The Best That Never Was

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I went home… and basically after making dinner, watched a bunch of WWII videos that my roommate had DVR’d. It was that Apocalypse series that you see the commercials for… but it was on the Smithsonian Channel… and it was pretty damn good. I’m always amazed by how much video there is of all these massive, horrible scrimmages… and of the executions. I know I’ve heard that Hitler was big on documenting his history and using the medium of film and all… but still, really? My roommate and I are grown ass men and we were just shocked at some of the things they had video off. It’s pretty impressive if you get the chance to check them out… but yeah, mature audiences only. Especially when they start talking about Eastern Europe and the assault on Russia and this “Final Solution” and all that. It’s not exactly an HBO miniseries at that point.

Also, I watched yet another installment of ESPN’s 30 for 30 series… and this one was about Marcus DuPree. Who the f**k is Marcus DuPree? That’s exactly what I said… and I’ve followed football for a while… but apparently it all happened about 30 years ago when I was a youngster. Basically, Marcus was a poor kid from Philadelphia, Mississippi who was basically unstoppable in high school football & the most sought after recruit… probably EVER when it came to college. Long story short, he was getting input from a lot of people (mama, Uncle Curlee, recruiters, the Reverend recruiter who eventually became his agent, etc) and ended up going to the University of Oklahoma for a year (after originally committing to Texas) then after a year or so there… he decided that he didn’t want to do it anymore… so he transferred to Southern Mississippi back home. When they were talking about making him ineligible for over a year, he wanted to go pro… but the kid was 19 at this time. The NFL would have NOTHING to do with him… so his reverend agent convinced him that the USFL was the way to go (remember them?). He played a few games for them with an epic 5 year / $6 million contract (big money back in 1984 sports) but then had a bad knee injury after a few games, went back home… and basically didn’t do much for the next five years. Oh, did I mention that he was 20 years old? When he played, he was unstoppable. Seriously, check the film… but he just seemed to be a poor kid who got taken advantage of here and there… and one knee injury and not wanting to play anymore is all it takes. Well, after that five years, he decided to try again… and in 1990, he played a few years with the L.A. Rams after a MAJOR comeback (he was over 300 pounds at 25 years old, then down to 210 or so when he made his comeback. Seriously though, it was an interesting story… and I thoroughly enjoyed it. There was even the little brother with cerebral palsy who inspired Marcus to play better. This 30 for 30 stuff is pretty good… and diverse too. There was the Ricky Williams one, Tupac meets Mike Tyson, the Once Brothers, the L.A. Raiders, Reggie Miller, the guy who ran across America a few times, Navratilova – Evert, pretty good stuff. I say check it out. In the meantime, here’s the news…

Obama Book – Apparently the former president George W. Bush (the W stands for Wetarded) has a new book that dropped yesterday… and apparently it’s juicy… but not really. I find it hilarious though that the thing that he was most concerned about & bothered him the most about his presidency… was when Kanye West said that he didn’t like black people after Katrina. Really? That was the low point? Not the actual clusterf**k that was the relief effort… but when ‘Ye called you out? You must REALLY like his music, W. Anyway, not to be outdone, somebody’s releasing a new book about current President Barack Obama… and if Bush can ramble on for a few hundred pages about what he did that was worthy of print, then you can bet this books is EPIC in scale… and it is. At a thumb-numbing 5,472 pages, a book devoted to the life of Barack Obama is probably not going to be on the President's list of beach reads, but its Indonesian author is hoping for interest from the White House. Hailed by Indonesian record keepers as the world's thickest book, "The Collection, Obama and Pluralism," was unveiled by local author, director and artist, Damien Dematra to coincide with a visit by the U.S. president which ended on Wednesday. At 34 cm (about 1 ft) thick, the hardbound tome chronicles snippets of Obama's life in Jakarta. The U.S. president spent about four years in Indonesia as a child with his anthropologist mother from 1967 and during his visit spoke fondly of those days. Jaya Suprana, curator of Indonesia's records museum in a nation obsessed with record breaking, said the size of the book beats the previous international title holder -- Agatha Christie's "The Complete Miss Marple," a relatively slender 4,032 pages. Author Dematra, who credits the start of his "Obamamania" to a dinner he attended at the U.S. embassy, has already completed seven books and a movie about the U.S. president in less than a year. Dematra good-naturedly shrugs off suggestions he is obsessed. "I don't mind; for me, the crazier, the better. He is someone I've been inspired by, giving me more understanding on the potential of dreams and pluralism." Dematra's book includes letters to Obama from students at his former school. One child with leukemia wrote to Obama asking for help with medical treatment in the United States. Other letters expressed admiration -- and sympathy for the job. "I think it's not exciting to become a president. Just look at President SBY," said one, a reference to Indonesian leader Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono. "Every day he looks as if he has a headache. It must be even harder to lead the American people." Obama spent less than 24 hours in Jakarta on the second stop of his 10-day four-nation Asian tour. He flew on Wednesday to South Korea, where he attends a G20 summit. Sound like a gripping story? Yeah, I’ll probably pass on that one too. Besides, rambling about the same subject for over 5000 pages? That sounds like a dare to me… and have you seen my blog? No problem.

