By Merlin's Beard

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So…apparently I was given some incorrect information about Weber State winning last night…and the Grizzlies of Montana came from 20 points down at the half to win in the final seconds. Oh well, that’s okay. Why? Because my mom’s going to be visiting in a matter of hours. Sure we’ve got some plans for gambling, In-n-Out Burger, pub crawl, snowmen, downtown Truckee, all that stuff…but honestly, it’s her vacation…so if she just wants to relax by the fireplace and watch HGTV, then she can do that too. I know she needs a vacation. It’s gonna be epic. In the meantime, here’s the news…

Merlin Olsen - Pro Football Hall of Famer, former television actor, & Utah legend Merlin Olsen has died. He was 69. Utah State, Olsen's alma mater, said he died outside of Los Angeles early Thursday after battling cancer. He was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a cancer of the lung lining, last year. "This was the voice of a man who not only became one of our country's most decorated athletes, but also one of the most accomplished and respected people ever to hail from the state of Utah," said Stan Albrecht, president of Utah State. Olsen was an All-American at Utah State and a first-round draft pick of the Los Angles Rams in 1962. The burley giant from northern Utah joined Deacon Jones, Lamar Lundy and Rosey Grier on the Rams' storied "Fearsome Foursome" defensive line known for either stopping or knocking backward whatever offenses it faced. The Rams set an NFL record for the fewest yards allowed during a 14-game season in 1968. Olsen was rookie of the year for the Rams in 1962 and is still the Rams' all-time leader in career tackles with 915. He was named to 14 consecutive Pro Bowls, a string that started his rookie year. Olsen was also an established television actor with a role on "Little House on the Prairie," then starring in his own series, "Father Murphy," from 1981 to 1983 and the short-lived "Aaron's Way" in 1988. Olsen was a consensus All-American at Utah State and won the 1961 Outland Trophy as the nation's best interior lineman. The Rams drafted Olsen third overall in 1962 and he spent the next 15 years with the team before retiring in 1976. Utah State honored Olsen in December by naming the football field at Romney Stadium "Merlin Olsen Field." Because of his illness, Olsen's alma mater didn't want to wait until football season and made the announcement during halftime of a basketball game. Olsen was well enough to attend, but did not speak at the event. He stood and smiled as he waved to fans during a standing ovation and chants of "Merlin Olsen!" and "Aggie Legend!" Utah State is also planning a statue of Olsen at the southeast corner of the stadium. The Rams also honored Olsen during a game Dec. 20, with a video tribute narrated by Dick Enberg, Olsen's longtime broadcast partner. Olsen did not attend because of his health. His name was already part of the Ring of Fame inside the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis along with other franchise standouts. He was voted NFC defensive lineman of the year in 1973 and the NFL MVP in 1974, and was voted to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1982. So it is a sad day for those of us who grew up hearing the legends of Merlin…but at least he’s not in pain anymore. My condolences to the Olsen Family, the Aggie Nation and all the lives that he’s magically touched over the years.

