Incomplete Movies

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,



It’s been a lot time since I did a movie list… and I was watching movies earlier this week & thought I’d start one up… so behold…



Movie Endings That REALLY Felt Incomplete



There’s a difference between movies feeling incomplete… and leaving for interpretation. Films like “Reservoir Dogs”, “In Bruges”, “Inception”, “Total Recall”, “French Connection”, “The Italian Job” and a few others leave the endings ambiguous for the viewer to decide what happens… but these are more movies that had a lot of pretty obvious questions that weren’t answered… or just forgot to make sequels for… or some even made sequels but completely forgot a few things along the way. Anyway, these were just a few that I thought of the other day when thinking about the subject… but I know that I’ve forgotten a few. By the way, spoiler alerts… since we’re talking about movie endings… but yeah…



• Goonies (1985) – Okay, this was the one that started the thought the other night… and I know they’re allegedly doing a sequel 30 years later or whatever… but at the end of the movie… even as a kid, my thought was “Okay, there’s a marble bag full of (fake-looking) precious stones left from the ship. Is that going to be enough to buy all of the houses back? I’m not sure what property values are in 1985 Astoria, Oregon but… I’m not 100% sure that’s all going to be handled in 24 hours and/or that’ll cover all of the neighborhood. Especially if you have to sell in a hurry! Also, if they’re stinking rich now somehow… do they want to stay there? All of them? Obviously they weren’t doing too well before so they may have some crippling debt to pay off first… or at the least bank liens. Also, where the f**k is the ship going? Out to see like an abandoned Russian cruise ship? Somebody’s going to after that, right? I mean… the kids just said they got a pocketful of these precious stones worth millions… and that was a drop in the pond of that floating money bin! Is the guy who’s making the golf course going to go after it? He probably has a boat… the coast guard? Why the f**k not? It’s a floating fortune. Roll credits? Are you serious right now?” So yeah… glimpse into the world of young $teve… before he learned about his own One-Eyed Willie… but then again, I also think that the years around 1985 were basically the Golden Era of Movies with shows like Back to the Future, Goonies, Rocky IV, Romancing the Stone, Ghostbusters, Revenge of the Nerds & so on…



• Rocky III (1982) – Speaking of the Rocky series… the original is a classic… number two was pretty good too despite being thrown together willy-nilly… the third one was where it started getting a little campy… but Clubber Lang (Mr. T) was a f**king BEAST!!! Okay, quick summary of the movie. Rocky’s champ & his rival from the first two movies Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) has retired. Along comes this f**king badass boxer from Detroit named Clubber Lang… and he’s just destroying cats. He’s also about the greatest self-promoter in the history of boxing by just showing up at news conferences & talking trash to Rocky… making lewd comments at his woman… and basically pushes his manager Mick which… I guess incidentally led to his death in a way? Anyway, Rocky fights Clubber… and gets beaten like a mule. Clubber is the champion. Mick is dead. Rocky is bummed. Well, Apollo Creed steps in and says “I’ll be your manager and teach you to fight like me… it’s the only chance you’ve got.” Rocky says something back in mumbled gibberish but it’s basically “Okay.” They train… montages… rematch… more trash talking… Rocky eventually wins the rematch… orchestra plays… roll credits. Rocky IV comes out two years later… and CLUBBER LANG IS NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN!!! What… how is there not a 3rd bout? That’s what the boxing world is based on!!! Selling the rematch!!! That was the whole premise of Rocky II!!! Did Clubber Lang just retire from boxing to go work on an assembly line in Detroit? F**K NO!!! Absolute worst-case scenario: He’s the #1 contender for another decade, making millions of dollars fighting others INCLUDING the rematches with Rocky Balboa, collects them checks and then at the ripe old age of 38, died from a cocaine overdose in the company of several Brazilian supermodels in his mansion. That’s the movie I want to see. Now, Rocky IV was a classic in its own right… but think of it, even with the addition of Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren), Clubber is #2 contender… and I’d personally LOVE to see that match-up of Clubber vs. Drago!!! Wouldn’t you??? That’s the sh*t that needs to happen, Hollywood!!! You’re welcome!!!



• Over the Top (1987) – Speaking of Stallone movies… I understand that this movie was kind a half-ass thrown-together movie about professional arm wrestling where they paid a LOT of money for Stallone to play Lincoln Hawk, whose basically an absent father & then when the mother is close to death (Disney disease?) then he has a chance to impress his son… by being the best arm wrestler in the world. Okay, that’s… a premise. The thing is… at the end of the movie, he’s won the title… and apparently he bet on himself… not sure if that’s really legal… but then, did we forget the scene where he drove his semi truck through the front yard & fountain of his child’s wealthy grandparents? I just felt like… consequences were coming from that at the end of the movie because… silly me, I think they should… and Robert Loggia doesn’t forgive easily. Oh well… it’s just a horrible movie.