Most Influential Man – So who would you think would be the Most Influential Man? President Obama? Nope. Maybe the President of China? He’s beaten out Obama on a few lists with regards to the subject. How about a former MTV show host? Well… okay, how about if I told you the survey was taken by Askmen.com. Angelina Jolie? Megan Fox? Sorry ladies, it’s most influential MAN… and though you’re the total package… you just don’t have the right package. Nope. Talk show host Jon Stewart was crowned the most influential man of 2010, heading a list of 49 men who all swayed public opinion and were described as rule-breakers to some degree in a time of recession. Stewart, who hosted President Barack Obama on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" last week and held a "Rally to Restore Sanity" over Halloween weekend, claimed the No. 1 spot in an annual survey of about 500,000 readers of AskMen, a men's lifestyle website. He was followed by Microsoft's Bill Gates while Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of social networking site Facebook, came in third place. Apple co-founder and chief executive officer Steve Jobs came fourth. "We noticed the rule-breaking trend because it spans a lot of industries," James Bassil, editor-in-chief of AskMen, told Reuters. He said this extended to people like musician Kanye West who ranked fifth, and actor James Franco at seventh, who proved he was more than just a movie star by enrolling in graduate programs and writing a book. Number 48 on the list was Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who stormed off his job with some profanities and a dramatic exit down an inflated emergency chute, winning widespread admiration. This month Slater, 38, pleaded guilty to two counts of criminal mischief and was ordered to undergo a year-long mental health program and receive alcohol and substance abuse counseling. "In the list last year we were looking more at guys who were players in the industry or were perceived as players, like (U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman) Ben Bernanke," said Bassil. "Guys are open to the idea of rejecting the status quo in some ways. They've kind of come to more admire these dudes who took it upon themselves to break out on their own and discover success on their own terms." Last year's list was headed by the character Don Draper from the Emmy-winning drama "Mad Men" who is played by actor Jon Hamm, followed by track star Usain Bolt. This attitude in 2010 could well be due to the recession and lagging recovery, Bassil added. "The terms that were dictated to us previously were terms such as 'work hard' and 'show up on time' and everything will be okay. That's all been kind of proven to be a failure," he said. One notable absence this year was professional golfer Tiger Woods, whose private life unraveled after allegations of infidelity late last year set off a months-long sex scandal. He eventually confessed to infidelity and was divorced from his wife, Elin Nordgren, in August. By contrast, talk show host David Letterman came in at 39 despite his on-air revelations about his affairs followed by an apology to his wife. "Guys obviously preferred David Letterman's response which was to be frank and sincere and 'fess up in the most public form possible rather than the route that Tiger Woods took, which was to try to hide it until it blew up in his face," Bassil said. Oh… and U.S. President Barack Obama fell to 21st place from the top five last year… but then again, it’s a website survey. It’s not exactly a sign that the world is coming to an end.

The End of the World – For years, I’ve been updating you on Sexbots (though the stories aren’t quite as plentiful as they used to be). All this time, I was sure (even before the revelation about snakes destroying us) that technology would be our downfall. We would marry our sexbots and never reproduce… because humans are just too damn crazy & dramatic… and gorillas just don’t work out (I don’t care what H.P. Lovecraft says). But now, some people are finding a loophole in bypassing the whole damn thing. You don’t want to have sex until you’re married? Okay, the answer: marry yourself. Chen Wei-yih has posed for a set of photos in a flowing white dress, enlisted a wedding planner and rented a banquet hall for a marriage celebration with 30 friends… but there is no groom. Chen will marry herself. Uninspired by the men she's met but facing social pressure to get married, the 30-year-old Taipei office worker will hold the reception next month in honor of just one person. "Age thirty is a prime period for me. My work and experience are in good shape, but I haven't found a partner, so what can I do?" Chen said. "It's not that I'm anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition." Her T$50,000 ($5,675) wedding comes after online publicity that has netted 1,800 largely sympathetic comments. "I think there will be more and more girls like this," said "divagirl," who did not elaborate. Taiwanese women are marrying later and less often as their economic status advances, fuelling government concerns about a drop in the birth rate and its impact on productivity (of all kinds). Only 40% of women surveyed earlier this year by the education ministry said they imagined married people could live better than singles, local media said. "I was just hoping that more people would love themselves," said Chen, who will go on a solo honeymoon to Australia. Chen said her mother had insisted on a groom at first but later jumped aboard the solo marriage plan. But as Chen cannot officially register a marriage to herself, if she finds a man later she will wed again. "If I had a steady boyfriend, I wouldn't do this. It would be offensive to him, anyway." I would assume the vacation to Australia by yourself would do it too… but hey, it’s all good Chen. Believe me, I’ve thought about marrying myself… oh yes… and not just the drive-thru version either. I’m talking minister, suit, even a little dress for my right hand (who spent the whole day at the spa & with a makeup artist), reception in Reno, a few family & friends in attendance, nothing too fancy or expensive, then a weekend getaway to Monterey… and by the time I’m done with the bride, I won’t be able to write right for a month. “Oh, you invited your sister Lucy? What a surprise! I hope you two have been doing your ergonomic exercises… cuz it’s ON!!!” God help us all if this idea spreads…

Porn Star Hunt - Sri Lankan newspapers on Tuesday published pictures of mainly women that police said had acted in locally produced pornographic films, part of a court-ordered crackdown and the latest sign of growing social conservatism. Police have identified 83 people they say have acted in the films found on websites, and got a court order to have media outlets publish their pictures to help locate the suspects. "This is illegal and we need them to be identified for investigations," police spokesman Priyashanth Jayakody said. The move is part of a crackdown on pornography in the Indian Ocean nation of 21 million. Yes, you read right. A crackdown on pornography! The Telecommunication Regulatory Commission has already blocked around 100 porn sites and police have been arresting people with porn in their mobile phones (apparently they don’t believe in privacy there either). Sri Lanka is a Buddhist majority nation, which also has Hindus, Muslims and Christians, and traditional values and more liberal social norms have generally co-existed well during its modern history. But there have been growing signs of conservatism. There is a movement within a faction of President Mahinda Rajapaksa's government to ban alcohol (GASP!!!), which has been resisted by the tourist industry which stands to lose revenue as it is rebuilding after the end of a three-decade civil war in May 2009. In March, Sri Lanka refused a visa to the Senegalese-American R&B singer and rapper Akon to perform in Colombo after Buddhists protested over a video in which he appeared briefly showed scantily clad women dancing in front of a Buddha statue. Hundreds of people stormed the head office of Sri Lanka's largest private broadcaster, which was the media sponsor for the Akon concert, in the ensuing uproar. Now, even their smut is at stake. Everybody knows that the best way to crack down on “perverted & illegal sexual behavior” is to send them to prison… where there is absolutely none of that going on. So keep your eyes out for Sri Lankan porn stars on the lam. By the way, is it wrong that I’ll see a perfectly average name like… Katie Morgan while doing my job… and then wonder if it’s THAT Katie Morgan? I didn’t think so.