My Big Fat Greek Recession – Anybody watching the world news anymore? I typically don’t but once in a while I watch the stuff on the market once in a while…and the Daily Show fills in the rest. Seriously, they’re probably the best news network out there…and they don’t even know it. Anyway, Greece is having problems. Serious street clashes erupted between rioting youths and police in central Athens Thursday as some 30,000 people demonstrated during a nationwide strike against the cash-strapped government's austerity measures. Hundreds of masked and hooded youths punched and kicked motorcycle police, knocking several off their bikes, as riot police responded with volleys of tear gas and stun grenades. The violence spread after the end of the march to a nearby square, where police faced off with stone-throwing anarchists and suffocating clouds of tear gas sent patrons scurrying from open-air cafes. Police say 12 suspected rioters were detained and two officers were injured. Rioters used sledge hammers to smash the glass fronts of more than a dozen shops, banks, jewelers and a cinema. Youths also set fire to rubbish bins and a car, smashed bus stops, and chopped blocks off marble balustrades and building facades to use as projectiles. Thursday's strike (the second in a week) brought the country to a virtual standstill, grounding all flights and bringing public transport to a halt. State hospitals were left with emergency staff only and all news broadcasts were suspended as workers walked off the job for 24 hours to protest spending cuts and tax hikes designed to tackle the country's debt crisis. Riot police made heavy use of tear gas during the start-and-stop clashes throughout the demonstration, including outside Parliament. Strikers and protesters banged drums and chanted slogans such as "no sacrifice for plutocracy" (wow, that’s a chant) and "real jobs, higher pay." People draped banners from apartment buildings reading: "No more sacrifices, war against war" (Seems like an odd idea to me) The demonstrators included hundreds of black-clad anarchists in crash helmets and ski masks, who repeatedly taunted and attacked riot police with stones and petrol bombs, at one point spraying officers with brown paint. Shopkeepers along the demonstration route hastily rolled down their shutters, while a few blocks away, people sat at outdoor restaurants, nonchalantly continuing their meals. Tear gas gently wafted through the city center's streets, sending businessmen in suits scurrying for cover, their eyes streaming. Minor clashes also broke out in the northern city of Thessaloniki, where about 14,000 people marched through the center. Fears of a Greek default have undermined the Euro for all 16 countries that share it, putting the Greek government under intense European Union pressure to quickly show fiscal improvement. It has announced an additional 48 billion Euro ($65.33 billion) in savings through public sector salary cuts, hiring and pension freezes and consumer tax hikes to deal with its ballooning deficit, but the measures have led to a new wave of labor discontent. The cutbacks, added to a previous 11.2 billion Euro ($15.24 billion) austerity plan, seek to reduce the country's budget deficit from 12.7% of annual output to 8.7% this year. The long-term target is to bring overspending below the EU ceiling of 3% of GDP in 2012. The new plan sparked a wave of strikes and protests from labor unions whose reaction to the initial austerity measures had been muted. Thursday's strike shut down all public services and schools, leaving ferries tied up at port and suspending all news broadcasts for the day. However, some private bank branches were open despite calls from the bank employees' union to participate in the strike (ugh…that’s when I would rob it too). While their colleagues clashed with groups of protesters, some police joined the demonstration. About 200 uniformed police, coast guard and fire brigade officers, who cannot go on strike but can hold protests, gathered at a square in the center of the city shortly before the marches got under way. "The police and other security forces have been particularly hard hit by the new measures because our salaries are very low," said Yiannis Fanariotis, general secretary of one police association. He said the average policeman made about 1,000-1,200 Euro ($1,360-$1,635) a month if weekend and night shifts were included. Joining the protest "doesn't feel strange, because we are working people like everybody else and we are all shouting out for our rights," he said. The government says the tough cuts are its only way to dig Greece out of a crisis that has hammered the common European currency and alarmed international markets — inflating the loan-dependent country's borrowing costs. But unions say ordinary Greeks are being called to pay a disproportionate price for past fiscal mismanagement. "They are trying to make workers pay the price for this crisis," said Yiannis Panagopoulos, leader of Greece's largest union, the GSEE. "These measures will not be effective and will throw the economy into deep freeze." A general strike last Friday was marred by violence during a large protest march. Riot police used tear gas and baton charges against rock-throwing protesters, who smashed banks and storefronts, while left-wing protesters roughed up Panagopoulos as he was addressing a rally. The labor unrest could spark fears that the government will have trouble in implementing its new measures. Greece insists it doesn't need a bailout (at least by that name apparently), and its European partners are reluctant to fund one (having their own problems). But it has called for European and international support for its program, saying that unless it receives that support and the cost for it to borrow on the market falls, it might have to appeal to the International Monetary Fund for help (you know, the group of nations that funds Africa). So basically, they’re getting desperate.

