City of Brotherly Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today is a HUGE day. HUGE!!! Why? Well, as you know, I'm a HUGE fan of second chances...and the Philadelphia Eagles. Well, those two worlds blindsided each other when Michael Vick signed with the Eagles. Now, a move like this isn't without its criticism...and I respect everybody's opinion...including what seems to be the overwhelming majority that think the Eagles have made a HUGE mistake...and if there's ever a passionate bunch of fans, its those of the Philadelphia Eagles. That being said, let me explain why I think this is a great day for everybody. Now, this really wasn't considered a possibility even by me. I was as surprised as everybody else...because I think the organization had sent out a message saying they weren't interested...but it's a great move for all parties involved. For the Eagles, they get a former Pro Bowl quarterback and amazing athlete that they can slowly work into their system at a bargain basement price...and they get a solid backup for when/if Donovan McNabb gets nagging injuries late in the season like he seems to do. For Michael Vick, he gets to play in the NFL again after his controversial two year stint in jail for organizing a dog fighting ring...and apparently Philadelphia has a dog fighting problem according to PETA, so he may be able to do some great PSA's and work to help improve his public image. For the organization, they get to give this man a second chance at being a great role model. Okay, so great role model might be out of the question...but he also has the opportunity to be the greatest comeback story in sports history. He seems very resentful for what he has done...and has hopefully learns many many wonderful life lessons...and wants to turn a new leaf. A kind of fairy tale...that really happened. After two years of prison, he's mentored by great people like Tony Dungy...and joins one of the finest organizations in sports...and under the tutelage of great minds & surrounded by quality players and coaches, he becomes a great football player and outstanding citizen again...because as everybody knows, it's always sunny in Philadelphia. Anyway, that's my dream...and I wish Mister Vick, the Eagles, and underdog stories (no pun intended) of all kinds the best of luck. I for one am VERY excited. Don't believe me? Feel these nipples. You KNOW I'll keep you posted. Now as for other fairy tales...

Mermaid in Israel - Locals and tourists in the Israeli town of Kiryat Yam have been flocking to the coast in hopes of glimpsing a creature that most people believe only exist in fairy tales. An alleged mermaid, said to resemble a cross between a fish and a young girl, only appears at sunset. It performs a few tricks for onlookers before disappearing for the night. One of the first people to see the mermaid, Shlomo Cohen, said, "I was with friends when suddenly we saw a woman laying on the sand in a weird way. At first I thought she was just another sunbather, but when we approached she jumped into the water and disappeared. We were all in shock because we saw she had a tail." The sightings apparently began several months ago. The town's tourism board is of course delighted with their newfound fame and local mystery fauna. Taking a cue from the town of Inverness, Scotland (on the shore of Loch Ness), the Kiryat Yam government has offered a $1 million reward for the first person to photograph the creature. Town spokesman Natti Zilberman thinks the reward money is well-spent. "I believe if there really is a mermaid then so many people will come to Kiryat Yam, a lot more money will be made than $1 million." Of course, if the mermaid does not exist -- perhaps it is a hoax, an optical illusion, or a simple misperception of a known animal -- then the town's reward money will remain safe and unclaimed, while the economy benefits from the influx of tourists vying to get a photo that will leave them set for life. It's not clear what people are seeing, though the power of suggestion and imagination can be strong. Identifying animals in water is inherently problematic, since eyewitnesses by definition are only seeing a small part of the creature. When you add in the factor of low light at sunset and the distances involved, positively identifying even a known creature can be very difficult -- to say nothing of a mythological one! Mermaids have long held fascination for seafaring peoples. There are a few dozen significant historical claims of actual mermaid sightings. Most of them are clearly myths and legends, such as "true" stories about lovely young women who married sailors but were later discovered to be shape-shifting mermaids (such as in the film "Splash"). Other reports date back centuries, and offer no proof or evidence other than a curious story. For example, a Capt. Richard Whitbourne claimed he saw a mermaid in Newfoundland's St. James harbor in 1610. Another story, from 1830 Scotland, claimed that a young boy killed a mermaid by throwing rocks at it; the creature looked like a child of about 3 or 4, but had a salmon's tail instead of legs. The villagers supposedly had it a funeral and buried it in a small coffin. Hoaxers have worked to satisfy the public's appetite for mermaids; the fact that none have ever actually been found is only a minor inconvenience. The great showman P.T. Barnum (who will be played by Hugh Jackman in an upcoming movie) introduced a mermaid to astounded crowd in the 1840s: his infamous "FeeJee Mermaid", actually a taxidermy fake. The head and torso of a small monkey was grafted onto the body and tail of a fish. It was bizarre and strange but a far cry from the banners and posters suggesting a beautiful, half-naked woman (and as we all know, sex sells). Other mermaid fakes appeared throughout the centuries. Some were manatees that had been dressed up to resemble a human form and exhibited for profit. Whether the Israeli mermaid sighting is genuine, a hoax, or an innocent mistake exploited for tourism, the reality of finding a real mermaid might be different than people imagine. We'll see. I'm not expecting them to find a woman that comes up onto the rocks to sing pop tunes from the land of Atlantis or anything...but hey, whatever's good for their economy I guess. By the way, I've seen the Loch Ness monster during my visit to Scotland...and it's even cooler than you would imagine. He doesn't talk...but he doesn't want to eat you either. He prefers haggis...and the occasional neepes and tatties...and makes a gurgling sound when he surfaces. It's a rather strange creature actually.

Vegas & Dinosaurs - A rare Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton, among the most complete specimens in the world, is to go on the auction block in Las Vegas in October, the auction house Bonhams & Butterfields has said. The T-Rex, which goes by the name "Samson," is believed to be some 66 million years old and was discovered in the Midwestern state of South Dakota in 1992. "We have been able to establish that we have approximately a 57% complete T-Rex, which means the third most complete ever found," said Thomas Lindgren, consulting co-director of Natural History in Bonhams & Butterfields. "I think my estimate is going to be somewhere in the neighborhood of six to eight million dollars," he said. The owners of the 12-meter-long (39-foot-long) skeleton hope "a public museum or institution would actually be the buyer ultimately," he added. In 1997, the skeleton of a T-Rex named "Sue," which were 73% complete, were sold for $8.3 million. Dozens of other fossils are also to be auctioned at the event, to be held in the Venetian hotel-casino in beautiful Las Vegas. So you can own a T-Rex...if you have the cash. I wonder if they're going to have it built up and on display there at the Venetian. That'd be pretty cool. Walking around San Marco Square and then BAM!!! T-Rex skeleton looming around the corner ruining your buzz!!! Three of my favorite things all at once - Vegas, Dinosaurs, and SURPRISE!!! May have to do another trip down there in October to check this out. Hey, it's an excuse. You know that I don't even need a good one for Vegas...or Dinosaurs...or Surprises.

Sexy Killer Update - U.S. researchers have discovered a compound that can kill breast cancer stem cells, a kind of master cancer cell that resists conventional treatment and may explain why many cancers grow back, they reported on Thursday. The discovery came using a new method of screening for drugs that specifically target and kill cancer stem cells, and it could be used to find drugs targeting other cancer stem cells as well. Many teams have been looking for ways to destroy these master cancer cells in hopes of making cancer easier to cure. "There is a lot of evidence to suggest now that these cells are responsible for many of the recurrences that are observed after treatment has stopped," Piyush Gupta of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and the Broad Institute, whose study appears in the journal Cell, said in a telephone interview on Thursday. The problem is that cancer stem cells are rare and difficult to study in the lab because they quickly change into other types of cells...and they are hard to kill. "It wasn't clear it would be possible to find compounds that selectively kill cancer stem cells. That's what we did." To study the cells, Gupta's team first devised a method for stabilizing cancer stem cells in the lab and getting them to multiply. They then tested them against 16,000 natural and commercial chemical compounds to see which ones were able to kill the cancer stem cells specifically. That turned up 32 contenders. They narrowed down this list to a handful of chemicals, and tested these in the lab and in mice. A chemical called salinomycin hit the target. It was 100 times more potent at killing breast cancer stem cells than Bristol-Myers Squibb Co's cancer drug Taxol, or paclitaxel. Cancer stem cells treated with salinomycin were far less able to start breast cancers when injected into mice than cancer stem cells treated by paclitaxel...and the treatment also appeared to slow the growth of tumors in the mice. Gupta said it is not clear if salinomycin will emerge as the best drug compound for killing breast cancer stem cells...or that it will be safe to use in people with cancer...but the study offers a new roadmap for drug companies to isolate and test compounds capable of killing the cells. "We now have an approach that can be used very systematically to find such compounds," he said. We may finally be able to find a cure to not only breast cancer...but all kinds. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this pulls through...so together, we can lick breast cancer. Mmm...

