Transcendent Thoughts

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

First & foremost, a big happy birthday to The Wingman earlier this week. It’s been a big year with everything from his marriage to the passing of his father… his son getting married to still ongoing courtroom custody battles across the state… all kinds of stuff in between, and I feel sorry that I haven’t been there to, I don’t know, share a beer with him to vent it out or anything like that living a thousand miles away… but yeah, he’s a good strong dude & he can pull through… and he’s got his family there to support him. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing him in a few weeks when I go to Utah though. He’s been itching to try my beer ever since he heard about it so, hopefully it’s not disappointing. I’ve missed ya bro… happy birthday!!!

 

Speaking of legends, I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that comedic icon Robin Williams took his own life a few days ago… and it’s just sad as f**k any way you slice it. For over forty years, the guy was almost ALWAYS on stage. From summer blockbusters to the most meaningless interview, every time that he knew there was a camera around… and from interviews even when they weren’t, he was there just trying to make people smile & keep it light and airy. I’m sure those closest to him know the darker side with the drugs, addiction, depression & all that mess… but it was never a huge thing in the public light, so most are shocked. Whenever I hear about somebody taking their own life, it’s rough for me. Like most of you out there, I’ve known a few people who have taken their life… and it’s always incredibly sad & seemingly selfish at the same time. There’s always the sudden feelings of “Oh my God! How did this happen? I had no idea they felt this way” to “F**k them for taking the easy way out! P**sy!” and reflecting on the good times and trying to search for answers in the bad times… but yeah, it’s just tragic all around. So because that’s the way I am… let’s focus on the good stuff. His comedy was hilarious, relevant, inspiring & just plain ridiculous… his “real” acting was even pretty decent. I mean… sure there was some bad movies over the years, but show me an actor or actress who has not been in a bad movie & I’ll show you a waitress at a diner or parking valet in Hollywood. However, he was also in some great ones… and he always seemed to give it his all. He also had lots of philanthropic work going on… and especially here in San Francisco, he was just one of those living legends walking amongst the commoners from time to time… but at the same time, never really put himself on a pedestal above others. You could go on for days & days about all the complexities of his character (and believe me, you’ll hear plenty of it for the next month or so on TV) but the world is truly a sadder place without Robin Williams. Hopefully you’ve found peace…

 

Tuesday night, I watched “Transcendence” starring Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy & Paul Bettany… and directed by Wally Pfister, who was the cinematographer for all those great Christopher Nolan movies from the past decade. The story is about a scientist & his wife (Depp & Hall) who are on the forefront of creating artificial intelligence to help solve all of the world’s problems from the environment to the economy to war to hunger to dropped cell phone calls to girls who won’t call back to that stuff that forms in your eyes when you sleep… you get the idea. Well, there’s an ecoterrorist organization that blows up a bunch of labs across the U.S. to stop them from doing so (Why? You know why… religion, fear of technology, they cancelled Firefly, change, blah blah blah) and so the only lab left is theirs… and they have to go into hiding because… you know, cops & FBI are pointless. Well, because the attempt on the scientist’s life left him with radiation poisoning (apparently it was on the bullet) he only has a month to live… and so he downloads himself into the artificial intelligence… the wife is like “Oh my God, you’re alive! I’ll totally hook you up to the internet!” while their friend (Bettany) is a little more “Wait, this might not be a good idea to give THIS access to EVERYTHING!” Well, of course he gets hooked to the web… and they have all the resources they would ever need to do their research… but is it really the scientist in the machine? Or is it the machine playing as the scientist to get what it wants? Now, all I heard about this movie from the few people I know that saw it… is that it was horrible. Now, the pacing… is extremely slow for most parts of the movie. It may not really be… but it certainly does feel that way & that’s what really matters. For all the talk about technology being able to cure everything in mere minutes & flashing screens of everything happening almost instantaneously, there’s a LOT of slow mo, whimsical, you know… shots like a cinematographer is jerking himself off. Aside from that though, the characters are fairly interesting (though the wife is a little too… overly wifey?) and the overlying theme is that technology can be great but it can also be very dangerous if unchecked… and all the moral components of what’s right, wrong, weird, better for all, better for the individual, free will, tactical thought, all that stuff… it was a LOT better than I was led to believe. I wouldn’t say a great movie but definitely a good one. I’d say check it out if you’re into a lot of Philip K. Dick novel concepts about reality vs. perception and all that.

 

Wednesday night, I had dinner with Bubbles at a place in the Dogpatch area of town called Poquito. It was a nice little tapas & Latin cuisine place… and they had a happy hour, so we were sold. The portions were actually pretty good for a tapas place too & at reasonable rates. Because Bubbles is vegetarian I was a little worried, but the food was good… and they had things like patatas bravas, potato pancakes, corn pancakes, beet salad & Portobello mushroom empanadas that hit the spot. Go check them out if you’re in the area. As for the chit-chat, she’s looking to move to Vancouver… so we’ll see how long that takes. I offered to introduce her to Doug from the Alaska cruise… oh wait, you still haven’t heard about him have you? Well, she declined… for now.