Emergency! - Sony Pictures has optioned the film rights to Neil Strauss' non-fiction book "Emergency!: This Book Will Save Your Life" and are planning a feature which could well be a star vehicle for Robert Downey Jr. reports Variety. Strauss' book follows his three year trip traveling through the United States and his encounters with a population that has lost its sense of invulnerability and safety thanks to ethnic and religious hatred, and global disasters both environmental and financial. The official book description reads: "'Emergency' traces Neil's white-knuckled journey through today's heart of darkness, as he sets out to move his life offshore, test his skills in the wild, and remake himself as a gun-toting, plane-flying, government-defying survivor. It's a tale of paranoid fantasies and crippling doubts, of shady lawyers and dangerous cult leaders, of billionaire gun nuts and survivalist superheroes, of weirdos, heroes, and ordinary citizens going off the grid." Sounds like a great flick, right? Especially for Robert Downey Jr.? Kind of a “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” meets "Zombieland" meets “Into the Wild” or something. Allan Loeb ("Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps") is adapting the screenplay while Downey Jr., Susan Downey, and Michael DeLuca will produce. So there you go… nothing to fear. Iron Man is out there trying to restore your sense of safety & invulnerability. It’s going to be okay.

Anyway, JL Clyde will be coming to visit this weekend allegedly… so I’m looking forward to that. I’m sure there will be sushi & whimsical adventures involved… and plenty of pictures since it’s going to be beautiful sunshine the entire weekend (and just bitterly cold). Just a few more weeks until everything’s encased in snow again. Oh well, it’s still gorgeous… and I really like it out here. Miss all y’all reading this though, madly. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Scarlett's Body

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Whew… well, it’s been a few weeks since you’ve heard from me… and trust me, I’ve just been hellaciously busy… or drunk… but mostly the former. New Orleans was, of course, EPIC!!! Big shout out to Filly for hosting me during my adventure. One big issue though during this trip… I left my camera at home (probably a side-effect of waking up at 4 AM) but Filly was kind enough to lend me hers… and I had a cell phone… so though this entry won’t have all the pictures, one in the near future will. The copies are on the way. I just figured that I would fill you in on the events while they were still fresh in my mind… and then fill you in with the pictures… but that didn’t make much sense… so I’m just gonna give you some news. Sound like a plan? Alright…

Jolie Update – Since I just came back from New Orleans, just thought I should fill you in on some of their residents, Mr. & Mrs. Angelina Jolie. Oh yeah, they apparently have a place down there… which is awesome. Oh… and no, I didn’t meet up with them down there like I did in Vegas, though they could’ve probably used my help watching all the kids when they were trick-or-treating. Anyway, James Cameron (director of “Aliens”, “T2: Judgment Day”, “True Lies” and some crap that made billions) has confirmed he is in talks to direct a 3D film about Cleopatra for Sony Pictures according to The New York Times. "I’ve been talking to them about it, but no decisions have been made" said the "Avatar" director who also admits the subject matter always fascinated him. Of course, Angelina Jolie is attached to star in the project and Cameron is excited about the possibility - "It sounds hot, doesn’t it? I mean, Angelina Jolie and Cleopatra? To me, that’s like a slam dunk. Whether I wind up doing it or not, I think it’s going to be a great project." Keep your fingers crossed that Cameron gets it instead of Oliver Stone. You all remember “Alexander” right? What? You never saw it? Consider yourself lucky… and I’m a Stone fan. Oh… and of course there’s the obvious rumor of Brad Pitt (her balls & chain) playing Marc Anthony (not married to J-Lo) but yeah… all speculation at this point.

So what IS Brad doing? - Well, apparently he has backed out of saving the human race from zombies in “World War Z” to be a drug dealer. Plan B has acquired film rights to James Keene's "In With the Devil" which Brad Pitt is considering starring in reports The Chicago Sun Times. The project is the true story of Keene, a handsome football player turned big-time drug dealer and sentenced for ten years. The FBI offered him a quick release, in exchange however he had to go undercover as a patient in a sanatorium (fond thoughts of Brad in “Twelve Monkeys”) where he had to befriend a serial killer and get him to admit to his crimes. An Oscar-winning screenwriter is penning the script, but the paper doesn't reveal which one (Diablo Cody?). Sounds like an interesting movie to me. I’d watch it. Anyway, now that you’re caught up…

Total Re-Recall – Speaking of “Alexander”, Colin Farrell has emerged as the top contender for the lead role in the remake of the 1990 sci-fi action classic formerly starring the Governator himself "Total Recall" at Sony Pictures reports Heat Vision. Based on Philip K Dick’s short story "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale", the new version will be re-conceived as a contemporary take on the story (of colonizing Mars? Or just the whole fabricated memories thing… because that sounds a lot like “Dollhouse”). Farrell sits just ahead of actors Michael Fassbender (“Inglorious Basterds”) and Tom Hardy who're also considered top candidates, but no offers are officially out at present. Len Wiseman ("Underworld," "Live Free or Die Hard") will direct from a script by Kurt Wimmer. Neal H Moritz will produce and filming is aiming to begin around March. Sigh… so apparently it’s going to be a remake of a horrible sci-fi classic (one of those great bad movies) but… without Mars… and mutants… and aliens? There had better at least be a chick with three boobs. “You know one of those was paper mache, right?” Yes… and all I have to say is… start the reactor.

