Kreed: Jenesiz

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Over the weekend, Izzy & I watched a summer blockbuster that got some scathing reviews… and that’s the fifth movie in one of the most iconic movie franchises in history, “Terminator: Genisys” starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Emilia Clarke, Jason Clarke (no relation in real life… but apparently mother-son in this movie) & Jai Courtney (homeless man’s Channing Tatum). Okay, so I’m going to assume that you’re all up to date with at least the first two Terminator movies… and the whole Judgment Day in 1997… Skynet being a computer system that essentially becomes self-aware and starts eliminating humans… and there’s this whole humans vs. robots war that rages on for a generation-plus… and then Skynet builds a time machine to send a robot (Arnie) to go back to 1985 to kill the mother (E. Clarke) of the human rebellion leader (J. Clarke) and avoid this whole war thing… but then the humans find out about it, assault the facility and then the humans send back a soldier named Kyle Reese (Courtney) to protect the mother. I’m also going to kindly remind you to forget many, many other plot points from previous movies in order to push this movie’s logic forward. Trust me, it’s just easier. So in this movie, it’s essentially a reboot of the first movie with sending Kyle back in time to protect the mother Sarah Connor… but apparently this has already been done a few times so by the time he goes back to 1985 there’s a reprogrammed Arnie robot sent back to protect her… and apparently a T-1000 liquid metal version from Terminator 2 sent back… and a whole lot of other sh*t going down… hell, even the leader of the future resistance John Connor gets sent back… but as long as you don’t think about it too hard, it can make sense. Okay… here’s a quick breakdown… and I want to start off with I actually recommend checking this movie out… but I’ll be brief.

 

The Good: The action is pretty good and the visual effects are decent… there’s plenty of throwbacks (or direct ripoffs) of past movies, and the essentially frame for frame remake of the original movie’s first 15 minutes or so is particularly entertaining to me as I’ve seen that movie literally thousands of times, so that was a treat. J.K. Simmons shows up too… and that’s a treat. Aside from Jai Courtney, the acting was even pretty good… though I kept expecting Kyle Reese to be revealed to be the robot as he had reactions similar to Arnie’s character. This is an action movie… so with good action gets good reaction from me.

 

The Bad: First & foremost, the previews for this movie REALLY f**ked them over!!! First, there was the preview that showed Arnie jumping out of a helicopter to kamikaze dive bomb another helicopter to completion… or in other words, THE CLIMAX OF THE F**KING MOVIE!!! Secondly… in the other previews… sigh… I don’t even want to say it as some people might really enjoy this twist & haven’t seen the preview. If so… please move along to the next paragraph… heck, maybe to the next movie where you see an ancient Sylvester Stallone & the other Michael Jordan (with a B.) Okay… so in the other previews, including those aired during the f**king Super Bowl months earlier… they reveal that the John Connor sent back in time… is actually a robot… and sent back to kill Sarah Connor and everybody else. Now, would this had been a better movie if that MAJOR TWIST wasn’t given away months before people even saw the movie? I’d like to think so… but alas, somebody in marketing really f**ked up this movie for most moviegoers before it even came out to the public. Would it have put this movie on the money-making level of “Furious 7” or “Jurassic World”? Probably not… In fact, I’d say I’m about 90% sure it wouldn’t have made much difference.

 

Overall: Unfortunately I think people were kinda f**ked out of the Terminator franchise a while back… but I still think that this movie was not nearly as bad as everybody made it out to be. You’ll probably find that most of the people talking sh*t on it… actually haven’t even seen it. They heard it was bad from the critics and/or other people who hadn’t seen it. This is one of those movies that scores like 22% on Rotten Tomatoes with the critics… but around 60% with people that watched the movie. Not great… not horrible… just kind of in the middle. However, I’m a fan of the series… so I enjoyed it… except Jai Courtney… and with him & the recent announcement that “Suicide Squad” is going to be PG-13 I’m looking less & less forward to it… but you know I’m still going to check it out.

