Vote Love August 4th!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

IT’S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GETTIN’ DOWN ON FRIDAY!!! LOOKIN FORWARD… TO THE WEEEKEEEEND!!! PARTYING, PARTYING YEAH!!! PARTYING, PARTYING YEAAAAAH!!! FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN… Yes ladies & gentlemen, it’s the weekend. Huzzah & hurray! A week from now, I’ll be back in the land that birthed me… the Beehive state… the State of Deseret… Life Elevated… Mormon Mecca… yes, UTAH!!! It should be fun… but that’s next weekend… and this weekend includes retirement parties, great temperate weather, and let’s face it… we’re lucky to be alive!!! Now without further adieu, let’s get this thing started…

 

NBA 2K13 Update: The Milwaukee Bucks have now won TWO consecutive NBA Championships after we beat the Heat in the Eastern finals in five games (game one was ridiculous, up 13 going into the 4^th, inbounder would literally hand them the ball when he wasn’t throwing it directly out of bounds, they couldn’t miss, we couldn’t make, continued into overtime, still only lost by 3) and then swept the Phoenix Suns in the Finals. Yes, ladies & gentlemen, the Phoenix Suns & Milwaukee Bucks played each other in the simulated 2014 NBA Finals… and they even had pretty much the same rosters with the exception of me… and you were scared that it might be Spurs & Pacers in real life just last month. The intense matchups of Jared Dudley vs. Ersan Ilyasova… certainly household names (though they kinda should be, they’re great role players). Oh, I won the Finals MVP… here are some pictures from my visit to the White House… I’m the white guy behind Obama & far stage left… hmm... same suit as the style magazine... who dresses me?

 

Apparently they exercised a third year option on my rookie contract (that I never got to negotiate) so I’ll probably be leading them to a three-peat. The ball hogs (Ellis & Jennings) are still on the team doing their thing… but I’m learning the tricks to get the ball from them at least once in a while… and try to rack up assists as well. Basically a handful of games into the season, I’m averaging nearly twice the points that 2^nd in the league is… so I think I’ve figured out how to get the MVP awards, etc now. We shall see. Also… guess who’s the new cover boy for NBA 2K14???

 

...and Sports Illustrated for Kids talking 'bout FEAR!!!

...and on Jordan billboards

Apparently in this universe, Chris Paul is with the Cavs

& Carmelo went to the Suns AFTER the lost to us in the FInals

 

Small Town Mayor – Supporters of the mayor in the tiny tourist town of Dorset, Minnesota can stuff the ballot box all they want as he seeks re-election. The mayor (a short guy) is known for his fondness of ice cream and fishing. And he's got the county's top law enforcement official in his pocket. Say hello to Mayor Robert "Bobby" Tufts. He's 4 years old and not even in school yet. Bobby was only 3 when he won the election last year as mayor of Dorset (population 22 to 28, depending on whether the minister and his family are in town). Dorset, which bills itself as the Restaurant Capital of the World, has no formal city government (or claim to the title they’ve bestowed upon themselves obviously). Every year the town draws a name during its Taste of Dorset Festival, and the winner gets to be mayor. Anyone can vote as many times as they like — for $1 a vote — at any of the ballot boxes in stores around town. Bobby is running for a second term, and he gets to draw the winning name August 4^th, so it's possible he could draw his own name. God I love politics… and the lottery… and this is their bastard child. Calls of "Mr. Mayor" greet Bobby as he strolls around Dorset, handing out his campaign card. One side shows Bobby, his dark hair slicked down, wearing his tan fishing vest over a suit jacket. The other side shows Bobby sitting in a porch swing with his girlfriend, Sophie. "I would love to be your Mayor as much as I love Sophie," the card reads. "He's been pretty good. Lotta PR for the town," said his mother, Emma Tufts, 34. "I think he's doing a fine job."

 

Bobby's job as mayor is to greet people as they come to Dorset, located among the pines and lakes of northern Minnesota about 150 miles northwest of Minneapolis. Resorts and tourism are the main industry, and restaurants ranging from Mexican to Italian to family style line about two blocks on either side of the highway that runs through the middle of town. Bobby's major act as mayor so far has been to make ice cream the top of the food pyramid. He has many favorite flavors. "Chocolate. And vanilla. Strawberry. Cotton candy kind. And rainbow sherbet," said the mayor. On a recent steamy summer morning, Bobby skipped ahead as he led a group of about 20 children and adults on a walk on the Heartland Trail to raise money for Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Red River Valley in Fargo, N.D. He wore his signature black fedora, adorned with fishing lures and a large button with his photo, and seemed endlessly energetic. "I think he's a cute little bugger and I think a lot of people share the same, you know, opinion as me, and it's neat," Hubbard County Sheriff Cory Aukes says (not sure if Cory is male or female). "You know, how often do you see a little kid like that who's — call 'em camera-friendly or whatever, you know — he's got a very good little personality, and he's not afraid to show it. So I think it's great."