   

Okay, so Wednesday night, possibly fueled by tapas, I had a weird little dream. The main part that I remember was towards the end where I was basically walking through the desert… with a little rat dog (Pomeranian?) on a leash in one hand… and carrying a gun in the other… behind me is the burning wreckage of a car… and walking in front of me… is Britney Spears in a black leotard kinda thing. Stop! I don’t know why… not even a huge fan of blondes, not even sure if it was her but just a busty blonde. Did I mention that I had a gun & a b**ch on a leash & there was a car on fire? Let’s focus on that! Anyway, we’re having some sort of stupid rom-com conversation straight outta those stupid bounty hunter flicks like “One for the Money” or more like that one with Gerard Butler & Jennifer Aniston “The Bounty Hunter”. Something like she was on the run… and I was trying to find her before the REAL bad guys find her… and because we apparently had a thing, I knew where she’d be… but now I had to walk her back to her car against her will because my car blew up or something… maybe there was a shootout or something beforehand that I don’t remember. Anyway, after a few minutes of that BS and tugging on the little dog to keep up, we come to a town & I holster my weapon.

 

“Okay, where in town are you parked at? Back at the motel?” “Yeah.” “Okay, hand me your keys to the room & your car. You stay over here (by the fence separating a gas station from a canyon) and I’ll check the place out. If the coast is clear, I’ll grab your things, hop in the car & swing by to pick you up. If not, we’ll improvise. Sound good?” “I’m going to jail…” “No, you’re NOT getting SHOT repeatedly until you die. If you turn state’s evidence or whatever, you’ve at least got a shot. I don’t do this for a living & I found you. I was actually kind of surprised that I found you first, let’s not lose that advantage. Keys please.” She hands me the room key… and as she’s handing me the car keys, she flicks them to her right over the cliff edge. I see the keys fall down… down… down… bouncing off the rocks… look back towards her… and basically give her a shrug & say “Okay… good luck… nice knowing ya…” and start walking away. “Where are you going?” “Ugh… I’m going home. I don’t need to be here. 10% of your bail… not really that huge of a thing. Just thought it’d be nice to help you out AND make a few bucks… but I’m done. My skill set, my anonymity to your pursuers, my kind heart towards your disposition, my willingness to allow you & your f**king dog to continue living after you blew my f**king car up, all that is no longer available. Obviously you've got this all figured out.”

 

I throw the leash at her and the dog starts barking… so I do the only rational thing & aim my gun at it. “NO!” She jumps at me to stop, I raise the gun up into the air and she jumps and stretches to grab it… but I’m really tall so… you know, breasts bouncing all about, grinding up on my sh*t, obviously she starts falling for me, feeling all up on my pecs, blah blah blah, you’ve seen this kind of movie before. I reach down with one arm & reach around her, lean over her backturned posture as she’s just waiting for my embrace… and then I push her away having pulled the REAL keys out of the back pockets of her leotard. “Thank you!” “What? How did you…” “I’ve been walking behind you through the f**king desert for the past four miles… and you’re wearing a leotard. I also know that your cash & ID are placed against your left thigh but I wasn’t going to go after that too since I also noticed what appeared to be a frayed string. That time of the month?” “How…? DAMN IT!!!” “Look, it happens. Now, just let me know now. The offer still stands if you want to head out of here with me… or you can do this by yourself & I’ll wish you the best of luck.” I never found out her decision since that was about the time my alarm went off. Yeah… that’s right, I had among the world’s most unsexy dreams involving Britney, a black leotard, leashes, a motel & gunplay ever. What does it all mean? Don’t know… don’t care… just thought I’d share.

 

Anyway, that's it for this entry I guess... next time there'll of course be homebrewing updates & other FUNTASTIC activities as always. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

The Quest for Unobtainium

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sorry I haven't been keeping y'all posted this past week... I know you're ALWAYS enthralled with how the great Dr Mookie Love is spending his Valentine's Day regardless of the time of year... but especially when you're preparing your own activities. Guys are always asking me stuff like "$teve, how do I make my girl's muffin melt?" or "Dude, why is my girl always asking about you? Why you gotta be so fly all the time?" Ladies usually just speak to me in moans, hums & f**k me eyes... but I know that I have a duty to communicate this information to you on a regular basis. However, this week was EXTREMELY busy at work for me personally & overall... so by the time I get home, when I do have a free moment, I don't wanna think & articulate my thoughts. Some people out there are lucky to get text messages... but I hold myself to a high standard with this thing... so my apologies. Let's see... what happened?