  

Now for a special treat!!! Monday night, Izzy & I were invited to a special preview screening of another long-awaited (by some?) continuation of an iconic movie franchise… the Rocky Balboa franchise… and this movie is called “CREED” starring Michael B. Jordan and Sylvester Stallone… and this movie was NOT written and/or directed by Stallone… but rather by Ryan Coogler who did “Fruitvale Station” last year and was even on hand to introduce the movie at the theatre. Now… again, I’m going to basically assume that you’ve seen the other SIX Rocky movies as well… and really knowing anything past halfway through Rocky IV is really just going to be little snippets & one-off jokes in this movie… but I’m going to assume that you know all about the story of Rocky Balboa… who was a semipro boxer in 1976 who through a fluke incident involving a training injury, got the once in a lifetime to chance to square off against the reigning heavyweight champion Apollo Creed… and he trains hard with a former boxer named Mick and spoiler alert… goes the distance with the champ. That movie won Academy Awards… and then there was the sequel rematch with Apollo (Rocky II)… and then in the 3^rd installment, Rocky’s trainer Mick (Burgess Meredith) dies during a match with a younger, hungrier opponent named Clubber Lang (Mr. T, and there’s an entire post about his character from years ago)… and now-retired Apollo Creed steps in as his trainer to help him win & regain his eye of the tiger. Then in the 4^th installment, Creed comes out of retirement to fight a new Russian champion named Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren) but is killed in the ring after Rocky doesn’t throw in the towel (by Apollo’s request but drama…) and then Rocky has to come out of retirement to blah blah blah… but you already know all of this… I don’t even know why I mention it.

 

Well, this movie is centered around what happened shortly before Apollo Creed’s fatal last fight. Apparently he had a son… with a woman who was not his wife (Phylicia Rashad). Well, this encounter gave birth to a young man named Adonis Johnson (Michael B. Jordan) who bounces around group homes after his mother’s death… but then is adopted by Apollo Creed’s wife Marianne when he’s about ten & rowdy… but then raised in the lap of luxury. Fast forward a few years… Adonis is boxing in Tijuana. WHY? Because he has the itch… he’s a fighter… and he doesn’t have a constructive way of utilizing that itch apparently. Well, this leads to drama with his mom who obviously doesn’t want him to fight… especially after he quit his newly promoted job at a financial firm (WHAT???) to essentially leave the mansion he was raised in… and go to Philadelphia to train to be a boxer. Why Philadelphia? Why not? Anyway, all these poor decisions aside, Adonis runs into (stalks) the former champion Rocky Balboa (Stallone) and through hard work & guilt convinces Rocky to help train him… throw in a love story with a neighbor girl (Tessa Thompson) and the story basically writes itself from there. Now, my telling of the story is pretty basic & sarcastic… but you get all of this from the trailer… and it’s the story of a man who has a lot of rage and needs a place to direct it… and it just so happens to tie into the Rocky cinematic universe. That being said…

 

I REALLY liked this movie! If you enjoy boxing movies (probably have to do a Movie List for these soon) then you’re probably going to also REALLY like and/or LOVE this movie. The story is basic… but the acting is pretty fantastic, the cinematography is beautiful, and there are these continuous shot fighting scenes that are some of the greatest that you will ever see. Seriously, there’s one in particular that’s a two-round prize fight… that’s a continuous shot… with dialogue and all the action of a boxing match to make it feel like you’re the referee standing in the ring with them & eavesdropping in the corners. It’s very impressive. Though there are some sapping subplots… they’re not done in the usual sappy way. There’s drama… that some might say is completely unnecessary… but you’ll say that about life as well. Life is drama some of the time… but it pushes the plot forward and has some meaning to it… so yeah, go check this movie out. Also… write this down…

 

Michael B. Jordan… is going to be the next Will Smith. He’ll basically be offered ever major role for a young African-American actor and they’ll be his to turn away. He’s got the skills, he’s got the charisma, soon he’ll have the paparazzi all over his ass… but he’ll also have the big paychecks. I know that his star has slipped a bit with the forced entry in superhero films that was “Fantastic 4” (don’t want to judge too harsh since I haven’t seen it yet but seriously, nobody asked for this movie, right?) but overall… I think he’s going to be huge. I was right about Megan Fox (to a point) and I’ve learned as a young child… to never doubt somebody named Michael Jordan.

