Is Wayne Brody Gonna Have to Djokovic?

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No Acting Experience Required

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Rain last night…and it has turned to snow today. Not a whole lot though. And come rain, sleet, snow, hail or snake invasion I’m planning on going to Carnival this weekend. It’s gonna be epic. I’ll also get to show Bubbles all the sights like the Golden Gate Bridge, Coit Tower, Ocean Beach, Fisherman’s Wharf, all that stuff. It should be fantastic weather, probably in the 70’s or 80’s too. Not sure how I’ll react to that. Anyway, in the meantime, there’s still work…and happy humpday to everybody out there. You’re most of the way to a three-day weekend. Keep your head up. As my mom says (actually she just told me it earlier today & I’m sure that she picked it up visiting the Red Light District in Amsterdam back when she was a teenager), “Every paradise has its price.” Think about it. To provide for yourself & your family, you have to work 40 hours a week or more. To live in California, you’ve gotta pay hella taxes. Even for Love, you have to put up with all the BS trying to find it. “The only thing that’s free is Jesus!” Yeah? Then why don’t they play football games at church on Sunday mornings? Like I said, think about it.

I was chatting with my brother yesterday…and I mentioned the “Jonah Hex” trailer (like I did yesterday here) and he had no idea what I was talking about. Really? I knew more about a comic than my brother did? Write this down. It must be documented. Well, I was explaining the story…and then it dawned on me, something I hadn’t even thought of before. “Dude, do you remember the Batman animated series from when we were kids?” “Yeah, I’ve got all of them on DVD.” “Well, I was watching the preview and he has this little flap of skin that connects his lips and I thought it was just like Two Face…but then, wasn’t there like an episode where there was a disfigured gunslinger just like that? I think it was a flashback by Rashe Algool or something.” (By the way, yes, I know that I’m a nerd) “Yeah, I don’t remember the guy’s name but I think it was like Rashe’s son or something back in the Old West. I’ll have to check it out.” Seriously three minutes after we hung up, he called back. “Well if it isn’t Jonah Hex. That’s the dude.” So yes, my nerddom has come full circle. Not only did I make the synapses between Batman & Jonah Hex…but now I have documented it on the web for all to see. And I would kinda like to see a cameo of Rashe Algool (Liam Neeson in “Batman Begins”) at the end of the Jonah Hex movie. Why? Why the hell not? As long as that movie has a horde of Confederate zombies instead of a giant robot spider & plenty of adult-friendly skin from the Fox, it should be better than “Wild Wild West” anyway. Here’s some news…

Chinese Orgy Update – You knew when you got me thinking about the Fox it was going to go this way. A Chinese college professor has been jailed for running a sex club, whose members were the first to be convicted of "group licentiousness" in 20 years, media reported on Friday. Ma Yaohai, a 53-year-old computer science professor, was jailed for three and a half years after pleading not guilty to holding orgies and said he would appeal against his sentence, the official China News Service said. "What we did, we did for our own happiness," Ma told media at a news conference in April at his home, where 14 of his 18 orgies, or "swinging games" as he called them, were held. "People chose to do it of their own free will and they knew they could stop at any time. We disturbed no one. Marriage is like water. You have to drink it. Swinging is like a cup of wine. You can drink it if you like. If you don't like it, don't drink it." My God, his argument makes sense to me. He's like a sexual Confucius. Eighteen people charged with taking part in the orgies were jailed for up to two and half years. "Ma received a more severe punishment because he did not admit the malicious and illegal nature of his conduct," the court in eastern Nanjing said. Ma started his online group in 2007. Participants included office workers, taxi drivers and sales clerks (surprisingly not college coeds given that he’s a professor). They were arrested after five were caught having a "party" in a hotel room last August (and somebody narc’d him out). Ma's case has sparked debate on whether group licentiousness should be scratched from the law books. "If no one is being harmed, people's privacy should be protected," one sociologist was quoted as saying. Others felt Ma's conduct was outrageous. "Law is based on respect for traditional customs and civilized ethics," said a columnist named Zhi Feng on Xinhuanet.com. "They confounded right and wrong and poisoned the social atmosphere. How dare you say they did no harm to others?" Oh I dare. In fact, I declare. Look, if people want to do group sex, more power to them. As long as they’re not putting love stains on my furniture or interrupting my sleep or okay with having a tall guy sitting in the corner observing, then do what you gotta do. Obviously I’m not a swinger myself…but I can understand the appeal. There’s a lot of women out there (or dudes) and you wanna try them all. That’s cool. Not my bag but I don’t think it should be illegal obviously. Silly Chinese. And I only mention this because when they become our overlords, swinging may be the first thing to go. Possibly even before the English language…and definitely before our system of measurements (f**k metric). So when we fight, we’ll be fighting for more than our Country, our People, we’ll be fighting for our Right to get our swerve on…and by God, I’m NOT going to let them take that Liberty away from me. That’s for my future wife to do (ba-da tish). Come on now, you know that was going to happen.