Monday, nothing much... worked all day, came home, caught up on some sleep. Tuesday was Valentine's Day though... and I got some company from Dizzy. She had never seen the Trey Parker classics of "Cannibal! The Musical" and "Orgazmo" so we watched those. The thing is... with Dizzy, I'm not really looking for a romantic relationship... I'm looking for more of a friendship. You know, someone where we can go do things, go on adventures, hang out, keep it casual... but I'm afraid she wants more of the holding hands, cuddling, romance, that kind of thing. I blame myself. No, not for my actions or anything as I've been keeping it very friendly & casual... but I blame myself because... as I mentioned earlier, I'm just so irresistable apparently. Okay, that last part may not be true... but yeah, it's an awkward situation that I plan on explaining before too long... so hopefully neither of us get too twisted about it. Sigh... anyway, that was my Valentine's Day.

Wednesday, I found out that Jackie D & C-Real (from the Vegas Adventure in November) may be coming to visit me very soon thanks to recent airline sales. They're saying in April sometimes... but we shall see. Nothing definite. I also watched season one of "Frisky Dingo" with my roommate Batgirl. She had never seen it... but loved "Archer" so it was a natural fit (being a Batman fan & all). Oh... and if you don't remember, "Frisky Dingo" is about a spoiled brat version of Bruce Wayne and the hilarious & kooky adventures that he gets into with his bumbling arch nemesis Killface. Check it out. Boosh!

Thursday, I went to my first Zumba class at the Y... and let me tell you that I may be attending these classes more often. Apparently... Zumba is where big firm booties & tig bitties go to shake it in a sweaty dancing workout... and daddy like. Now, of course, I have to work a little more on my rhythm as apparently the past few years my hips have forgotten how to salsa & meringue through lack of use... but yeah, really enjoyed the class & I think I did pretty well for a first time. Everybody warned me that I would be gasping for air by the end of it... and I was perfectly fine stamina wise. I even went & worked out some more after the hour class. So there... the stamina is coming back in a major way. Watch out ladies...

Friday, I wasn't feeling too hot thanks to the exhausting work week so I called it a night and watched "The Rum Diary" starring Johnny Depp, Aaron Eckhart, Richard Jenkins & Amber Heard. Based on the legendary Hunter S. Thompson novel, it's the story of a journalist (Depp) who is hired by a dying newspaper in San Juan, Puerto Rico in 1960. While there, he gets involved in a little land conspiracy with a real estate tycoon (Eckhart) and has a major crush on his nemesis' girlfriend (Heard) while trying to help his editor (Jenkins) keep the paper afloat... oh and of course he has a bit of a drinking problem... and finds other drugs along the way. To be honest, the scenery of Puerto Rico was beautiful... as was Amber Heard... but the movie didn't really grip me as I thought it might. I was honestly expecting "Fear & Loathing in San Juan" but it was more... I don't know, preachy about how the white man comes in and destroys everything beautiful in the name of money... which may be true & let's face it, based on Hunter's work, what else should I really expect? So yeah... pretty good movie but not thoroughly thrilling. Check it out if you'd like but not a must see.

Saturday morning, I went to Dynamo Donuts because I had a hankering for some exotic donuts... including the mythical Bacon Maple Apple donuts that they had there. Other varieties include Lemon Pistachio, Dark Cholocate Anise, Cornmeal Rosemary Cherry & even a special winter ale variety. So... I basically got a dozen donuts (Pixie wanted three) and sadly have been noshing on them since... down to about 3-4 left as sad as that is... but they are so delicious... and you know, they're basically destroyed after two days or so anyway. I highly recommend that you go try these donuts. Warning: They are about $3 a pop & I think you get about 300 calories per dollar... but f**k it, they're delicious & you can always just push yourself harder at the gym if you feel badly about it. That's how I do it... and as you can see, the results speak for themselves. Ha...

During the day, I was flipping through the channels after the sun had gone down... and I decided to watch one of the worst movies that I never even finished... and it's "The Core" starring Aaron Eckhart, Hilary Swank, Delroy Lindo, Stan Tucci, Richard Jenkins & the world's greatest actor... DJ QUALLS!!! Okay, I watched this movie when it first came out a few years back... and about half way through, they had completely lost me. Allow me to sum up the premise real quick: The Earth's magnetic field is in major flux. People's pacemakers are stopping, birds are going nuts & dozens of people are dying. What is the cause of it? The Earth's molten core which controls the magnetic field is slowing down & possibly going to stop which would have catastrophic results including seismic activity, UV ray meltdown of the surface, superstorms... basically everybody dies. Period. So how do we stop it? Simple. You get a crack team of people together to make a giant drill vehicle made of Unobtainium (yes, like Avator or some 1950's B-movie) to drill down into the Earth's core at about 100 MPH, while there set off a giant nuclear bomb to "jump start" the core, and then allegedly make it out of there before the explosion destroys the ship. Now... okay, I get it. You're trying to do "Armegeddon" meets "Journey to the Center of the Earth" or some sh*t... but if you manage to lose me on a scientific basis... well, here are a few text quotes to C-Real while we were chatting (because I watched the movie alone)... Possible spoiler alerts... but I wouldn't recommend you waste over two hours of your life on this movie...