• Next (2007) – So basically from the mid-80’s my remembered movie list jumps about twenty years to the next batch where they seemed to have forgotten endings. Now, I understand this Nicolas Cage / Jessica Biel flick was based on a notion by Philip K. Dick as many great sci-fi movies are… even if they’re not really futuristic sci-fi. Basically Nicolas Cage is a guy who can see a few minutes into the future, so he can see hundreds of possible scenarios & pick the best one… the government finds out… and now he’s on a mission to find a nuclear bomb before it goes off. He does a good job… and they find the bomb… then the credits roll. I… okay? What about the people who stole the bomb? Are we going after them now? I just seem to remember this movie ending with Nicolas Cage walking off, I think to go find them… and the credits rolling like “Is… Is that it?” Now, there were a few movies around this time that were supposed to have sequels like Jumper (2008) & Eragon (2006) but because they sucked so bad, the movies just left on little cliffhangers… but I’m not sure if Next was one of those movies… anyway, interesting concept but it just left me wanting at the end. Especially with the possibilities of sequel titles… like Next 2 (next to what?)… the Next Next… the Final Next… The Next Problem… The Sequel to Next… I don’t know… maybe that’s why they didn’t do it.



• Death Proof (2007) – I’ve mentioned this before back when I watched the movie for the first time… but after sticking around through the end credits of this movie to see what was going to happen when the three heroines of this movie returned with a completely trashed Dodge Challenger to Jasper’s home in the backwoods of Lebanon, Kentucky. Alas, there was no resolution in this Tarantino masterpiece… but perhaps that was his intention… to let the viewer picture their own ending… or in my case, sequel.



• No Country for Old Men (2007) – GREAT flick… kind of an ambiguous ending… I don’t know, it just seemed like a weird point to stop & roll the credits, right? Eh, I guess that’s why I’m not a professional critic. I don’t have enough training in nuance & a bunch of terms for film that if they really mattered, there wouldn’t be a minimum of four Transformer movies or SEVEN Fast & Furious flicks.



• Zodiac (2007) – I REALLY hate to question the merciful ending of a three-hour borefest like this movie… but yeah, after three hours of… this movie… it just kind of ends. What happens? What was learned? Not a whole hell of a lot… except I’m at least three hours older now… apparently it was just the thing to do in 2007 is leave your movie without a decent third act or any kind of resolution.



• 2001: Space Odyssey (1968) – Again… three hour flick… this one’s actually really f**king good too… amazing special effects by today’s standards let alone the 60’s… but after watching it, my initial response was “What’s up with the f**king baby? Is this a metaphor? Sigh… f**king Kubrick…” Now, I’m sure if I really wanted to, I could talk to a Kubrick expert… and delve into the genius that is Kubrick… and all the layers of his artwork… and get all the meanings that my simple mind might have missed in watching this flick (along with a few others he made) but to do that… I’d have to actually speak with a Kubrick expert… and the few that I’ve seen on television have steered me away from engaging in such conversation. So… barring I find a non-pretentious Kubrick expert… I’m just going to enjoy the overlying concepts of technology vs. nature, man’s path of self-destruction, logic vs. longing & all that crazy stuff… and just leave the Space Baby alone. I probably don’t want the answer anyway.



Did I forget any? Let me know…



Anyway, I’ll be back with more entries in a few days… this time probably beer related stuff and ACTUAL movie reviews. You’re welcome. Have a great day everybody!!!

Konichiwa 2013

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

It has been a busy first few days to the calendar year... but somehow I make it work, of course. Still catching up a little bit from my vacation to Utah, both at work & a few things around the house... but at a good pace... and just in time for work to get super busy again for about the next... 10.5 months solid. Nothing really too exciting the past week other than some great college football... and a few movie reviews that I'd like to share with you.

First up is "Chernobyl Diaries" which is a horror flick from some of the makers of "Paranormal Activity." This particular installment was... well, it had great potential. It's the story of some American backpackers going across Europe... then they meet up with one of their brothers in Ukraine, who has this wonderful idea of urban spelunking a city that was evacuated during the Chernobyl nuclear disaster (on my 5th birthday BTW). Well, they decide to do it... and then they find out why it was evacuated. Dun dun duuuuuh... Like I said, it's a pretty good creepy premise... and the location was incredible, a real abandoned city from the disaster & some underground bunkers... but the execution was mostly irritating more than anything. The whole movie was shot using a standing camera that was kind of like the huge craze of found footage (started with "Blair Witch Project" & now used incessantly) but mixed with other shots & it just really wasn't well done... and of course there's the usual bad acting & stupid moves by people in situations... and yeah, just not good horror timing or anything either. Just not a great experience. I wouldn't recommend it... but I totally wanna go urban spelunking now.