New Chevy Volt - General Motors said Tuesday its Chevrolet Volt electric car could get 230 mpg in city driving, making it the first American vehicle to achieve triple-digit fuel economy if that figure is confirmed by federal regulators...but when the four-door family sedan hits showrooms late next year, its efficiency will come with a steep sticker price: $40,000. Still, the Volt's fuel efficiency in the city would be four times more than the popular Toyota Prius hybrid, the most efficient car now sold in the U.S. Most automakers are working on similar designs, but GM would offer the first mainstream plug-in with the Volt, which seats four and was introduced at the 2007 Detroit auto show. The Volt will join a growing fleet of cars and trucks powered by systems other than internal combustion engines. Unlike the Prius and other traditional hybrids, the Volt is powered by an electric motor and a battery pack with a 40-mile range. After that, a small internal combustion engine kicks in to generate electricity for a total range of 300 miles. The battery pack can be recharged from a standard home outlet. Hybrids use a small internal combustion engine combined with a high-powered battery to boost fuel efficiency. Toyota's Prius (which starts at about $22,000) gets 51 mpg in the city and 48 mpg on the highway. The number of all-electric vehicles available to U.S. consumers remains limited. The Tesla Roadster, a high-end sports car with a range of 224 miles, is perhaps the best known and has been mentioned on this blog before...but its $100,000-plus price tag keeps it out of reach of all but the wealthiest drivers. So we're stepping in the right direction...but it's moving very slowly. 230 miles per gallon gets me all kinds of excited...because that's basically a trip to Vegas on $5 of gas...but we'll see when/if that's viable. Good move, GM. Hopefully this can help pull you out of bankruptcy or whatever they're calling it.

Well, that'll do it for today. Super excited about the possible Redemption Story of Michael Vick...and I hope that he turns this whole experience into a positive thing...and I'm REALLY glad that an organization like the Philadelphia Eagles was willing to give him a chance. Kudos, Mr. Lurie (he's the owner). I don't think that Michael's going to disappoint. He seems to have learned his lesson. I hope that all of you reading this out here give him a chance too. I mean...it's been TWO YEARS!!! That's a long time. Forget the millions of dollars he's lost with this mistake...now he just wants to have a somewhat normal life, which will never happen...but hey, it beats the alternative. Best of luck. As for everybody else out there, you guys & gals rock...and I enjoy bringing my zaniness to you on a pretty much daily basis. Hopefully you do too. Have a great day everybody!!! GO EAGLES!!!

National Wingman Day

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First and foremost, a happy happy birthday to my Wingman. What more can I say that hasn't already been written on bathroom stalls across the globe? So I'll move on. Yesterday was a fun day...though I technically didn't "do" a lot. Yeah, as reported I did some errands & got my hair did...but after blogging, I was cleaning up...and stumbled upon a few of my home videos from 4-5 years ago...and I noticed a few of them didn't have tags on them saying what they were. So what's a man to do? Find out what's on 'em and tag 'em appropriately. Let's see, there was one from my trip to Boston the last week of 2006, a few clips from various trips to Vegas (mostly photos taken though, so it was like a minute total of the Ritz-Carlton, Lake Las Vegas & the drive through Southern Utah), a few recordings that were used for various commercials & presentations in my marketing classes in college a few years back, my work trip to Hawaii where I learned how to hula, and the cruise three years ago when about twenty of my closest relatives (all 21 & up) went to celebrate my grandma's birthday...and some of the stuff I was viewing clearly for the first time. We really need to go on another cruise soon. That was a lot of drunken fun. Then I watched a little bit of my China trip (including the acrobats show) so that was awesome. Not a bad way to spend a day off. Oh and everything got squared away so that I can go visit my mom for her birthday in Cheyenne next weekend. I know, I know, there's SO much to do in Cheyenne...but we'll find a way to have fun, I'm sure. I mean...it is me...and my mom. I've been trying to find something to do while there...but it's proving rather sketchy at best. Any suggestions?

Also, if you want to read a hilarious post (and if you read this blog, you probably do), then visit this link to Vollman where he talks about his version of classic 80's movies...in which he sides with the villains...because let's face it, they're just cooler. My only version that differed was with "Karate Kid" where Ali (Elisabeth Shue) would actually run off with me...but allow me to elaborate. The movie's basically the same...up until the fight just before the finals when Johnny (the blonde bully kid) is matched up against a previous unmentioned gigantic competitor named $teve...who's wearing an Armani suit. Cobra Kai makes a few of their insulting comments...and Johnny's given a similar order by his sensei to "sweep the leg" to try to make an example for the upcoming fight with Daniel-son. However, during the sweep attempt, $teve jumps slightly into the air and comes down with a crushing kick, snapping Johnny's femur in three places. That's what you get for breaking the rules, you get your leg broken. Then it's the final...and $teve against Daniel-son. Ali's obviously attracted to the new competitor and takes off her top three layers of clothing (don't worry, she has another two layers under that) because she suddenly feels a heat like never before. Miyagi suggest to Daniel-son that he start off with crane style. The music starts...Daniel-son raises up into crane position...the referee says go with a karate chop...and before Daniel-son can kick, he receives a vicious Muay Thai flying knee attack in his torso sending him into the fourth row...and $teve dusts off his suit. Ali jumps on him, violently kissing his face and neck. Miyagi says, "Your style is flawless." "Thanks Arnold (Happy Days reference), I try my best. Now if you'll excuse me. I've got to jet." The rocket shoes activate and $teve flies off with Ali in tow towards Catalina. Some might say, "That ending makes no sense" to which I reply, "Maybe...but one of the morals is to be prepared for anything. Sure, there's the whole back-story about the bullies and being the new kid and blah blah blah...but life isn't like a movie. You never know when you're going to be surprised by the suave man among boys in the Armani suit with legendary fighting skills who makes off with your championship belt and your girlfriend." Tell me that's not true...to a certain extent. Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, check out Mister Vollman. His endings kick ass too. Here's some news...

Les Paul Dies - The guitar virtuoso and inventor who revolutionized music and created rock 'n' roll as surely as Elvis Presley and the Beatles by developing the solid-body electric guitar and multitrack recording, died Thursday at age 94. Known for his lightning-fast leads, Paul performed with some of early pop's biggest names and produced a slew of hits, many with wife Mary Ford...but it was his inventive streak that made him universally revered by guitar gods as their original ancestor and earned his induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as one of the most important forces in popular music. Paul, who died in White Plains, New York of complications from pneumonia, was a tireless tinkerer, whose quest for a particular sound led him to create the first solid-body electric guitar, a departure from the hollow-body guitars of the time. His invention paved the way for modern rock 'n' roll and became the standard instrument for legends like Pete Townshend, Jimmy Page, Jimi Hendrix and Eddie Van Halen among thousands of others. He also developed technology that would become hallmarks of rock and pop recordings, from multitrack recording that allowed for layers and layers of "overdubs" to guitar reverb and other sound effects. Truly a sad day. My condolences to his family & friends.