 

Well Mr. Mayor, your f**king days are numbered! I don’t know about you… but in MY America, you can’t BUY VOTES!!! Votes are determined by the people… and tallied… not drawn out of a hat like a rigged lottery (looking at you, David Stern!) by the very hand of who it determines. Worse yet… you promote your horrible diet to children of all ages. ICE CREAM? Clogging arteries with empty calories from fat? Business cards showing you living in sin with your girlfriend? And fishing while on the job claiming to run your city? Well, I may not have the experience of being “mayor” as you do… but I’ve got hair on my chest (and sack) and a lot more experience at LIFE and balancing a budget… not suckling at the teet of my parents while everybody else in my community are forced to work as dishwashers & waitresses for minimum wage just get by. Citizens of Dorset! You no longer have to live under this charismatic dictator’s rule! Hope is on the way… Love is on the way… and Hell’s coming with him!!! Vote Love August 4^th!!!

 

 

Seriously though, I really do want to challenge a 4-year old to a political debate for the mayor of a small town that I’ve never been to. I feel like it would be an interesting inspection of the political process.

 

Love: “My fellow candidate Mr. Robert ‘Bobby’ HUSSEIN Tufts… believes that dinosaurs & dragons… are real. Meanwhile, my dedicated team of scientists & I are hard (bang) at (bang) work (bang) MAKING (bang) THEM (bang) A REALITY!!! Through Science!!!”

Tufts: “What’s science?”

Love: “DID YOU HEAR THAT, ladies & gentlemen? Mr. Tufts doesn’t even know… what science is… surely, spending too much time on the lake fishing for dollars to buy votes… or laaaaaazing about with his girlfriend… who by the way, records will show… IS AN UNDERAGE MINOR!!!”

Tufts: “What’s a minor?”

Love: “Either it’s somebody who digs for precious minerals… or somebody that is not of age in GOD-FEARING society!!! Sophie is a sweet little lady… but too young to be in cahoots with a political figure such as yourself.”

Tufts: “You have a girlfriend. I met her at the lake. Her name is Dizzy and she’s pretty and made me a sandwich and taught me how to draw a kitty and she…”

Love: “Yes, but she is of LEGAL AGE!!! Citizens of Dorset, is this the man… nah, CHILD that you want running your city? Diddlying the whole day long with minors? Can’t even shave nor vote? No experience?”

Reporter: “But Mr. Love, you don’t have any prior experience eith…”

Love: “I ASK YOU!!! Nay, I PLEAD with you… help me kind this child molester from representing YOU!!! Vote Love August 4^th! Thank you! Praise Christ!”

 

For years I’ve wanted to run for an office… almost as a gaff. You know, have a camera crew around me for “behind the scenes” stuff too where it’s abundantly transparent that I don’t really have a stance or a plan… other than to make the other person uncomfortable & explain their stance or plan. Alternatively, there’s also the idea that I would actually have a stance & plan… but still call out bullsh*t against my poor opponents who are just pretty faces… and maybe throw in a couple random movie quotes or song lyrics off the fly to try to get a rise out of people & the interwebs. Any publicity is good publicity, right?

 

Motown Morons – A Detroit man driving an armor-plated military-type vehicle and firing what appeared to be a machine gun mounted on top caused a ripple of panic on the Fourth of July. It turned out the weapon was a modified World War II .50-caliber machine gun that had been converted to fire compressed gas. It produced bright flashes and loud gunfire sounds as the driver, a man in his 40s, drove around Shelby Township. Recordings of a series of 911 calls capture the fear of residents whose reports of the imposing sight sent officers swarming late Thursday. In one call, bangs similar to the sound of gunshots can be heard (I’m assuming along with cries of “WOOHOO AMERICA!!! F**K YEAH!!!”). Police say they arrested the driver and confiscated his vehicle. He was released Friday. Charges are pending. The real question though… is when’s police auction for that vehicle? There’s a thin line between Patriotism & Stupidity… and apparently it’s located about ten miles outside of Shelby Township, Michigan. As cool as it sounds to do something like that… just remember that people get shot all the time for just walking around with Skittles, so driving an armored car with a 50-cal machine gun could draw some REAL enemy fire. Sad thing is… had I access to an armor plated vehicle with a 50-cal… I’d probably done the same thing. Praise Christ!

  

Apocalypse Update - Australian police were mystified by a chaotic crime scene including a hole in the ceiling and a smelly pool of vomit-like liquid… until they found the culprit was a 5.7-meter (19-foot) python. The massive snake weighing in at 17 kilograms (37 pounds) was captured a day after a suspected burglary was reported at a charity store in Queensland in northeastern Australia. "Its head was the size of a small dog," Police Sgt. Don Auld said Wednesday. Before they found the python, investigators' working theory was that a human burglar with an appetite for destruction (and a serious illness) had gone on a rampage inside the St. Vincent de Paul store in the small town of Ingham. "We thought a person had fallen through the ceiling because the roof panel was cut in half," Auld said. "When they've hit the floor, they've vomited and then staggered and fallen over. That's what we thought anyway." Police now suspect the python entered the store through the roof, which was damaged in a cyclone two years ago. The animal then plummeted through the ceiling, knocking over dishes, clothes and other items, before relieving itself on the floor. It somehow managed to hide from officials until staff spotted it lying alongside a wall the next day. A local snake catcher was called in to capture the reptile, which has been relocated to nearby wetlands. That’s right… they’re climbing walls & coming in through the ceiling now… like f**king cat burglars… and apparently can swallow small dogs whole if they wanted. Why would this python attack an Australian thrift shop? Perhaps to find some sheets & socks to prepare for the cold battle during the Winter of our Discontent… The Final Battle… They’ve attacked us at Land & Sea for years, then took to the skies aboard (mutha f**kin’) aircraft… and soon they’ll be parachuting down around us… perhaps joining forces with other animal hordes… and even Michael Bay’s CGI explosions won’t be able to save us!!! Get me the rednecks with the 50-cal machine guns!!! It’s ON!!!