Here’s what I never understood about rioting, especially in this case. Your country is in financial torment, so what’s the solution? Stop working and go destroy the city of Athens. What is that going to solve? Granted, it’s great to get all the anger out (which I assume is that liquid rage coming out of your eyes as the tear gas is fired) but destroying the center of your country’s political & financial sector…as well as one of the most historically significant cities of all time…and vandalizing shops that somebody has to try to run a business at later in the week…and utilizing police resources that are leaving other facilities unprotected from other vandals, it just doesn’t seem like a brilliant plan. You’re angry…and I respect that. You want change, we all do. The world is pretty much in crisis…but destroying it isn’t the answer. What’s the solution? I’m not sure…but what I do know is that rioting and destroying the Parliament buildings is only going to make things worse. Think about it. That’s like saying Hurricane Katrina revolutionized downtown New Orleans by whipping it clean. Anyway, glad you could get your anger out…and now let’s discuss alternatives and solutions in a respectable manner…as opposed to having “No more sacrifices, war against war” on a poster board. What does that even mean? How can you have a war without sacrifices? Thumb war? A group of wise men once said, “War (huuh, yeah) what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.” Let’s talk about this rationally before we go “300” on each other’s asses again, okay? I don’t care how loud you say it, this isn’t Sparta. That is…until rioting starts in Sparta. Then my argument is screwed. Anyway, enough of this depressing stuff…

Separation of Church & Bate - Second-degree burglary charges have been filed against an Ames, Iowa man who broke into a church where he allegedly used the institution's electronic equipment to watch pornography. Police allege the 55-year-old man broke into the First Christian Church on Thursday. After gathering items from around the building, he is believed to have gone to the basement to spend the night. Police summoned to the church Friday by staff, found the man trying to haul away a garbage can filled with food, kitchen utensils, clothes, electronic equipment and a 26-inch flat-screen television. Police Cmdr. Mike Brennan said the man used the electronic equipment to watch pornographic movies that were found on him when he was arrested. The man was being held at the Story County Jail in lieu of $10,000 bond. The real question is…why is the church the only place in town with a working VCR? And why is it hooked up to a 26-inch flat-screen? Sigh… I can’t say much. My VCR is currently connected to a 27-inch TV in my bedroom (stop it, I don’t have any porn…except the “Girls Gone Wild” DVDs my brother bought me but they suck…and frankly, I don’t have anywhere else to put the TV, it’s not being used much). And I’ve also hooked it up to the projector TV before to watch “Romancing the Stone” (I didn’t have the DVD at the time). Anyway, that’s not important. I’m told there’s a special hell for people who masturbate in a church (but then again, I’m also told it makes you go blind) and I’m sorry unidentified man seeking spanktuary. Tehehe, that reminds me of this club I went to in Scotland…that was basically a church transformed into a club… and I was there with this 16-year-old hottie from work… and after a few drinks there were these other girls that sat at the table…ah, you don’t wanna hear this story. Hope I don’t meet you in that special spanktuary hell, sir. Speaking of joysticks…