Winnie the Pooh Bandit - The man who robbed a suburban Chicago bank at gunpoint last Friday looks like a hard-boiled, tough guy straight out of pulp fiction. Except for his sweatshirt, which featured a picture of Winnie the Pooh, the lovable Bear who's a classic of children's fiction. FBI agents on Wednesday dubbed him the Winnie the Pooh Bandit and released surveillance photos from the Park Ridge bank in hopes the public might help to identify him. They described his as a white male, 35 to 40 years old, 6-feet, 225 pounds, and medium build. FBI agents like to give bank robbers monikers (such as the Scarecrow Bandit who looked like a character from the "Wizard of Oz" and the Groucho Bandit who wore a fake mustache) in hopes of generating public interest and assistance...and let's face it, children of all ages love Pooh.

Ding Dong Ditch - A man suspected of appearing nude at homes and ringing doorbells is being held on $60,000 bail after pleading not guilty to a series of charges. Peter Allen Steele, who is 6 feet 7 inches tall and weighs 250 pounds (and most importantly, not me), entered his not guilty pleas Tuesday after being charged with seven counts, including driving under the influence, evading a peace officer, indecent exposure and entering a house without permission. Authorities say the 38-year-old Steele led San Mateo County sheriff's deputies on a car chase on July 11th that ended with him streaking into a home and then into the woods near Redwood City. Deputies say it took a Taser and two shots from a bean bag gun to bring him down. It's gonna be difficult to prove that it wasn't him...given the fact that he was tasered, blasted with a bean bag gun and carted off to jail...all while having his identifiable features extremely visible. I can see the courtroom now. "Mr. Steele, are you claiming that the man in this video is NOT you?" "That's correct your Majesty." "It's your Honor...but I'll allow it. So...you claim this man in the video...who shares your tribal tattoos, scar on the left leg, birthmark on right shoulder, six-foot-seven, 250 pounds and nine-inch penis...was chased through your neighborhood...was identified by four of your neighbors in a lineup...and was quoted as saying 'You can't do this to me, I'm Peter Allen Steele dammit!' was NOT you?" "That's correct your Holiness. It's an obvious setup. You have a literal orgy of evidence against me. Don't you think I would at least have clothes on if I were to do something like that?" "YES!!! YES I DO!!! That's what half the charges are about. You without your clothes." "Exactly." "And for the last time, where are your pants?" "I have decided to waive my right to pants in the courtroom." "That is not one of your rights in MY courtroom. Everyone must wear pants." "What about the stenographer? She's in a dress." "Mister Steele, SIT DOWN!!! Bailiff, tase this man!!!" "Oh no, not again." By the way, these are the things that I think of when I'm at work and have nothing more intellectually stimulating to do...and I love to share.

Speaking of Tasers - Glenrock (Wyoming) Police Chief Tom Sweet said two officers "probably didn't do things the best way" when they used a Taser on a 76-year-old man driving an antique tractor in a parade. Sweet spoke at a packed town hall meeting Monday, nine days after Bud Grose was hit with a Taser during the town's annual Deer Creek Days. The officers are on paid leave while state Division of Criminal Investigation agents investigate. Mayor Steve Cielinski and most of the Town Council apologized to residents and asked for patience. Cielinski promised the findings will be made public. "If we have to stand up and take it on the chin, we will," Cielinski said. State investigator Tim Hill has said the two officers contend Grose disobeyed orders. Grose hasn't commented publicly, however, and investigators have not disclosed many details of what happened. Sweet originally said it didn't appear any policies were violated. Some at Monday's meeting called for the two officers to be fired. Several people who witnessed the event told the crowd police repeatedly shocked Grose with a taser. "Those two were the most out-of-control officers I've ever seen in my life," said Scott McWilliams, a witness who said he was shoved by one of the officers. "These two guys got to go." Mike Pyatt, a former Glenrock police officer, called on town leaders to make changes at the department. "We will hold you accountable," he said. Sweet, however, said he won't act before receiving the DCI report, expected by the beginning of next week. "I don't want to take a knee-jerk reaction now," he said. I'm trying to think of the situation where tasing a 76-year old man driving an antique tractor in the middle of a parade would be appropriate...and the best that I could come up with is that the two officers requested salt water taffy from Mr. Grose...but because he was driving an antique tractor, and that he was 76 years young, he had difficulty hearing their pleas. "What?" "I want some taffy." "Yes, it's an original." "That's it. Pull over old man. I want some taffy." "What?" "Don't play dumb with me." "I don't know a Whitney. Is she that girl that works at the market?" "That's it." ZAAAP!!! Mr. Grose is unable to move...and the tractor's still in gear. "He's trying to make a run for it. Tase him again, Billy Bob." ZAAAP!!! "Sir, stop resisting arrest...and give us the taffy." As you can guess, it escalates from there into a not-so-high-speed chase. Perhaps I'm wrong...but if so, tell me how it went down. If I'm not given the facts (or at least something believable) then I'm forced to speculate. Hopefully this'll be cleared up by the time I drive across Wyoming to meet up with my mom for her birthday...but as long as I just give them the taffy, I should be okay, right?

I Just Threw Up A Little - A man has sued a Santa Ana, California Claim Jumper restaurant claiming he ordered French onion soup...and bit into a condom instead of melted cheese (I warned you). Zdenek Philip Hodousek filed the lawsuit Tuesday in Orange County Superior Court seeking unspecified damages over fears he may have contracted a disease. Hodousek's attorney Eric Traut said his client wants to have restaurant employees' DNA tested to find a match to the condom. A public relations firm representing Claim Jumper said no one can prove the so-called "foreign object" Hodousek took from the restaurant is the item that was submitted to a lab for testing. The firm said an internal probe (dry heave) revealed no employee wrongdoing. So yeah, sorry to traumatize you...but I didn't want to be the only one. I'm pretty sure it's just a guy trying to score some quick cash though...so no need to fear this kind of attack from your local food provider.

Anyway, I'll leave you with that taste in your mouth. Sorry but it was either that or a bunch of guys getting tasered or legends of music dying. Not exactly the best news day, I know...but hey, check out Vollman. He'll cheer you up. Have a great night everybody!!!

Pere Jean Pierre Armand David

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's my day off...and I well deserved one if I say so myself. Cleaned up the apartment good for the first time in about a month (really since my latest Vegas trip), soaked up some rays and swam some laps in the pool, got a haircut, you know...little things that needed to be done. You know, sometimes I think that I should try a new haircut or something...but I'm entirely too lazy to put effort into it...so it stays the same. I think it looks alright...but hey, what do I know? Anyway, I do know how to make fun of the news...so here it goes...

Machete Update - Okay, so a few weeks ago I told you that the upcoming Robert Rodriguez flick "Machete" may star Robert DeNiro as a senator. Well, here's the latest list of actors to sign on to the flick...and it's impressive and ripe for parody. Production on the Mexican vigilante action/comedy began this week with Danny Trejo as the titular hero. Joining him will be an impressive line-up of big names according to The Examiner. Officially on the cast list are the aforementioned De Niro, Jessica Alba ("Sin City"), Michelle Rodriguez ("Lost"), Steven Seagal (a lot of really sh*tty action movies), Lindsay Lohan (old friend of the blog), Jeff Fahey ("Lawnmower Man"), and the reuniting of Cheech Marin & Don Johnson ("Nash Bridges"). So yeah, try to imagine the most ridiculous, Grindhouse-inspired action-comedy possible...and then throw in Lindsay Lohan. You may have a clue of what's coming. I honestly can't wait. It's like "The Nightman Cometh" but playing at a theater near me. Awesome. Just because I can...here's the preview for "Machete" once again...and my guess, Lohan plays the daughter. You'll see what I mean. "Where are my wife & daughter?"




