Don't Take A Whole Day To Recognize Sunshine

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday, I spent the morning cleaning up my apartment a bit, then went to see my mom, brother & nephew up at the Fortress of Solitude. They'd had a rough week...and Vinny was super excited to see me. We talked...and mostly used our imaginations of how to overcome the odds with regards to the Kairi situation...but yeah, not the most fun time ever...but we were family...and we were there for each other. Also, I had dinner at a very nice restaurant in Eden called Harley & Buck's. Now, the location was at a condominium complex & being told that it was a steakhouse, I was expecting some astronomical prices...but that was not the case. Sure, there were a few menu items in the $20 range like ahi tuna, a full rack of ribs, prime rib steaks, etc...but here's the thing. For about twenty bucks, I got crab cakes for an appetizer, a beef brisket sandwich with all the fixin's, onion rings and gratuity. The proportions were good too. Not bad for a great atmosphere with a beautiful view of Ogden Valley at sunset either. Furthermore, we got Vinny a burger from the children's menu...and I think they actually gave that guy more food than they gave me. He had a man-sized 1/3 pound burger, full plate of fries and a (root) beer...but luckily he had his Uncle $teve to help him with some of those. Good eats. Then we went to a party that my aunt was throwing...and had a good time with my drunken redneck family. The only lame part was when somebody would ask about Kairi...and my mom would instantly start crying. So yeah, other than that, good times. I got a call from Bubbles too, which really brightened up my evening. She asked me what I was going to be for Halloween...and I didn't really have a response other than, "I don't know, maybe Chewbacca again...or I have some dollar store things from a few years ago where I could be a pirate without eyeshadow or something." Apparently she doesn't think those are good ideas...but she also knows that Halloween is one of my least favorite holidays (though tomorrow is definitely my least favorite). So I throw the question upon you. What should Dr Love be for Halloween? Suggestions? In the meantime, here's the news...

Vick Update - Believe me, I've already thought about being Michael Vick...or more appropriately to my skin color, the Ghost of Michael Vick and walk around in an Eagles jersey & a Scooby Doo on a leash...but I thought that it might be a little too soon...and I've already had run-ins with animal rights activists in the past...and that was just for having a leather jacket. They didn't even know that I worked at a dairy for two years. Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah. The aforementioned Vick will be giving the public an inside look at his life during an eight-part television series scheduled to debut on BET (yes, THE Black Entertainment Television) next year. Tentatively titled “The Michael Vick Project,” the cable show will follow the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback as he tries to redeem himself after going to prison for 18 months for his role in operating a dogfighting ring. DuBose Entertainment, which is co-producing the series (also produce "Hell Date"), and BET officially announced the show Friday. “I think its important to show our youth and our kids that you face adversity but you’re not responsible for falling, you’re responsible for getting up,” Vick said earlier this week. “I’m very remorseful about what happened and what I did. I just don’t want other people to go down that path. I’m trying to make it right and repair past damages. That’s all I want to show.” The show is part reality TV, part documentary, chronicling Vick’s rise from a difficult childhood to becoming a star at Virginia Tech, the No. 1 overall draft pick of the Atlanta Falcons in 2001, and at the time of his arrest the highest paid player in the NFL. Its producers also are promising a stark, candid look at Vick’s precipitous fall, which culminated in his prison term and bankruptcy, and his return to the NFL this season. Vick signed a $1.6 million deal with the Eagles on August 13th, with a team option for next year worth $5.2 million. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell gave Vick his full reinstatement September 3rd and allowed him to return to the field in Week 3. Vick has played sparingly his first two games, completing 11 of 15 passes for 45 yards with one interception, and running eight times for 36 yards and a score. “Michael Vick’s story is about second chances, and we are excited to have the opportunity to tell his complete story,” BET president Loretha Jones said in a statement. Vick said he began filming the show with his own crew when he was sent to prison, long before BET got involved. He said he wanted the cameras to see “the ugly results of my decisions” so that other people won’t make the same mistakes. “We started filming that a long time ago, not with BET but just on my own. My own film crew. We haven’t been shooting lately, but it’s something we’ve been doing since I was in prison and through the bankruptcy. It was all out then and I was doing it. I think as the season goes on, I won’t have time for it. Maybe some time in 2010 we can pick up where we left off.” Now, I know what you're thinking...and just because it's on BET doesn't mean that it's going to be completely biased (allegedly). I am a huge fan of BET. As I mentioned back when I first started this thing over two years ago, I've watched a lot of programming...and some of it is pretty insightful stuff...and I hope that this is too. I really do hope that Michael Vick becomes a legendary tale of redemption and learning from your mistakes.