 

Anyway, that should do it for today’s rants about a parallel basketball universe, signs of the Apocalypse in Detroit & Australia, and verbally berating a 4-year old for my own amusement. It’s been grand. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Chinatown to Chinatown

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Pretty standard week thus far… Dizzy’s aunt has a retirement party this weekend… but aside from that, just getting excited for our trip to Utah next week. Free agency has been crazy in the NBA. The Warriors somehow convinced the Jazz to take on some dead weight contracts so they could get Andre Iguodala, which makes them a BEAST if they stay healthy. Aside from them & the Brooklyn Nets, everybody else seems to either be content with what they have or bailing on this year in hopes that they can get a good draft pick and/or free agents next summer. Management can’t really say it… but basically about three-quarters of the NBA seems to mark this year up as a loss, presuming that the Heat will dominate or something & they’re gearing for the next few years. Is it wrong? To tank in the present so that you can compete for the next few years (allegedly)? Eh… whatever, they’ll get their money because people will still pay… and that’s what really matters, right?

 

NBA 2K13 Update: No tanking for the Milwaukee Bucks in the 2013-2014 season in my virtual reality. We swept through the Celtics & 76ers. Now facing the Heat in the conference finals, then probably (barring the computer doing what it likes to do & making my team do random stupid things & the other team do amazing impossible things) the winner of the Lakers & Suns (GASP!!!) in the NBA Finals. My money’s on the Lakers since… well, they like to match me up directly against the best small forwards & two-guards like Paul Pierce, LeBron James, Kevin Durant & Kobe Bryant on a regular basis. I’m quickly becoming a defensive powerhouse to match my marksmanship on the offensive end now that I’ve figured out part of their ridiculous system. Oh… and I just turned 21 on the game so… I may be a hot commodity on the free agent market soon.

 

Monday night, the new roommate… we’ll call her Temp (since she won’t be around long) watched the Roman Polanski-directed film “Chinatown” starring Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway & John Huston. This is a classic film noir movie in the same vein as the Bogart pictures from back in the day… you know, private detective, dame in distress, lies, double crosses, murder, corruption, all that jazz. The story basically starts when a private investigator (Nicholson) is hired to catch a cheating husband… only he later finds out that it wasn’t the real wife (Dunaway) that hired him… it was somebody else… and now to save his reputation & business… and maybe his pride, he wants to get to the bottom of why he was played a fool. Also, the husband that he was found dead after drowning during a major drought… so now, he’s caught in a tangled web of corruption, power, money, wealthy family drama, and all that other stuff. The movie was shot splendidly to match the feel of 1940’s Los Angeles even though it was made in the early 70’s… and appropriate storytelling for the genre. I’ve only seen a few Polanski flicks (“The Ninth Gate” & “Carnage” recently) but he seems to thrive on keeping the audience in a state of confusion & unsettlement so that they better personify with the main characters… even when the characters have less than desirable traits. It’s a great system & it seems to work for him… now if he could just stop diddling teenagers he might be considered among the elite filmmakers… but hey, we all have our vices I guess. The flick is great. I’d say check it out. It’s on Netflix. You’re welcome. Here’s the news…

 

SF to LA in half an hour? – That’s right… there coming up with a way to go from Chinatown to Chinatown more rapidly. Commuting is a way of life for most Bay Area residents. Many people traveling from the East Bay to downtown are accustomed to an hour commute each way without traffic. Some people even commute to Southern California several times a month, spending several hours each way either in the car or fighting through airports. What if there was an alternative to flights and car rides? If it was up to Tesla CEO Elon Musk and a Colorado company, an answer could come sooner than we think. That answer is called… the Hyperloop System Musk, the man behind both Tesla Motors and SpaceX, has spoken about a high-speed transportation system known as the Hyperloop, a tube transport system that would allow passengers to travel at high speeds. The proposed system could reduce trips between San Francisco and Los Angeles to minutes, and reaching the East Coast from California could take under an hour. Okay, calm down, let’s hear it out. Crazy as it seems, the company ET3, based out of Longmont, Colorado, has already been hard at work making this a reality, calling their project the Evacuated Tube Transport. Yes… I’m thinking about Futurama too… it’s perfectly natural… but still, let’s hear it out.