 

So is this going to be the start of a new Rocky/Creed Trilogy? Well… I’ve had some thoughts about sequel of course… so here are some of my ideas for further movies in the Balboa Cinematic Universe… and I’m gonna warn you, some small spoiler alerts from the first Creed:

 

Creed vs. Lang – In this first Creed sequel, Adonis is moving up the ranks… and the champion that he faced in the first movie to the final bell (“Pretty” Ricky Conlan) is currently serving time for a weapons charge (seriously, it’s in the movie) and they have a series of fights to determine who will take over the championship belt during his sentence. I’m guessing probably a Final Four scenario involving the newcomer who pushed Conlan to the limit, Adonis… some iron-fisted Ukrainian stereotype (NOT Drago, this is lightweight) that he has to go against in the first match… and then he moves on to the winner of Token Black vs. Gunner Lang, one of the many out-of-wedlock children out of Detroit from mysteriously reclusive former champion Clubber Lang (Rocky III) and of course… Gunner is a sh*t talkin’ mastermind of the boxing game… I’m thinking somebody like Brandon Jackson or O’Shea Jackson if they bulked up… or Chadwick Boseman if he wanted to break out of being typecast as legendary sports/music figures in the mid-20^th century and wants to be the 2^nd coming of Mr. T. Anyway, we skip ahead to him KILLING (or crippling) challenger Token Black in the first match… and then it’s leading up to the showdown between Creed & Lang… and Gunner talks about how he’s going to kill him in the ring, take his woman & eat his child as the promotional press conference… wiping the seed of Creed from off the face of the Earth. Yup… Iron Mike ain’t got sh*t on Gunner Lang.

 

Oh yeah, for personal drama, he finds rich life comfortable now that he’s getting endorsement money ON TOP OF ALREADY BEING RICH FROM APOLLO’S CAREER so he gets a little soft… his girlfriend (not wife) is preggers with a child… Rocky is not doing well at all after the chemo, but he’s still around… until he passes on while training for the big match… but not before giving a few big speeches about family, fire in your belly, tiger’s blood in your veins & their eyes in your ocular sockets, all that stuff… and then the Final Match… well, I don’t want to spoil it…

 

Creed vs. Creed – So after Lang cripples Adonis in the final match, punches his woman in the stomach forcing a miscarriage & then bedding her like nobody’s business… No seriously, that’s what happens in my movie! Gunner Lang goes on to have a wonderful boxing career unlike his father and the title Creed vs. Creed is symbolic of Adonis’ long journey back to eating solid foods, communicating with apparatus and perhaps walking again. This is Oscar winning sh*t right here! What? Do you want him to win the final match against Lang, is the undisputed lightweight champion of the world, but then there’s YET ANOTHER BASTARD CREED CHILD who is only a few months older than Adonis… but raised in England (played by David Oyelowo BTW), is good friends with the still-incarcerated Ricky Conlan, but also has his promoter from the first movie… and his trainer is none other than the legendary Luther Mandela (played by Idris Elba). Essentially it’s what everybody really wants in a boxing match… Klitschko vs. Klitschko… except they’re both in their prime… and they’re actually very similar genetically… though one “started from the bottom now we here!” while the other… no, they’re both going to have the EXACT SAME backstory. Yeah, Apollo knocked up a woman in Liverpool or some sketchy off-shoot of London’s underground… he was raised in the system but was educated in school, eventually becoming a Rhodes Scholar AND athlete… but there was always this itch that only bashing a man’s skull could scratch… and so he started boxing… and then when Adonis made it big, he started looking into his own lineage… pictures of Apollo & his mama at Studio 54 or the English equivalent… boom, we have essentially the same vs. same… except Samson Creed (did I mention that’s his name & he was going to have dreadlocks a la Lennox Lewis? Cuz he is & that was pretty f**king important!) is actually taller, stronger & more adept to the sweet science… apparently his mom was an athlete too… and hell, they can’t say something like “My mama wouldn’t allow us to fight” like the Klitschkos because… for one, different mamas… for two…

 