"Okay, this movie just started off with a guy in his 30's or 40's randomly dying about to start a presentation... and I think I remember it being because of a pacemakers stopping. Overdose a few years back? Also, about 20 people in a block radius did the same thing, all apparently driving trucks. Does EVERYBODY have a f**king pacemaker?"

"Okay... they just had birds going nuts in London going all Hitchcock... but I swear I just saw a few fish thrown at the windows. I rewound to confirm. Pretty sure those are fish. If this movie is purposely trying to be bad, they're not doing a good job. If this movie is purposely trying to be serious, they're not doing a good job."

"Oh sh*t, I forgot the name of the material the ship is made out of was Unobtainium. What is this? Avatar? Plan 9 from Outer Space?"

"DJ QUALLS IS IN THE BUILDING!!!"

"Really? Whales are following the ship? Because whales are first off, that plentiful... secondly, they always descend to the bottom of the Miriana Trench... that's a scientific fact, right?"

"So let me get this straight... the drill that can dig through the Earth at 100 MPH has one weakness... and it's when there's NOTHING for it to drill? Why? Wouldn't that help?"

"Reality check: If you're drilling into Earth at an incredible rate at the bottom of the Miriana Trench... wouldn't the ocean water follow behind you a bit... until some of the liquid hot magma you've also gone through interfered... and it the incredibly surmountable pressure that causes diamonds & giant geodes to form? Yeah, apparently you're standing in it now as you try to fix your drill." By the way, I think this is where I stopped watching it before...

"Oh Jesus! What? Break the giant nuke into five pieces & set them off with complete millisecond accuracy... on the fly... then outrun the explosion in your already physically impossible vessel? Did you realize that it took you three full days at 100 MPH to get there in the first place? Forgetting that you don't have five separate bombs to my knowledge. Pretty sure you just had one... and if there's anything that Bond flicks have taught me, nuclear weapons are pretty complex machines that only a handful of scientists in the world can mess with."

"Sooooooo... Stuuuuuuu... Piiiiiiiii... Duuuuuuh...."

C-Real: "Lol. They insulting your intelligence again?" Me: "They haven't stopped... and I was raised on Back to the Future, Ghostbusters & Transformers. Do you have ANY idea what that takes?"

"Oh Jesus! It's getting even worse. Exciting chase music as they ride the wave of the explosion 22 hours back to the surface the exact way they came, then they throw in somethin saying 16 Hours Later... then back to the exciting chase music... Sigh... How? HOW??? Who made this f**king thing?" Answer: Director Jon Amiel who oddly enough also did "Entrapment", "Copycat" & "The Man Who Knew Too Little."

"Also, don't want to be THAT guy... but they haven't eaten or drank anything in over a week... while in a lead box in 9000 degree magma... sorry, Unobtainium."

C-Real: "These types of movies are NOT for you. They upset the bounds of your bullsh*t tolerance."

"When Journey to the Center of the Earth is more realisitic & entertaining, then yes. Also, Hilary Swank isn't distracting my logic like Megan Fox does in the Transformer movies."

After that, I watched a few episodes of "An Idiot Abroad: The Bucket List" which is a fantastic show, check it out. Anyway, that's my week. Aren't you glad that I shared it with you now? In summation, V-Day was usual... but could've been worse. Don't watch "The Core" ever... unless you want to do a drinking game or something. Less than two weeks until Disneyland with the family. Can't wait. Have a great day everybody!!! Happy President's Day!!! (I'll be working hard as usual on Monday...)

Dreams & Tattoos

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Still no soda three days into Lent. I know that you're all keeping track. Not much has happened the past few days except work and catching up with household chores and working out at the gym…which I'm sure intrigues you to no end. Oh wait, I did have a pretty odd dream the other night. Perhaps I'll share that with you. Okay, so the setting was at night time…and oddly enough, I was walking alongside a parade float (see Mardi Gras pictures posted yesterday). It was a pretty standard float, no crazy colored dragons or goddesses emitting from the bow…but rather just a basic parade float with a band on it…and the music playing was "Gin & Juice" sung by none other than…Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine. Why was I walking along side it? Apparently I was security…and there were a few other guys in cop uniforms on either side of the float. (Seriously, does he need protection?) Anyway, we're walking along…and I'm singing along…and after a few blocks we're in a part of town with tall brick buildings…but no people except for a few more cops. The police chief (that looks like Danny Glover) says, "Okay guys, spread out a bit. Look sharp. (Points at me) You two post up there and keep a lookout."