 

How Does It Work? The Hyperloop has been vaguely described by Musk as a "cross between a Concorde, a rail gun, and an air hockey table." Well f**k, I’m sold!!! A better description might be an elevated tube system with a magnetic levitation system similar to high-speed bullet trains. The kicker would be the enclosed tube, which would provide a nearly friction-less surface for individual capsules to travel in. ET3's Hyperloop-like project already has a number of schematics and plans already in place. They claim an automobile-sized, six-passenger capsule constructed for "outer space" travel conditions could easily reach speeds of 4,000 miles per hour on longer journeys across the country or across continents. In theory, this elevated tube system could be built for a tenth of the cost of high-speed rail and a quarter the cost of a freeway (numbers which I’m sure will change once reality sets in). The projected cost for a passenger to travel from Los Angeles to New York is $100. (WHAT??? ON A BUS??? What do you base those numbers on? I want that deal. It says $299 on Greyhound’s as I type this) The tubes could be connected to form a new superhighway across the United States. They could go underwater and connect to Alaska, Hawaii, and the rest of the world… and then the moon. Oh, NOW you think I’m crazy? Anybody remember the proposed “elevator to space”? ET3 has already built mock-ups and prototypes and is planning a 3-mile test run by the end of 2013.

 

Expanding on Older Ideas - Despite the ingenuity of the idea, it isn't actually that new. In 1972, a paper written by physicist R.M Salter described a tube system known as the Very High Speed Transit System (VHST) that could send people across the United States in under an hour. The system was composed of a series of underground tubes arranged in a network across the country. While several technical problems existed with the idea at the time (no sh*t), Salter also concluded, "The general principles are fairly straightforward: electromagnetically levitated and propelled cars in an evacuated tunnel." The one primary difference between Salter's plan and ET3's is that the VHST would need to be underground, with massive amounts of excavation required. If the Hyperloop or Evacuated Tube Transport was built and succeeded, it could make California's current high-speed rail project obsolete. With a budgeted cost of $70 billion, the high-speed system currently under development would take passengers from San Francisco to L.A. in three hours, potentially six times slower than the Hyperloop. So what do you think? Bullet train going 150 MPH or riding one of those bank tubes at roughly five times the speed of sound? No coin rolls please. Yes, in theory, it’s a great idea… and I look forward to the results of their tests… but yeah, it’s up there with Hoverboards, Teleporters, Dilithium crystal-powered warp drives, Metachlorians, Hypersleep chambers, Unobtainium, Flying Cars, Death Rays, Death Stars, Weather Dominators, Unicorns, Pegasuses (Pegasi?), Dragons, and just about everything else that’s in “test phase” as it’s been for many, many, many years. Still, it’s an awesome concept… good luck, Mr. Musk!

 
 

Batman Update – Batman is more than a man… he’s a symbol… a myth… a legend with which some can use for good… or evil. Unfortunately, some young whippersnapper has briefly taken the symbol for evil. A 16-year-old boy wearing a Batman shirt and mask broke into a building at the Colorado State Fair… then turned himself in to police after seeing his likeness on the news. The Pueblo Chieftain reported that the boy is one of three accused of breaking into the Fair's VIP building early Thursday. The trio took televisions, a laptop and an empty cash register (Wah wah…). The suspects managed to lock themselves in the building and had to break out. KRDO-TV aired surveillance video of the suspect dressed as Batman. After the video aired, the boy turned himself in to police.  Authorities plan to seek charges including burglary and criminal mischief. The boy wasn't named because of his age (doubting it was Bruce Wayne… but wouldn’t that be funny). Spoiler alert: Police were still seeking the other two suspects… who unfortunately weren’t dressed as Superman and the Flash as part of Pueblo’s bizarroworld Injustice League (patent pending). By the way, this story just made me think of my dream from a few years back… and I’m thinking that I may have to see about turning that into a little bit of a comic (so that DC can sue me down the road for using their characters & get their cut, which I’m okay with… after expenses). I’ll keep you posted on that one… and now we need a story of a Batman saving people. I wonder if he was involved in that plane crash at SFO this weekend… the world may never know.

 

Why Soccer Sucks #523 – Now, I consider myself a fairly passionate sports fan. You may also agree that soccer fans are among the more passionate sports fans in general as well. Yes, I said soccer, so it’s not mistaken for REAL football. Obviously there are players in the NFL that… are basically horrible human beings. Just watch any episode of Sportscenter over the past 15 years or so… and I’m guessing there’s at least one reference to yet another player assaulting, murdering, stealing from, running over or shooting at somebody else (or themselves if your name is Plaxico). However, the game itself is typically not life or death (that comes afterwards with the head injuries) like it is with soccer. The latest tale: One man has been arrested in northern Brazil after a referee who fatally stabbed an amateur player over his refusal to leave the field was decapitated by a mob, police said on Saturday. I didn’t make that up. Referee… STABBED a player. Why? Because he wouldn’t leave the field. Repercussion for the referee? Trial? Discipline? Nope. Decapitation! Basically it's the equivalent of the "Fail Mary" referee then stabbing Golden Tate... and the Seahawks crowd ripping him to shreds. Instead, I think they met up earlier this week to "hug it out" or something. Twenty-year old referee Octavio da Silva stabbed the thirty-year old player Josenir dos Santos on June 30^th after dos Santos refused to heed his order to leave, police spokesman Kena Souza told Reuters. A mob then turned on da Silva, killing him before severing his head in the remote town of Pio XII, named after a former pope (pope during WWII). A 27-year-old man was arrested on July 2 and police in the regional headquarters of Santa Ines will continue to investigate the incident, Souza said. Brazil has made significant strides in lowering homicide rates in recent years, as millions were lifted from poverty (and placed in poverty adjacent further away from the town center), but it faces mounting pressures to show it is a safe place for tourists before 12 Brazilian cities host the 2014 soccer World Cup and Rio de Janeiro the Olympic Games in 2016. In Rio de Janeiro on the day of the brawl, Brazil's national team handily defeated Spain in the Confederations Cup, considered a test run for next year's much bigger championship. The eight-team tournament was marked by an unexpected wave of demonstrations, some violent, in part to protest the $14 billion being spent on World Cup preparations amid a lack of adequate public services. So yeah… Brazil isn’t prospering as a nation… but hey, they’ve got the World Cup & Olympics coming. Look at what that did for Athens in 2004!!! Anyway, angry dads at little league games don’t seem so bad now, do they?