Personal drama this movie – Marianne Creed passes away… Rocky Balboa passes away… Adonis’ dog Mercury passes away… his now wife is still around, but she makes a lot of trips out to Detroit on business in an effort to resurrect Motown Records and punctuate her sagging music career… leaving Adonis to train without Rocky’s direct influence… but then there’s a new trainer / promoter to help him out, Nick Naylor (Aaron Eckhart) who’s the champion’s mouthpiece and can inspire whales to walk on land… but does he have a hidden agenda? Can Adonis regain the family that he’s lost? Why is he promoting cigarettes & Colt 45 now? How did Nick Naylor convince him to do it? All this will be revealed and more… and then… the final fight… which leads to…

 

Cult of Clubber – This is the harrowing tale of a fallen boxing superstar Gunner Lang returning to the backwoods of Michigan to join his reclusive father Clubber Lang, who for the past 30+ years left his champion boxing career to start a fundamentalist cult of people who believe that only the strongest humans will survive the End of Days or any scientific apocalypse scenario… so they’ve been breeding generations of Langs with VERY few men and gaggles of women. Gunner tried to leave this life behind for fear that his father would betray him… but in his advanced age, Clubber is realizing that his baby batter isn’t as potent as it used to be… and he must help to teach his son Gunner to take over the group and lead his family into the dark days. This movie looks into religious/cultural beliefs and norms vs. natural selection… and could potentially finally give Mr. T the Academy Award that he so desperately deserves from his long underappreciate career as a thespian… you know what? I’m totally in love with the idea of this movie. I’m starting the script TONIGHT!!! Spoiler alert: Adonis’ wife is part of the Cult of Clubber, that’s why she’s going to Detroit “on business”.

 

Creed vs. Drago – Back on the Adonis Creed tangent… I’m not even going to tell you how Creed vs. Creed ends… but I think this one writes itself… he has to bulk up to go Super Middleweight or something since anything coming out of Ivan Drago’s sack is going to be half bull anyway… and after the dwindling box office return of “Cult of Clubber” and its ultra-controversial material, I think this one is going straight to DVD like “Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift” only to be resurrected by…

 

Creed vs. Predator – Need I say more? Intergalactic boxing… in an environment similar to the Thunderdome! Two being enter, at most one being leaves.

 

Anyway, that’s my thrilling reviews of some major blockbusters that came out six months ago or will be coming out in a week or so… and some great ideas for future movies, Hollywood! You’re welcome! More fun stuff on the way! Have a great day everybody!

Weekend Homebrew Check-In

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Wow... just finished watching "Rocky III" again with Izzy and... you know I don't like to repeat myself (though I seem to a LOT on certain things) but... WHY IS CLUBBER LANG NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN IN THE ROCKY FRANCHISE??? I would much rather watch Mr. T take on Sylvester Stallone... then say... I don't know... just pulling a few names at random like... Jean Claude Van Damme ("Expendables 2"), Robert DeNiro ("Grudge Match"), Antonio Tarver ("Rocky Balboa") or Burmese soldiers ("Rambo") that I've seen in the past few years... though there was some recent ridiculous matchups with the awesome likes of Stone Cold Steve Austin ("Expendables") & Jason Momoa ("Bullet to the Head") that were pretty brief... but yeah, maybe I'm getting a little off topic... that's my opinion... and everybody should agree with me... because Mr. T as Clubber Lang in "Rocky III" is... basically my perfect personification of a boxer. HE runs his own stuff... no manager, no hype man beside himself, he has a trainer but... I mean he really is just there for Clubber to say "Shut up foo' I'm gon kill'em!!!" Anyway, check it out again...

Saturday morning, we started our Pale Ale for the family reunion... and it was an incredibly easy malt extract recipe... basically just adding a few pounds of liquid extract into boiling water, add some hops during the boil... and then we add yeast & ferment... not a whole lot going on with this one... but yeah, good stuff allegedly via the internet. Here are some pictures...

 

We also transferred our Honey Amber to secondary fermentation...

Other than that, softball starts on Tuesday, more homebrew stuff this weekend, yeah, only a few weeks until the big reunion... more to come as we get closer... Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Behold the Brady Six

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

There was some great football the past few days, wasn’t there? The Texans won their first playoff game in franchise history against the Bengals. The Saints & Lions had a bit of a shootout at the Superdome… and I was kinda hoping the Lions might get their 2nd playoff win since 1954, but now the Saints are coming here to San Francisco for what should be a GREAT game. Tebow worked his magic against the Steelers… and now I kinda want him to pull out the upset of the Patriots next week. I can see it now… Broncos & 49ers in the Super Bowl. I think the odds for that going into the seasons would’ve been about 1600 to one if both were about 40-1 shots. Anyway, still a lot of steps to go before that happens.