On another note, who else besides me thinks that it's weird that there's a BET (Black Entertainment Television), a WE TV (Women's Entertainment Television) and such...but there's not a crazy horny redneck television station? Oh wait, they call it Spike TV. That's right. Never mind. I think "MANswers" is coming on...or a show about things blowing up or hot chicks. Excuse me.

Simpsons Update - Aye Carumba! Marge Simpson has done something that Homer might not like but will make Bart the proudest kid in his school: She's posed for Playboy magazine. After more than a half century featuring women like Marilyn Monroe, Cindy Crawford (WHAT??? REALLY???) and the Girls of Hooters on its cover, Playboy has for the first time given the spot to a cartoon character (Take THAT Wonder Woman!!!). And the magazine is giving the star of "The Simpsons" the star treatment, complete with a data sheet, an interview and a 2-page centerfold (wow, really?). The magazine's editorial director, James Jellinek, won't say exactly how much of Marge will show in the November edition that hits newsstands on October 16th or whether she lets that big pile of blue hair down...but, he did say, "It's very, very racy." But he stressed that the mother of three (the youngest a baby for the past two decades, by the way) has a lot to be proud of. "She is a stunning example of the cartoon form," he said on Friday at the magazine's headquarters in Chicago, appearing both pleased and surprised at the words coming out of his mouth. For Playboy, which has seen its circulation slip from 3.15 million to 2.6 million since 2006, putting Marge on the cover was designed to attract younger readers (just remember, the show's been on for twenty years) to a magazine where the median age of readers is 35, while not alienating older readers. "We knew that this would really appeal to the 20-something crowd," said Playboy spokeswoman Theresa Hennessey (who has NOT appeared on a cover...yet). The magazine also hopes to turn the November issue into a collectors' item by featuring Marge, sitting on a chair in the shape of the iconic Playboy bunny, on the cover of only the magazines sold in newsstands. Subscribers get a more traditional model on the cover. "It's so rare in today's digital age where you have the opportunity to send people to the newsstand to pick something up," Jellinek said. Playboy even convinced 7-Eleven to carry the magazine in its 1,200 corporate-owned stores, something the company has only done once before in more than 20 years. "We love Marge," said 7-Eleven spokesman Margaret Chabris. For those who do collect the magazine — and they're out there — the cover will bring to mind another first for the magazine that occurred in 1971 when a black woman appeared on the cover in exactly the same pose and, like Marge, smiling under an impressive head of hair. "We knew it was something all of our readers would get a kick out of," said Hennessey. Jellinek said putting Marge on the cover, while unusual, made perfect sense. For one thing, the cover celebrates the 20th anniversary of the TV show. Further, he said there was an episode in which "Marge bears all," which suggested that she, or at least the people who drew her, would be comfortable with the Playboy treatment. Perhaps most important, the idea seemed like a good one to the magazine's founder, His Majesty Hugh Hefner. "He's a huge 'Simpsons' fan,' said Jellinek. "He's been on 'The Simpsons.'" What HASN'T Hef done? Seriously? This is...ugh, an interesting turn of events...but it is combining a few of my favorite things - The Simpsons, female nudity, beautiful photography & drawing, hard-hitting journalism, female nudity, expanding target demographics, slurpees and female nudity. Hmm, I may have to stop by and pickup a Coke Slurpee and a magazine on Friday. The most intriguing question that I'm sure is on everybody's mind: Does the carpet match the drapes?

Well done Hef. You've tapped into a potentially viable market here with the television crowd...and I have a few suggestions for you (and all I ask is that you invite me to the Mansion a.k.a. Pay it forward). You may want to consider expanding in it a bit...but don't dilute it too much. Maybe a little down the road, a 10th anniversary of Family Guy with a Lois Griffin centerfold...or next year could be the 50 year reunion with Wilma Flintstone & Betty Rubble (tell me you haven't thought about it, I dare you). I mean...the Flintstones was the first TV show to show a couple in the same bed. Think about it. Furthermore, don't forget about the incredibly exploitable...er, profitable comic book crowd. I mentioned Wonder Woman earlier...but there's also the X-Women, Aeon Flux (not really much to the imagination there), Tomb Raider, Cheetara, the Disney Princesses (good luck with getting the rights to that one), Jessica Rabbit, just lots of possibilities...and to prove my point...please enjoy the following PG-13 examples...