Achtung Baby!!! - Now that I have your attention by flashing the Chancellor of the Bundesrepublik Deutschland's bosom on your computer screen, I'd like to talk to you about our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. Okay, I really don't...but don't you think missionaries would have a better reception at your front door if they were accompanied by something more aesthetically pleasing? Me too. Anyway, with seven weeks to go until German elections, billboards of Chancellor Angela Merkel sporting a very revealing low-cut dress have pepped up a campaign that has so far struggled to grab public attention. The election placards have been put up by Vera Lengsfeld, from Merkel's conservative CDU party, who is running in a long-shot race in a left-wing district of Berlin for a parliamentary seat in the September 27 poll. They show photographs of each woman in an evening dress showing plenty of cleavage with the slogan: "We have more to offer" emblazoned over the chancellor's breasts. Lengsfeld, a former East German dissident, said she had not cleared the picture beforehand with Merkel (who is 55 years young) telling rolling news channel N24: "The chancellor could never have allowed me to do this, otherwise everyone would have wanted to do it." The 57-year-old candidate has hung 750 posters in her district and local media have reported a few stolen as souvenirs (yeah, souvenirs). Lengsfeld said over 17,000 people had visited her election blog since she shot into the public eye (Oh my! Usually you warn them first). "If only a tenth of them also look at the content of my policies, I will have reached many more people than I could have done with classic street canvassing." She will have her work cut out, however, to transform the limelight into success at the ballot box against a popular Green party veteran. Meanwhile the women's arm of the CDU chided Lengsfeld for an outdated "sex sells" campaign: "We don't need to do things like this anymore," its head, Maria Boehmer, told a news conference. A CDU spokesman was tight-lipped, saying only that the party's central office was "not notified". On Lengsfeld's blog, opinion was sharply divided but the campaign had certainly aroused debate, with over 300 comments. "Witty, cheeky and funny," said "Alex." But "Lena" said the placards were "embarrassing and shameful. How deeply sad that a woman has to attract attention with her breasts because she is incapable of clever words and thoughts." Daniel Baltar asked: "Have you gone completely mad?" Lengsfeld herself said she did not understand the fuss. "I find it amazing how little humor some people have shown over this placard. People always complain election posters are boring and then as soon as someone does something different, people get annoyed." The famous photo of Merkel's cleavage, taken at the opening of the Oslo Opera House in April 2008, prompted headlines such as "Merkel's Weapons of Mass Destruction" from British tabloid the Daily Mail and "Deutschland boober alles" from media gossip website Gawker (tehehe, very clever). It was not the first time images of Merkel (named by Forbes magazine as the most powerful woman on the planet three years in a row, take THAT Hillary) made waves. In 2006, another British tabloid, the Sun, snapped her changing into a bathing suit while on holiday in Italy under the headline "Big in the Bum-destag", a reference to the Bundestag, Germany's lower house of parliament (not nearly as clever). This April, the unusual sight of a giant mocked-up photo of Merkel in a matching purple bra and knicker set greeted punters on Berlin's famous Ku'damm shopping street as part of an underwear advertising campaign. Seriously? Germany, you should be ashamed. We would never have pictures of our President Obama in a swimsuit plastered on every tabloid under the sun. That's as ridiculous as questioning whether or not he's an American citizen. Also, how DARE you call the "sex sells" campaign outdated? Maybe the people behind it are outdated but the theory is sound. Anyway, just thought you all might like to know...and Chancellor Merkel, I apologize for the exploitation of your image...and nice knockers by the way. You don't look a day over zwei-und-vierzig.

Panda Updates - Praifa Srihakhom, a child from Sakhon Nakhon in Thailand won the 1-million-baht prize in the competition to name Bangkok's Chiang Mai Zoo's panda cub on Monday, just as the zoo revealed it would set up Facebook and Twitter sites for fans of the little panda. About twenty-two million postcard-votes were sent in, with the name Lin Ping (Chinese for "Winter Forest") proving most popular with 13.2 million votes, followed by Kwan Thai at 3.9 million, Thai Chin at 2.9 million and Ying Ying at two million votes. Then came Monday's prize draw, which was presided over by Natural Resources and Environment Minister Suwit Khunkitti. Wanon Niwat district resident Maliwan Pilasri, 57, whose granddaughter Praifa won the big prize, said she bought eight panda postcards worth 40 baht for Praifa. After hearing the news that one had been picked out, the family has been celebrating along with neighbors, said Maliwan, adding that some of the money would be kept to pay for Praifa's education and to make merit. Prasertsak Boontrakulpoon-thawee (Gesundheit!), chief of the panda research project, reported Monday that Lin Ping frequently touched its mother Lin Hui's face, which suggested the cub's eyesight was good, and had also started feeding at regular hours. That's nice...but there's even more interesting "news"

China is to retrace the steps of the French missionary who made giant pandas known to the West to mark the 140th anniversary of their "discovery" by the outside world, state media said Tuesday. Pandas were virtually unknown outside China until 1869 when Pere Jean Pierre Armand David (five first names by my count) described one which had been shot by hunters in Ya'an, Sichuan province, triggering more than a century of untiring fascination with the black and white bears. Panda enthusiasts can join a 350-kilometre (220-mile) hike from the Sichuan capital Chengdu to Ya'an to follow in the footsteps of the Catholic missionary and naturalist to educate people about the endangered animals and their protection, Ya'an tourism official Li Yamei told Xinhua news agency. The group would depart on August 15th and was expected to arrive at the giant panda research centre in Ya'an on August 25th. The pandas were moved there temporarily while a new breeding centre is built after the main Wolong research centre was largely destroyed in last year's Sichuan earthquake. A festival featuring more than 40 films on pandas (WHAT?) and other wildlife would also open on August 19th in Ya'an as part of the anniversary activities. There are about 1,590 pandas living in the wild around the country, mostly in Sichuan and the northern Shaanxi and northwestern Gansu provinces. A total of 180 have being bred in captivity, Xinhua reported. Besides introducing the giant panda to the outside world, Pere David also found the deer species named after him, which now only exists in captivity. Hmm, interesting tale. European explorer discovers a new species on the other side of the planet...and about a hundred years later they're endangered and mainly kept in captivity on small areas of land away from major cities. Oh that reminds me, Columbus Day's coming up soon. Anyway, that's your Panda Update. Sorry to get off track there for a bit.

That should do it for today. I'd better get some dinner cooked up for tonight. I like having a little free time to experiment with my cuisine. I can get those culinary abortions out of the way before I try to impress a ladyfriend. "I don't know what I was thinking by combining bacon, blue cheese and chocolate wrapped in a fruit roll-up. Some great things just aren't meant to be together." Okay, nothing quite that bad...but you get the idea. Have a great day everybody!!!

I Got Squid Coming Outta My Ears

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Not much going on with me. We actually won a real game in volleyball, not by forfeit...but then were sorely defeated in the next game. Like, I think they were toying with us a bit kind of defeated. They'd just better wait until basketball next week. We'll show those b**ches. Other than that, just trying to figure out what I want to do with my career over the next few months now that I can move around a bit...but nothing's for certain. You know how it is. So many choices...but all have their risks & rewards. Funny, it seems like I was just here a year ago doing the same thing...and making quite a bit more money while doing it...but hey, that's what happens when you risk. Sometimes you get your dream outcome. Sometimes you fall flat on your face. Sometimes you get a no-expenses paid six-month adventure in Denver followed by a pink slip. It happens. One cool thing that happened today...is that I met up with Double Dee. Remember her? Not sure if I mentioned her more than once...but she was in the training class with me back in the day and is just a sweet sixty-something lady...and her son painted my Baby a few years ago. Anyway, she was "let go" by my former employer around 4th of July weekend...and because of her age & the market, has yet to find a job. She was upbeat as always and we caught up (her number was on the phone that was lost in Vegas) but yeah, it was good to see her again. That's probably my best thing today. Definitely. May not sound huge...but it was awesome. So here's some news...