Next up was "Silent House" which is from the directors who brought you "Open Water" and it's basically a horror flick that was shot in one continuous shot... for about 88 minutes. That's basically starting with a crane shot, coming down to the actors, following them through the entire movie (sometimes too close but hey, given the quarters they were in...), getting the right camera angles, no errors in the (pretty standard) dialogue, and not turning the camera off ONCE for 88 minutes. It's a pretty remarkable feat... and I'll say it... they did a FANTASTIC job. Oh, the story is about a girl, her dad & her uncle restoring an old home by the lake... and then the sun starts going down... and then they realize that they're not alone in the house... they may have squatters... or something worse. I'd recommend checking it out... if not just for the fact that it's done in one shot. I'm a huge fan of long continuous shots whether it's Brian DePalma's movies, the seven-minute fight sequence in "The Protector" or some filmmakers that just have horrible editing skills... but it's intriguing from a film making standpoint.

Next up was "The Raid: Redemption" which is a Korean film about a squadron of police officers that are leading an assault on a fortified stronghold of an apartment building that houses the baddest baddie in the city & most of his minions. Now... there's a lot to be said for action movies that just get to the action... and keep it going. The movie starts with them in the SWAT van getting briefed. Not filling in the whole back story of each character & all that stuff. One guy has a pregnant wife... that's all that's mentioned... and then, it's game time. There's not a whole lot of detail given about where they're going, who they are, why they're attacking now as opposed to later, it's all waiting to be told throughout the rest of the movie between action sequences full of fist fights, explosions & plenty of caps being popped. I really enjoyed this movie... even with subtitles.

Later on in the week was "The Campaign" starring Will Ferrell & Zach Galafinakis. This comedy was about an idiotic arrogant incumbent North Carolina congressman (Ferrell) who's getting some surprise competition from a simple-minded small town tourism board employee (Galafinakis) whose father happens to be hella rich & therefore powerful in the Republican Party. Throw in some not-so-subtle Koch brother inspirations (played by the amazing pair of John Lithgow & Dan Aykroyd) and you've got a spoof on all things politics. It was okay... but yeah, a little too real to life to be hilarious. Will Ferrell is funny even when he's trying to be serious so... he's got that going for him... but yeah, probably won't watch it a second time... but good for a first watch, then decide for yourself.

Lastly today... is basically one of the best movies that I've seen in a long time... and yes, already frontrunner for $tevie of 2013 (though Quentin is still mad at me for not having it going against Batman for 2012's award last week) with "Django Unchained" starring Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, Christoph Waltz, Kerry Washington & Samuel L. Jackson among others. The story is about a slave named Django (Foxx) who becomes the protege of a bounty hunter (Waltz). After becoming a pair of lucrative bounty hunters, Django decides that it's time to find his wife (Washington) who was sold separately from him & get her back. They find out that she's in Mississippi at a plantation owner by a Monsieur Candie (DiCaprio). Now, I will warn you upfront that this movie is rated R. There are plenty of N & F words, violent blood-splosions with nearly ever of the many shot fired, and even things like threatened castration, bludgeoning & packs of wild dogs... however, if you're not squeamish (mostly implied violence anyway with squishy noises, if Dizzy can do it, you can do it, trust me) then it's actually fantastic filmmaking that keeps a good pace, is visually stunning, intriguing & just a lot of fun of fans of other Tarantino films, spaghetti westerns, blaxploitation era films & just great performances from just about everybody in the film. You even get cameos from guys like Don Johnson, Tom Wopat, James Remar (in two roles), Jonah Hill, Bruce Dern (for about five seconds), Tom Savini, Michael Parks & Tarantino himself (of course). GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!

 
Anyway, that'll probably do it for today. I've got some NFL playoffs to watch. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

So Money I Don't Even Know It

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The past few days have been pretty chill. Played a little basketball at the gym, meeting a lot of people & starting to get my wind and some skills back. Really didn’t realize how average I became without constantly practicing like I did for half my life. Oh well, I’m sure it’s like riding a bike… and the height always helps to bail me out in some situations. “Oh man, you total caught me with a good pick. SWAT!!! Luckily I could recover with the go-go-gadget arms.” I don’t say that out loud obviously… because I’m not a prick. I was just painting a picture for you. Also met some cute ladies yesterday, sisters that we’ll call S&M (it’s their initials, get your mind out of the gutter), and they told me that they’d be cheering for me at my first rec game on Sunday. “Really? Wow, thanks!” “Well… our dad is on the team too… but we’ll be cheering for ya.” “Understood. Well it’s still appreciated.” If I was a little more certain of their ages… then again, I don’t want to be going out with the coach’s daughter or anything like that. Too reminiscent of the dream about bangin’ the coach’s wife… how do I remember this crazy stuff? Yet I forget little things all the time? Anyway, you heard it, first rec game in (sigh…) nearly a DECADE coming up on Sunday. Wish me luck!!!