I'm just saying, they all have intriguing life stories, incredible personalities, curvy figures...and most importantly to your business, loyal fan bases. Like I said, no need to thank me...but I have always wondered if the legends are true. Besides Hef, I know that you're a religious reader of my blog...and you know that I could use this. Not just a weekend checking out the Holy Land that is the Playboy Mansion...but if you're looking for a young go-getter with great ideas, a spectacular work ethic, an eye for talent, a triple dose of charm and a marketing management degree...then I think when I'm in the LA area next month, you may want to drop me a line. I'll even bring Lilie around so that you can meet her. No, no, she probably wouldn't pose (though there's good money in it) but she's new in town and great at meeting people from around the world who might be good talent. Just throwing it out there. You know how to reach me. We can even shoot the sh*t about Marilyn & the late great Bettie Page.

That'll probably do it for today. The Wingman's coming to hang out for a few days (court stuff with his kids too...weird) but I have tomorrow off work, so we may be able to have a fun day. If only the gentlemen's clubs in Utah weren't absolutely horrible by industry standards. Oh well, we'll make due somehow. And Mrs Wingman, if you're reading this, don't worry. I'll keep him safe & happy...and we're both bummed that you're not up here enjoying downtown Slick City with us. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

P.S. Again, what should I be for Halloween? Discuss.

Happiness Is Only Real If It's Shared

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'm in a fantastic mood. Why, you may be asking? Because on the way to work, I listened to a few of my favorite songs. The extended version of "Crimson & Clover" by Tommy James & the Shondells...and the timeless tale of a hussy and the sucker that loved her "Cecilia" by Simon and/or Garfunkel. At this time I would like to thank a religious reader of my blog, Alisa, for giving me these harmonic treasures a few years back. You rock!!! And you've apparently made my day. Also, the Wingman may be coming to hang out tonight...and we'll probably go over to my dad's to watch the Steelers / Titans to mark the first REAL football game of the season...and have a few brauts too.

Last night, I watched a great movie called "Into the Wild" and...it's just great. Before I get into the story, I just have to get out there that it's written & directed by Sean Penn ("Fast Times at Ridgemont High"), the music is by THE Eddie Vedder, the cinematography is absolutely breathtaking...and it has an all-star cast featuring Emile Hirsch, William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, Vince Vaughn, Kristen Stewart, Catherine Keener and just a whole bunch of others. Anyway, it's about a guy who just graduated college (Hirsch) and basically just decides that he doesn't want material things...and decides to be wander all over America and be a supertramp. He travels to South Dakota and down the Colorado River into Mexico and back up through LA and Arizona and Salton Sea and then on a mystical personal journey to Alaska. Along the way, he meets many interesting people and helps them to realize things about themselves and grows as a person himself...and it's just a wonderful tale of self-discovery and I highly recommend that you all check it out. Besides, you get to listen to Eddie Vedder sing.

This movie makes me want to give away and/or burn all my worldly possessions and become a traveling gnome and just live off the land & have wild & crazy adventures with random people that I meet along the way. Chronicle my adventures in a journal and just go Jack Kerouac on everybody's ass. I appreciate the natural beauty of America (and everywhere else in the world) and I know a few survival techniques...granted I would probably die within about three days in Alaska. That being said, I'll probably just continue being a materialistic douche. Besides, how else would I update my blog if I didn't have a laptop...and a socket to put the plug in...and an internet connection? And you probably wouldn't buy my book. Hell, I wouldn't buy my book...and I could market the HELL outta that book. I'd throw in a chapter about Hitler & Twilight and anything else controversial that I can think of just to get that free publicity (cuz I'll need it). "Psst, another hippie trying to be Henry David Thoreau? Dr Mookie Love? That's probably not even his real name. Probably a whole bunch of environmental mumbo jumbo and stories about dreams he had or potheads he hitchhiked with or something." Don't forget animals I meet along the way & random thoughts like why do they call it a parkway when you drive on it...and a driveway when you park on it? See? You wouldn't buy it. JL Clyde wouldn't even borrow it from the library...and she reads EVERYTHING!!! Well, now that I think about it...Alisa might buy it. Lilie probably would too just because she knows the author and could show off my picture to all of her hot Cali friends. My boy Doc might. My mom would probably buy a few copies to give as gifts to her friends & family. However, I don't think a publishing company would mass produce my book based on the promise of a dozen sold. Perhaps it's something to look into though. I think I'll continue my materialistic journey of self-discovery for now...but I'm just saying, don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a while...and then see me on the inside cover of a New York Times Bestseller...and yes, I would rub it in a little bit...but out of Love. Here's the news...