Take That Wii - Sony has a new message for Nintendo Wii gamers: Come join us. The Japanese maker of the PlayStation 3 unveiled Thursday its highly anticipated motion controlling system, as it takes aim at Nintendo's dominance in the gaming sector. With the "PlayStation Move," Sony hopes to lure gamers who have outgrown Nintendo, which launched the Wii in 2006 and became the first to introduce motion-detecting controllers. Peter Dille, senior vice president of marketing for Sony Computer Entertainment, credited Nintendo Co. for "introducing motion gaming to the masses." Now it's time for them to graduate to the PlayStation, which offers a new experience for both casual and hard-core gamers, he said at a press conference in San Francisco. "The migration path from the Wii household to the PlayStation 3 household is a pretty natural path, partly because of the experience that you can get on the PlayStation Move but also because of the content that we find on PlayStation 3," Dille said. Used with the existing PlayStation Eye camera, Sony's new wireless motion controller can track players' body movements. The controller, in turn, has on its end a light-emitting orb that is recognized by the camera. "Nothing has ever been this precise," said Shuhei Yoshida, president of Sony Computer Electronics Worldwide Studios. The PlayStation Move will go on sale this fall. Complete details of prices have not been released, but a starter bundle including the PlayStation Eye, motion controller and one game (Spanktuary 3?) will retail for under $100, Dille said. Major game publishers such as Activision Blizzard Inc., Electronic Arts Inc. and Square Enix are developing Move-compatible games. The latest announcement comes as both Sony and Microsoft Corp., maker of the Xbox 360, attempt to gain ground on Nintendo. Since the Wii first hit stores, it has consistently outsold rivals by attracting casual and nontraditional gamers like women and seniors. Microsoft is planning its own offensive this year as well with its "Project Natal." Natal, which combines a camera, depth sensor, microphone and processor, eliminates the need for any button-mashing device (remember yesterday and my Back to the Future gripe? Somebody’s listening out there). Microsoft is expected to release Natal in time for the Christmas shopping season but has not set a specific date. Although demand for the Wii has slowed in recent months, it remained the most popular console among Americans in January with 465,000 units sold, according to market researcher NPD Group. Microsoft sold 332,800 units of the Xbox 360, trailed by 276,900 PlayStation 3 units. “So $teve, will you be getting one of those controllers?” Probably. I’ve been intrigued by the Wii (though have still yet to play it) and I can only imagine how bad-ass playing tennis or a boxing game or whatever would be standing up…with my projector TV wall. Could be pretty sweet. We’ll see how it goes though. Honestly, I don’t play my PS3 much. I’ve played it probably less than a tenth of the time my brother has talked to me on the phone about it. I’m pretty sure he’s already pre-ordered this PlayStation Move (not to be confused with Movement). We shall see.

Well, I’d better get ready for my mom’s visit in the morning. By the way, have I told you how excited I am? Because I kinda am. It’s how I keep from being jealous that Lilie is going to New Orleans this weekend with her mom. I’ve gotta go visit the Big Easy again some time soon. Still have those free flights with Southwest… but we’ll see. My summer may just be a lot of wild & crazy adventures. Also, five weeks until I start my epic road trip across the Western US. Still availability if you want to hitch a ride for any leg of the trip. Remember, there are stops in San Francisco, Monterey, Hollywood, San Diego, Las Vegas, Slick City, & then back to Tahoe…and everywhere in between. It’s gonna be fantastic. Have a great day everybody!!!

My Own Seven-Digit Bonus, Your Phone Number

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Nowadays, providing for your family is more difficult than in a long time. The money markets are in a state of complete clusterf**k (that they started yet seem to give themselves bonuses for doing with bailout money), industries that once flourished are feeling the pinch of hard economic times, people are at the point where they’ve been looking for jobs for YEARS while more are being let go, entire families are having to move across the country and/or world just in search of a way to get exploited to make ends meet & feed their children. We’re trying to find ways to save money, sacrifice luxuries, squeeze every little bit out of that toothpaste, everything short of reusing toilet paper (I’ve just gone off my deck like the squirrels & coyotes do…but that gets cold…and awkward with neighbor kids) to get the most with what we’ve got. However, I’ve noticed that there are a few creative ways to make money that people around the world have been trying out.

Phuket!!! – No, not the lovely resort area of Thailand but rather just giving up and throwing in the towel. Portland police said a man handed an apologetic robbery note to an employee at a FedEx Kinko's store, then waited for police to arrive. Employee Paul Rhoney said the note said: "This is a robbery, I'll wait outside for police, sorry." Police Detective Mary Wheat said responding officers found the 46-year-old man outside the store Tuesday morning and took him into custody. Wheat said no robbery charges will be pursued because the man did not have a weapon and didn't carry out a robbery. Police believe he simply wanted to go to jail. The man was taken to the Multnomah County Jail for investigation of initiating a false report. Well next time I guess he’ll just need to remember to bring a gun…or at least a sharpened stick or shard of glass or something. This isn’t the first time that I’ve heard of stuff like this. I remember a few years ago that a middle aged homeless man in Utah set fire to a dry field near Farmington in the summer and it burned horribly for a few days as firefighters tried to douse it. Why did he do it? He wanted to go to jail so that he could eat three meals a day and sleep indoors.