Scarlett’s Body – Speaking of sexy aliens, Scarlett Johansson (“The Prestige” & “Iron Man 2”) will star as an alien in the sci-fi feature "Under the Skin" for FilmNation according to Heat Vision Blog. Based on a novel by Michael Faber, Johansson plays an alien disguised as an aesthetically perfect woman who scours remote highways using her voracious sexuality to snare human prey (yeah, like “Jennifer’s Body” but with aliens, now you get the title). However, she soon begins to develop feelings of humanity which soon puts her in the firing line with her own people. Think "Species" meets "My Stepmother is an Alien". Jonathan Glazer (the horribly named "Sexy Beast") directs from a script he co-wrote with Walter Campbell. Nick Wechsler and James Wilson will produce, and shooting kicks off in the Spring. That’s right gentlemen… this one’s for you. Oh… and my early prediction – Sir Ben Kingsley will play the alien leader. Why? Because like any other movie decision he’s made over the past 25 years, he apparently needs the money. Besides, he has history with the director. Just a guess. Mmm… aesthetically perfect woman…

Careful! She's playing opossum...

Dear God, she can instantly change hair color too...

And she can escape any kind of Houdini-esque restraint...

because she'll convince you to free her with her eyes...

Sorry, I'm just reminiscing on the first time we met...

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Sorry I don’t have the New Orleans pictures yet but… patience. Have a great day everybody!!!

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Friday night, I met up with my stepsister and her family in Dayton for some good old fashioned family fun. When I got to her house, she & Hallie (my niece) were waiting for me… and offered me a dinner of bacon, cornbread and eggs. Is that nice or what? After that, we met up with the rest of the clan at a park where they were setting up for a night time (6:30 PM these days) soccer game for the kids of the town. They set up some construction lights, brought a few goals, set up a table with chili from the neighborhood, and a good time was had by all. Those nephews of mine are pretty darn good at soccer. Just like their Uncle $teve was for the few years that he played. Oh yeah, I played. I was the goalie most of the time… because I was a big kid who could block anything… and could kick the ball really hard with great accuracy. Also, whenever some kid tried to block one of my “punts” or whatever the soccer term was, they always caught the follow-through with the leg. They only tried it once. Anyway, those were my glory days. Here are some pictures…

My niece Hallie

That night, after the kids went to bed, the grownups stayed up and watched a movie that I hadn’t seen before… but had heard good things about – “The Count of Monte Cristo” starring Jim Caviezel (“Passion of the Christ”) and Guy Pearce (“Memento”) among others. It’s the story of a fisherman (Caviezel) who has a chance encounter with Napoleon while trying to save his captain with his friend (Pearce) who is the son of a count. Long story extremely short (because I want you to go watch this movie), his friend and several others betray him… to protect their backsides as well as steal his fiancé from him. He is imprisoned in Chateau d’If for 13 years and beaten by a sadistic warden (James Remar) but also befriends another prisoner who tunnels throughout the prison (very slowly). During that time, he educates himself with the help of his new friend… and learns of a HUGE treasure. Now all he has to do to exact revenge… is escape. I REALLY liked this movie… and think that you should all go check it out. I’d tell you more… but there’s a lot of twists & turns… and I want you to be on your toes while watching it.

The next morning, we had breakfast and then went to the kid’s soccer games (the official ones). It was actually a lot of fun… you know, for being soccer… and you know how I feel about soccer. Let’s just say that America perfected football. After the games, they got their trophies for the last game of the season, and we went to play Wii and read books at the house. It may sound kind of boring to a lot of you… but I really enjoy spending time with those kids. Sure, the “Look at this”, “Look at what I can do”, “Let’s play this” and all that kind of get overwhelming when there’s four of them at once… but hey, it makes a body feel wanted, right? That afternoon, I drove back to Truckee in the rain… and it basically rained for 36 hours straight… and then I woke up this morning to snow on the ground. New Orleans is less than three days away. Should be a great vacation.

My stepsister grows some of the weirdest carrots ever...

Speaking of vacation, also this weekend, I watched another great movie that I highly recommend called “A Perfect Getaway” starring Timothy Olyphant (“Hitman”), Steve Zahn (“Sahara”) and my baby mama Milla Jovovich (“Fifth Element”). Sure I told you about it back when Milla signed on to star in it… but it’s the story of a newlywed couple (Zahn & Jovovich) who go to Hawaii on their honeymoon… and while there, read in the papers that there have been a few murders on the islands involving couples… and apparently, police say that it’s a couple doing the murdering as well… like Natural Born Killers or something. Well, they figure they’re on another island and do a BEAUTIFUL trail… but along the way they meet another couple (Olyphant & Kiele Sanchez) and are harassed by another (Chris Hemsworth & Marley Shelton) and things just get creepy from there. I really enjoyed it because it was genuinely creepy… while set in one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Kudos to director David Twohy (“Pitch Black” & “The Arrival”). Again, I highly recommend that you check this out… especially since it’s that time of year to be scared.

Also over the weekend, I watched “Date Night” starring Steve Carell, Tina Fey, Marky Mark, James Franco, Mila Kunis (aka the other Milla), Common & Ray Liotta. Most of you probably saw it in theatres… but you know me, if it doesn’t have Stallone or isn’t presented by Robert Rodriguez or Quentin Tarantino, I can wait until the DVD comes out. It’s about a married couple (Carell & Fey) who “borrow” somebody reservations at a fancy restaurant… and get involved in some serious shenanigans involving a mob boss (Liotta, of course), dirty cops, a shirtless special ops security guy (Wahlberg), and so on. Good for a few laughs… but yeah, nothing out of the ordinary. Check it out once with someone you love. Why not?