Hef Update - After more than a decade of separation, Hugh Hefner is seeking an official return to his bachelor status. The Playboy founder filed for divorce on Friday from his wife and former Playmate, Kimberly. Hefner is asking a judge to order him to pay Kimberly Conrad Hefner $20,000 a month in spousal support (WHAT???). That would be half of the $40,000 a month that the Playboy founder has been paying her since they separated in 1998, the records state. He wants the monthly payments to end in two years, or after a trial on the couple's divorce is held, whichever comes first. Hefner, the 83-year-old founder of Playboy magazine and its public ambassador, has been living with three girlfriends at the infamous Playboy Mansion. Their relationship has been the subject of the E! show "The Girls Next Door" since 2005. Hefner and Kimberly Conrad Hefner were married in 1989, the same year she was named Playmate of the Year. They separated in 1998. Hefner continued to live at the mansion, and Kimberly Hefner moved into a home next door with the couple's two young sons. Records show she filed for divorce around that time, but the petition was eventually withdrawn. She sued Hefner last month, claiming he owes her $4 million under their prenuptial agreement and for proceeds from the sale of the home she is living in. Her lawsuit states Hefner agreed to pay her $250,000 per year for every year they were married after their fourth anniversary. Hefner in his filings contends he paid his wife $750,000 when they separated, an amount he states he thought satisfied the prenuptial agreement. Kimberly Hefner's attorney in the civil lawsuit did not return a phone message seeking comment on Wednesday. Hefner states in court filings that he has paid almost $12 million to his wife and for her home since their separation (and I'm curious how she's spent that money honestly). The couple had two sons together, Marston and Cooper Hefner, who are now both in college. Hefner, 83, states that he has paid his son's school expenses and will continue to do so. Hefner founded Playboy magazine in 1953 and has since served as its pajama-clad public face. In recent years, Hefner and his girlfriends — who have included Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt — have starred on "The Girls Next Door." His relationship with all three has since ended and he's now living with three new women, including twins...because he f**king can, that's why. So yeah, what would it be like to just get paid a quarter-million dollars a year for doing nothing AND have a mansion next door to THE Playboy Mansion...and still want more? This is why marriage and divorce and all that stuff just irks me. Okay, not marriage, let's not get it twisted. I am a believer of marriage...if it's with the right woman (not girl, woman). It's just...when divorce comes into play, which it does the majority of the time nowadays, I'm not a big fan of "I'm accustomed to living like a millionaire, so I should get millions for doing nothing." I don't care if you're THE best lay EVER...if you're not contributing to the business, then you shouldn't reap the benefits. Taking care of the kids, okay...but they're off to college now...and you've basically been covered for over a decade anyway. F**king deal with it. You should be rich unless every cent you own was put into producing Delgo or something, then you should be well off. Sorry, I'm the child of a divorced couple who remarried shortly after...so I have a bit of a biased view of Divorce. Anyway, hopefully Hef can get his freedom...and I'm sure it won't be too much of a financial burden. I'm just sad that his dream of Love & Marriage had to die like this. I usually am pretty bummed when that's the case. Luckily he has the twins to console him during this time of grief. Basterd.

Stealing a Date - Ohio police said a suspect in a robbery was arrested when he returned to the home about two hours later to ask the victim out on a date. Police say 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett of Columbus was among three men who robbed a couple late Sunday. Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird said the woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out. She had a relative call 911. Police said Bennett was arrested in front of the home. He was arraigned Tuesday on a charge of aggravated robbery and was being held in the Franklin County jail on $100,000 bail. A public defender had not yet been assigned to Bennett's case. Yeah, that sh*t is REAL. Can you imagine? Three guys jump you and your boyfriend and steal your wallets or whatever. You go home, you're frantic, you're calling credit card companies to cancel numbers, calling friends & family to come over and help you relax...then there's a ring at the door. You open it thinking it's your sister...and it's one of the muggers. "Hi, my name's Stephfon (not a $teve). I think we got off on the wrong foot earlier...and I just wanted to make peace and clear up any hard feelings. Sorry about my friends, I hope they didn't rough your brother up too much." "That's my boyfriend." "Oh. Gee, that makes this next question awkward, well...see when I walked up to you, I'm not gonna lie, I liked what I saw...and you seem like a sweet girl...and I was just wondering if ugh...I don't know, you'd like to have dinner or go see a movie or something?" "Are you gonna use MY credit card, you f**king tool?" "Nah nah nah, it ain't nothin' like that. I've got plenty of others but I was just..." "Are you f**king insane? NO!!! I will not go out with you. You stole my purse, beat up my boyfriend, I've been crying for the last two hours...and you want to go see Love Happens?" "Or something else? Your choice, of course." "GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!!! I'M CALLING THE COPS!!!" "Look, if you have a boyfriend, that's cool. Let me just give you my number and maybe sometime down the road..." Cops pull up behind him because the friend called a few minutes earlier...and now he's on $100,000 bail. Poor guy. Found Love in the most awkward of places and thought he'd be able to pull an "Out of Sight" moment. Instead he has stuff like this to look forward to.