Honestly, I couldn’t really blame the poor bastard. Given the circumstances, maybe the threat of shanking and/or unwanted butt sex is a small price to pay when your options are limited. It’s a bit of a screwy system it seems. I often wonder why I work hard & pay taxes so that other people can get paid under the table and reap benefits. Think about it. I don’t have kids. Why should I pay for schools? Horrible ones at that? Kids today are stupid. Crafty…but stupid. The real funny part is…if I did have kids…then I wouldn’t have to pay for schools or libraries or anything like that. Why can’t I get welfare? Food stamps? Government assistance to help pay for my apartment? Free medical coverage? Basically everything that my crack whore ex-sister-in-law gets for being who she is. Why? Because I make too much money…and I pay taxes. Am I bitter about it? Obviously a little bit…but then I remember what my mama told me growing up. “$teve, the reason we’ve got to get up early, educate ourselves, then work hard 50 hours a week, then come home to clean our own houses & pay bills isn’t just because we want to…but because we have to. There are DOZENS of people out there that you’ll probably never meet who depend on YOU...and you don’t want to let them down, do you?” No. No I don’t. That’s why I work hard. So that other people can say phuket & live off my hard work. That being said, I still believe that the only way to make this world a better place is for more people to not take the easy way out…but to use their minds (and a little elbow grease) to make things better. New ideas are what made this country great & it’s great ideas that are gonna make it even greater. So now I’m gonna share some of those ideas with you…

Music & Fertility - Residents in Knoxville, Tennessee's wealthy Sequoyah Hills neighborhood are alarmed that a man wants to convert his home into a duplex and run a music studio and fertility service out of it. The Knoxville News Sentinel reported David Perkins is asking the Metropolitan Planning Commission to allow the change, saying he wants to operate businesses that would involve music lessons and the coordinating of two fertility services. "We are very much opposed to all of this," said Jim Bletner, board member of the Kingston Pike Sequoyah Hills Association, who said members would appear before the commission on Thursday to speak against Perkins' proposal. A duplex would be out of character in the neighborhood and the businesses could intrude on neighbors' tranquility, he said. Perkins proposes to conduct music lessons in his home and book appearances from there. No performances would be held there. Neighbors said a previous MySpace posting by Perkins included the list of events: bamboo flute playing on Sundays; balloons, juggling and music on Mondays; a Family Music Gathering and Drum Circle on Tuesday, along with others. Perkins told the newspaper he made up the list to pump up his business and attract more bookings. "That was just hype. How big do I have to be to get somebody's attention to talk to me on equal-part terms as an entertainer? It's marketing; it's hype." None of the events are taking place and Perkins said he has removed them from his MySpace page. Perkins operates two Web sites for part of his business called Family Building LLC, which he said helps couples who are trying to conceive. If you think about, music & baby making go hand-in-hand…or body part-in-body part. Have you had the awkward conversation with your parents about what song was playing when you were conceived? No? The answer may surprise you. In fact, I may have that conversation with my parents tonight. I’ll let you know what I find out. What’s my point? Oh yeah, so let the man do his business. Even if he’s juggling & playing bamboo flutes or whatever he’s talking about, it’s his house. Deal with it. Anyway, I’ve gotta call my dad.