 

 

Apocalypse Update – My God! This may be the most frightening update yet… the evil reptile would-be overlords have become aware… and our using our own infrastructure against us. A French post office employee had the fright of her life when a meter-long (3.3-foot) python slithered quietly out of a parcel and rubbed against her. The woman was alone in the post office in the village of Blenod-les-Pont-a-Mousson (which I believe means “Village of the Mouse Pants” in French… Lilie?) in eastern France on Friday evening when she felt the chilling caress and screamed for help. Firemen caught the fugitive reptile and discovered a second one in the parcel. The pair were identified by a vet as ball pythons - non-aggressive snakes that coil up into a tight ball when threatened - and donated to a nearby zoo. "They're not dangerous but they're very impressive," an officer said. Ball pythons are popular with snake enthusiasts as pets but are also a protected species for which owners need a legal certificate stating they have not been taken from the wild. Customs officers raided the home address, in France, of the parcel's sender, where they found no certificates but two other snakes, a stuffed caiman and a stuffed turtle which the owner had been trying to sell over the Internet. The post office stressed that its terms and conditions clearly forbade the shipping of animals, live or dead… and I’m sure the offenders were given a stern talking-to as opposed to a fine or felony or something. What does this mean? Certainly these miniature ball pythons were test subjects… like sending monkeys into space first… test the waters to see if their heads would explode before the mass transportation of weaponized viper squads throughout the world. They may have to reconsider their strategy after being caught… but perhaps that’s just a few “biohazard” stickers away. They’re cunning… they’ve been around since the dinosaurs… they’ve already survived a few apocalypses that they may or may not have had a hand in… so they’ll do what it takes. We just have to be ready. Be careful out there opening your packages. Always have a machete ready. Besides… it helps with opening the package sometimes too.

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. We’ve discussed basketball, movies by pedophile directors, bullet trains to hell (LA), Batman going bad, deadly soccer mobs & slither bombs. Kind of a busy day for most blogs… but not for us… and just think, it was a slow past few days. Have a great day everybody!!!

Where Love Happens

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

This weekend was pretty amazing… first, we went to San Mateo to see “Discover the Dinosaurs” which is at the Expo Center this past weekend & next… and it’s 50+ animatronic dinosaurs & various exhibits… and yes, it’s geared towards children ages 3 & up… but I’m definitely older than three… so it’s all good. Fun fact: Adults were actually cheaper than children ($17 vs. $20). How’s that for a twist? Anyway, enjoy the pictures…

 

 

The big guy reminds me of "Last Starfighter" for some reason...

This was a new one to me... freaky... even for a dinosaur...

 

Greatest. Playground. EVER!!!

 

Get your mind out of the gutter... it's a T-Rex

 

Raptor Abortions?

"I RULE THE EARTH!!! SAY IT!!!" "NEVER!!!"

Trust me... it wasn't supposed to be dirty... just surprising...

 

 

After we got back home, we watched “Side Effects” starring Jude Law, Rooney Mara & Catherine Zeta-Jones. Now, this movie was directed by Steven Soderbergh who has done a WIDE range of movies from stuff like “Contagion” & “The Girlfriend Experience” to the “Ocean’s 11-13” trilogy, “Magic Mike”, “Haywire” & “Erin Brockovich.” So I kind of had to base what this movie was going to be on the preview… and honestly, it seemed like it was going to be this movie about this girl (Mara) who is prescribed a depression drug called Ablixa from her psychiatrist (Law) who as a side effect of the drug… stabs her husband (Channing Tatum BTW) and kills him. Based on the preview, it seemed like the movie was going to be about how Big Pharma (represented by CZJ) was going to bury these side effects in the name of profits & blame it on Law… You know, like “Erin Brockovich” was big corporation bad, lead actor of questionable attractiveness good, struggle against the system kind of thing… but it’s a little different. The movie turns into more of a dip into public perceptions, the media influence, questioning your own decisions, maybe seeing things that aren’t there, relationships & strains put on them from all the BS drama, and then kind of becomes a detective story in which the psychiatrist tries to clear his name… but can he really do that? Or was it really just an unfortunate side effect? Basically, I recommend this movie. It’s not going to have the badass explosions or action like that… but it’s a good psychological thriller. I think that Steven Soderbergh has earned the right… to officially become… a $teve of Great Merit on this blog. Congratulations, Mr. Soderbergh! I’m sure this feels even better than that Academy Award for “Traffic” and no need to gush over the honor… you are welcome… and certainly deserving. Take a bow!