Columbus Prison Update for Stephfon - A former Ohio deputy accused of feeding an inmate a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed against another inmate's genitals has pleaded guilty to two health code violations (Really? What was the other one? Did he not have a food handler's permit?). In a Columbus courtroom on Wednesday, 38-year-old Joseph Cantwell also apologized for the shame and embarrassment that he said he had caused. A judge fined him $500 plus court costs, and Cantwell also received a 90-day suspended jail sentence and five years' probation. Cantwell's attorney called the February incident at the Franklin County Jail a "prank." It led Sheriff Jim Karnes to fire Cantwell and his partner in May. The other deputy was not charged with a crime. The inmates who were involved have filed lawsuits against the county. That's right, even the one who rubbed his genitalia on the sandwich has a pending lawsuit. So Stephfon (and your basterdized version of a perfectly good name), this is what you have to look forward to...ball-ogna sandwiches and clever pranks...and the best part is...that's going to be the LEAST of your worries in prison. Maybe the girl was worth the shot. I know I've met a few where it seemed like I'd risk a few years of prison just to ask them out...but luckily that wasn't the direct circumstances.

Fox Update: "Eccentric" - So, it's not like I needed any more convincing that this sultry goddess that walks among us & I, the Eclectic Eccentric, would be an incredible match, now I have a professional's opinion who knows her firsthand. The writer of Megan Fox's latest movie "Jennifer's Body" understands why the actress incites such mixed reactions from the public - because she is a "truly eccentric" person. Yes, that's a quote, ladies & gentlemen. Allow me to elaborate. The smoldering, raven-haired beauty is regularly voted the world's sexiest woman by men's magazines...but is less favorably looked upon by her fellow females (shame on you, ladies). Diablo Cody ("Juno"), who penned the forthcoming horror film, is convinced Fox's mysterious nature is the reason behind it. She says, "She really makes people angry! Girls hate her, don't they? I don't know her very well. Even having worked with her to this extent, I don't know her very well because she's very private and mysterious. She's a really, truly eccentric person. I don't think people know how to process her at all. I think it's one of those things where she does not fit the mold in any way and it freaks people out!" Eccentric? Freaks people out? Makes people angry? Girls hate her? Hmm, sound like anybody who you're currently reading? When I visit Tinseltown in November (God willing) perhaps the Fates will smile upon us and introduce us officially to one another. Only time will tell, I guess. Next week there'll be an update where the next pet that she wants will be a Panda...and she could probably get one as part of her "Fathom" contract. Stay tuned. Also, there's rumors about her getting back with her former fiance and she's on the cover of Cosmo (noticed at the grocery store) and she's opening the next season of SNL (yeah, it's still on the air) but that doesn't matter...because she's "eccentric." Okay, fine. Here's the Cosmo cover...but only because you asked.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. In today's episode we pretty much ran the gamut of prison delicacies, awkward social advances, going Jack Kerouac on everybody's ass, a legend's dream dying in a fit of probate litigation, and some great classic rock hits...but tonight...is the first Football Night of the Season...and I'll be hangin' with my dad & the Wingman. I can only hope that you all have a similar experience this evening...and remember, as Christopher Johnson McCandless wrote "Happiness is only real if it's shared." I'm always glad to share my happiness (and other crap) with you on a fairly daily basis. Have a great day everybody!!!

Eagles Always Win

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Congratulations to the University of Utah for coming back and beating the TCU Horned Frogs 13-10 last night and keep our hopes of a BCS Bowl Game alive. Now it's down to just the Aztecs & those damnable BYU Cougars. GO UTES!!! Oh…and the Broncos game was pretty good last night with the comeback win over the Browns (and just horrible defense by the Browns) but that's not the real big news out of the NFL today because...

Hef Loses Girl to an Eagle - One of Hugh Hefner's live-in girlfriends is trading the grotto for the gridiron. The Playboy mogul said in a statement Thursday that "The Girls Next Door" co-star Kendra Wilkinson is engaged to Philadelphia Eagles receiver Hank Baskett (he's like 5th string). The 23-year-old model-actress has lived with Hefner since 2004 and currently co-stars as one of his three girlfriends in the E! reality series. The Hef said, "I have given her my blessing and will be giving her away at a very special wedding ceremony at the Playboy Mansion this coming June." Holy crap!!! What would it be like to have your wedding at THE Mansion? The 82-year-old publisher's love life has been in flux this last month, starting with "No. 1" girlfriend Holly Madison calling it quits…but luckily because Hef is Hef, he has 19-year-old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon currently living there along with Bridget. Anyway, congratulations on your engagement Hank & Kendra. I'm sure it'll be a bitchin' wedding…and don't forget your buddies…who always promote Playboy and the Eagles on their blog.