So me & this other guy magically appear on a rooftop (about three stories up) looking down at the float and a few cops. I ask my new partner, "What are we doing here? This doesn't feel right." "I know what you mean." All of a sudden, the police chief's voice yells, "IT'S A TRAP!!!" I glance over at my partner and he's pulling his gun out and starting to aim it at me. I knock his arm away and then kick him in the head…and it takes it smooth off his neck. I know. Let's see Bruce Lee do that. I pull my gun out…and there's gunfire all around. I'm running down the fire escape, sparks pinging all over the place. I can't really tell who's on my side and who's not…so I basically run to within a few feet of them and as they raise their guns that's when I cap 'em…or usually right hook 'em or snap their neck, you know…action movie stuff. Then Bruce Willis pops out of nowhere (I kid you not, he had the white wifebeater on like Die Hard) and he's yelling, "$teve, we gotta find the chief. I think he went this way." We go running down an alley and more cops show up…jumping down from the sky. It was like some kind of video game, they just show up in droves and we put them down the same way. "CHIEF!!!" The chief's up ahead…and a little bloody. Bruce is covering me as I check him out. It's not looking good. He hands me his walkie talkie, "They're on their way. You get them out of here." "Sorry chief, we're not leaving you for some f**king lounge singer." (Sorry Richard…but to be honest, we had no idea where you were at)

The chopper showed up overhead but couldn't make it down between the buildings…so I threw the chief over my left shoulder and we ran up the stairs to the nearest rooftop. Bruce is yelling behind us, I'm hearing flamethrowers & bazookas and it's just getting ridiculously loud. We make it to the rooftop, the helicopter's spotlight is blaring in my face…and then I wake up…to a helicopter outside my window. No, not right outside my window looking in or anything…but just flying over the Denver Skyline…of which my apartment is now a part of. I guess we made it. There was another one later that morning were I was driving around outside of a club…and the door opens…and an ex-girlfriend gets into my car. I give a stunned "Hi" as she immediately leans in and starts making out with me. It was hella hot. Her lips were a little thinner than I remembered…but it didn't matter. How could I possibly complain about this? It was just different. Well, a few minutes into it, I woke up…and a piece of my top sheet was in my mouth and I had a hold on one of my pillows with my right arm. Yeah, that was an interesting night. I know some of you may have the opinion about dreams that they're like photographs. If you're not in them and nobody's having sex, then you just don't care…and that's cool…but then again, there are a few of you out there that might think something differently…

Dream Study - People in at least three countries, including the United States, believe dreams contain important hidden truths, said researcher Carey Morewedge, an assistant professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. In six different studies, Morewedge and his colleagues surveyed nearly 1,100 people about their dreams. The results are detailed in the February issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. "Psychologists' interpretations of the meaning of dreams vary widely but our research shows that people believe their dreams provide meaningful insight into themselves and their world." In one study that surveyed general beliefs about dreams, Morewedge and co-author Michael Norton, an assistant professor at Harvard Business School, surveyed 149 university students in the United States, India and South Korea. The researchers asked the students to rate different theories about dreams. Across all three cultures, an overwhelming majority of the students endorsed the theory that dreams reveal hidden truths about themselves and the world, a belief also endorsed by a nationally representative sample of Americans. In another study, Morewedge and his colleagues wanted to explore how dreams might influence people's waking behavior. A total of 182 commuters at a Boston train station were asked to imagine that one of four possible scenarios had happened the night before a scheduled airline trip: The national threat level was raised to orange, indicating a high risk of terrorist attack; they consciously thought about their plane crashing; they dreamed about a plane crash; or a real plane crash occurred on the route they planned to take. A dream of a plane crash was more likely to affect travel plans than either thinking about a crash or a government warning, and the dream of a plane crash produced a similar level of anxiety as did an actual crash. Finally, Morewedge wanted to find out whether people perceive all dreams as equally meaningful, or whether their interpretations were influenced by their waking beliefs and desires. So, in another study, 270 men and women from across the United States took a short online survey in which they were asked to remember a dream they had had about a person they knew. People ascribed more importance to pleasant dreams about a person they liked as compared to a person they did not like, while they were more likely to consider an unpleasant dream more meaningful if it was about a person they disliked. "In other words, people attribute meaning to dreams when it corresponds with their pre-existing beliefs and desires. This was also the case in another experiment which demonstrated that people who believe in God were likely to consider any dream in which God spoke to them to be meaningful; agnostics, however, considered dreams in which God spoke to be more meaningful when God commanded them to take a pleasant vacation than when God commanded them to engage in self-sacrifice." More research is needed to explore fully how people interpret their dreams, and in what cases dreams may actually reveal hidden information, Morewedge said. "Most people understand that dreams are unlikely to predict the future but that doesn't prevent them from finding meaning in their dreams, whether their contents are mundane or bizarre." So what do you think? Have you ever dreamed something & it came true? I know I have. A few times. That's why I usually optimistic about the future…because I have some pretty good dreams. Then again, not too sure I want to be in a shootout while running security for a parade float. At least Bruce Willis was on my side. You can't go wrong there.