Last night, I watched some special by ESPN about “The Tom Brady 6” which basically talked about Tom Brady’s unlikely rise to superstardom. It starts out about how he wasn’t even the starting quarterback on his high school team here in the Bay Area, so he wasn’t highly touted. He went to Michigan where he started out at the 4th or 5th quarterback on the depth chart… and the best that he could plan to do was backup to Drew Henson, probably the biggest recruit in YEARS for the Wolverines. Well, Drew went pro in baseball after getting a little outshined by Tom, so he got the starting job. Then after college, he was really only even mildly sought after by two teams after his pre-draft workouts… so there were SIX quarterbacks drafted ahead of him. He fell to the sixth round, to the New England Patriots, and he was their 4th stringer. There was even a story about how he grew up idolizing Joe Montana… and wanted nothing more than to be a 49er… and they were looking for a quarterback… and they were one of the two teams interested… and in the third round, they picked… Giovanni Carmazzi out of Hofstra. Now, you may be asking yourself WHO??? Yeah, he didn’t last… but having six QBs drafted ahead of him, and a little bitterness towards the 49ers, only fueled Tom to be better & work harder… so he did. Then he worked his way to backup to Pro Bowler Drew Bledsoe, as happens in football, Drew got hurt, Tom stepped in… and 3 Super Bowl rings later he hasn’t looked back & hasn’t continued to strive to be better… and he has a baby mama actress to go with the supermodel wife. Play on playa!

The moral of the story: Sometimes things don’t go as planned… like most of the time. You can only control what you can control. There will be plenty of adversity in your life… and you may not feel that you get the recognition that you deserve… but the only way to change that is to step up & do better, be better, live better. Who knows? Do you think if Tom Brady was picked by the 49ers instead of what’s-his-name (who by the way is a farmer with goats now apparently) that he would have been motivated to do what he’s done? Would he have stepped in for Jeff Garcia one day, led the 49ers to a few Super Bowls and never looked back? Perhaps. Do you think if the Cleveland Browns would’ve picked him instead of Spergon Wynn that they would be the dynasty of the last decade? Then again, maybe he would’ve came in to relieve Tim Couch after yet another horrible performance… and subsequently broke his leg or blew out his ACL in practice or something, gets cut & goes on to sell insurance. You just never know what’s going to happen… but you prepare for the worst and be your best, never stopping, always growing. Go ahead & take a few minutes to look at your own situation. What can you be doing right now that would be better for your life than reading this sentence on my blog? The answer: Absolutely nothing. However, I highly recommend that while you’re waiting for my next post that you get up, get out & get something. You have my support!

Next up… well, funny story. A few weeks ago, I caught a special on TV about “The Real Rocky” or rather the real life boxer nicknamed “The Bayonne Bleeder” that was the inspiration for the character Rocky Balboa. My roommate Pixie & one of her friends watched a few minutes of it with me before heading out for the evening. Then with the holidays, we haven’t seen much of each other. Well, last night… I watched a documentary that I DVR’d about the making of the Rocky movies… all six of them. So about half way through it… Pixie comes home and sees me watching a Rocky documentary, so she jokingly said, “I kinda feel you’re always watching this Rocky documentary… and have been for weeks.” Sigh… yes, I may have a problem… but if it were Batman or something more artsy, she’d be right there with me. Anyway, yeah… it was a pretty good little documentary. Did you know that Dolph Lundgren was a Swedish model turned martial arts master turned MIT graduate in Chemical Engineering turned actor? How about that Mr. T was valedictorian of his high school class? Or that Adrian wasn’t cast until about a week before filming started… and Carrie Snodgress was going to play her until her agent wanted more money that they didn’t have? Well, now you know. Also, Rocky is really an inspirational tale along the lines of Tom Brady earlier in this rant… but yeah, you already knew that.