I’m also starting to finalize travel plans for Tahoe next weekend, Utah in September, Vegas in November and then Utah again for Christmas. Tahoe is set & I’m going to be meeting up with my stepsister and her family, which is REALLY awesome. My niece apparently has missed me a bit… but she’ll grow out of it, I’m sure. Vegas is set, flights are bought, hotels are secured, Jackie D is on board of course, it’s going to be EPIC!!! The only snag is going to Utah in September for the family reunion. Boss Man denied my vacation over that time due to business need… but it actually may work out for the best… because my mama mentioned that she may be coming out the weekend of her birthday in August with the kids (and my brother) so I may just end up taking some time off to hang with them. Saves me a plane ticket & I still get to hang with the family, just not in the desert getting drunk with my hillbilly uncles, which is mildly disappointing but I’ll get over it.

On that note, I’m also trying to set up a doctor here in the area. The thing is… I don’t really care. Obviously I’m not in any dire medical need at this point in my life. I’ve had one physical in the past… seven years or so I think. I eat fairly well, work out, drink responsibly, check myself for lumps on my junk at least once a day (usually first thing in the morning & late at night), but I’m getting to that age where maybe I just need to keep an eye on things. You know… look for signs. Nothing so far… but I figure that I can at least establish a relationship with a physician here in San Francisco (since I plan on staying for a while) and then when it comes to those “awkward questions” then it won’t be so awkward. Besides, I don’t want to be one of the thousands of men each year that die from stubbornness by not getting regular check-ups… and then it’s too late. Since nobody else is going to check my junk for lumps, I figure this is the best route to take. Wish me luck!

Buying Sex & Crime - Men who pay for sex are more likely than men who do not pay for sex to commit a variety of offenses including violent crimes against women, according to research conducted in the Boston area. The study, released this week, was based on interviews with 202 men conducted by the nonprofit group Prostitution Research and Education (damn, how do I get on that research team?) and was led by Melissa Farley, a clinical psychologist and anti-prostitution activist (so no bias there?). Buyers and non-buyers of commercial sex from the Boston area were paired by age, education and ethnicity to compare their perceptions of women after voluntarily joining the study. About half the men paid for sex and the other half did not. Men who paid for sex were more likely to report having committed felonies and misdemeanors, including crimes related to violence against women and those related to substance abuse, assault and weapons, the study found. The study was designed, among other things, to test attitudes of men who buy sex. It found that as a group, they share certain attitudes and behavioral tendencies different from their non-buying peers (ugh… like the willingness to exchange money for sexual favors?). Almost three in four of the sex buyers reported they learned about sex from pornography, whereas only 54% of the non-buyers did so. The two groups also held significantly different attitudes regarding whether prostitution was consenting sex or exploitation. Men who bought sex were significantly less empathetic toward women working as prostitutes (DUH!!!). Two thirds of both groups concluded most women prostitutes had been lured, tricked or trafficked into the work. But sex buyers "seemed to justify their involvement in the sex industry by stating their belief ... that women in prostitution were intrinsically different from non-prostituting women," the study's authors said. The majority of both groups, 61% of sex buyers and 70% of non-buyers, currently had a wife or girlfriend. So… I’m not sure if this study really tells us anything. There was a tendency for buyers of sex to have more felonies on their record? No sh*t! Last I checked, prostitution was still illegal in the Boston area… and a felony. Also, they tend to have a different view of women. That’s kind of like saying alcoholics have a different view of vodka than clergymen… or pastry chefs have a different view of cakes from diabetics. I don’t know… I’m sure that there really is a correlation between willingness to break the law to acquire a sexual partner for a brief time and the willingness to break the law for any number of other reasons. I still want to know how I get the government grant money to conduct some of these studies though. Who do I have to know? Where do I have to go? I have theories (and stereotypes) that I just need to bring to the forefront of the scientific community.

GI Joe 2: Cobra Strikes – Like does anybody really want to see another GI Joe movie? Apparently somebody does. The first movie wasn’t total refuse by any means… but hey, just wait for the sequels now. Casting is underway though and "Rome," "Punisher: War Zone" and "Thor" actor Ray Stevenson has been cast as the villain Firefly in "G.I. Joe 2: Cobra Strikes" at Paramount Pictures says Heat Vision. Firefly is a member of the villainous Cobra Organization and is known as a saboteur, ninja master and explosives expert. Yes, a true jack of all trades. Stevenson will next be seen playing Porthos in Summit’s "The Three Musketeers". He joins a confirmed cast that includes Channing Tatum, Dwayne “THE ROCK” Johnson, Adrianne Palicki, Elodie Yung, the RZA (WU TANG!!!) and D.J. Cotrona. The Jon M. Chu-directed sequel begins shooting in Louisiana at the end of summer and hits cinemas August 2012… so keep your eyes out. Oh… and before I forget, Jon M Chu is the director who brought you “Step Up 2 Da Streets” & “Step Up 3D” so… yeah… you’ve been warned. Sadly I think another disaster may be heading towards Louisiana. Too soon? Eh, low expectations may lead to being pleasantly surprised. Too bad that my doppelganger Dennis Quaid hasn’t been asked to come back… but hey, too much eye candy may distract from the integrity of the project. I understand.