Anyway, I’ve got some packing to start doing for my trip… so I will leave you with that. Have a great day everybody!!! SNOW!!!

Chihuahua - More Than Just an Ugly Dog

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It’s official. I’ve entered the 21st century with my communication format. After being one of only a few of my friends who have used and/or know what a rotary telephone is, and waiting well into my 23rd year for a cell phone, I now have a fancy new 4G phone (whatever that means, 4th generation?) Droid Incredible… and I have absolutely no idea how to use it. Some of the stuff is pretty self-explanatory… but my brother’s been going off all week about all the things that his does… but when I ask him how to set mine up, apparently ours are different… and he has no idea. No worries. I may just swing by the Verizon store tonight (like I did last night for over an hour just to get set up) and we’ll get some of the basic cool stuff down. It does call, text, etc like my old one so I’m not out of the loop. It even plays videos… and can access the internet… and oddly enough, the coolest thing I’ve found… is the Star Maps app. I know, I’m a nerd. Anyway, so that’s what I’ve been up to recently… and watching football, baseball & season two of “Dollhouse” with a few hikes before the weather gets too bad. The nights are cold & lonely but what else is new. Anyway, here’s the news…

Chihuahua Police Chief – I assume you’ve all been watching the news and hearing about the CRAZY sh*t going on in Mexico between the government, the drug cartels, and anybody else down there apparently. Well, here’s a story that I thought I’d share with ya. A 20-year-old smokin’ hot Latina criminology student has been named the chief of police in one of the most dangerous municipalities in Mexico's violence-wracked northern state of Chihuahua. Marisol Valles Garcia, the only person to accept the post, took charge of public security for Guadalupe Distrito Bravo on Monday, according to radio station network Notisistema. The district has a population of 9,148 residents, according to newspaper La Jornada, and comes with at least one police car, Notisistema reported. The state of Chihuahua has borne the brunt of spiraling drug-related violence that has left around 28,000 dead throughout Mexico in the last four years. Guadalupe's former mayor was assassinated in June, and local police have been kidnapped and murdered. At least eight people were slain in the last week alone in Guadalupe, news.com.au reported. The tiny but energetic Valles Garcia says she wants her 13 officers to practice a special brand of community policing. She plans to hire more women (she currently has three) and assign each to a neighborhood to talk with families, promote civic values and detect potential crimes before they happen. "My people are out there going door to door, looking for criminals, and (in homes) where there are none, trying to teach values to the families," she said before she was presented to the public on Wednesday. Is that not some of the craziest sh*t you’ve ever heard? A girl (borderline woman) fresh out of community college is the only person willing to step up and be the chief of police in one of the most hellish communities on Earth. Do you think she did it because they’ll make a movie about it? Mmm… Eva Mendes would be nice in the lead… but then again, she ain’t twenty any more. It’d have to be some chick off Glee or something. Anyway, just thought I would share that with you. Start writing your scripts now… and hopefully this story has a happy ending. Who will costar in this epic tale?

Cage Update - Oscar-winning actor Nicolas Cage said Thursday that nations must work together in the battle against organized crime. Cage, a United Nations goodwill ambassador for global justice (who knew?), said the threat posed by criminal networks is too big for communities or states to confront on their own so that countries must cooperate with one another. "Organized crime is a deadly infection that preys on human beings," Cage told delegates in a steely demeanor with a hint of badass at a conference aimed at boosting support for a U.N. convention to curb organized crime. "It sows fear and violence in cities, towns and villages around the world." Cage warned that regions weakened by conflict, lawlessness and extreme poverty are especially susceptible to traffickers of illegal drugs, weapons and even humans. "It feeds off instability, and also makes instability worse," he said. Cage described being a U.N. goodwill ambassador as his "most challenging and meaningful role" yet and divulged that he even once considered leaving the movie business to devote more time to helping others. "At some point I wanted to stop being an actor and start taking action," he said. But then he went into mind-blowing debt and instead is doing terrible movies to pay the mortgage. It happens to all of us. Cage was visibly touched when talking about child victims he met in Uganda and Kenya and a 15-year old Somali boy serving a 10-year prison sentence for piracy (not of DVDs). These encounters were "heart-wrenching" and "deeply humbled" him, he said. Cage highlighted the role of NGO's, judges, prosecutors, doctors, religious leaders and others in helping victims of organized crime, saying he now understood "who the world's real heroes are." Yury Fedotov, head of the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, praised Cage as a "humanitarian" who promoted a "victim-centered approach" to tackling organized crime. Way to keep the good fight, Ambassador Cage. We really do need to find a way to stop this craziness. It does sound like something out of a bad movie… not Dinocroc vs. Supergator bad… but you know, pretty bad. Speaking of humanitarians…

Wesley Snipes as MLK? – Hold up, it might not quite be what you think. Passenger 57 himself Wesley Snipes IS getting involved in the 1960's-set true story thriller biopic "Code Name Zorro" though, reports Deadline. The film centers on the final moments in the life of William Sullivan, the man who headed up the Zorro project - a super-covert program initiated by J. Edgar Hoover to destroy Martin Luther King's credibility (oh yeah). From wiretapping to fraud, the group set up numerous illegal schemes and Sullivan intended to air all of the dirty laundry about the project to a journalist. Sullivan was killed in a "hunting accident" shortly thereafter (with Cheney?). Justin Stamm penned the script and Snipes has received endorsement from Martin Luther King Jr.'s son, Martin Luther King III. Snipes will produce, be involved in selecting cast and director, and will likely play a role though which one is presently undetermined… so probably not the doctor himself… though when you’re producer, you do have certain privileges. An incredibly interesting time in American history… and certainly not one of its finest moments… but may be good in bringing some things to light.

Anyway, just a little update. Now I have to get to back to figuring out how to use my damn phone. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Have a great day everybody!!!