Where's My Ring? - In a celestial feat any magician would appreciate, Saturn (the planet, not the car company or video game system) will make its wide but thin ring system disappear from our view, tonight, August 11th. Saturn's rings, loaded with ice and mud, boulders and tiny moons, is 170,000 miles wide. But the shimmering setup is only about 30 feet thick. The rings harbor 35 trillion-trillion tons of ice, dust and rock, scientists estimate. The rings shine because they reflect sunlight. But every 15 years, the rings turn edge-on to the sun and reflect almost no sunlight. "The light reflecting off this extremely narrow band is so small that for all intents and purposes the rings simply vanish," explained Linda Spilker, deputy project scientist for the Cassini Saturn mission at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. The rings remain a bit of a mystery. Scientists are not sure when or how they formed, though likely a collision of other objects was involved. Saturn's equator is tilted relative to its orbit around the sun by 27 degrees – similar to the 23-degree tilt of the Earth. As Saturn circles the sun, first one hemisphere and then the other is tilted sunward. This causes seasons on Saturn, just as Earth's tilt causes seasons on our planet. While Earth goes around the sun once every 365 days or so, Saturn's annual orbit takes 29.7 years. So every 15 years, the attitude shift puts the gas giant planet's equator, and its ring plane, directly in line with sunlight. Scientists call it an equinox, and this one marks the arrival of spring to the giant planet's northern hemisphere. (On Earth, equinoxes occur in March and September.) "Whenever equinox occurs on Saturn, sunlight will hit Saturn's thin rings, the ring plane, edge-on," Spilker said. So there's your nerdy fact of the day...so get your super high-powered telescope prepped to check out Saturn...and you'll see it ringless. Then it'll look just like Jupiter...without the red dot.

Twitter Bandit - So remember the other day when Twitter went down...and Twits or Tweeters or whatever across the globe kinda lost their minds? Well, the outage that knocked Twitter offline for hours was traced to an attack on a lone blogger in the former Soviet republic of Georgia...but the collateral damage that left millions around the world tweetless showed just how much havoc an isolated cyberdispute can cause. "It told us how quickly many people really took Twitter into their hearts," Robert Thompson, director of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University, said Friday. Tens of millions of people have come to rely on social media to express their innermost thoughts and to keep up with world news and celebrity gossip. Twitter "is one of those little amusements that infiltrated the mass behavior in some significant ways, so that when it went away, a lot of people really noticed it and missed it." The attacks Thursday also slowed down Facebook and caused problems for the online diary site LiveJournal. But Twitter, the 140-character-or-less messaging site used by celebrities, businesses and even Iranian protesters, suffered a total outage that lasted several hours. Those attacks continued Friday from thousands of computers pummeling its servers, said Kazuhiro Gomi, chief technology officer for NTT America Enterprise Hosting Services, which hosts Twitter's service. Twitter crashed because of a denial-of-service attack, in which hackers command scores of computers toward a single site at the same time to prevent legitimate traffic from getting through. The attack was targeted at a blogger who goes by "Cyxymu" — Cyrillic spelling of Sukhumi, a city in the breakaway territory of Abkhazia in Georgia — on several Web sites, including Twitter, Facebook and LiveJournal. So now former Soviet terrorists (by the way, calling Georgians Russians apparently REALLY pisses them off...so I went with Soviet) are attacking our networking sites...and strike fear into our way of life. Bastards!!! And not the Inglorious kind (which I look forward to checking out in about ten more days). In other news, $teve still couldn't give two tweets about Twitter...but hey, it makes other people happy.

Web Addict Dies in Rehab - The People's Republic of China is investigating the death of a teenager who was allegedly beaten to death in a camp designed to treat Internet addiction, state media said. Fifteen-year-old Deng Senshan died last Sunday, less than a day after his parents sent him to the camp in southern Guangxi province, Xinhua News Agency reported. The case has led medical experts to call for laws regulating centers that treat obsessive Web surfing. Concern over such behavior is so widespread in China, and demand for rehabilitation is so great, that some camps now advertise on television. Deng was found vomiting and was taken to a clinic where he died. Fellow students said a teacher beat him, Xinhua reported. The report quoted the local government as saying several marks were found on the boy's body. It said four trainers from the Qihang Salvation Training Camp in Nanning city have been detained. Police and government authorities in Nanning could not be reached for comment Thursday. Controversy over the methods used in addiction-treatment camps led the Ministry of Health to issue a notice last month banning the use of electric shock therapy (oh yeah) on Internet addicts at one hospital in eastern China. Tao Ran (he ran so far away), director of the country's first Internet addiction treatment clinic under a military hospital in Beijing, told The Associated Press that such deaths are bound to happen because few camps employ scientific methods, with most opting for crude military-style discipline. Tao said 40% of those addicted to the Internet suffer from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and find it difficult to obey orders at training camps. "They are only one-fourth or one-fifth as efficient in their academic life. Once you put these kids to the training camps or schools, they are bound to have problems with the teachers, because ... they can't be still, while the training is all about keeping still." Internet addiction is a big problem in China because 200 million Internet users are between the ages of 15 and 35 and many lack self-control, Tao said. Students at high school and college also face enormous pressure from parents to succeed academically. Tao's clinic has treated about 5,000 Internet addicts since 2004. Xinhua said the numbers of treatment facilities and addicts treated have soared in the past few years in major cities. China's National People's Congress has estimated that 10% of China's Internet users under age 18 are addicted (and that's by clinical standards...which are pretty high). Chinese psychologists say symptoms include being online more than six hours a day (playing games or looking at pornography rather than working or studying) and getting angry when unable to get online. Deng's father told Xinhua his son spent all his time on the Internet. He said he sent his son to the camp after seeing an advertisement on television (which is way better to be addicted to than the internet). So yeah, that's the latest update in how things are in China right now. Hmm, I wonder if this coincided with the other story somehow. "What do you mean Twitter is down? I got to let the world know about this guy I saw with a funny haircut. ARRRRGH!!!" "Deng!!! Calm down...or we will be forced to put you down." "Whatever man! I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be blogging...and you guys are just oppressing me." "We're the Chinese government. It's what we do." "Not for long. The Revolution is coming...by the internet." CRACK!!! "We'll see about that, Deng. Guards!!! Help me treat this patient. Bring blunt objects."

New York's Expensive - You know, I used to think that my apartment was overpriced. Homeowners aren't the only ones in hot water over overpriced real estate. A New York City hot dog vendor has been evicted from his prize spot outside the Metropolitan Museum of Art because he couldn't pay a whopping rent bill of nearly $54,000 a month. Snack cart owner Pasang Sherpa of Queens had a deal with the city's parks department that required him to pay almost $643,000 per year for the vending rights near the museum steps. He says he was $310,000 behind on his payments when he was evicted. The Parks Department had auctioned off the rights to the spot last year. Wow! I wonder if they turned a profit there. That's $1800 a day!!! I happen to know that you can live in the Presidential Suite with meals included in most five-star hotels for less than that. Not just sell hot dogs & soda. Amazing. Absolutely amazing...but then again, it makes sense. They very well may turn a profit at that spot with all the traffic there. Apparently not enough though. Wow! Real estate in New York is just ridiculous. And here I am complaining about $1000 a month (as well I should be). Of course, things could be worse.