Modern Art: Still Don’t Get It – I am not a professional artist. My artistic skills are lacking with the exception of occasional wordsmithing. Ask me to draw a picture, you’ll probably be disappointed. “Why is my portrait just a stick figure with boobs & squiggly hair?” “It’s an ugh… expressionist piece? That’s a thing, right?” Most of the time when I’m in an art museum, I can respect various mediums… and then others just confound me. Then again, I wouldn’t have imagined doing some of this crazy sh*t. In good old Denver, a 36-year-old woman was accused of causing $10,000 worth of damage to a painting by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still, a work valued at more than $30 million, authorities said on Wednesday. A police report said Carmen Tisch punched and scratched the painting, an oil-on-canvas called "1957-J no.2", at the recently opened Clyfford Still museum in Denver and pulled her pants down to slide her buttocks against it. By the way, this is in the statement, I’m sure. Tisch was charged with felony criminal mischief on Wednesday and has been held on a $20,000 bond since the incident in late December, said Lynn Kimbrough, spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney's Office. Kimbrough said Tisch also urinated after she rubbed up against the canvas, but whether urine got on the painting was still under investigation (really?). Born in North Dakota in 1904, Still was considered one of the most influential of the American post-World War Two abstract expressionist artists, although he was not as well known as others such as Jackson Pollock. Still died in 1980, and the city of Denver worked for years with his widow, Patricia, to secure the single-artist museum. She died in 2005, and her husband's collection was bequeathed to the city. Four of Still's works were auctioned by Sotheby's last year for $114 million to endow the Denver museum, which opened with much fanfare in November. Because Still closely guarded his works, most of the pieces at his namesake museum had not previously been displayed. Tisch will be formally advised of the charges on Friday, Kimbrough said. So… okay a few things. First, $30 million for a painting? The one pictured above? Really? Not only that… but there are several in that price range from this guy? F**k me, I’m in the wrong career. Sad thing though… is that you have to die to collect. Good for your offspring though, I guess. Secondly, and this is where I further call into question the $30 million value, is that she did $10,000 worth of damage? Okay, reality check. If I take my Scarface poster… and punch it, scratch it a bit, then wipe my ass upon it… and probably being a little in the process (natural response) to what percentage would you think I ruined that poster? My guess is that I couldn’t give that sh*t away to a blind man. “What’s the smell?” However, we’re talking about $10,000 being 0.03% of the $30 million “value” on the painting. I’m not sure how this girl swings, scratches or scats… but I know my poster would be south of 99.97% of mint condition. I get it though. Art is a subjective market. Let them pay their huge price tags for one-of-a-kind oil paintings.

Identity Theft: Make It Somebody You Want to Be - A Dallas teen missing for more than a year has been found living in Colombia. Lorene Turner tells WFAA that her granddaughter Jakadrien Turner ran away from home in the fall of 2010 when she was just 14. Typical tragic story of a teenage runaway, right? Wait for the twist. Jakadrien made her way to Houston, where she was arrested by police. That's when things took a turn toward the Kafka-esque. Jakadrien gave the police a false name… and of all the luck, her new alias just happened to match up with the name of a 22-year-old Colombian citizen who had been in the United States illegally. That’s not all… to compound Turner's plight further, the Colombian national had a warrant out for her arrest. The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) then deported Jakadrien in April 2011. "They didn't do their work," Lorene Turner said. "How do you deport a teenager and send her to Colombia without a passport, without anything?" Also, side note… she must be a fairly mature looking 14 year old too. Turner said she'd been looking on her computer every night for clues to her granddaughter's location, and has been cooperating with Dallas police as she carries out her search. It turns out that after Jakadrien was deported, she was given a work card in Colombia and released onto the streets. "She talked about how they had her working in this big house cleaning all day, and how tired she was," Turner said. Jakadrien is now being held in a Colombia detention facility while awaiting more information on her case. "ICE takes these allegations very seriously," said ICE Director of Public Affairs Brian Hale. " At the direction of [the Department of Homeland Security], ICE is fully and immediately investigating this matter in order to expeditiously determine the facts of this case." Yeah, I’ll bet. That’s a pretty major f**kup… but hey, that’s what a bratty ass teenager gets for being a smartass in my book. “What’s your name, miss?” “Haywood!” “Interesting name for a girl. What’s your last name?” “Jablomy!” “Let me just run this in the computer and… JACKPOT!!! Here comes my accommandations…” I really am curious what name she gave though? Jennifer Lopez? Shakira Valenzuela? Who knows?