Boardwalk Empire Reborn

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The cruise is starting to come together… and there’s already over a dozen family members ready to go. It’s going to be EPIC!!! The Big Easy had better watch out. Just over a week away from my Halloween adventure and I’m already making a mental list of the food I’m going to have while down there… and I’m probably going to gain about twenty pounds… all in crawfish & cayenne pepper I’m sure. I’m also planning on visiting the Southern Food & Beverage Museum down by the convention center. Oh yes, I’m THAT big of a nerd. I hope they give out free samples… here’s the news…

Red Celery – Though probably not going to appear in a lot of future gumbos, a Florida-based produce company is looking to titillate the eye and the taste buds by offering a new red-colored celery to give a "colorful crunch" to salads and dips. Celery producer Duda Farm Fresh Foods unveiled the celery variety, to be sold under the brand name Celery Sensations, at the U.S. Produce Marketing Association's annual Fresh Summit Trade Show in Orlando on Saturday. The company said its researchers developed the milder-tasting (milder than celery?) red salad vegetable by cross-pollinating an existing green commercial variety with an old-world heritage celery root, or celeriac variety, whose original heirloom seed could be traced back to Eastern Europe. "It has the same great crisp, fresh flavor as regular celery," Duda Farm Fresh Foods' President Dan “The Dude” Duda said in a statement. So what do you think? Are you going to clamor your local market for that red celery? I’ll admit, it’s nice for the appearance of the salad… and after watching a lot of the Food Network & Travel Channel, I can tell you it’s all about the presentation. Seriously though, a milder taste than celery? The only food you actually lose weight eating? Because it’s like 95% water and the rest is fiber? Interesting to say the least. Next stop: Green eggs & ham… which probably wouldn’t be bad with some red celery, blue cheese & crispy brown bacon. Mmm…

Russian Repo – Speaking of bacon, this little piggy went to market -- to pay off a Russian woman's overdue debt to a bank. Court officers in far eastern Russia have seized a piglet from a woman who owes a bank 13,000 roubles ($432) and put it up for sale to recuperate some of the money, the regional branch of the Federal Bailiffs Service said on Thursday. The woman had been given the seven-month-old piglet for safekeeping, but it was taken away after a court survey of her property found it to be her most valuable possession, the bailiffs service said in a statement. The piglet was seized after the woman failed to comply with a court order to pay off her debt within 10 days, it said. Consumer debt in Russia has crippled local economies in some of the country's poor rural and industrial areas, which have been hardest hit by the economic crisis that followed nearly a decade of rising living standards. A piglet could fetch around 10,000 roubles in Primorye, a Pacific Coast region whose capital is Vladivostok. "At the moment it is awaiting a buyer," the bailiff's service said. Remember a few weeks ago when I told you about them taking a few puppies to recoup payment? Yeah, it’s obviously getting pretty bad there. A piglet is your most valued possession. Think about that. Well, some other countries are looking into different ways to raise money to avoid this kind of thing.

Taiwan Tax It – California may legalize marijuana. Vices such as tobacco & alcohol are getting new taxes. Now, Taiwan's government plans to allow sex workers to set up small businesses in the latest change to laws that had once forced the huge industry underground, the interior ministry said. In a statement on its website, the ministry said it would consider brothels of three to five employees (a small stable) away from areas frequented by children. It will put plans to a cabinet committee by the end of the year. The ministry ruled out earlier proposals to set up red-light districts or allow larger businesses due to concerns among members of its committee set up to study the issue that such measures would turn the sex trade into a regular industry (instead of just underground). Prostitution was legal only in Taiwan's capital, Taipei, until 1997 when the city authorities made it a criminal offence to be a prostitute though not to patronize one. The government began debating new laws two years ago after pressure from prostitute groups over the unfairness of the law (I’m pretty sure I told you about that one too, because a pimp’s gotta keep up on his trade). In 2009 it stopped punishing sex workers (so no more S&M?). Bars and night clubs in older parts of Taipei still teem with sex workers. So just a little travel tip there, I guess. Here’s the amazing thing though. Estimates from activists (so probably completely based on a guess) put the number of people involved in sex-related jobs in Taiwan at over 600,000. That’s about 3% of the population… every man, woman & child… so you can imagine the percentage of women of consenting age in that industry. So yeah, just an update on that front.