 

NBA 2K13 Update: Well, I’m still 2^nd in MVP voting behind my teammate Monta Ellis (who still refuses to pass the ball to me wide open under the basket), the Bucks are 46-5 and about ten games up on the 2^nd place Thunder for NBA’s best record, I’ve been chosen as an All-Star, will participate in the Rising Stars Challenge & the Dunk Contest. I may have figured out the free throw thing but using the shoot button instead of the toggle stick like it says… because I don’t think it’s my toggle switch being broken (unless its both controllers) but now I’m at least about 80-90% from the line since I figured out that I could do that. I also found where it has the different controls of how to do things & that has helped a LOT. The game is still really frustrated at some points where it will make my player stop… or even run out of bounds… and on one occasion, had him sit on the bench during gameplay so it’s either some kind of bugs or way the computer gives themselves a chance… but yeah, it’s entertaining. Here are some recent billboards from my marketing campaign as well…

 

 

From my "Where (blank) Happens" Commercial spot...

 

Style Mag cover... horrible outfit though... I didn't pick it...

 

My "Urban" Billboard

 

 

Nessie Update - The legend of the Loch Ness Monster has persevered for more than 200 years. But could tales of a prehistoric sea creature located in a deep Scottish body of water be explained by science? That’s the source of a new theory, which speculates that the Loch Ness Monster may actually be a fault line lying underneath the Scottish lake. Even after 200 years of technological advances since the first reported spotting in 1806, rumors of the Loch Ness Monster continue to persist. In fact, technology has played a role in spawning some Nessie theories. For example, in 2011, local boat skipper Marcus Atkinson produced a sonar image of what he described as a large object following his boat for several minutes at a depth of 75 feet. And in 2012, George Edwards shared a photo of an unexplained image in Loch Ness. Skeptics have said the image was likely of a log floating atop the water. Scientific American reports that Italian geologist Luigi Piccardi believes the Great Glen fault system is actually responsible for mysterious bubbles and the shaking ground commonly associated with supposed creature sightings. "There are various effects on the surface of the water that can be related to the activity of the fault," Piccardi told Italian newspaper La Repubblica. And he has some compelling evidence to back up his case. For example, he notes that many of the alleged sightings have happened at times when the 62-mile fault was experiencing an active period. "We know that this was a period [1920-1930] with increased activity of the fault. In reality, people have seen the effects of the earthquakes on the water." So, what do you think? There have been strange reports near Loch Ness going all the way back to the 7^th century. Are the numerous sightings over the years proof of the creature’s existence, mere coincidence, or even a self-fulfilling prophecy continued on by people who want to take part in the legend? Or, could it all actually simply be explained by a natural phenomenon found across the planet? Or could it all be the talk of scotch-fueled locals to increase local tourism? In any case, Nessie hasn’t hurt and/or killed anyone… so why not people have their fun? I was luckily enough to spend a few days in Inverness & the tour the lake myself about a decade ago… and it was amazing. The weather was kind of dark & dreary like you would want it to be when you’re looking for a mysterious legend, the ruins of Urquhart Castle was an amazing sight to behold, the local people were fantastic & we enjoyed Highland games and many a fine scotch tastings… neeps & tatties… haggis… kilts… bonnie lasses… all amazing things. I recommend that you go try to find Nessie yourself… and tell Scotland that $teve sent ya. I may have to find my pictures from that trip so that I can share them with you…

 

Zoo Update – A wee bit of tragedy with this one as a 72-year-old man was killed by three tigers in a closed-down zoo in northern Italy after he entered the animals' cage to feed them, media reports said on Tuesday. The zoo, in the mountainous area of Pinerolo near Turin, was closed due to financial difficulties in 2009 and its owners had not managed to relocate nine tigers and one leopard kept there, the Corriere della Sera daily reported. The tigers attacked the zoo's caretaker suddenly as he was feeding them, and his wife raised the alarm (shrieked?), state broadcaster RAI said. Emergency services confirmed his death at the scene. Locals had previously expressed concerns about the tigers, which were not sterilized and recently had cubs. So… anybody want a tiger? Maybe two? I’m sure if you’re willing to handle the shipping they’d like to “extradite” these kitties to your custody. My real question though… is don’t they usually keep the big cats in a separate area while they bring out the food? Like… put convince them to go in the back area with a little bit of food, lock a door, then bring out the big food in the main area safely, then release them back into the main area? Maybe Italian zoos are just different… or maybe it was part of the financial troubles… but I would think if their were a half dozen hungry tigers in an area & I’ve got the food either in my hand or on my bones… I’d be a little concerned. Also… the guy was 72? F**k! I wanna be feeding tigers when I’m 72. One word - Ballsy!!! Hmm… maybe a little suicidal too… but hey, I don’t know the details & that’s for the Polizia to decide.

 

Anyway, that’ll probably do it for tonight. Our trip to Utah is less than two weeks away & a month from now we will be well into our Oregon trip… so excited for both. It’s going to be a busy time… but I’ll still try to keep you all updated & informed on the world around us. I read a story about a red-tail boa constrictor waiting on a lady’s front porch for her in Cambridge but… there wasn’t a lot of details… so maybe only an indicator towards an Apocalypse Update. Keep your eye peeled though… while you have a great day!!!