Be Careful With Those Cigars - Cuba, in the grip of a serious economic crisis, is running short of toilet paper and may not get sufficient supplies until the end of the year, officials with state-run companies said Friday. Officials said they were lowering the prices of 24 basic goods to help Cubans get through the difficulties provoked in part by the global financial crisis and three destructive hurricanes that struck the island last year. Cuba's financial reserves have been depleted by increased spending for imports and reduced export income, which has forced the communist-led government to take extraordinary measures to keep the economy afloat (tehehe, like poo). "The corporation has taken all the steps so that at the end of the year there will be an important importation of toilet paper," an official with state conglomerate Cimex said on state-run Radio Rebelde. The shipment will enable the state-run company "to supply this demand that today is presenting problems," he said. Cuba both imports toilet paper and produces its own, but does not currently have enough raw materials to make it, he said. One of the measures taken to address the cash crunch is a 20% cut in imports, which in recent days has become evident in the reduction of goods in state-run stores. Cuba imports about 60% of its food. Despite the shortages, prices will be cut between 5% and 27% for some food, drugs and personal hygiene products. A visit to a store in Havana's Vedado neighborhood on Friday found that prices had dropped for mayonnaise, barbecue sauce and canned squid. One customer, who gave his name only as Pedro, complained that "it doesn't look like prices have been lowered for the fundamental products" such as cooking oil. Ana Maria Ortega, deputy director for military-run retail conglomerate TRD Caribe, said there will be no shortage of basic goods. "The conditions are in place to maintain the supply of essential products," she said on the same radio program. Cubans receive a subsidized food ration from the government each month that they say meets their needs for about two weeks. President Raul Castro told the National Assembly last week that the government had cut its spending budget for the second time this year and has been renegotiating its debt and payments with foreign providers. Cuba has long blamed the 47-year-old U.S. trade embargo against the island for many of its economic problems ("Then quit being commies! I want cigars dammit!"). It also said that last year's hurricanes did $10 billion worth of damage that forced the government to spend heavily on imports of food and reconstruction products. Castro, who replaced his ailing older brother Fidel Castro as president last year, also has complained that Cuba's productivity is too low. He has taken various steps to boost output, including putting more state-owned land in private hands and pushing for salaries to be based on productivity. Hmm, so perhaps Cuba's becoming more capitalist...and the United States may be becoming more socialist. Interesting...but at least we still have toilet paper...for now. Be wary the next time you're at the home of Mister Fancypants...and he offers you a finely rolled Cuban cigar...rolled on the thighs of bronzed beauties in the sexiest parts of Havana...and then ask yourself...how did she wipe? Hmm, have you also noticed that they kinda look like...ah never mind. Sorry. That's the best way to quit smoking. Associate it with fecal matter. You're welcome. I just saved you at least a hundred bucks a month.

Fortune Cookie of the Day - "You Will Discover an Unexpected Surprise...in bed" - Boy howdy!!! Either that means I'm getting some sweetness...or I'm gonna find a turd in the bed. "Who the hell...FRANK!!! That crafty sum'bich!!!" He's right though. Poo is funny...but he'd better not crap the bed again. I'm serious. Either way, it's worth the risk for some sweetness.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Day off tomorrow...so I'm gonna clean up the apartment a bit, do some cooking, and whatever else comes my way. Have any ideas? Let me know. Have a great day everybody!!!

The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Saturday was a blessed day, as my southern counterpart would say. As you may have noticed from my post, it started pretty early. I got a call just before 5 AM from Bubbles and she needed to talk. She apologized for calling me at that hour...but I assured her it was okay because we're friends and friends are there for each other at any time of day (and I was getting up in an hour anyway). She went on to tell me how much she missed me and that she doesn't enjoy Vegas like she thought she would and she's worried about her job and she's frustrated that she can't find another friend like me in Vegas. Granted, she was a little tipsy (I mean, it WAS 4 AM in Vegas at the time) but I had heard this before when she was sober too. I assured her that it was going to be okay...and it doesn't matter if she finds another friend like me because she already has one...and frankly, you're not going to find another $teve. Anywhere. (How's that for humble?) It got a laugh out of her...and after a few more minutes of pointing out her numerous wonderful attributes, she said that she felt much better, thanked me, and slept it off. Most might say that would have been really inconvenient and got frustrated that somebody called them in the middle of the night...but not me. I enjoy those calls. Why? Because I'm a glutton for punishment. Okay, not really. It's because I kind of like being the person that somebody calls when they need a friend...or just somebody to talk to. We all have those moments when everything just kind of adds up...and we have a Gloomy Gus Day. I've discussed this before repeatedly. It gives me a feeling not unlike Pride to help somebody who's having a horrible day (or night or very early morning) and make it better. It's what I live for really. So yeah, I was awake after that, blogged a bit (since I didn't the night before thanks to my brother's barbecue), then went to my next blessed event.

I went to Neighbor Works in my old stompin' grounds of Rose Park. For those who have never heard of it (like me) it's basically a wonderful community improvement program for a part of town that really needs it. They do community service projects, loans for homes & small businesses in the area, outreach programs and lots of other wonderful things. I showed up a little early (like I always do) and got to meet some of the people behind the organization and get a little background from them. Please check them out and organizations like them in your deck of the woods. Anyway, today we were getting treated to a complimentary breakfast (provided by the Rose Park Lions Club) of pancakes and then we headed out to an elderly widow's home to paint her house. This was with a few other people from work so it was pretty fun...and the lady was incredibly sweet and had two beautiful dogs. Being vertically gifted, I was able to help out without a ladder so while everybody else was waiting for supplies, I grabbed a scraper and a brush and got to work pretty early...and the weather was absolutely perfect for painting. It's was like seventies, we were afraid that it was going to rain and literally wash our work away...but it didn't, not too sunny so that the sweat flows freely, just perfect outdoor working weather. I met some new coworker friends and was reunited with a few that I hadn't seen in a few years (moved to other department and lost contact). It was good times...and we helped a sweet lady out. What more could you ask for in a day...and all before noon? But wait, there was more.

Since I was in the neighborhood, I went to hang with my dad for about an hour. It wasn't much...but I helped my stepmom set up her new laptop a bit & caught up with my dad who I hadn't seen in a few weeks. Then I went home, did about four loads of laundry, cleaned up my kitchen & bathroom, cooked me a nice little dinner (chicken alfredo), finished the first season of "Dollhouse" (love that show like a fat kid loves cake), and basically just chillaxed all day letting the cool air flow throughout my apartment. It was just about the most wonderful time that I could have by myself...and was even occasionally blessed with a text message from JL Clyde (now back from San Francisco) and Lilie and others. Then I had a hinkering that I hadn't had for a long time...to look at some old videos from my trips around the world. See, I have a camcorder...but I haven't used it much the past few years (mostly because pictures do pretty well and are much easier to share). The problem was that the batteries were dead on it, so I charged it up a bit...and while charging, I noticed there was a tape in it and tried to remember what the last thing I videotaped was...and when...and where. Was it my 26th birthday in Vegas? No, I'd taken it to Europe with me last year, maybe it was that. Hmm, only one way to find out. When it was partially charged, I rewound a few minutes, pushed play...and what did I see? "Hey Kairi, where's your nose? Where's your eyes? Where's your mouth? Where's your bellybutton?" It was video from about a year ago of my niece...and she was just about the most adorable thing that I had ever seen. "How does a dog sound?" "Woof woof woof!!!" Yeah, good times. Also, I'm thinking about checking out my tapes from China four years ago & Europe last year soon...so if anybody wants to go on a mystical journey through time & space with me...and maybe experience China secondhand (probably complete with stories) then let me know and we can watch them. I'll warn you...there's probably four hours or so of videos...but you'll see all the sights of Shanghai, Beijing, Xian, Chengdu, Zhouzhuang, Hangzhou, Leshan, Dujiangyan, Suzhou, a Chinese Acrobats show, Pandas, edible delicacies, guards with AK-47s and so much more.