Death of a Teddy Bear - R&B singer Teddy Pendergrass, who was one of the most electric and successful figures in music until a car crash 28 years ago left him in a wheelchair, has died of colon cancer. He was 59. Pendergrass died Wednesday in suburban Philadelphia, where he had been hospitalized for months. The singer's son, Teddy Pendergrass II, said his father underwent colon cancer surgery eight months ago and had "a difficult recovery." Before the crash, Pendergrass established a new era of R&B with an explosive, raw voice that symbolized masculinity, passion and the joys and sorrow of romance in songs such as "Close the Door," "It Don't Hurt Now," "Love T.K.O." and other hits that have since become classics. He was an international superstar and sex symbol. His career was at its apex — and still climbing. Friend and longtime collaborator Kenny Gamble, of the renowned production duo Gamble & Huff, teamed with Pendergrass on his biggest hits and recalled how the singer was even working on a movie. "He had about 10 platinum albums in a row, so he was a very, very successful recording artist and as a performing artist. He had a tremendous career ahead of him, and the accident sort of got in the way of many of those plans." Pendergrass, who was born in Philadelphia in 1950, suffered a spinal cord injury in a 1982 car accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down — still able to sing but without his signature power. The image of the strong, virile lover was replaced with one that drew sympathy…but instead of becoming bitter or depressed, Pendergrass created a new identity — that as a role model. "He never showed me that he was angry at all about his accident," Gamble said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. "In fact, he was very courageous." Pendergrass left a remarkable imprint on the music world as he ushered in a new era in R&B with his fiery, sensual and forceful brand of soul and his ladies' man image, burnished by his strikingly handsome looks. Gamble said Pendergrass was one of a kind as an artist and boasted a powerful voice and "a great magnetism." "He was a great baritone singer, and he had a real smooth sound, but he had a real rough sound, too, when he wanted to exert power in his voice," Gamble said. The really odd thing…is that I was singing “Try a Little Tenderness” this morning before I heard…and had no idea why or where it came from. Well, perhaps you’ll find out through the conversation with your parents later that Teddy had a little something to do with it. Rest in peace. Anyway, sorry to depress everybody, back to making money.

WOW!!! Polish Professional - Poland's tax office has levied a fine of 2.3 million zlotys ($820,000 in Earth money) on an unemployed woman for failing to pay tax on income worth at least 13.7 million zlotys she said she had earned as a prostitute. The woman (not pictured...she's just hot) told the tax office in the southern city of Katowice that she had very "generous" customers, the website gazeta.pl, which is linked to leading Polish daily Gazeta Wyborcza, reported Tuesday. She was quoted as saying that one of her clients paid the woman 5 million zlotys during the 1997-2002 period. The website gave no further details. I’m gonna save you having to load your calculator, that 13.7 million zlotys is about $5 million. During a worldwide recession. Her stuffin’ muffin must be insured by Lloyd’s of London. In America, to get that kind of money for being a whore, you’d have to marry a wealthy geezer who doesn’t believe in pre-nups and slowly poison him over time, then go through a lengthy court battle with his relatives until you overdose on painkillers (or get…murdered. Dun dun duuuh!!!). Either this woman shags like a minx…or she’s the world’s greatest conversationalist. I’m curious what this woman looks like…but then again, maybe the mystery is half the appeal. That must be it because…I’d f**k for free…and I’m worth every penny. Apparently the oldest profession is still a pretty good way to make some serious cizzash when you’re in a pinch.

Fox Update – You knew this day was coming. As soon as she agreed to make her ends meet by showing off her end meat for Emporio Armani undergarments, you knew that they would end up on this blog. Megan Fox has now officially replaced Posh Spice on the company’s advertisements. God bless America…and Italy. For her Armani Jeans campaign, the starlet debuts a stripped-down look, with damp hair, bare feet, and minimal makeup (it’s called black & white photography), and is dressed casually in a white oxford and jeans. The new series of ads, shot by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott, featuring the 23 year-old will be unveiled in February on billboards in fashion meccas like New York, Tokyo, Milan and Hoboken. Why Fox? That’s a stupid f**king question…but Giorgio Armani puts it succinctly: “Megan is young and sexy and has a lot of spirit,” he said, adding that his brands are “all about a youthful attitude, making her the perfect choice for the collections.” Who knew that a colorblind fragrance would have such business savvy? Anyway, I think I’m done thinking about money for the time being. I’m gonna focus on the finer things of life. Please hold.

On that high note, I think I’ll call it a day. There’s a showing of some independent movie about “The Donner Party” starring Crispin Glover (“Back to the Future” & “Charlie’s Angels”) nearby on Sunday that I might attend…but it’s also supposed to snow that night…and if I’m going to die ironically, it’s going to be a LOT funnier than that. Anyway, best of luck to all of you in your financial ventures…and if you can’t be rich, I hope that you all can at least be happy…because you’re all Loved. Have a great day everybody!!!