Captain Planet Movie – Yup, it’s exactly what you think it is. Cartoon Network has signed a development agreement with Angry Filmworks to develop a live-action feature film based on the environment-saving animated hero "Captain Planet and the Planeteers". The original series was about a group of young people (Planeteers) who combine their special powers (Earth, Wind, Fire, Water & Heart if I remember correctly) to summon Captain Planet, an environmental superhero, to battle the world's worst eco-villains. The show premiered in fall 1990 and ran for six seasons. Producers Don Murphy and Susan Montford now have exclusive rights to develop and package the property and advance it towards production. So what do you think? Will it be a G-rated straight-to-DVD movie? Probably… but it’s a good start to other similar properties being made. I’m not talking about… what I can only assume is a Superman backstory with a green skin pigmentation disorder (never really thought about Captain’s backstory before) but I’m talking about other captains throughout history (primarily the 80s & 90s when I was most impressionable) who have yet to get their movie deals. For example…

Cap’n Crunch – You all know and love the cereal that bears this man’s name… but do you know… the REAL Captain Cornelius M. Crunch of her Majesty’s Royal Navy? I think not. Yet it’s a story that must be told… a story of Love… Duty… Honor… and a Fortitude to stay steadfast, hardy, and dare I say crunchy… even in milk. The only problem is going to be working the early days as a proprietor of lady’s company in the early days and his notorious potty mouth into a PG-13 rating… but I can totally see Colin Firth makin’ the Cap’n happen.

Captain Nintendo – Does anybody else remember Captain N? I feel like it’s Conan & the Hanna-Barbarians cuz very few people remember it. Anyway, I remember it being about a gamer who had a special controller or something (back when it was four buttons – A, B, select, start) and he would put it on his belt buckle… and he could save the day using his gaming powers. You know… like getting Super Mario’s fireballs… or super jumping ability… and stuff like that. It could totally work… on acid.

Captain Power & the Soldiers of the Future – This is the granddaddy of them all. Allow me to paint a picture for you… using what I recall from the show’s introduction. Earth, 2147. The legacy of the Metal Wars, where man fought machines… and machines won. Bio-Dreads… monstrous creations that hunt down human survivors... and digitize them (aaaaah… that was somebody being digitized… but I digress). Volcania, center of the Bio-Dread Empire; stronghold and fortress of Lord Dread, feared ruler of this new order. But from the fires of the Metal Wars arose a new breed of warrior, born and trained to bring down Lord Dread and his Bio-Dread Empire. They were Soldiers of the Future!!! Mankind's last hope!!!

Their leader Captain Jonathan Power, master of the incredible Power Suits, which transform each soldier into a one-man attack force. Major Matthew 'Hawk' Masterson, fighter in the skies. Lieutenant Michael 'Tank' Ellis (played by my favorite bit actor of all time, Sven-Ole Thorsen), ground assault unit. Sergeant Robert 'Scout' Baker, espionage and communications… and Corporal Jennifer 'Pilot' Chase, tactical systems expert. Together they form the most powerful fighting force in Earth's history. Their creed? To protect all life. Their promise? To end Lord Dread's rule. Their name? (EXPLOSION!!!) Captain Power And The Soldiers Of The Future! TELL ME you wouldn’t rather see that then some namby pamby environmentalist show with some flying green guy… I rest my case. Oh, I know I’ve got skills AND passion when it to these kind of things… but nothing like this guy…

Tarantino Update – As usual… the more I hear about a Quentin Tarantino movie in the works… the more I get excited. Hard as steel and still getting harder!!! The latest update… Kevin Costner (“Dances with Wolves”) is in negotiations to join the cast of Quentin Tarantino's spaghetti western "Django Unchained" reports Deadline. Costner is in talks to play Ace Woody, the sadistic trainer of the male fighting slaves who entertain the white patrons of Candyland club and ranch, as well as the female slaves who are forced to be prostitutes. Ace pits the fighters against one another, and has little qualms about mistreating and even killing the slaves who don't measure up (still not as hated as Michael Vick though). Both Costner and Leonardo DiCaprio's role of Calvin Candie, owner of Candyland, are said to be as sadistic as Christoph Waltz's turn in "Inglorious Basterds". Waltz himself, along with Samuel L. Jackson, also star. Jamie Foxx will play the title character, a slave-turned-bounty hunter who must take on those villains to free his slave wife. Shooting kicks off in the early Fall. Oh God… I could cut glass with my nipples right now. DiCaprio & Costner as villains… and Jamie Foxx is coming to save the day… in the Old West… corsets… plus Christoph Waltz & Samuel L are going to be in it? Man, it’s going to be hard walking around with this nerd-rection for the next three years while they shoot this thing. Don’t act like you’re not impressed. What? There’s more???