This Week in Pooh - A sketch by Winnie the Pooh illustrator E.H. Shepard titled "Tiggers Don't Like Honey" fetched 31,200 pounds ($49,770) at auction Tuesday, well above the pre-sale estimate of 15,000 to 20,000 pounds. Bonhams auction house said the drawing, of Pooh dipping his paw into a honey pot while Tigger and Piglet look on (why does that sound hot to me?), was bought by a private collector in Germany for his wife who had loved the characters as a child (See? Germans have a Pooh fetish!!!). The large oval pencil drawing is an enlarged version of an illustration that appeared in A.A. Milne's children's classic "The House at Pooh Corner." A sketch drawn for another of Shepard children's books, the Wind in the Willows, sold for 7,440 pounds ($11,842). The drawing outlines Rat and Mole having a picnic on the riverbank. The sale also included items from the collection of Peter Rabbit creator Beatrix Potter, including a letter in which the author expressed her dislike of the merchandising of her character. "There is nothing to be made of 'Peter' commercially," she wrote. "There have been dolls, china slippers, etc. for years — they bring in royalties; but somehow I never care for any of them." The 1936 letter is addressed to dollmakers Elizabeth and Edith Todhunter, two sisters Potter entrusted to make Mr. McGregor and Peter Rabbit figures. The Potter collection also included a signed first edition of "The Tailor of Gloucester," which tells the story of a poor tailor, his cat, and the mice that live in his shop. The lot sold for 3,840 pounds ($6,124) which was surprisingly…but only because there was no Harry included in the Potter Collection.

Balls of Steel - Authorities in Prescott, Arizona say a jogger attacked by a rabid fox ran a mile with the animal's jaws clamped on her arm and then drove herself to a hospital. The Yavapai County sheriff's office said the woman told deputies she was on a trail near Prescott on Monday when the fox attacked and bit her foot. She said she grabbed the fox by the neck when it went for her leg but it bit her arm. The woman wanted the animal tested for rabies so she ran a mile to her car with the fox still biting her arm, then pried it off and tossed it in her trunk and drove to the Prescott hospital. The sheriff's office says the fox later bit an animal control officer. He and the woman are both receiving rabies vaccinations. Now, this sounds too good to be true…but still, pretty damned impressive. Ran for a mile with an injured ankle…with a rabid fox locked onto your forearm…then finally prying it off your ravaged limb…and toss it into your trunk…then driving to the hospital. Lady jogger, you've got Balls of Steel…figuratively, of course. Silly me, if the fox kept attacking me, I would have attacked right back until one of us is a hide hanging on my wall or a bruised & battered piece of taxidermal art (which I do understand). The rabies test can be done postmortem, right? It doesn't matter, I'd still need those shots…and then I'd have a centerpiece to tell my tale of triumph over nature…

"There I was…a brisk autumn morning…alone in the desert, doing my morning jog. When out of nowhere, this GIANT rabid fox…pounced on me like a fiery beast from Hell…and like a skilled marksman…took out my Achilles tendon. Oh…but he would find that I was no easy sitting prey…for then he attacked my face…or looking back, possibly my jugular, going straight for the kill…and with cat-like reflexes, I stuck up my arm…and he locked on like a vice grip…tossing and tearing my flesh with his foamy, razor-sharp knives lining his jaws. It was at this instant, that I realize what I had to do. Armed only with a pair of Nikes, some Under Armour shorts and what God gave me…I grabbed a nearby rock and smashed it against his head…but the rock shattered against his skull…damn sandstone…and it only drove his fangs DEEPER into my arm…luckily my mind had shut off the pain at this point…so I just continued grabbing rock after rock and smashing it and smashing it again and again, I forget how many times…as I was losing a lot of blood. It was at this point…that I knew the only way to get this animal off of me…was to rip it off…piece by piece if needs be." It's at this point where my story would get really graphic…and eventually end up with me stopping by the taxidermist, then the hospital. However, that's just something stupid that I wrote up in about five minutes bored as hell. Hope you enjoyed it…and if you ever wanna see me reenact it, complete with both hand and full body gestures, possibly using the aid of a nearby stuffed animal…you know where I live. Come visit the Mile High City. In the meantime, I can only think of one Fox that I'd like biting my arm...