We're All In This Together

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Haven't been sleeping too well since the Daylight Savings Time. Not too horribly…but just not the usual zonk out for eight hours kind of thing. I've been tossing and turning…and trying to do the whole deep-breathing meditation thing…and it works…but then I'm awake again in like an hour. Anyway, maybe it's just adjusting to the hour difference or something. It snowed last night. Not a whole lot, just enough to ice everything…but it snowed. Other than that, nothing much going on in my world. So here's the news...

Nollywood - Here's an interesting little tid-bit. Any guesses on where the third largest home video industry in the world is? America's number one (as always) and India is number two…but who's number three? France? Spain? Mexico? Canada? Japan? Australia? Not even close. It's actually Nigeria. Yeah, like Nigeria in Africa. In the time it takes for a lovingly crafted art house movie to emerge as winner of the top prize at Burkina Faso's pan-African FESPACO cinema festival, Nigeria's prolific producers will already have churned out another 50 films. They might be tales of cannibalism, sorcery and jealous girlfriends who shrink their errant boyfriends into bottles, but Nigeria's $450 million home video industry is the third biggest in the world, after America's Hollywood and India's Bollywood. By contrast, FESPACO's filmmakers (considered the best on the continent) rely on dwindling donations, and scrabble for private financing and poor distribution deals amid a spate of cinema closures. "Cinema is certainly dying," said Zimbabwean director Michael Raeburn, whose Johannesburg-set film "Triomf" is competing for Africa's equivalent of an Oscar. "South Africa is all about DVD and TV, no one makes any money from cinema." Nigeria shot its first film, "Palaver" (Trouble), in 1904, and its home movie industry has been creating it ever since. "It's not often talked of with respect," said Nigerian-born Chike Nwoffiah, whose first feature film "Sabar," set in California, is competing in the Diaspora category at FESPACO. "It's "microwave' filming: push the button, wait three seconds and the film is done. Some of the directors can go from script to print in two weeks. The speed with which they make these films implies something is being sacrificed." Even so, demand is rising. Last year "Nollywood" produced more than 2,000 films, up from 662 five years ago. Most films are produced in local languages -- Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo among them -- while English accounts for more than 40 percent. "However bad the quality, Nollywood shows there's definitely a demand for African storytelling," said South African director Zola Maseko, whose film "Drum" won the prized Etalon d'Or de Yennenga in 2005. "It shows you have a whole community of people who have a deep need to see and hear themselves -- Africa hasn't had that chance." Though it may be kind of basic movie making now, it could be something huge…especially with literally EVERYTHING financially being up in the air now. Having got to know a few people from Africa during my days at college, they all have interesting stories to tell…and are natural storytellers. It's just a matter of translating it to film now. Could be interesting. I especially liked this quote from Maseko, "It is creating a market for films. In South Africa people are already addicted, it's like crack cocaine (oh yeah, THAT big). Over the years audiences will become more discerning. Hollywood in the 1920s was no good; Bollywood in the 1960s was no good: Nollywood will have its day too." Stay tuned…