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Been a very busy week at work… but hey, busy means good money, right? That’s the rumor. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on any big happenings… but pretty laid back once I get home to recuperate from the workday. Wish I had more interesting stories… but hey, you don’t wanna hear about all the crazy sh*t that I think about. I just don’t have time to type it all up either. Have a great night everybody!!!

No Man Is An Island

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Friday the 13th!!! Not bad having two of these in consecutive months…but that's what February does most of the time. Last night, I ended up only working a 12-hour shift so it wasn't that bad (used to do those all the time at the last job) so afterwards, I went home and watched a movie that I had never seen before but heard good things about "The Seven Year Itch" starring Marilyn Monroe…and some guy (Thomas Ewell). It was actually a quite hilarious film…especially by 50's film standards. The story is about a Manhattan man whose wife & child go to Maine for the summer, leaving him home to work and provide for his family. Meanwhile, a curvaceous new neighbor (Marilyn, of course) moves in upstairs and his overactive imagination takes over…and it's actually quite reassuring to a crazy guy like myself…that there may actually be other people like that out there. At the beginning of the movie, he's just talking to himself in his apartment…and I do that ALL the time (schizophrenia maybe?) but then he goes into these elaborate and imaginative little skits that are basically just like something out of my blog. The title is about a theory that after being with somebody for seven years, men tend to start questioning themselves about whether they chose the right mate, could I still play the field, blah blah blah…and so their mind (and possibly other parts) starts to wander. I have no idea what that's about…because I've only lasted three months before…but there may be something to it. Of course, that's all fine & dandy…but don't forget, if my neighbor were Marilyn Monroe, I'd have wandering eyes too…and God knows my imagination would simply run rampant. It already is…and she's been dead for almost fifty years now. I would highly recommend this flick to anybody who enjoys good clean comedy with a healthy dose of eye candy. It's on par with "Some Like It Hot" in my opinion, as one of the great classic comedies.

Speaking of some liking it hot, the hot water has been off at my apartments the past two mornings…so yesterday, I awoke to a frighteningly brisk shower to start off my long day at work…and then this morning, I ended up just going the gym to take my shower…because they still had hot water. It will allegedly be taken care of by tonight…so it's a LOT faster than when I had a similar problem at the old apartment. I believe that one took a few weeks…but luckily it was during the summer, so the cold water wasn't that bad. It's dropped back down into the thirties for highs here in Denver though, so yeah, hot water is appreciated this time of year. Also found out that they have a St. Patrick's Day Parade tomorrow that goes two blocks from my house by Coors Field, so I'll have to check that out. I wonder if they'll throw beads…or preferably beers…but that may not be kid-friendly. I may have to wait until Tuesday to get my drink on…and I shall get my drink on…because luckily I live within staggering distance of a plethora of drinking establishments. Anyway, you already knew that. Here's some news...