That night, I also watched "The Maltese Falcon" starring Humphrey Bogart in his legendary role of Sam Spade, a private eye caught up in a web of lies, deceit and golden bird statues. Basically, the story is the typical gumshoe caper. Beautiful dame walks in, gives a story about a missing sister & her evil boyfriend in town, the partner's sent to tail him, ends up murdered, then the boyfriend's murdered, the police are poking around, there's more to the story than expected...and the private eye has to figure it all out on his own without getting killed. The flick is legendary...and basically sent the benchmark pretty high for its genre...but it does get a little...overexposed by today's standards. Granted, I know it was a different time when this movie was made (1941) but still it's a great film and I'd suggest checking it out. This was actually my first time watching the film...but apparently it was parodied as a child (probably on Tiny Toons or something like that) because a lot of the characters seemed EXTREMELY familiar to me. Everything from Sam to the Dame to the Fatman to Cairo I felt like I had seen before...but yeah, that's neither here nor there. Great classic flick. Check it out if you want.

Sunday, I worked in the morning and then in the afternoon, the "G.I. Joe" viewing was cancelled because my dad was on a new medication and didn't want to be in public. Apparently it made him really hyper and lose frontal lobe capabilities or something...because he was like he was ten years earlier. Not really saying anything...but making sure that you heard every single syllable...even the gibberish. I hung out there for a few hours, mostly for my stepmom because she was trying to set up her laptop...and I can imagine the chore that would've been having to listen to him too. Oh well, it wasn't that bad.

Around 7, I headed up to meet JL Clyde & Cat at the Mount Olive Cemetery for an event that I had no idea existed until a few days ago...and I really wasn't prepared for...but hell if I was going to miss it - Zombie Walk 2009. Basically, a bunch of people dress up like zombies, compare costumes & give advice for next year, and then slowly walk down the hill towards Trolley Square, entertaining neighbors & passerbys along the way. It was actually quite the sight...and a lot of fun, until they slowly advanced on the rookie police officer who then panicked and opened fire. Apparently he had seen "Dawn of the Dead" and knew there was only one way to stop a zombie. Jack will be missed. The walk concluded at Trolley Square where all the zombie then started to dance to "Thriller" in a lovely tribute to the late Michael Jackson. Here are some pictures...

"ZOMBIE BABY!!!"

There were probably around 200 zombies

No one is safe!!!

After that, it was off to Red Rocks for a few beers, introducing JL Clyde & Cat to "Dollhouse" and then sleeping. Today I worked, played some volleyball and then gave you the news...

Nicolas Cage / Green Hornet Update - Speaking of other movies that I expect to suck a bit, here's some news on the running gag known as "The Green Hornet" motion picture. About fifteen years after the process was first started, they're still about as close to finishing as they were back when Will Smith was the Fresh Prince...but Taiwan's pop singer Jay Chou will star alongside Nicolas Cage and Cameron Diaz in the movie remake of popular US television series "The Green Hornet," reports here said Saturday. Chou, 30, has been cast as the superhero's sidekick Kato, a role played by the late Chinese-American martial arts icon Bruce Lee about 40 years ago, said the United Daily News. "I am very happy to act in an international film. I will do my best," the paper quoted Chou as saying in a statement issued by his company JVR Music. Chou won the role after a video-link audition a month ago with the movie's director Michel Gondry ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind") and writer Seth Rogen ("Knocked Up"), who will play the lead role Britt Reid, or The Green Hornet, the report said. Chou will start shooting for the film, scheduled to be released on July 9 2010 (in theory), after wrapping up his directorial work for a television series and two concerts in China, it said. Now, please don't get this Chou confused with Stephen Chow ("Kung Fu Hustle") who this time six months ago was set to direct & star in this movie...because he pulled out faster than...I'm just not going to finish that metaphor, if that's okay with you. Director Kevin Smith ("Clerks" etc) has had his hands in this bit for the better part of a decade before he gave up. It could be good...but with build-up like this, who knows? I guess we'll find out next year...allegedly. This movie could be pretty good...but after all the hype, who knows? I'm a little weary of Seth Rogen being the lead. I mean...is it supposed to be an action comedy...from the guy who brought me "Science of Sleep"? I can see the angle of the clumsy, kind-of-out-of-shape billionaire who fights crime...but it's really the Bruce Lee sidekick doing all the work...and then some eye candy (Diaz) drops in...but is Nicolas Cage his evil arch nemesis FU MANCHU? Could his legendary role in "Werewolf Women of the SS" finally be hitting the big screen in a full feature length movie? AAHAHAHAHAAHHAAAAA!!! I guess only time will tell.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Volleyball tonight...but we'll see how that goes. Also gonna catch up on some sleep. Feel like I'm missing a few hours here and there, know what I mean? Of course you do. Have a great day everybody!!! And keep an eye out for those zombies!!! Aim for the head!!!

Dude, Do You Have A Boner?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Please disregard the time this was posted. Well, I may be going to visit my mom in Cheyenne while she's stuck there for a month with work. Her birthday's coming up in two weeks...and rather than have her spend it alone, I may have to go visit and we'll probably swing by Denver again for a night. Maybe meet up with my cousin Ranae for a drink (since she's told me that she misses her downtown drinking buddy a few times). It's pretty open and in theory right now...but I'll keep you posted. Also, just keeping you posted...but the two jobs that I applied for here with the company, I was turned down, almost simultaneously. Why? Because I've only been with this department three months and other applicants have been for years...but they assured me that it was still a very tough decision based on my experience with other departments...and really look forward to having me apply for future positions. You know, the usual stuff...but hey, I'm still supremely confident in my abilities. Plenty of other opportunities here so I'd better just keep updating my resume. Last night, I also drove down to a little barbecue at my brother's to hang out with him, my buddy Isaiah and their respective wives...and that was a lot of fun. I was also pleased to know that my buddy Isaiah (who is basically my brother) feels the same way about my sister-in-law as I do...and frankly, it'd be best that she doesn't screw my brother over again. Sigh...so no other news in my life...so here's the news around the globe...

THE NIGHTMAN COMETH - Perhaps to a theater near you. Danny DeVito (Frank) and his co-stars on FX's "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" (quite possibly the greatest show in the history of television) are taking their sitcom on the road, with a live-theater adaptation of last season's musical finale, dubbed "The Nightman Cometh." Actor Rob McElhenney (Mac) said the cast performed some of the songs at the Troubadour club in Los Angeles. McElhenney said the show "sold out two nights in a matter of minutes and it went over really, really well, and Live Nation heard about it and approached us and said, `Hey, would you guys like to go on tour with this?'" Performances will be held September 15th in Boston, September 16th in New York, September 17th in Philadelphia (where it's always sunny), September 22nd in Seattle, September 24th in San Francisco and September 25th in Los Angeles. DeVito, whose credits include the role of Martini in the early '70s off-Broadway revival of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," said the cast had "totally, totally so much fun" doing "Nightman" in Los Angeles "with the fans and everybody that was there. It's been really great to get back there and have that feedback from the audience," the 64-year-old actor said Thursday. And, yes, DeVito sings, too. "He is to singing what Juice Newton was to ... juice," joked co-star Glenn Howerton (Dennis). My God, this may actually get me into a theatre without trickery. Damn it!!! When does Season 4 come out on DVD? September 13th? I want to watch "The Nightman Cometh" now. Did that sound enough like a bratty Baruka Salt? Anyway, we'll see if I can squander a trip out to one of these shows. I can't wait to walk out of a theatre production and say, "I thought the rape scene went pretty well."

Buy a MIG for $5 - Okay, so there are deals...and then there are DEALS!!! Russian investigators are probing the illegal sale of four fuselages of MiG-31 interceptor fighter jets that were sold off for as little as $5, although worth $3.7 million each, RIA news agency said on Thursday. Corruption is rife across Russia, with the country's President Dmitry Medvedev repeatedly pledging to launch crackdowns and repeatedly complaining this week about officials who demand bribes (when it should be the other way around). The sale came to light after an anti-corruption check was carried out to see whether regulations were followed during the sale of items from the Sokol Aircraft Construction plant located in the Russian Volga city of Nizhny Novgorod, RIA reported. "As a result, long-range supersonic interceptor aircraft that were not for sale were purchased by a dummy firm," prosecutors were quoted as saying by RIA. It did not say where the jet bodies had been found (it fell off a truck). So if you're looking to be Top Gun...but are on a bit of a budget...then Russia is the place for you. Sure, the jet fuel to fly it back to the United States is going to cost ya...and there may be more than a few questions by authorities when you enter American air space...but hey, just make sure that you have your license, registration and a legitimate bill of sale with you and it shouldn't be a big deal.