Boardwalk Empire Reborn – So they’re making that movie “Monopoly” based on the board game based on Atlantic City, HBO has its new series “Boardwalk Empire” which I hear is incredible… and now, Resorts Atlantic City, the nation's first casino to open outside Nevada, will adopt a roaring '20s theme to capitalize on the success of "Boardwalk Empire," the HBO series about Prohibition-era Atlantic City. Dennis Gomes, who is buying the casino-hotel with developer Morris Bailey, says dealers, cocktail servers, bellhops and others will dress in 1920s-period costumes, music from that period will play, and even the drinks and casino shows will have a roaring '20s theme, so brush up on your Charleston. "A lot of people here are learning 1920s songs now," Gomes told The Associated Press in an interview Thursday morning. Gomes said the new theme is his plan to remake and save the struggling casino, which is being sold because its former owners stopped making mortgage payments due to the poor economy and cutthroat competition from slots parlors in neighboring states. The roaring '20s theme is part of the nationwide fascination with "Boardwalk Empire," but also a nod to Resorts' own history. Its main building was built in the 1920s and the decor is already faithful to that period. The 1920s were "more than just a decade in a history book. It was a decade that defined and shaped our nation," Gomes said. "Beyond that, it was fun, adventurous and exciting, a period in time where people simply let loose to give way to a lifestyle where entertainment was king. Resorts will be all of that. It will define and shape the direction Atlantic City needs to take to survive in an increasingly competitive market. It will be luxurious, it will be fun and it will be one of the leading entertainment spots in Atlantic City." So the way to move forward… is to move backwards? I gotcha. I’m with it. Resorts is based in what was originally built as the Chalfont-Haddon Hall Hotel, which has been shown as part of the skyline in "Boardwalk Empire." A recent interior renovation was done in 1920s style, eliminating the need for expensive construction. Gomes estimates the new costumes will cost about $1 million. "It seemed like such a natural. The property was built in the 1920s and the decor already was from the '20s." Among the touches being planned: a strolling violinist in a zoot suit, wandering around the casino floor and lobby, playing songs from the '20s and '30s. Drinks — heavy on the whiskey that was illegal yet plentiful during Prohibition — will be served, and casino floor shows and many singers will stay faithful to the period as well. The changes will take effect in early December, when the new owner takes over after the sale is approved by the New Jersey Casino Control Commission. Gomes and Bailey, a New York developer, are paying $35 million for Resorts — by far the lowest price ever paid for a casino in New Jersey. Resorts was New Jersey's first casino, opening in 1978. In a related development, the City Council in Atlantic City dealt a posthumous diss to the real-life star of "Boardwalk Empire," whacking a plan to rename part of a street near the Boardwalk after Enoch "Nucky" Johnson. The council voted Wednesday night against a proposal to rename part of a street that runs alongside the hotel where Johnson lived and held court, mainly because of the more unsavory aspects of his life. For 30 years, until he was finally sent to prison in 1941 for tax evasion, Johnson dominated Atlantic City — then one of the nation's leading resorts. He controlled not only the Republican political machine that had a stranglehold on government, but also made sure illegal liquor, prostitution and gambling operations flourished under the protection of paid-off officials. Luckily we don’t have any thing like that going on right now. Say what you will, but I like the idea. It’s a great niche market for somebody looking to dress up in a zoot suit (like anytime), and go out on the town having a great time back when broads were dames. I’ll tell you what, if I’m in Atlantic City looking for a place to lose my money, I’ll definitely be keeping Resorts in mind. I guess I’ll just have to do that when I go to an Eagles game at the Link some time down the road.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Obviously getting excited for my future travels… and I’ll be sure to keep you posted. Yes, both of you reading this right now. Have a great day everybody!!!

Take Me to Bed or Lose Me Forever

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I’d like to start off by wishing everybody a Happy Monday. I know. Mondays typically suck. But hey, the day is what you make it to be. For example, this weekend, I didn’t really have any plans… and it was even going to rain a bit… but that wasn’t going to stop me from a weekend of football and (better for you) some beautiful hikes around the Tahoe area during the fall season. Here’s a little bit of what I saw…

All the previous ones were various spots on the Truckee River...

But this was sunrise this morning from on Northstar

above the clouds...

Other than that though, not a whole lot of stuff going on… unless you count that I’ve figured out how I’m going to celebrate my 30th birthday. Well, in part. Curious? Well… the details are being ironed out… but me, my mom, my grandma (from the Europe trip a few years back), the Wingmans, Filly, and possibly DOZENS of my closest relatives are going to go on a 7-day cruise. Apparently we get a pretty good deal as a group… so for about $1000 per person including airfare, we’re going on a fabulous Caribbean cruise as a family. But wait, there’s more!!! What port are we using? Why, the Port of New Orleans, of course. Here, let me break it down stop-by-stop if you don’t mind.

New Orleans – The Crescent City, the Big Easy, yes, even though I will be there in less than ten days… I will make another trip there six months later to show my family the wonders of this magnificent city. From the French Quarter to the Garden District to the banks of the mighty Mississippi to the bayou to the plantation estates to the above-ground cemeteries to the haunted (fill in structure here) to the food and everything else in between. Obviously I dig it. That’s why this trip would be my lucky number 7th to the city. Where have I visited more? Only Vegas, baby! And even that’s not too far out of reach. Besides, many of my relatives have never experienced Bourbon Street (though I have gone with my mom & grandma before over Mother’s Day Weekend 2005) and that’s like an alcoholic’s Mecca, so that should be fun. Oh… and I’d also like to thank myself for bringing thousands of dollars of tourism money to the city of New Orleans. You’re welcome! Then we get on the boat…

Cruise Ship – Basically a floating city of its own accord, but once we get out into international waters, anything goes (I think?). Casinos, restaurants with all-you-can-eat buffets, bars and lounges of all kinds, pools, hot tubs, entertainment, THREE karaoke rooms, a basketball court, spa & beauty salon, even a foosball table or two. Not a bad place to stay while you’re waiting to land at your next destination. Sure, the rooms are glorified closets with a shower that you would expect to be used to help transport miners in Chile… but like I’ve always said, you can sleep when you’re dead… and if you’re with someone you don’t mind getting a little close & familiar with… then it’s quite alright. Oh… and did I mention that you’re surrounded by the Gulf of Mexico? Not bad, right? (Hopefully) Now for the list of stops on this ocean voyage…

Costa Maya, Mexico – An unspoiled (we’ll see) coastal paradise on the Yucatan peninsula with exotic tropical birds, butterflies, deer, monkeys, even jaguars as you roam through the pristine jungles. Also, I’ll probably be venturing to see the ancient Mayan ruins of Chacchoben… but we’ll see. I may be too hung over to speak after a day or so at sea.

Isla Roatan – Thirty miles off the coast of Honduras is this eco-tourist’s dream. Teeming with marine life and home to some of the best pillar coral in the Caribbean, the Belizean Reef is a diver’s paradise (hopefully still the case after BP). Options there are to chill at Tabyana Beach… or you can swim with the dolphins. Guess which one I might be doing. We’ll see how smart those dolphins really are…

Belize City – Long before the great poet Christopher Wallace said “I be smokin’ trees in Belize when they find me” or the 17th century powers fought over Belizean sovereignty, a complex Mayan civilization flourished in Belize City. Today, many of the ruins of Altun Ha remain in virtually untouched jungles… or you can also go snorkeling in the barrier reef… or the one that I’m probably going to do… you can go cave tubing on a rain forest journey. Yes, you heard right. Cave tubing.