Fox Update - Well, the rumor mill is abound again about the breakup of supermegahottie Megan Fox and her fiancé of the past few years Brian Austin Green. According to a source (who may or may not exist), "The relationship has run its course. It's completely amicable and they are remaining friends." Apparently they're both focusing on their careers…which is groovy. There really must be something to the whole getting-a-tattoo of your fiancé's name. Angelina & Billy Bob, Johnny Depp & Winona Ryder, even Filly's friend from New Orleans Belle had a tattoo of her ex-husband…and now these two. By the way, if you don't know where that tattoo is, it's a really hot location. The name who inked that tattoo is a very lucky man. I'm not gonna jump the gun quite yet…because it seems about six months ago I fell for this trick…but regardless, I'm looking forward to my newest Netflix movie, "How to Lose Friends & Alienate People" starring the smoldering temptress…and don't think for a minute that I don't see the convenient timing of the this & the movie's DVD release. Also, you know what this update means…more pictures of Miss Fox…and why not a few of those legendary tattoos…and remember "Think Before You Ink"

If you ever want to hear a truly heartbreaking tale about getting somebody's name tattooed, let me know and I'd be happy to share it with you…with fake names of course to protect the innocent…and no, I don't have any tattoos…yet. Not scared of the needles or pain or anything like that…just the permanency of it. "Oooh, he has a fear of commitment." Not so. Aside from the stereotypical "Mom" heart tattoo, I really don't know what else I would get or that has serious meaning to me. I mean, even something like a Philadelphia Eagles logo or a basketball over my heart (oh yeah, it's been considered) would like kind of weird when the Eagles change their logo again…or everybody wonders why I have a basketball on my chest with a perky pink center (it's a nipple joke). "Why do you have a Panda on your ass?" "Because I'm gonna be reincarnated as the Panda that repopulates the species…because Karma is good to me." "That's stupid." "You're stupid." Based on my recent dreams, I'm thinking something along this line...

Who knows, maybe some drunken weekend in Vegas some recently-single smoldering temptress will convince me to get a tattoo of a raven-haired fox on my hip…but at this time, I doubt it. I've seen myself naked in the mirror…and I like it. Did Michelangelo do tattoos? DaVinci? Van Gogh? Picasso? Rembrandt? Rodin? Monet? Actually those last two were pretty much blind, so I wouldn't have trusted them anyway. There are some great tats out there…usually located on the smalls of women's backs…but yeah, I don't think I need one…and it would be very hard…er, difficult to convince me otherwise.

Local Good Samaritan - Speaking of Karma, here in Denver, a man who helped push three people out of the path of a pickup truck before being struck and injured has gotten a strange reward for his good deed: A jaywalking ticket. Family members said 58-year-old bus driver Jim Moffett and another man were helping two elderly women cross a busy Denver street in a snowstorm when he was hit Friday night. Moffett suffered bleeding in the brain, broken bones, a dislocated shoulder and a possible ruptured spleen. He was in serious but stable condition Wednesday. The Colorado State Patrol issued the citation. Trooper Ryan Sullivan said that despite Moffett's intentions, jaywalking contributed to the accident. Moffett had been driving his bus when the two women got off. In the interest of safety, he got out and, together with another passenger, helped the ladies cross. Moffett's stepson, Ken McDonald, said the driver of the pickup plowed into his stepfather, but not before Moffett pushed the two women out of the way. When he awoke in intensive care, he learned of the ticket. "His reaction was dazed and confused. I was a little angry." The other man also was cited for jaywalking, while the pickup driver was cited with careless driving that led to injury. Sullivan said the two elderly women haven't been cited but the investigation is ongoing. Do cops realize that stuff like this makes it really difficult to like them? "Wow, we're really glad that you saved those two old ladies. By the way, pay this in the next 5-14 days. Oh sorry, I mean…have somebody else pay this for you in the next 5-14 days. I think you're gonna be stuck here longer than that." How is it that I have all these crazy dreams about saving people…and I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be a police officer? It's weird. Anyway, Mr. Moffett, I wish you a speedy and complete recovery.

That'll probably do it for today. Not much else to say really. Tonight's another Yoga class at the gym, new movies coming in the mail today, gonna try to have a little fun this weekend…so we'll see what comes up. Can't believe February's almost over. It seems like just the other day I was ringing in 2009 with Bubbles in Vegas. Have a great day everybody!!!