Marilyn Update - A Spanish collector plans to auction what he claims is a newly discovered 8-mm version of a film purportedly showing Marilyn Monroe having sex when she was still an underage actress known as Norma Jean Baker (oh God, I think I’m going to pass out, blood has completely left my brain). A Marilyn Monroe expert, however, says the actress in the film is someone else, considerably heavier and less feminine than the legendary film star. Mmm… big boned Marilyn… giggidy!!! "That's not Marilyn. The chin is not the same, the lips are not the same, the teeth are not the same," said Scott Fortner, who has a sizeable collection of Monroe memorabilia, including a belt he said proves how much more petite she was. "Marilyn was a tiny little thing. And I know that for a fact. I own her clothing." Well, she may have lost a little weight once she became a movie star. That’s usually what happens... but the real question is… why are you trying to f**k this up for me? Collector Mikel Barsa said in an interview Wednesday that he wants at least $500,000 for the sexually explicit 6½-minute, grainy black-and-white film, which he says was made before 1947, when Monroe was not yet 21. He said it's an exact copy of a 16-mm film discovered more than a decade ago. Barsa brokered a sale of that film to a European magazine in 1997, which he said in turn sold some 600,000 copies before a collector bought the original 16-mm reel for $1.2 million (cha-ching!!!). Copies of that version are still circulating on the Internet. "People with romantic notions have denied that it's Marilyn Monroe, and have invented stories" to raise doubts about the film, Barsa said in his Buenos Aires office, which is lined with pictures from his days as a concert promoter. "This film shows the real Marilyn Monroe — it was only later that the studios discovered her and transformed her." The face of the woman in the film looks considerably different from the Monroe who emerged later as a star, but more similar to the Monroe seen in one of her first movies, 1949's "Love Happy," which shows the actress before she lost weight, added a beauty spot on her left cheek and became one of Hollywood's most enduring stars. Barsa said he has no idea how the two original copies ended up in the hands of the people who sought his help selling them, and he refused to identify any of the principals involved. He said that in the 1940s, sex films were often made using side-by-side 16-mm and 8-mm cameras, since audiences used both formats (you know, before the 60’s & 70’s revolutionized the smut game). The collector said that Mark Roesler of Indianapolis-based CMG Worldwide, which has managed the image and estate of Monroe, threatened to sue after the earlier version surfaced in 1997. Barsa said nothing ever came of it after the owners offered to sell the film to CMG (of course). Roesler didn't respond Wednesday to two emails and a phone call requesting comment. Barsa says he plans to auction the film himself August 7th at a memorabilia collectors fair that he has organized in Buenos Aires, and is hoping for publicity similar to the scandal he generated when he screened the 16-mm version at a similar fair in Madrid in 1997. News coverage of his auction is already creating another buzz on the Internet. His part of the deal is a 10% sales commission, he said. A variety of sexually explicit films and pictures have been attributed to Monroe over the years, fostering a long and unresolved debate. "In the Marilyn community, people have debated this for years and years and for the most part it's widely believed that this is not her," Fortner said. Still, even Fortner said Monroe's image changed considerably as she became a star — that she had some plastic surgery, learned how to hold her face differently in modeling school and adopted a mole on her left cheek. "I actually think it moved from time to time," Fortner said. Monroe died of an overdose of sleeping pills in 1962 at 36 years old… which oddly enough means she’d be in her mid-eighties if she were still alive. Think about that for a moment. Anyway, over sixty years after it was made, an alleged sex tape of Marilyn is out. It might be worth a gander… but hey, there’s money in smut. And celebrity hype of smut. It may be interesting to see how this works out… but hey, I’m already well on my way to another nerdgasm.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Tomorrow is a Blues & BBQ Festival in Redwood City, so I might go check that out… and then Sunday is Game Day. Hopefully I’ll do alright & I’m basically where I’m not looking to completely dominate the game… but rather just help out the team in any way that I can & not embarrass myself. I should be able to manage that. I’ll let you know the stats or something if I can keep track… but the final score is the important part. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Slap It Up, Flip It, Rub It Down

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the roommate interviews went splendidly. We were slated for five on Wednesday, two actually showed up, both took about five minutes each tops, both were pretty easy-going chicks from what I could tell (not even time for nicknames really), and within a few hours of the interview… one of them started signing checks… and she’ll be moving in on Tuesday. How sweet is that? Now let’s just hope she’s not a secret creeper. I’m sure she’s fine though. I’ll let you know her nom de plume just as soon as I get one for her. Other than that, just been a busy week with work & a little working out, but still not as much as I should be. I could blame interviews… but it’s just me mostly, especially when the sun’s going down & I’ve been up since early. Oh well, the weekend should reinvigorate my sense of wonder. Sunday night… TECH N9NE!!! Stay tuned…