More Panda Update – More updates on the Kung Fu Panda sequel. Gary Oldman, Michelle Yeoh, Victor Garber and the Great JC with a VD, Jean Claude Van Damme have joined the cast of DreamWorks Animation's "Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom of Doom" according to an official press release. The quartet join returning talent Jack Black, Angelina Jolie (mmm…), Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, David Cross and James Hong in the film which is scheduled to open Memorial Day weekend next year. The sequel will follow Po, the world's biggest kung fu fan, as he continues his journey as the chosen one who fulfills an ancient prophesy while mastering the art of kung fu. Oldman voices the character of Lord Shen (a peacock), the film's formidable new villain (HA!!! Told you he’s the villain!!!) while Yeoh brings to life the mystical character of The Soothsayer (a goat). Van Damme and Garber round out the cast as Master Croc and Master Thundering Rhino, respectively. Yes, Jean Claude Van Damme is playing a crocodile…while Gary Oldman is a peacock. Why? Because Gary can pull it off and STILL be the ultimate villain…with plumage. Anyway, just thought I’d spread awareness that Jean Claude Van Damme isn’t dead & is coming to a kid’s show near you.

30 Minutes of Less - Jesse Eisenberg and his "Zombieland" director Ruben Fleischer will re-team for the action comedy "30 Minutes or Less" at MRC says The Hollywood Reporter. The story follows a junior high history teacher (Aziz Ansari) and a pizza-delivery man (Eisenberg) who are forced to rob a bank when one of them is strapped to a bomb vest. Danny McBride (“Tropic Thunder”) plays one of the men looking to score some cash and Nick Swardson (“Grandma’s Boy”) has been cast as his best friend. Michael Pena (“Shooter” & “Observe & Report”) is also onboard as a tattooed assassin. You know, the first time I read that last sentence, I could’ve swore it said Michael Cena, you know…the kid from “Superbad”, “Juno” & “Year One” who I’ve never seen in the same place as Jesse Eisenberg? Think about that for a second. Anyway. Michael Diliberti and Matthew Sullivan penned the script. Jeremy Kramer, Ben Stiller and Stuart Cornfeld are producing. Filming kicks off this Summer. This has some great potential. I mean… I believe I mentioned after watching “Zombieland” that it was quite possibly the greatest movie ever made…and now you through in some bank robbing? Anyway, we’ll see how it goes.