Record Wedding - A Chinese bride (not pictured) is hoping to enter the record books after getting married in a wedding dress with a train more than 2 km (1.2 miles) long trailing behind her. It took guests more than three hours to roll out the gown, complete with 9,999 silk red roses attached to it, in the northeastern province of Jilin, state news agency Xinhua said. "Both the length of the dress and the number silk roses pinned on the wedding dress can make history," the report quoted groom Zhao Peng as saying. Zhao, who has applied to Guinness World Records, said he was inspired after seeing a story on the previous record holder in Romania, where the dress measured just over 1.5 km. "I do not want a cliché wedding parade or banquet," he said. Bride Lin Rong "laughed and cried at the romantic gesture," Xinhua said. The dress cost around 40,000 yuan ($5,856), which prompted initial opposition to the plan from his family. "It is a waste of money in my opinion," said Zhao's mother. "Though I understand that he wants to show his love on the big day." Thanks for upping the ante, Zhao!!! Sure, my plan of proposing with a purple plastic spider ring may seem thoughtful and sweet...but now my future bride may want a wedding train over a mile long and have several thousand tulips woven into it...and a panda as a bridesmaid. I'm just kidding, that story's kind of sweet...and creepy all at the same time. I mean really...who wants a train over a mile long...unless it's hauling coal and other various fossil fuels across the Midwest? I think Zhao's mama was right. Waste of money...but a sweet gesture.

Hypnotist Stifled - Anyone who has ever seen a hypnotist (or a vampire movie) has had this thought...but please, don't act upon it. A South Korean hypnotist has been fined for stealing a kiss on a blind date with a woman he thought he had successfully put in a trance, news reports said Thursday. The 32-year-old man suggested hypnotizing his 27-year-old date during their first meeting arranged by a matchmaking agency in August last year, according to the Dong-a Ilbo newspaper and Yonhap news agency. The woman was eventually persuaded, and the hypnotist chanted: "Black hole! You will plunge deeper into a trance. You will feel thrilled all over your body and if my hand touches your body, you will feel intense pleasure." When the man, identified only by his surname, Park, thought his technique had worked, he went to kiss her...but the woman was fully alert, though her eyes were closed, and she pushed him away. Later, she filed accusations that he had sexually harassed her, the reports said. The Seoul Central District Court fined Park 3 MILLION WON (or roughly $2,453 here in the States). Quite the bill for a kiss...but having share a few meetings of the lips...and if it's shared with the right woman...than it can be worth every single won. Hopefully that was the case here...but I'm guessing probably not. Also, I'm thinking if he had done his whole "Black hole..." speech in a Spanish accent rather than Korean, that probably would've worked a little better. I'll have to remember that the next time I'm in a situation that called for it. Hmm...

Panda Update - My legacy is growing with every push. A giant panda at the San Diego Zoo gave birth to a cub the size of a stick of butter on Wednesday, her fifth cub born in the zoo since 1999. The public can view live video of the cub and its mother, Bai Yun, on the zoo's Web site. The sex of the mostly hairless, pink newborn, which was born around 5 a.m., is not known yet, said Dr. Ron Swaisgood of the zoo's Institute of Conservation Research. It will take about one month for the iconic black-and-white coloration of the giant panda to become visible, Swaisgood said. Its mother, Bai Yun, will care for the newborn by herself until she starts leaving the den regularly, at which time members of the zoo's giant panda team will step in briefly to check on the cub, he said. "She is a very experienced mother. She raised all of her other cubs until about 1.5 years, the natural age for separation. She's a real pro." Weighing in around 300 pounds, Bai Yun is about 1,000 times the size of her cub, who weighs around 4 ounces., the typical size of a baby panda. "Pandas give birth to what's called very 'altricial' cubs. That means they are very small and fragile. This cub would probably weigh about 4 ounces. It would be pink and hairless and completely dependent on the mother." Once again, my invention of Panda Porn is helping to save the species. It'd be nice to get some credit...but hey, when my grandkids can own a domesticated panda because the species has thrived and started reproducing like rabbits, then my legacy will live on. I'm cool with that.

Vick Update - So I assume you guys still remember former NFL quarterback Michael Vick. No? Okay, well he's the quarterback who was one of the most popular athletes in the world, the prototypical mobile quarterback of the future...and then he was the financier of an underground dogfighting ring...and spent the last two years in jail because of it. Well, he's out now...and looking for a job. The thing is...there are very few NFL teams even remotely interested in signing him. Not because he isn't well rested and has really had nothing better to do than work out (and wear suits to court dates) for the past two years...but because they're afraid of the backlash from animal rights groups like PETA. This is ridiculous to me. The man has served his time...and in my humble opinion, MUCH more than he should have served. If he's able to do his job and do it well, then he should be able to be hired without fear of persecution or attack from crazy hippies. Let's face it, there have been a lot worse things done by professional athletes...and recently...like say, vehicular manslaughter while under the influence of alcohol and getting less than a month in jail. Yeah, kinda pissed about it...but hey, what's done is done...and he's paid his dues. Now he's trying to get a job...and being turned down. Only a handful of teams haven't released public statements saying they'll have nothing to do with him...and he may have to resort to the new startup UFL league that I mentioned a few months ago (which may be a HUGE blessing to them) but I have some other suggestions. Now, the worst situation for him...is obviously going back to the Atlanta Falcons. Just a big PR thing there. There's also a few really sh*tty teams out there that should take an chance with this guy...like the Detroit Lions (seriously they can't get any worse...and their #1 draft pick isn't mobile enough or ready for the big time just yet) and the Oakland Raiders (though they have JaMarcus Russell who's supposed to be the same prototype...but their backup is 39-year old Jeff Garcia). The Eagles won't take a chance on him because...I'm not sure why but we Eagles fans did boo Santa Claus and there's probably a few pet lovers in the mix. My top suggestion though, Mr Vick. If you want to play in the NFL, play for the Washington Racists...er, Redskins. Why? Why not? Sure, there'll be more protesters than the few Native American groups left that are trying to get them to change their name. Their quarterback is lackluster. The rest of the team is pretty solid (barring injuries). The owner Daniel Snyder isn't afraid of making ballsy (and often stupid) decisions. Besides, it's the nation's capital. Big market. Hell, PETA might even be headquartered there (or in Vermont or something) and you can do a few PSA's to smooth things over, get a handshake photo-op with Obama, who I'm sure was a huge fan...and even a bigger fan of second chances, yeah it could really work out. However, what I expect to happen, is he'll sign with a UFL team for a contract worth about what I make in a year...and hopefully play for the Las Vegas Knights (still think that's the best name & I should get royalties for it) so that I can see him play a game or two when I'm down there. That'd be sweet. Regardless, Mister Vick, you did screw up...but you've paid your debt to society...and I for one think that you deserve a second chance. If I owned a team, I'd give you a tryout, regardless of what PETA has to say about it...but alas, I'm not a billionaire yet...and by the time that I am, you'll probably be retired by then. Best of luck to you, sir.

That'll do it for tonight. Tomorrow morning (pending weather), I will be helping out a sweet elderly woman paint her house...and then who knows? Laundry, movies, swim in the pool, adventures, silly putty, who knows? Sunday, I'm going to go watch the new "G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra" with my dad & stepmom...so I'll be sure to let you know if it sucks or not. In the meantime, have a great weekend everybody!!!