Earlier this week, I watched “The Next Three Days” starring Russell Crowe, Liam Neeson & Elizabeth Banks (and an eclectic ensemble cast that included Olivia Wilde, Brian Dennehy, the RZA & Daniel Stern among others). Okay, the story is about an apparently brilliant man (Crowe) whose wife (Banks, who is probably too pretty to ever really be considered a great actress, just saying) is arrested & convicted for murdering a coworker. The man spends his fortune trying to defend her, retrial, almost to the Supreme Court… to no avail. The evidence is staggering… but he believes she didn’t do it. So now… he’s convinced that he’s going to break her out of jail… and they’re going to run away to some far off country. He even asks an expert criminal (Neeson in a two minute scene) to find out how to do it & not get caught. Oh… and there’s a 9-year old son involved too. The premise may be a little on the edge of reason… but the movie itself is actually pretty good. It’s even fairly realistic… whereas the odds are REALLY stacked against you in trying to break somebody out of jail… and have enough money to get away & stay away undetected… and trusting people in an untrustworthy industry like forfeiting, robbing, stealing & prison. Go figure. So yeah… it’s pretty good. I would recommend it… but it’s going to take a little disbelief in a few spots.

A few days ago, I sat and watched a movie with Nurse again… and this time, it was “Easy A” starring Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Stanley Tucci, Thomas Haden Church & Lisa Kudrow. They say it’s a modern retelling of “The Scarlet Letter” but… it’s really just about rumors spreading like wildfire through high school and teenage drama mostly. There’s this girl that (inexplicably) nobody notices (Stone) who makes a little white lie to cover spending an entire weekend singing “Pocket Full of Sunshine” by saying that she went on a date… and her ditzy friend starts saying that she’s been banging this imaginary guy… and it goes from there. She starts being ridiculed by the stuck-up church girl (Bynes), and seeks advise from her favorite teacher (Church) but the lies just kind of go from there because she likes that people actually notice her… even if it’s because they think she’s a tramp. That being said though… it was actually pretty damn funny. I almost feel bad saying it given my usual stance on chick flicks AND teenage drama… but yeah, it was actually pretty funny on many levels… and I might even watch it again.

Later that night… it was time for “The Green Hornet” starring Seth Rogen & Christophe Waltz. Now, this movie has been gestating for a looooong time with Kevin Smith in & out as the writer / director… but that apparently wasn’t meant to be. Regardless, I really liked this movie… but obviously more for the comedy of Seth Rogen & the writers who brought you half of the good comedies since “40 Year Old Virgin” than the superhero storyline. Anyway, the story is about a young man (Rogen) who inherits a newspaper fortune… and basically, while drunk one night with his chauffeur / mechanic / barista Kato, they decide to become crime fighters… but by disguising themselves as criminals. Why? Because superheroes get their asses kicked. So with the help of his own newspaper giving this new mysterious “bad guy” press, the baddest guy in all of LA (Waltz) decides that he’s had enough of competition… and conspires to eliminate this Green Hornet... who honestly is causing more destruction than he's preventing... but hey, that's not for me to say. Okay, I’d recommend watching this movie… but basically only because it’s pretty hilarious… and some of the special effects are okay (not all). The director Michel Gondry is the guy who did “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” & “Science of Sleep” so it has it moments where you question it… but since it’s a big budget blockbuster they had plenty of guys making sure it made sense & if you’re a fan of Rogen’s dialogue… then you’ll like this movie. There’s even a cameo from James Franco, ladies. There. Now go see it. Here’s the news…

Children’s Book Update – As you know, I’ve been interested in the idea of making children’s books for some time… but have no artistic ability so the illustrations would be crudely drawn creatures (probably with humongous breasts) and I’d probably work a few phrases into the story just to picture the parents reading them the first time. “Wait… did I just say reach around while talking about Santa’s elves helping one another? That can’t be right.” Regardless, it’s refreshing to see that being borderline crazy (human) won’t play too much of a role, because I’m just like everybody else in the industry. A New York children's author who used a curse word in exasperation during a plane delay at a U.S. airport was ejected from the aircraft for disruptive behavior. Robert Sayegh, 37, said Atlantic Southeast Airlines overreacted to his salty language when it summoned police aboard to escort him off the Sunday evening flight at Detroit Metro Airport (there’s a reason right there… he was in Detroit). "The f-word is not a nice word to use," he acknowledged in a telephone interview, adding he was complaining to himself rather than snapping at anyone in particular. "I really didn't think I was being that loud." Sayegh, who is also a television producer, was catching a connecting flight home after attending a relative's wedding in Kansas City, Missouri. He was, by his own account, feeling tired. The plane was not taking off. The explanation that there was a problem with the overhead compartments did little to soothe his irritation, he said. And so, to no one in particular, he wondered aloud, using coarse language, what was taking so long. "I said the f-word," Sayegh said. Perhaps, he recalled, he said it twice. A flight attendant seated near Sayegh took offense. Soon he was being led off the plane by police. "I didn't direct it at him," Sayegh said, referring to the flight attendant. "The only reason he heard me was he was sitting in his seat behind me." Atlantic Southeast Airlines said in a statement that it was investigating the incident aboard Flight 5136, and declined to offer further details. The airline confirmed that a passenger was removed and then booked onto another flight back to New York a couple of hours later. "We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused," the airline statement said. Typical response. Sayegh apologized for offending anyone with his language. "I asked the people around me if I was being rude and they said 'No.' If I was this loud disruptive passenger then I'm sure everyone would have been aware of it." Sayegh said he would complain to the airline. "The ironic part is I'm putting a children's book out in August so this wasn't the kind of press I was looking for," he added, saying there are no obscenities in the book. I’ll admit it. I’ve used the f-word more than thrice on a flight… and those are ones without delays. “I’m just saying the city that I’m going to in Thailand. What’s the big f**king deal?” “It’s pronounced pu-ket.” “Then why is it spelled Phuket???” Anyway, that’s a future discussion. He must have REALLY offended somebody on that flight… but hey, he’ll get compensated with a free flight or something… and a little publicity for his book.