Tennis vs. Porn – Now, I’ve been saying for years that the only way to enjoy women’s tennis is at a purely primal level. Not the spirit of competition and amazing skills of slamming a little yellow ball around with a racquet, but rather just enjoying the sweaty athletic women grunt with every forehand smash in short skirts. It’s just how it is…and like my opinions of soccer, you’re probably not going to change them. It’s just too logical. Well, it’s finally happened. The best athletes in the sport are taking some of my suggestions, whether they’re aware of it or not. Before sticking to the strict all-white dress code at Wimbledon next month, Venus Williams (proudly straight outta Compton) is indulging in some risqué French cancan in Paris. The American's black lace corset resembling an offcast from the nearby Moulin Rouge cabaret has been the talk of the French Open, and the accompanying tight skin-colored knickers (what did you just call me?) have raised just as many dumbstruck glares. The second seed's 6-2 6-4 second-round win over Spain's Arantxa Parra Santonja was very much a secondary issue for many on Wednesday. "The design has nothing to do with the rear. It just so happens that I have a very well developed one," she chuckled during her post-match press conference. Agreed, baby’s got back. Don’t believe me? Ask a black dude. The opening Wednesday at Roland Garros is traditionally when Parisian schoolchildren are given priority for tickets, and they and their teachers almost got even more than they bargained for as the unconvincing red straps to Venus's dress threatened to reveal yet more of the American (BAM!!!). The world number two wore the outfit for the first time at the Sony Ericsson Open in Miami earlier this year and she uses her daring court appearances to promote her own line of fashions. "It's really about the illusion. Like you can wear lace, but what's the point of wearing lace when there's just black under," she added. "The illusion of just having bare skin is definitely for me a lot more beautiful. So it's really not about anything else other than just that skin showing." Venus, who seems to prefer to talk fashion than tennis, believes her outfit is the symbol of her personality. "I try to represent what I think my personality is on the court. That's the first part of it. The second part is sometimes you just dream it up. Sometimes you can see a dress and say, 'Hey, I really like those slits, so let me put that in my tennis dress'." I really like your slits too. She did say slits, right? That’s what the straps were holding back? Or the lace was covering or whatever? Okay, I’m just confused…but that’s what happens when I think about female tennis players in lace. Mmm… especially Ana Ivanovic… Forget going for a number one ranking, she’s a 10 already. I wonder when she’s going to show off her clothing line (Ivana? As in, Ivana Duyu?). Anyway, just a thought… a lacy gently wafting dream of a thought…

Apocalypse Update? – My belief that the world will come to an end, not by famine, pestilence, nuclear war or anything like that…but by being devoured by serpents has been well documented. However now, there’s another twist to the story. We’ve all read and/or heard about the Greek tragedy that is…well, Greece the past few months. Their economic system is crashing down and they’ve received a ginormous bailout through the European Union to try to counteract the whole EU system collapsing. Well, sh*t just went from bad to biblical. Greek officials say that a horde of frogs has forced the closure of a key northern highway for two hours. Thessaloniki traffic police chief Giorgos Thanoglou says "millions" of the amphibians covered the tarmac Wednesday near the town of Langadas, some 12 miles east of Thessaloniki. "There was a carpet of frogs," he said. Authorities closed the highway after three car drivers skidded off the road trying to dodge the frogs. No human injuries were reported…but I’m sure there was plenty of French delicacy road kill left in the wake of a few impatient motorists. Thanoglou said the amphibians probably left a nearby lake to look for food…but he didn’t elaborate on what kind…so I will. Well, rather I’ll give you a scenario that didn’t come to be…but don’t be surprised if you see it tried again. One of man’s advantages over the animal kingdom is their ability to move quickly through technology. Sure, birds have their flight, cheetahs have their sprinting speed, sharks can swim like no other…but we’re the only ones that can do all of the above thanks to our technology. So the animals have a simple plan, take out our technology, take out humans. A basic plan…but one that has worked many times before. But first they have to test it before a large-scale operation…and where to start? How about a place so primitive that the epicenter of their sprawling metropolis is a broken-down marble structure without a roof (Acropolis) and you really can’t tell where the ancient ruins end and the new city begins thanks to Starbucks being everywhere? A place that’s on the border of reverting back to Bartering as their only means of currency & exchange? Yes, I’m talking about Greece, the birthplace of modern civilization…and apparently they were an early bloomer & haven’t grown up much since then. The plan, frogs stifle the highway system, bringing traffic to a standstill & disabling man’s ability to go zero to 60 MPH (or 100 KPH, damn metric system) in about seven seconds (I don’t know…three parsecs, wait that’s a unit of length, not time, I don’t care what Han Solo says). Anyway, man is stopped…and now trapped in his own technology…so that the silent slithery snakes can sneak into their vehicles and take them out. However, man doesn’t fall for it…and a few brave soldiers gun it through the frog barricade, slipping on their slimy corpses and send the snakes back to devise another plan. The human race is safe…for now. We needn’t fear frogs. I mean…they don’t even have teeth. What’re they gonna do? Lick us to death? (Drifts off into a daydream of being licked to death by green women ala Star Trek…) What? Oh hey! So yeah, way to go Greeks!!! Show those slimy suckers who’s boss.