Cozumel, Mexico – This island off the tip of the Yucatan peninsula is well known for fishing, snorkeling & diving… but you can also again, swim with dolphins, explore the ruins of Tulum, or visit Xcaret… which apparently is some kind of eco-friendly theme park in Cancun. Then again, this is towards the tail end of the trip so I may just need to relax and keep down solid foods. Then again, there’s another day at sea before we get back to New Orleans.

So yeah, that’s kind of what I’ll be doing a few days after my 30th birthday. Oh yes, did I forget to start off with that? This will be happening a few days AFTER the big day… and I’ll have about a week off before that… so there’s still planning to be done for a possible road trip down the Pacific Coast (San Fran, Monterey, Napa, Hollywood, Portland, Seattle, Yosemite, who knows?). Or I may just have that Amsterdam-themed party here in Tahoe before start this vacation. Long story short, I’m basically planning vacation six months in advance now… as well as random road trips. I know you’re jealous… and probably hate my guts right now… but if you’d like to be a part of this fantastic voyage, please let me know ASAP and we can get you hooked up. In the meantime, here’s some news… with a slightly nautical theme…

Battleship Update – It’s not breaking news because it happened about a month ago… but Liam Neeson (“Taken”) has joined the cast of director Peter Berg's "Battleship" for Universal Pictures reports the trades. Yes, based on the Hasbro board game, the story centers around a battle on land, sea and the sky between earth's forces and attacking aliens (Hancock?) with most of the action set on the USS John Paul Jones (who I believe played bass for Led Zeppelin). Neeson will play Admiral Shane, a navy admiral and the future father-in-law of the lead officer character (Taylor Kitsch who played Gambit on “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”). Brooklyn Decker (SI Swimsuit Edition cover 2009) stars as Shane's daughter, Alexander Skarsgard (“Thor”) as the brother of Kitsch's character, and Rihanna as a weapons analyst. Yes, pop singer Rihanna will be the supporting actress… to a Sports Illustrated model’s lead. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I’m actually kinda surprised this isn’t directed by Michael Bay but… it is about the navy, right? Brian Koppelman and David Levien is revising the previous script draft by Jon Hoeber and Erich Hoeber. Filming should start… I don’t know… soon. Sounds like a great flick, right? I still think my Ouija story would be AMAZING!!! And let’s face it, if “The Expendables” can have a huge opening weekend… you never know. Speaking of can’t miss movies…

Top Gun Sequel - Things are moving on a sequel to classic 80's blockbuster "Top Gun" reports Vulture with Paramount Pictures having sent offers out to both producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Tony Scott. Christopher McQuarrie ("The Usual Suspects," "Valkyrie") is being pursued to pen the script and has reportedly found a way to include Tom Cruise's Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell character in a way that's "not too obvious". Cruise has reportedly agreed to take said smaller role. Bruckheimer mentioned he'd been approached about it back in July. Of course the story itself will be tricky as the U.S. Navy's elite TOPGUN program doesn't focus as much on aerial combat anymore but rather targeted bombing runs… but hey, disbelief. The original grossed $353 million at the worldwide box office… and that’s in 1980’s dollars, back when you could go to the movies for the change in your pocket. EW adds to the story, saying that Cruise won't be starring according to his reps but the McQuarrie news is accurate. So let the internet rumors begin… and my guess is that Val Kilmer will reprise his role as Iceman… who ended up getting Top Gun thanks to not only his superior flying skills but also his ability to follow orders and NOT kill his best friend Goose. Look, it’s not exactly a Kaiser Soze twist on the original… I mean, think about it. Where did that movie leave off? They shot down a few Russian MIG’s. They land on the aircraft carrier, they exchange a little male ass slapping, roll credits. “Nice job, Maverick. Forget about that court marshal. You’re alright. Let’s go play some volleyball. Oooh… yeah, sorry. You may want to find a new partner. Maybe somebody over 5-foot-two.” Seriously. Best thing about that movie… was the soundtrack with Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away” & the horrible renditions of the Righteous Brothers and “Great Balls of Fire” and of course, the timeless pickup line – “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” By the way, I’m seeing Chris Pine (“Star Trek”) as the lead in this movie… is that bad? Eh, enough talk about dudes, let’s sexy this thing up.

Fox Update – Yeah, we haven’t heard much about her since she went and got married to become the seductive superhero Green-Fox, but what can I say? I’m a sucker for updates in her life. Megan Fox has joined the cast of Jennifer Westfeldt's second feature "Friends With Kids" for Points West Pictures says The Hollywood Reporter. The story revolves around a pair of thirty-something best friends who observe the toll that having kids has taken on the couples they know and resolve to bypass that stress by having a child… and then date other people. Makes perfect sense, right? Westfeldt (“Kissing Jessica Stein”) and Adam Scott (“Step Brothers”) will play the lead couple, Kristen Wiig (“Adventureland”) and Jon Hamm (“Mad Men” & “The Town”) will play another. Fox will play a girl who Scott's character begins to date. Westfeldt, wrote the script and will produce alongside her partner Hamm. Mike Nichols and Jake Kasdan are executive producing (money). The story may sound a little out of whack but… then again, I know a LOT of people who do this same thing accidentally. It’s just the premeditated decision to have the child that’s a little twist. Anyway, I’m sure it’ll be a horrible chick flick but whatever… you know why I mentioned it… and here are the pictures…

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Less than ten days until my New Orleans Halloween adventure. Should be a pretty good Monday Night Football game tonight… and probably some baseball. Congratulations to the Eagles!!! Keep up the good work… and have a great night everybody!!!