Well, that oughta do it for me for today. Not a whole lot going on this weekend for me…but I'll be doing some overtime for another department which should be interesting…and I've got laundry to do…and who knows? With the nights starting earlier every day, I may just have to go see what an tall, attractive, well-to-do young man can do no a Saturday night in Denver. Wish me luck, huh? Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Welcome to the Mile High Club

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

FINALLY!!! After over a month of waiting since the interview and alleged answer the next day, weeks before being offered the job, then having the offer rescinded on a technicality, then re-re-re-reapplying, then re-interviewing, then more waiting, I was offered the same job again. YAY!!! Then I had to spend the next hour or so (last hour of the working day for everybody) running around trying to find a fax machine and/or scanner to send in a signed copy of an acceptance letter…but their fax machine was down and our scanner was down and another department's didn't work and yet another department's finally came though…and after all that running around - IT'S FINALLY OFFICIAL!!! I'M MOVING TO DENVER!!! Woo-hoo!!! After the great weird circlejerk that was the month of September, now it seems like everything's starting to settle…and I can use the rest of the month of October to move all my stuff to a new, shiny, affordable and fashionable apartment in the Mile High City.

Due to more conflicting HR shenanigans, yesterday suddenly became my last day at work here in Utah (fittingly a twelve-hour day that popped up last minute) and now I have a full week off until I start working next Friday. The plan is to pack today in preparation for the big move, have some fun over the weekend (Any ideas? Holla!), stop by work to turn in my badge & gun, spend Sunday with my dad tuning up my car for the multiple roundtrips that it will endure in the coming weeks, months, years, and maybe Tuesday drive to Denver to check out some apartments for a few days before I start my new job on Friday. Sound like a good plan? Yeah, I thought so too. I'm truly going to miss all my family & friends from people that I've known since the last millennium (Isaiha, Spitso, my family) to coworker buddies (JL Clyde, the Mad Scientist, Bubbles, Lilie, Filly, etc.) to others I've met along the way (The Wingmans) to those I just met two weeks ago (Bone Junior) but it's okay. We'll still keep in touch...and now you all just have a reason to come to Denver, watch a concert at Red Rocks, maybe catch a Rockies game, and have a few drinks at Rock Bottom, all that combined...it's gonna Rock. Anyway, more on that later as we proceed. Until then, here's some movies I saw last night and the news...

Last night, JL Clyde & I were flipping through the On Demand movies...and found one called "Arabesque" with Gregory Peck and the lovely Sophia Loren. They had me at Sophia Loren (and that is was 1966 Sophia, though I still think she's gorgeous, even at the age of 74) but then they threw in a story about a hieroglyphics expert (Peck) hired to deschiper some by a mysterious trillionairre. Along the way, a Middle Eastern Prime Minister convinces him to do it and spy a little to help save freedom and democracy in his country. Then he bumps into a gorgeous mistress (Loren) and they combine forces to save the day...but who's playing who? Who can you trust when everybody seems to be on the other side? Can they stop the assassination of the Prime Minister? Yeah, it sounded pretty cool...and it really was. Sophia Loren's hair and makeup is perfect throughout the movie...even when jumping out of the way of cars, running through the Zoological Gardens, in the shower (oh yeah), wrapped in bedsheets, it's quite remarkable. There's also a LOT of camera shots using reflective surfaces and various lenses to try to show a skewed perspective (and as much Sophia as possible) but yeah, it's a pretty good movie...especially for a 60's romantic comedy action mystery thriller. I say check it out.

Then we followed it up with hands-down the WEIRDEST & CRAZIEST MOVIE that I have ever seen. I've seen a few David Lynch movies...and this one pretty much blew it away. It's On Demand if you have Comcast and want to just sit stunned and confused and occasionally laughing for about two hours at just how absurd it is. The movie is called "Fellini - Satyricon" and is directed by Federico Fellini. The story is...well, to be perfectly honest, I didn't really catch all of that. Allegedly it's about two friends in ancient Rome who start out arguing over the ownership of a boy sex slave...and from there, it just gets even weirder...and there's like scene cuts through time...and then there's elephants...and crazy orgies...and people staring at you (in the 4th wall) to I guess kind of remind you that you're watching a movie...and it was effective. I spent most of the time thinking to myself, "Okay, somebody had to write this script, plot out the scenes, build the sets, bring actors together, dress them up like this, tell them their vision, convince them they're not crazy, and shoot this movie...and I'm sure that they had to do more than one take. Simply remarkable. The guy must have been very persuasive." I just really couldn't turn away. It was so weird, I do a horrible job of descibing it...so I'll just leave you with, if you're looking for a movie full of crazy, crazy stuff...and don't mind being in a state of constant confusion while watching a movie, check it out. If not, don't feel bad. Now, here's the news...