Fox Update – Okay, it’s not really a Fox Update per se…but after an extensive 48-hour search, Michael Bay has found his new leading lady for the third Transformers movie (and yes, it only takes 48 hours to find a leading lady when you’re the director of “Pearl Harbor” & “The Island”). The offer is officially out to newcomer Rosie Huntington-Whiteley to play the female lead in the upcoming third "Transformers" reports Deadline. The Victoria's Secret model (yup) read for the role of Shia LaBeouf's love interest last Friday and was the front runner on a short-list of three “actresses” which included Sarah Wright (“The House Bunny”) and Brooklyn Decker (cover of most recent SI swimsuit issue & married to tennis player Andy Roddick). Now it appears the other two actresses have been informed Huntington-Whiteley has the part with only the unlikely failure of last-minute negotiations to potentially change that standing. Bay himself has worked over/on several Victoria’s Secret commercials which is probably where he first spotted her. Despite no relative acting experience, filming on her role kicks off in a fortnight…so she has two weeks to learn the intricacies of being an actress in a Michael Bay movie. “Be beautiful, spray-tan daily, plenty of sweat, heathing breasts, let me see that come-hither stare, perfect…aaaaand ACTION!” Okay, maybe I’m being a little too simplistic with Michael. Let’s face it, I enjoy a lot of his movies…and he has worked with actresses like Tea Leoni, Liv Tyler, Kate Beckinsale, Gabrielle Union, Scarlett Johannsen and…whoever that hot chick on “The Rock” was. Mmm… bubble wrap… What? Did I drift off again? That’s becoming a problem more and more. Anyway, just in case you were wondering who (or which one) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was (probably the white one based on the most Caucasian name ever), I’m glad to help. Here are some reference materials…

Anyway, that should do it for today. Two days until my weekend begins…and I can’t wait. I’m tired of being in the cold. I want to dip my toes in the ocean, dance the cha cha, cross a few bridges, ride a cable car, escalate Coit Tower, eat some seafood, bark at a seal, all the things that one should do while in San Francisco, which is German for “The Whale’s Phallus.” Or was that San Diego? I forget. Have a great day everybody!!!

By Merlin's Beard

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So…apparently I was given some incorrect information about Weber State winning last night…and the Grizzlies of Montana came from 20 points down at the half to win in the final seconds. Oh well, that’s okay. Why? Because my mom’s going to be visiting in a matter of hours. Sure we’ve got some plans for gambling, In-n-Out Burger, pub crawl, snowmen, downtown Truckee, all that stuff…but honestly, it’s her vacation…so if she just wants to relax by the fireplace and watch HGTV, then she can do that too. I know she needs a vacation. It’s gonna be epic. In the meantime, here’s the news…

Merlin Olsen - Pro Football Hall of Famer, former television actor, & Utah legend Merlin Olsen has died. He was 69. Utah State, Olsen's alma mater, said he died outside of Los Angeles early Thursday after battling cancer. He was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a cancer of the lung lining, last year. "This was the voice of a man who not only became one of our country's most decorated athletes, but also one of the most accomplished and respected people ever to hail from the state of Utah," said Stan Albrecht, president of Utah State. Olsen was an All-American at Utah State and a first-round draft pick of the Los Angles Rams in 1962. The burley giant from northern Utah joined Deacon Jones, Lamar Lundy and Rosey Grier on the Rams' storied "Fearsome Foursome" defensive line known for either stopping or knocking backward whatever offenses it faced. The Rams set an NFL record for the fewest yards allowed during a 14-game season in 1968. Olsen was rookie of the year for the Rams in 1962 and is still the Rams' all-time leader in career tackles with 915. He was named to 14 consecutive Pro Bowls, a string that started his rookie year. Olsen was also an established television actor with a role on "Little House on the Prairie," then starring in his own series, "Father Murphy," from 1981 to 1983 and the short-lived "Aaron's Way" in 1988. Olsen was a consensus All-American at Utah State and won the 1961 Outland Trophy as the nation's best interior lineman. The Rams drafted Olsen third overall in 1962 and he spent the next 15 years with the team before retiring in 1976. Utah State honored Olsen in December by naming the football field at Romney Stadium "Merlin Olsen Field." Because of his illness, Olsen's alma mater didn't want to wait until football season and made the announcement during halftime of a basketball game. Olsen was well enough to attend, but did not speak at the event. He stood and smiled as he waved to fans during a standing ovation and chants of "Merlin Olsen!" and "Aggie Legend!" Utah State is also planning a statue of Olsen at the southeast corner of the stadium. The Rams also honored Olsen during a game Dec. 20, with a video tribute narrated by Dick Enberg, Olsen's longtime broadcast partner. Olsen did not attend because of his health. His name was already part of the Ring of Fame inside the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis along with other franchise standouts. He was voted NFC defensive lineman of the year in 1973 and the NFL MVP in 1974, and was voted to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1982. So it is a sad day for those of us who grew up hearing the legends of Merlin…but at least he’s not in pain anymore. My condolences to the Olsen Family, the Aggie Nation and all the lives that he’s magically touched over the years.