Killface for President

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to start off by wishing a happy 50th birthday to my dad. That's right, FITTY!!! That's half a century!!! He has seen the 1950's…even if he doesn't remember a damn thing about them. I think he's technically a classic now. Anyway, he's the bestest dad ever and is always there for me when I need somebody to talk football or basketball with, need help with standard car maintenance, somebody to talk to, and you know…he's my dad. Last year I took him to Vegas for a Father's Day thing…so I don't know what to do for him this year (or if my stepmom will let him out of her sight with me again now that he's able to walk without crutches). We'll see. I've got a few months to mull it over. For his birthday though, I guess the best I can do today is sing him Happy Birthday over the phone…in my best Marilyn Monroe. Actually, because of the cold I guess it'd be more Barry White than Marilyn...but whatever. I think he'd appreciate it. Happy birthday dad!!!

I'm also feeling better today…because I know you were concerned. Big thanks to Lilie & her mom for leaving me some advice and fasting on water & juices for 24 hours. I did have a little food…but yeah, it's mostly liquids…and I was starving for lunch at work today. I guess that's a good sign, right? Man cannot live on cranberry juice & Nyquil alone. Oh…and I watched Season 2 of "Frisky Dingo" last night…and made it through the first half of "Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas" before struggling to stay awake…so I figured why fight it & went to bed…alone & trippin' balls. I dreamed that I was on vacation for a week…but was all worried about missing work because stuff had to be done…and that I think I missed my flight…but this trip didn't exist so how did I know I was missing my flight…and there was a panda on the loose…and yeah, just a normal run of the mill dream…with a little extra anxiety. I think there was a midget waiter too…but that might've been the movie. Anyway, happy 50th birthday again Dad!!! Sorry, just have to rub it in while I can.

50 Cent Update - Speaking of things that are 50, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson's new production company, Cheetah Vision, is developing the drama "The Dance" reports Yahoo. The rapper will star as a boxer who goes to a Louisiana state prison and Nicolas Cage plays the founder of the prison's boxing program. Based on the true story of Billy "The Kid" Roth (Cage's character). But back to 50, who also soon stars in the drama/thriller "Streets of Blood" with Val Kilmer, Sharon Stone and the great Michael Biehn. He is currently filming the American remake of French thriller "13 Tzameti" which actually sounds like a pretty cool movie. Why? It's about a naive young man assumes a dead man's identity and finds himself embroiled in an underground world of power, violence, and chance where men gamble behind closed doors on the lives of other men…and stars Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ray Winstone and Emmanuelle Chiriquí. He ALSO made his directorial debut on the film "Before I Self Destruct" which will be released with his new album in late March. Certainly a busy guy nowadays.

What luck? - A German teenager caught shoplifting tried to dupe police by lying about where he lived...but ended up in even more trouble when the address he gave turned out to be the home of an investigating officer. The 18-year-old from Achim, a town of 30,000 in northern Germany, admitted he had lied when the officer explained that the address belonged to him, said police in nearby Verden. A spokesperson said, "It was complete coincidence. The thief gave that address because he'd once lived in the house. The policeman was the guy who moved in afterwards." I can just imagine the surprise on the kid's face. "Oh yeah, I thought you looked familiar. Did you ever end up repainting the study?" Just be careful who you lie to…or at least have a convincing explanation…or distraction. "Dad, don't you recognize me? I'm your son. I'm come back from the year 2020 with a message." "What? That's impossible." "I know…but you gotta believe me. I know about the videos in the closet, your drinking problem, and everything else (pretty generic guesses) and I have an important message." "My God! What is it son?" "Ich bin Fleidermausman!!!" (poof of a smoke bomb as the 18-year old disappears into the mist of the Black Forest) "Quatsch!!!" By the way, the translation is "I am Batman" in case you were wondering…and "Quatsch" is the equivalent of "That's ridiculous!" according to a German textbook back in high school…but it sounds vulgar…and is pronounced "Kvotsch" or something like that. No need to thank me, just pay it forward.

Well, since I spent last night tripping balls to "Fear & Loathing to Las Vegas" and I couldn't come up with a good list for Movies to Trip Balls To (though I may one day), I figured that I would do the next best thing…and Filly, you're welcome…

Johnny Depp Movies

Medal Winners

Gold - Ed Wood (1994) - It's my list. Deal with it. This Tim Burton film about quite possibly the worst filmmaker in cinema history, the director / writer / producer / actor / caterer Edward J. Wood jr and his adventures making movies during the 1950's…is just fun to watch…at least for me. So many incredible performances by Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi ("PULL THE STRING!!! PULL THE STRING!!!") and Bill Murray as Bunny Breckenridge ("Call Boris Karloff a cocksucker") and the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker and Patricia Arquette. It's just a good time…and my favorite part…is when Ed Wood (Depp) has an idea…and his face just lights up as he looks skyward. We've all been there, right? I make sure to do that…at least twice a day when I have an idea. It gets me through the day. Not a big fan of the belly dancing scene…but I'm sure the ladies love it. If you haven't seen it, go check it out. Now. You'll thank me. Possibly.