No Man Is An Island - A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he's his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday he cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam. Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. As he said in court: "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania." He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial. Defense attorney James Connell, Witmer's standby counsel, said a challenge to the traffic stop would need to be filed as a pretrial motion. It's ballsy. I like it. However, I'm pretty sure that it's not going to hold up in court. No man is an island…or even a sovereign nation. Sure, we may have our own Republic within our minds…but to say that you are a isolated nation of one is kind of a stretch. Then again, each individual is responsible for their own financial situation based upon trade with other nations, has a varying sense of justice, different regulations for what they watch on TV, ability to boycott other nations, occasionally conflict can result but we can also have a peaceful meeting of goodwill, so maybe there is something to that…but yeah, Mr. Witmer's still screwed…and with good reason, you should never drink & drive. Thus being a law of the land of $tevonia. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Finding Mick's Killer - A Los Angeles councilman has announced a $50,000 reward for help solving the 30-year-old slaying of a gym manager believed to be the inspiration of a "Rocky" movie character. Councilman Dennis Zine made the announcement Wednesday for information leading to arrests in the March 1977 slaying of Howard Steindler. Steindler was beaten and forced into his own gold Cadillac a block from his home. He was found robbed and smothered in the car. Steindler ran the Main Street Gym, where boxing stars such as Muhammad Ali and Jack Dempsey trained. He is widely believed to have inspired the character Mickey Goldmill, the boxing manager played by Burgess Meredith in the films. Interesting that such a reward would be offered now…especially since they've done so well finding out information on the alleged killers of Biggie & Tupac (remember my theory?) but I had no idea that Mick was actually inspired by somebody. I thought he was more of a composite character - like a mix of a typical boxing trainer, the Penguin & Jesus. I'm also thinking of a new reboot for the Rocky movie series…starting over from Rocky III. Now, here me out, Mr. T can still be Clobber Lang…and still beat Rocky the first time…but instead of Mick having a heart attack, he's smothered in his own Cadillac (always wondered what he drove) and this sends Rocky into a jungles of Colombia (somehow) after his killers…because Mick was getting too close to the drug trade in Philadelphia…and a mysterious drug lord known only as El Gatto had to make an example of him. Then Rocky recruits an elite team of underworld mercenaries to go in with him…and he's told of this group of such men called the A-Team…and who's a member of that team? Clobber Lang. We can call it "Rocky III: Expendables" and we can get Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, and even a fellow $teve who works out, Stone Cold Steve Austin now. We can even have Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren) in there as a tie in to "Rocky IV", my God this thing almost writes itself. What? They're already kind of doing that? The only difference is the finding Mick's killer angle? Dang it. You're good, Mr. Stallone. I can see why they call you Sly.

Venice Update - Venice, Italy is one of the most beautiful cities in all of the world. It may also be washed away in a matter of weeks because of global warming and the rising tides…but in the meantime, it's dark secrets are being found out. VAMPIRES once ran rampantly through the narrow streets and canals. Matteo Borrini, an anthropologist from the University of Florence (Italy, not Kentucky or South Carolina), said the discovery on the small island of Lazzaretto Nuovo in the Venice lagoon supported the medieval belief that vampires were behind the spread of plagues like the Black Death. According to Borrini, "This is the first time that archaeology has succeeded in reconstructing the ritual of exorcism of a vampire. This helps ... authenticate how the myth of vampires was born." The skeleton was unearthed in a mass grave from the Venetian plague of 1576 (in which the artist Titian died) on Lazzaretto Nuovo, which lies around three km (2 miles) northeast of Venice and was used as a sanatorium for plague sufferers. The succession of plagues which ravaged Europe between 1300 and 1700 fostered the belief in vampires, mainly because the decomposition of corpses was not well understood. Gravediggers reopening mass graves would sometimes come across bodies bloated by gas, with hair still growing, and blood seeping from their mouths and believe them to be still alive. The shrouds used to cover the faces of the dead were often decayed by bacteria in the mouth, revealing the corpse's teeth, and vampires became known as "shroud-eaters." According to medieval medical and religious texts, the "undead" were believed to spread pestilence in order to suck the remaining life from corpses until they acquired the strength to return to the streets again. "To kill the vampire you had to remove the shroud from its mouth, which was its food like the milk of a child, and put something uneatable in there. It's possible that other corpses have been found with bricks in their mouths, but this is the first time the ritual has been recognized." While legends about blood-drinking ghouls date back thousands of years, the modern figure of the vampire was encapsulated in the Irish author Bram Stoker's 1897 novel "Dracula," based on 18th century eastern European folktales. Okay, so this really has nothing to do with finding out about vampires…more that they can now see how some people might have thought that there was something similar to a vampire back when there was no such thing as public education…but still, Vampires in Venice!!! I'll bet there's a movie out there with a name like that…and when I googled it, there it was...but I have a better one in mind. I can see it now, "Violent & Voluptuous Vampires of Venice" starring a host of Fritalian hotties…in Technicolor…and maybe even 3-D. That's a guaranteed smash hit…even without the Monica Bellucci love scene. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that? It's because there's going to be so many similar scenes with other Fritalians. I'll have my own day in Italy…like Fellini…only a plot that everybody can enjoy and get. Bellisima!!!

Well, that'll do it for today. Not a whole lot going on…except for the St Patty's Day Parade tomorrow morning…and hopefully the return of hot water to my shower. Stay out of trouble on this unlucky Friday the 13th…and have a great day everybody!!!