My Big Fat Greek Recession – Anybody watching the world news anymore? I typically don’t but once in a while I watch the stuff on the market once in a while…and the Daily Show fills in the rest. Seriously, they’re probably the best news network out there…and they don’t even know it. Anyway, Greece is having problems. Serious street clashes erupted between rioting youths and police in central Athens Thursday as some 30,000 people demonstrated during a nationwide strike against the cash-strapped government's austerity measures. Hundreds of masked and hooded youths punched and kicked motorcycle police, knocking several off their bikes, as riot police responded with volleys of tear gas and stun grenades. The violence spread after the end of the march to a nearby square, where police faced off with stone-throwing anarchists and suffocating clouds of tear gas sent patrons scurrying from open-air cafes. Police say 12 suspected rioters were detained and two officers were injured. Rioters used sledge hammers to smash the glass fronts of more than a dozen shops, banks, jewelers and a cinema. Youths also set fire to rubbish bins and a car, smashed bus stops, and chopped blocks off marble balustrades and building facades to use as projectiles. Thursday's strike (the second in a week) brought the country to a virtual standstill, grounding all flights and bringing public transport to a halt. State hospitals were left with emergency staff only and all news broadcasts were suspended as workers walked off the job for 24 hours to protest spending cuts and tax hikes designed to tackle the country's debt crisis. Riot police made heavy use of tear gas during the start-and-stop clashes throughout the demonstration, including outside Parliament. Strikers and protesters banged drums and chanted slogans such as "no sacrifice for plutocracy" (wow, that’s a chant) and "real jobs, higher pay." People draped banners from apartment buildings reading: "No more sacrifices, war against war" (Seems like an odd idea to me) The demonstrators included hundreds of black-clad anarchists in crash helmets and ski masks, who repeatedly taunted and attacked riot police with stones and petrol bombs, at one point spraying officers with brown paint. Shopkeepers along the demonstration route hastily rolled down their shutters, while a few blocks away, people sat at outdoor restaurants, nonchalantly continuing their meals. Tear gas gently wafted through the city center's streets, sending businessmen in suits scurrying for cover, their eyes streaming. Minor clashes also broke out in the northern city of Thessaloniki, where about 14,000 people marched through the center. Fears of a Greek default have undermined the Euro for all 16 countries that share it, putting the Greek government under intense European Union pressure to quickly show fiscal improvement. It has announced an additional 48 billion Euro ($65.33 billion) in savings through public sector salary cuts, hiring and pension freezes and consumer tax hikes to deal with its ballooning deficit, but the measures have led to a new wave of labor discontent. The cutbacks, added to a previous 11.2 billion Euro ($15.24 billion) austerity plan, seek to reduce the country's budget deficit from 12.7% of annual output to 8.7% this year. The long-term target is to bring overspending below the EU ceiling of 3% of GDP in 2012. The new plan sparked a wave of strikes and protests from labor unions whose reaction to the initial austerity measures had been muted. Thursday's strike shut down all public services and schools, leaving ferries tied up at port and suspending all news broadcasts for the day. However, some private bank branches were open despite calls from the bank employees' union to participate in the strike (ugh…that’s when I would rob it too). While their colleagues clashed with groups of protesters, some police joined the demonstration. About 200 uniformed police, coast guard and fire brigade officers, who cannot go on strike but can hold protests, gathered at a square in the center of the city shortly before the marches got under way. "The police and other security forces have been particularly hard hit by the new measures because our salaries are very low," said Yiannis Fanariotis, general secretary of one police association. He said the average policeman made about 1,000-1,200 Euro ($1,360-$1,635) a month if weekend and night shifts were included. Joining the protest "doesn't feel strange, because we are working people like everybody else and we are all shouting out for our rights," he said. The government says the tough cuts are its only way to dig Greece out of a crisis that has hammered the common European currency and alarmed international markets — inflating the loan-dependent country's borrowing costs. But unions say ordinary Greeks are being called to pay a disproportionate price for past fiscal mismanagement. "They are trying to make workers pay the price for this crisis," said Yiannis Panagopoulos, leader of Greece's largest union, the GSEE. "These measures will not be effective and will throw the economy into deep freeze." A general strike last Friday was marred by violence during a large protest march. Riot police used tear gas and baton charges against rock-throwing protesters, who smashed banks and storefronts, while left-wing protesters roughed up Panagopoulos as he was addressing a rally. The labor unrest could spark fears that the government will have trouble in implementing its new measures. Greece insists it doesn't need a bailout (at least by that name apparently), and its European partners are reluctant to fund one (having their own problems). But it has called for European and international support for its program, saying that unless it receives that support and the cost for it to borrow on the market falls, it might have to appeal to the International Monetary Fund for help (you know, the group of nations that funds Africa). So basically, they’re getting desperate.