Hefner Update - God among men & entrepreneur Hugh Hefner has confirmed reports that he & his granddaughter…er, severely junior girlfriend Holly Madison are have broken up. Luckily this playa has two more IN THE SAME BED and a few more in waiting. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. Anyway, back to the heartbreak of the moment. According to reports, Hefner said, "If she says it's over, it's over…but like I've said before, she is the love of my life, and I expected to spend the rest of my life with her." The Playboy mogul says the relationship started to crumble about six months ago when they learned he was unable to father a child with Holly. Why? Because he's 82 years old and that just isn't natural, is it? "With my sperm count, it's not possible," Hefner explained. "I was willing (viva Viagra) but it was not possible…She'd like to be married and have children, but it's not in the cards here for me." Where does that leave Hef and the other two Girls Next Door, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt? Hefner says they're still romantically involved, but admitted, "the relationship with Kendra will be ending when she moves out, probably by the end of this year." (For an alleged spin-off project, so I'm told) Hef ain't wasting anytime getting back in the saddle though. In the last week, he's been spotted with 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon (pictured above). "They very much want to be girlfriends and now under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends," Hefner says. But wait…there's more. A college senior from Georgia whom Hefner identifies as Amy Leigh Andrews is also waiting in the wings. "She was testing here this past weekend and she said she'd like to be a girlfriend, too." The 82-year-old Hefner laughed, "I'm dancing as fast as I can." The man is truly an inspiration. His girlfriend leaves him…for Criss Angel (according to rumors) who's a full half-century younger and a magician…another one is leaving him in a few months…and he's got a set of twins and a Georgia Peach in waiting. May this man live to be a thousand years old…and bestow his wisdom to those less fortunate.

Angelina Breastfeeding on Mag Cover - We've already seen the baby pictures — now see the photo of Angelina Jolie apparently breastfeeding on the cover of W magazine. Jolie appears on the cover of the W's November issue in a sleeveless top, which has been opened to reveal part of her left breast and a tiny hand ostensibly belonging to one of her twins, Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, who were born in July. The black-and-white photo shows Jolie smiling, her long brown hair cascading over her shoulder. The wind gently blowing over her porcelain skin as the tall stranger slowly sneaks up behind her and whispers French poetry into her ear, "Tu as un mirroir dans ta poche? Parce que je me vous dans ton pantalon…" Wait!!! Sorry, got off on a bit of a tangent there. There's ugh…there's no stranger in that picture. Anyway, the cover headline promises exclusive "private photos" of the 33-year-old actress by her partner Brad Pitt. Jolie last caused a stir when she wore a white nursing bra underneath her tank top on the cover of People magazine after she and Pitt welcomed daughter Shiloh, now 2 years old. Another breast-feeding cover that got people talking was in the summer of 2006, when Babytalk magazine published a photo of a baby and part of a woman's breast in profile. The magazine conducted a poll of more than 4,000 readers; a quarter of responses were negative, finding the photo inappropriate. Suck it people!!! (Rimshot) Breastfeeding is a beautiful and natural thing…just like Angelina (I don't care about the augmentation rumors). Anyway, just thought that I'd share that with all of you…and together, we can all Save the Tatas!!!

Movie Marathon - No, this is not my next big party to celebrate FINALLY getting that job in Denver…but rather something for the record books. Suresh Joachim of Toronto, and Claudia Wavra of Germany, claim to have broken the world record for continuous movie watching, after seeing 57 films in 123 hours in a plastic-glass house in New York's Times Square. A Guinness World Records spokesman said it appears the non-dynamic duo have broken the record but said it will take two weeks to officially verify (why?). The attempt began Oct. 2 when eight challengers started watching "Iron Man." After 72 hours, only two remained. They watched "Thelma and Louise" until the end on 3:10 p.m. Tuesday. Susan Sarandon, a star of that film, dropped off the final film (she really needs work). The rules: Each movie had to be viewed until the last credit rolled, and competitors couldn't divert their eyes from the screen (Not even for some sweet makeout action?). They were allowed 10-minute breaks between movies (I assume for makeout action and/or bathroom breaks…hmm, unless the popcorn bucket and large soda could be used…never mind). This sounds like…a HUGE waste of time…to me anyway. You all know that I watch movies. A LOT of movies…and cartoons…and TV series…and neighbors outside my window…but I couldn't imagine trying to do it for over FIVE DAYS consecutively. Kudos to Suresh & Claudia. Hmm, I wonder what the record is for sweet makeout action while a movie is playing…you know, with the ten minute water & bathroom breaks, of course. Might be worth looking into. I'd be willing to train for that one. However, that one is a team sport. Anybody interested?

Well, that'll do it for today. My mom's coming back from two weeks in Minot, North Dakota today so I'm sure that she'll have LOTS of stories to tell me from the Great White North. Oh...and I may have a few things to tell her too. Should be a good time. In the meantime, I'll get to doing some more packing. Gotta get that stuff squared away while I can. Have a great day everybody!!! Let me know if you wanna do anything this weekend.