabeth, Dakota Fanning and Robert DeNiro…but I think it was just because it was a horror flick…and I expected so much from Bobby, Dakota and my first crush. It's not their fault it's about imaginary friends that are killing people, right?

Future Watch - The Hard Ride (2009?) - Just read about this on IMDB but apparently it's her pairing back up with Val Kilmer ("The Saint") and it's about gunslingers in 1876 Deadwood, Dakota Territory…so a little Saint, mixed with some Tombstone…and a dash of Last of the Mohicans (Wes Studi playing Black Coyote) and you may have a movie I'll check out. There's also "Don McKay" (2009) costarring one of my favorite actors Thomas Haden Church as Don McKay, a high school janitor who leaves his hometown after a tragedy, returns 25 years later to rekindle a romance with his old flame (Shue), who is dying of cancer. Yeah, lame. That's what I thought to. There's also "Waking Madison" were a woman suffering from multiple personality disorder (Sarah Roemer, the hot chick from "Disturbia" & "Grudge 2") tries to piece her life back together. I think Shue plays her doctor. It's a shame when a great actress and lovely young woman reaches "that age" in Hollywood. Now if she wants work as an actress she has to pick up a phony-bologna European accent and play the Queen of Hungary or something…and nobody wants to see a movie like that. Oh well, we'll always have Vegas…and suburban Chicago…and Moscow…and Riverside…and Kokomo or wherever the hell Cocktail was set.

Hope you all enjoyed the Movie List. Have a great day everybody!!!