Warren Die Harding

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

As you could probably tell from my “Stars & Strips” post the other day, the 4^th of July was pretty sweet… and the 5^th of July hasn’t been bad either. Dizzy & I saw fireworks from Inspiration Point over Fisherman’s Wharf… and they were awesome. We also had boar burgers with bacon & bleu cheese on sourdough baguettes for dinner… and washed it down with some double mocha porter. Mmm… good times.

 

I don’t know if it’s just me… or a select few… or everyone… but I feel like “the next generation” may be in trouble. By “the next generation” I mean those that are in their early 20’s or so now & high school. So basically just about anybody who may be reading this blog… thus killing my demographic a bit… but please let me explain. Last week when we were watching “The Conjuring”, some ass hat in the movie theatre took his shoes off… and set them on the back of the seats in front of him. That’s pretty much an 7 or an 8 on the douche-o-meter, right? Sadly it’s not the first time that has happened… but this guy was ripe enough for me to smell it, so I’m upping it to a 9. Last night, we’re getting ready to watch the fireworks from the beautiful national park of the Presidio… and a few minutes before it starts, 6-8 ass hats (neighbors?) show up with lawn chairs, beers, blankets, etc. then hop a fence… and basically pitch up their spot in the middle of a f**king owl sanctuary (what the fence was protecting from the trail). Now… it’s not my place to step in & be “that guy” but apparently the park rangers who were readily present last year were nowhere to be seen this year (maybe striking with Bart now). Is it a major thing? Of course not… besides, if coyotes would’ve attacked them, then I would’ve had TWO shows going on simultaneously. If there’s anything that movies have taught me… it’s the explosions are made better with gratuitous violence (and nudity). Are these possibly just extreme cases? Maybe. Is it representative of the entire generation? Of course not. However, I’ve also chatted, conversed & eavesdropped on this “next generation” and… it scares me… to the core. Now, I will readily admit that I wasn’t the sharpest cookie in the tree when I was that age… but I feel like I had a great sense of perspective & wasn’t a complete narcissist (that came later when I became the amazing demigod that you see before you). Now, I’m not going to get into a rant about the root causes, solutions, embargoes or anything like that… so don’t worry. I just want to offer a suggestion to the next generation: Please consider others with regards to your actions. Spoiler alert: You’re not the only thing that matters. #troof #hashtag

 

Anyway, on another topic, as you can probably tell, Dizzy & I are developing a thing for horrible movies. Thank you Netflix! One of our latest ventures was to the “Galaxy of Terror” which shouldn’t be a shocker as it was produced by Roger Corman in the early 80’s… so chances are it was going to be bad. Then again, he probably produced about two more slasher or zombie flicks that month so it’s more quantity that quality at that point. Hey, as long as it makes money, right? This entry was a space thriller starring Erin Moran (“Happy Days”), Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger) & Sid Haig (Captain Spaulding). Basically, it’s a rag tag crew of space travelers who are sent on a mission to a distant world to answer a distress call or something. They get to the planet’s station, everybody is dead, then the fun begins. The aliens include tentacles that suck victims dry, giant space spiders that tear people apart, unseen forces that use the crew’s own weapons against them, even a giant space worm that rips off a crew members clothes & apparently rapes her to death… I think… I don’t know, it really seemed out of place & confusing about what was happening. The thrilling climax was… not so thrilling… but yeah, I wasn’t expecting much… and it delivered just that. Feel free to check it out after a few beers… but Dizzy fell asleep watching it… and frankly I almost did too, if I wasn’t trying to figure out what was going on most of the time.

 

Wednesday night was a fitting movie for Independence Day with “A Good Day to Die Hard”, the latest in the “Die Hard” series of movies which… let’s just face it… are all pretty amazing for what they are. Plot holes? Of course. Explosions & violence & one-liners? Absolutely! Watching them in a row & seeing Bruce Willis go from Bruno to a streak of roles as retired agents getting brought back in for “one last fight” over the course of almost thirty years… and still being as charismatic & badass as ever? Uh-huh!!! Well, though this may not be the greatest in the series, this movie was still decent for what it was. The story is that John McClane (Willis) is in Moscow “on vacation” but really looking to meet up with his son who was last seen there. Surprise! His son is a CIA agent… and now they’re in the midst of a giant Russian struggle for power & have to protect a billionaire from the bad guys. Now, there are some GREAT car chase scenes & stunts in this movie… like I had forgotten how much I missed good, real car stunts in movies… not that CGI cop out stuff. It has all the other stuff… one liners (thought not as many as expected), family drama that nobody really cares about, lots of shoot outs & explosions… and the ending just kind of happens, patriotic music, roll credits. If you like “Die Hard” movies, you’ll like this. Now… “Live Free or Die Hard” had a metascore rating of like 68… while this one has a rating of 27. Why? I’m thinking that the critics are sick of the “Die Hard” series because it really wasn’t any worse than Justin Long & Kevin Smith being injected into the movie… but a difference of over 40 points? Ridiculous. Don’t believe the (lack of) hype! Also, fun fact… coming in 2015… “Die Hardest” which I’m guessing will be the finale of the series… until the reboot starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Armie Hammer or somebody from “Twilight” comes out in 2017. Check it out! Now for the news…

 

 