Bank Robbing Update – I should seriously make a monthly magazine about bank robbing or something. I still think it would be an interesting idea… but the subscription membership would be… questionable at best. Probably big on the militia crowd. Anyway, a woman robbed a Colorado bank by passing a note saying she would infect a teller with AIDS if the clerk didn't hand over money, police said on Friday. Jeff Satur, spokesman for the Longmont, Colorado police department, said detectives are searching for a pale woman between the ages of 55 and 75 with a "boney build." Satur said a woman, who was wearing a train conductor's cap and a gray sweat shirt, walked into a Wells Fargo bank inside a Safeway grocery store on Thursday night and handed a note to a teller. "She indicated she had AIDS and would give it to a teller if she didn't cooperate," Satur said. The woman coughed frequently into a blue bandana during the robbery, and fled with an undisclosed amount of cash, Satur said. Police and the FBI released still photographs of the robbery and are reviewing additional photographs and surveillance video from the bank's parking lot to try and identify the suspect. She is described as about 5-feet 6 inches tall, and weighing between 130 and 150 pounds. No weapon was displayed during the robbery and no one was injured, police said. So to recap… a frail looking grandma type threatened the bank teller to give them a disease if they didn’t hand over the cash. I know banks are insured… but that’s kind of like threatening to exist. I’m not one for confrontation… but if an old lady threatens my life at my place of work, she is making a horrible life choice at that point, especially if there’s a blunt object anywhere within arm’s length & I don’t think she’s spry enough to defend herself. Okay, honestly I would’ve just given her the money too… but only because it was insured. If it were my pocket, first off, I could outrun her. Secondly, I could taze her if I didn’t want to worry about the blood splatter from my foot breaking off in her backside. Thirdly, she’s an old lady, she’s already ripe with disease. She’s probably robbing a bank just to pay for medication anyway (thank you corporate America). So my grade for this robbery – C+. Why? It worked for the moment… nobody got hurt… and the money probably went for a good cause. However, in the wrong set of circumstances, she could’ve been put down by just about anybody in the place who wanted to be a hero. Just saying…

Tarantino Update - Darren Aronofsky is reportedly in talks with Christian Bale about possibly starring in his $130 million take on "Noah's Ark" reports Vulture. The locking down of Bale would help secure studio backing for the project assuming Aronofsky wants Bale for the lead. At present a trio of studios (Paramount, Summit, and Fox) considering co-financing the movie with New Regency where it is set up. However, this isn’t a Bale Update… this is a Tarantino Update, so why do I even mention it. I thought it was interesting. A Noah’s Ark movie? Okay. Meanwhile Showbiz 411 reports that Jamie Foxx (“Ray”, “Miami Vice” & “Booty Call”) may be joining Quentin Tarantino‘s “Django Unchained” in the titular role. There is also a rumor that Leonardo DiCaprio is also "definitely signed" according to the report. For those who don’t know, this is Tarantino’s Western film that he’s been talking about for YEARS, more like decades. Oh… and for you naysayers thinking that Leonardo DiCaprio can’t do a Western… go check out “The Quick & the Dead” and get back to me. That was twenty years ago. He’s damn near an Eastwood by now. And Jamie Foxx can definitely be a black sheriff a la Blazing Saddles… or whatever part he may be. I’m excited. Too bad it’ll probably be another 2-3 years before we get to see the end product. Damn Tarantino for being a perfectionist!!! Oh well, it should be worth the wait.

That’ll do it for this evening. Got some shopping to do for birthdays & Father’s Day tomorrow and then TECH N9NE Sunday night with Bubbles. It should be fun… plus plenty of sunshine from what I’m told. Thursday, I leave for Utah for the weekend & Spitso’s wedding. Should make for a good time… as 4th of July is after that. Fun fun fun!!! Have a great weekend everybody!!!