Here’s what I never understood about rioting, especially in this case. Your country is in financial torment, so what’s the solution? Stop working and go destroy the city of Athens. What is that going to solve? Granted, it’s great to get all the anger out (which I assume is that liquid rage coming out of your eyes as the tear gas is fired) but destroying the center of your country’s political & financial sector…as well as one of the most historically significant cities of all time…and vandalizing shops that somebody has to try to run a business at later in the week…and utilizing police resources that are leaving other facilities unprotected from other vandals, it just doesn’t seem like a brilliant plan. You’re angry…and I respect that. You want change, we all do. The world is pretty much in crisis…but destroying it isn’t the answer. What’s the solution? I’m not sure…but what I do know is that rioting and destroying the Parliament buildings is only going to make things worse. Think about it. That’s like saying Hurricane Katrina revolutionized downtown New Orleans by whipping it clean. Anyway, glad you could get your anger out…and now let’s discuss alternatives and solutions in a respectable manner…as opposed to having “No more sacrifices, war against war” on a poster board. What does that even mean? How can you have a war without sacrifices? Thumb war? A group of wise men once said, “War (huuh, yeah) what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.” Let’s talk about this rationally before we go “300” on each other’s asses again, okay? I don’t care how loud you say it, this isn’t Sparta. That is…until rioting starts in Sparta. Then my argument is screwed. Anyway, enough of this depressing stuff…

Separation of Church & Bate - Second-degree burglary charges have been filed against an Ames, Iowa man who broke into a church where he allegedly used the institution's electronic equipment to watch pornography. Police allege the 55-year-old man broke into the First Christian Church on Thursday. After gathering items from around the building, he is believed to have gone to the basement to spend the night. Police summoned to the church Friday by staff, found the man trying to haul away a garbage can filled with food, kitchen utensils, clothes, electronic equipment and a 26-inch flat-screen television. Police Cmdr. Mike Brennan said the man used the electronic equipment to watch pornographic movies that were found on him when he was arrested. The man was being held at the Story County Jail in lieu of $10,000 bond. The real question is…why is the church the only place in town with a working VCR? And why is it hooked up to a 26-inch flat-screen? Sigh… I can’t say much. My VCR is currently connected to a 27-inch TV in my bedroom (stop it, I don’t have any porn…except the “Girls Gone Wild” DVDs my brother bought me but they suck…and frankly, I don’t have anywhere else to put the TV, it’s not being used much). And I’ve also hooked it up to the projector TV before to watch “Romancing the Stone” (I didn’t have the DVD at the time). Anyway, that’s not important. I’m told there’s a special hell for people who masturbate in a church (but then again, I’m also told it makes you go blind) and I’m sorry unidentified man seeking spanktuary. Tehehe, that reminds me of this club I went to in Scotland…that was basically a church transformed into a club… and I was there with this 16-year-old hottie from work… and after a few drinks there were these other girls that sat at the table…ah, you don’t wanna hear this story. Hope I don’t meet you in that special spanktuary hell, sir. Speaking of joysticks…