Silver - Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) - Only the first one, the other two just got really stupid…but I was incredibly surprised with how good the first one was…seeing as it was based on a lame Disneyland ride. Still waiting for Space Mountain the Movie…or It's a Small World...or the sequel to Captain EO. Anybody else remember that? The original 3D adventure? It's just a good pirate adventure…and you can't not like pirate adventures, where there's swashbuckling, hard R sounds, gallons of rum and more booty than Beyonce & J-Lo combined. Geoffrey Rush is awesome in it too as Barbosa. The two sequels just sucked…but hey, they made money…which is a thousand times better than what "Cutthroat Island" did. You can't hate on that.

Bronze - Don Juan DeMarco (1995) - Again, my list…so deal with it. This is one of my favorite romantic comedies…because it's just a fun movie to watch…and I like to think that I'm as smooth as Don Juan when I want to be…and throw on the Spanish accent. I may not look like Johnny Depp (because they won't let me grow out my goatee at work) but still, I'm charming…and that goes pretty far. Anyway, great movie with Marlon Brando. This just beat out "Edward Scissorhands" (1990), "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" (2003) and just barely beat out "Blow" (2001) mostly because I didn't like the ending…and I would've "misplaced" Penelope Cruz like in the middle of Act Two. Learn from your gangster movies, women always bring you down in the end. See? Now you know why I prefer Don Juan over Blow…because Dr Love is all about the ladies.

Suggestion - Nick of Time (1995) - I'm pretty sure that most of you haven't seen this one…and that's why I suggest it. It's about a CPA (Depp) whose daughter is kidnapped at LA's Union Station by two mysterious people (Christopher Walken & Roma Maffia) and told that in about 90 minutes, he's going to assassinate the Governor of California (not Arnold) or else his daughter will be killed. What does he do? What can he do? Who does he go to for help? Great little flick. That's why I suggest it. Also, I would suggest "Benny & Joon" (1993) for the cool Charlie Chaplin tricks…and he doesn't talk much, "The Ninth Gate" (1999) for dealing with the Devil, "Finding Neverland" (2004) for a heartfelt tale of an eccentric (much like my blog), "Donnie Brasco" (1997) for undercover cop action with Al Pacino, and "The Astronaut's Wife" (1999) for one line - "Yeah, I killed your husband…and then I f**ked his wife." He's just been in a lot of great movies.

Flush It - Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (2005) - It just didn't need to be made. How is it any better than the original? It's not. In fact, I would say that Gene Wilder was a better Willy Wonka. That's right. I said it. Gene Wilder didn't dress like Freddie Mercury…and I like Freddie Mercury. That's all. It was hard to find a movie that I hated that he was in. It was either that…or the original "Nightmare on Elm Street" and there's no way that I'm flushing that horror masterpiece. I mean…the bed ATE him. What's Eating Gilbert Grape? The bed is. My apologies to Tim Burton as well…but at least you guys got paid to make this movie.

Future Watch - Public Enemies (July 1st) - Michael Mann directs the tale of legendary gangsters John Dillinger (Depp), Baby Face Nelson (Stephen Graham?) and Pretty Boy Floyd (Channing Tatum) and how the FBI hunted them…I'm guessing "Heat" meets "The Untouchables" style. Who are the Feds? How about Christian Bale as Melvin Purvis and Billy Crudup as J. Edgar Hoover? Also starring Giovanni Ribisi, Leelee Sobieski and Stephen Dorff. Should be a good one. Also out this year is "The Imaginarium Of Dr Parnassus" (2009) where he and half of Hollywood it seems stepped in to help play Heath Ledger's character after his untimely death. Also gonna admit, I'm excited about Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (2010) where Depp's gonna of course play the Mad Hatter (wait for the Batman sequel announcement too) and about "The Rum Diary" (2010) where he's rumored to play author Hunter S. Thompson as he chronicles the adventures of lost souls in the Caribbean bent on self-destruction…but what a way to go. Sounds like "Fear & Loathing" meets "Pirates" so it can't be bad, right? Oh yeah…and on the whole rumor mill there's also the alleged "Sin City 3" (2012?) but I'd settle for Sin City 2 before any of that happens. Damn it Frank Miller, make it happen. It's gonna be great…and you'll make me and most of America happy.

That'll do it for today. We'll see how I feel later if I'm gonna make it to the gym for the first time in a week or so…but I may just pack it in for the night and make sure that I get better. Apparently it's a cold that's been going around the office for a week or so…and it was my turn. Oh well, don't want to waste the weekend being miserable, you know? Maybe I just need to sleep in tomorrow morning and that'll do it. Hope you enjoyed today's entry. Oh...and I may have a Movie Night this weekend because some of my coworkers wanted to see "Saw 5" and it was next on my Netflix (don't judge me) so they wanted to check it out...on the projector with surround sound...and a full bar...for free. How is this so hard to see to these Coloradoans or Coloradoites or whatever they're called? Have a great weekend everybody!!!