Mommy & Poppy - A woman who had her newborn taken away because she failed a hospital drug test after she ate a poppy seed bagel has settled a lawsuit over the case. Lawrence County's child welfare agency and Jameson Hospital have paid $143,500 to settle the suit filed on behalf of Elizabeth Mort by the American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania, which announced the settlement Tuesday. Mort sued in October 2010, alleging that a poppy seed bagel she ate shortly before arriving at the hospital spurred a positive test for opiates in April 2010 that prompted the seizure of her 3-day-old daughter, Isabella Rodriguez. Mort said she was home with her baby when a county child welfare caseworker arrived with an emergency protective custody order and took Isabella. The lawsuit alleged Mort was never told in the hospital that she had failed a drug test, nor was she asked if she had eaten anything that could have affected the test results (like a sh*t ton of opium brownies?). Basically the way it works is that you have to basically eat a few pounds of pure poppy seeds to even get the chemicals that would lead to a hallucinogenic reaction… but then you have a few pounds of seeds in your belly… even then, typically it wouldn’t show on a toxicology report like it was immediate use of opiates. Anyway, the infant was returned five days later, after local officials agreed there was no evidence the mother had used illegal drugs. The suit argued that Jameson Hospital used a much lower threshold for drug screening than federal guidelines, resulting in more false positives from common foods and medicines. The federal standard is 2,000 nanograms per milliliter, but Jameson Hospital used a reading of 300 nanograms, according to the lawsuit. Which apparently means that 7 bagels would cause it for standard tests then? I’m thinking somebody just REALLY f**ked up & now Ms. Mort has a nice chunk of change for little Issy’s college fund (or a hell of a weekend thanks to her opium dealer). ACLU officials said Tuesday the hospital and county have implemented policy changes so newborns aren't taken from parents based only on maternal drug tests, which can be inaccurate. "We hope that this case will encourage hospitals that routinely test pregnant women for drug use to reconsider that practice due to the harm that can result from false positives," said Pennsylvania ACLU staff attorney Sara Rose. So wait, you want to stop testing mothers for drugs? Is that what you’re saying? Great plan, ACLU!!! Tired of pulling in the silver medal every year for Stupidest F**king Agency race to PETA? This will help immensely.

 

Another Cop Fail - Felony charges were dropped on Thursday against a 20-year-old University of Virginia student who says she panicked when undercover agents from the state's Alcohol Beverage Control division mistook her water purchase for beer. Yup. According to Charlottesville (Va.) Daily Progress, the student, Elizabeth Daly, was walking to her car on April 11^th at approximately 10:15 p.m. with a box of sparkling water, cookie dough and ice cream she had just bought from a local supermarket when the agents (six men and one woman, all in plainclothes) approached suspecting the box, a blue carton of LaCroix sparkling water, to be a 12-pack of beer. One jumped on the hood of her SUV; another pulled out a gun, Daly said, as her roommates seated inside looked on in horror. Keep in mind, they’re in plain clothes… and some crazy mother f**ker just jumped on the hood & guns are being drawn. "They were showing unidentifiable badges after they approached us, but we became frightened, as they were not in anything close to a uniform," Daly wrote in an account submitted to the court. "I couldn't put my windows down unless I started my car, and when I started my car they began yelling to not move the car, not to start the car. They began trying to break the windows. My roommates and I were ... terrified." Daly's roommate in the front passenger seat told her to "go, go, go"—and that's what she did, apparently "grazing" two of the agents in the process. The students called 911 as they left the parking lot, police said, and were pulled over by another agent driving a vehicle with lights and sirens, Charlottesville Commonwealth Attorney Dave Chapman told the paper. Daly (for some reason) apologized when she realized who they were, Chapman said, but agents arrested Daly and charged her with two counts of assaulting a law enforcement officer and one count of eluding police—each carrying a maximum penalty of five years in prison and $2,500 in fines. By the way, all cops are heroes. She spent the night in Albemarle-Charlottesville Regional Jail. Daly wrote, "This has been an extremely trying experience. It is something to this day I cannot understand or believe has come to this point." Either can Chapman. "It wouldn't be the right thing to do to prosecute this," he said. NO SH*T!!! Nonetheless, Chapman "stood by the agents' decision to file charges, citing faith in a process that yielded an appropriate resolution." "You don't know all the facts until you complete the investigation," he said. Really? That’s what you’re going with? Okay… good luck with that… and don’t worry, the taxpayers of Charlottesville will pay for your mistakes… like all taxpayers do when the police f**k over the innocent due to incompetence. F**k the police! I can’t believe that I used to respect you guys… “She’s got water! Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to… COOKIE DOUGH!!! (Bang bang bang…) Shots fired, shots fired, officer down… looks like he was shot in the foot. Suspect on the run. Heading south on Grant. Removing my ski mask to administer first aid.” I think Ms. Daly has a way to pay for her college tuition now. Great job!

 

NBA 2K13 Update: So... well into the 2nd season for $teve Love now... and the Milwaukee Bucks are 34-5, I'm 2nd in the MVP voting behind teammate Monta Ellis...though still barely on the cusp of maybe being an All-Star (don't ask me). However, the main thing... is all of the advertising for me...

 

Winning the title...

 

Cover of Sports Illustrated...

 

 

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight! Hope that you all have a great Independence Day Weekend!!!