Take That Wii - Sony has a new message for Nintendo Wii gamers: Come join us. The Japanese maker of the PlayStation 3 unveiled Thursday its highly anticipated motion controlling system, as it takes aim at Nintendo's dominance in the gaming sector. With the "PlayStation Move," Sony hopes to lure gamers who have outgrown Nintendo, which launched the Wii in 2006 and became the first to introduce motion-detecting controllers. Peter Dille, senior vice president of marketing for Sony Computer Entertainment, credited Nintendo Co. for "introducing motion gaming to the masses." Now it's time for them to graduate to the PlayStation, which offers a new experience for both casual and hard-core gamers, he said at a press conference in San Francisco. "The migration path from the Wii household to the PlayStation 3 household is a pretty natural path, partly because of the experience that you can get on the PlayStation Move but also because of the content that we find on PlayStation 3," Dille said. Used with the existing PlayStation Eye camera, Sony's new wireless motion controller can track players' body movements. The controller, in turn, has on its end a light-emitting orb that is recognized by the camera. "Nothing has ever been this precise," said Shuhei Yoshida, president of Sony Computer Electronics Worldwide Studios. The PlayStation Move will go on sale this fall. Complete details of prices have not been released, but a starter bundle including the PlayStation Eye, motion controller and one game (Spanktuary 3?) will retail for under $100, Dille said. Major game publishers such as Activision Blizzard Inc., Electronic Arts Inc. and Square Enix are developing Move-compatible games. The latest announcement comes as both Sony and Microsoft Corp., maker of the Xbox 360, attempt to gain ground on Nintendo. Since the Wii first hit stores, it has consistently outsold rivals by attracting casual and nontraditional gamers like women and seniors. Microsoft is planning its own offensive this year as well with its "Project Natal." Natal, which combines a camera, depth sensor, microphone and processor, eliminates the need for any button-mashing device (remember yesterday and my Back to the Future gripe? Somebody’s listening out there). Microsoft is expected to release Natal in time for the Christmas shopping season but has not set a specific date. Although demand for the Wii has slowed in recent months, it remained the most popular console among Americans in January with 465,000 units sold, according to market researcher NPD Group. Microsoft sold 332,800 units of the Xbox 360, trailed by 276,900 PlayStation 3 units. “So $teve, will you be getting one of those controllers?” Probably. I’ve been intrigued by the Wii (though have still yet to play it) and I can only imagine how bad-ass playing tennis or a boxing game or whatever would be standing up…with my projector TV wall. Could be pretty sweet. We’ll see how it goes though. Honestly, I don’t play my PS3 much. I’ve played it probably less than a tenth of the time my brother has talked to me on the phone about it. I’m pretty sure he’s already pre-ordered this PlayStation Move (not to be confused with Movement). We shall see.

Well, I’d better get ready for my mom’s visit in the morning. By the way, have I told you how excited I am? Because I kinda am. It’s how I keep from being jealous that Lilie is going to New Orleans this weekend with her mom. I’ve gotta go visit the Big Easy again some time soon. Still have those free flights with Southwest… but we’ll see. My summer may just be a lot of wild & crazy adventures. Also, five weeks until I start my epic road trip across the Western US. Still availability if you want to hitch a ride for any leg of the trip. Remember, there are stops in San Francisco, Monterey, Hollywood, San Diego, Las Vegas, Slick City, & then back to Tahoe…and everywhere in between. It’s gonna be fantastic. Have a great day everybody!!!