Message for God - Dutch artist Johan van der Dong (translating to "John from the Penis") has set up a local telephone number in the Netherlands, where he urges people to leave messages for God on his answering machine. Van der Dong said he set up the number to give people an opportunity to take pause and contemplate life. "Like praying, leaving a voicemail message is a way to organize your thoughts. It's a perfect combination for some contemplation." Though I may not agree with what you say at all, I'll defend your right to say it…even off American soil. Leaving a voicemail, in my opinion, is nothing like praying. If it were, then that would explain why God hasn't called back. "Ugh hi, God. This is $teve. Just seeing what you were up to. Wanted to ugh…apologize for not hanging out on Sunday. I know I really should have…especially after yelling at you and saying that you should damn a lot of things. It was a rough week…and I just wanted you to know that…it wasn't like…it was a command or anything, to damn those guys. Just more of a suggestion that…you know, if you thought it'd be fitting…that maybe you should damn them to eternal hellfire. That's all. Anyway ugh…gimme a call or something. It'd be really cool if you had those lotto numbers that I asked for. Suckiteasy. Again, not a command, just a suggestion. Bye. Oh yeah, in case you don't have the caller ID or whatever, my phone number is…(end of message)" Besides, God is everywhere. Why would he/she be screening his/her calls? God's cooler than that. I wonder if he/she Twitters. I hope not. That seems pointless to me. Anyway, if you're interested in hitting up the Almighty on your cellie, callers dialing 06-4424-4901 (or +316-4424-4901 if calling from outside the Netherlands) from March 7th will hear. "Hi, you are speaking to God. I'm not in right now so leave a message after the beep" but it's in Dutch, so try not to laugh…or ask him if the reason that he/she's away from the phone is because they have their fingers in a dyke…because that's just not cool. Funny, sexy even, but not cool. I wonder what kind of plan God has. Unlimited minutes? Maybe one of those circles where he/she can only call like five people…and that's like the Pope, the Dalai Lama, and a few other cats like that? Wow, it appears Mr. Van der Dong is an artist afterall…for he has opened up my mind about the Powers That Be and has me asking some intriguing and powerful questions. Either that, or I'm just really bored and have nothing better to ponder.

Eagles Update - It's getting to the point of utter ridiculousnessity. I don't care if it's not a real word, I just made it up. A Facebook post criticizing his employer, the Philadelphia Eagles, cost a stadium operations worker his job, according to a story in Monday's Philadelphia Inquirer. Dan Leone, who the Inquirer said worked as a west gate chief, was unhappy the team let Brian Dawkins sign with the Denver Broncos in free agency (seriously, everybody was unhappy except for the Denver Broncos). According to the newspaper, Leone posted the following on his Facebook page: "Dan is f**king devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver ... Dam Eagles R Retarted!!" (I'm assuming ironic illiteracy) Despite deleting the comment, Leone told the Inquirer the Eagles fired him by phone days later. "I shouldn't have put it up there. I was ticked off, and I let my emotions go, but I didn't offend any one person or target a specific individual. I was just upset that we lost such a great guy. Dawkins was one of my favorite players. I made a mistake." Leone said he was shocked to lose his job of six years. "I apologized for it. I apologized 20 million times. I never bad-mouthed the organization before. I made one mistake and they terminate me? And they couldn't even bring me into the office to talk to me? They had to do it over the phone? At least look me in the eye. To get done dirty like this, I can't believe it. I'm devastated." The Eagles confirmed that Leone was a part-time staff member, but didn't comment further.

Mr Leone, I feel for ya…and I know that Bone Junior feels for ya too. On behalf of the entire Eagles community, we all feel for ya…and think that letting go of Brian Dawkins…and you…are horrible mistakes. Allow me to criticize on your behalf. DEM EAGLES IZ F**KING RETARTED!!! Now they've gone too far. Cutting Mr Leone isn't going to clear up any cap space for a free agent signing. You're one of the few organizations in the NFL making money. Why would you do that? Why would you punish him for YOU f**king up? Because he called you on it? We all called you on it!!! Are you gonna fire us from being fans? This guy has a family to feed (I assume). That's f**ked up!!! Also, I don't care if the reason that you're letting people like Dawkins or Tra Thomas and everybody else get away is because you're saving cap space to go after Anquan Boldin or make some moves with your draft picks or whatever (God, I hope you guys are planning to do something good), that doesn't mean that you fire a guy for criticizing you. Freedom of speech. Besides, it's not like he held a press conference and criticized everything about your organization while doing sit-ups and having his jerkass lawyer fielding questions like other people over the years. The only people that knew about it before…were his friends on Facebook. Now everybody that follows sports knows. It's been on ESPN. Mike & Mike talked about it. If there was other wrongdoing on his behalf, I suggest that you comment on it soon…but if not, shame on you. I'm almost ashamed to look at this T-shirt…almost…

Cheers Bartender Fired - In other economic news (like there's anything but nowadays), Eddie Doyle was the guy who really did know everybody's name…but after tending bar for 35 years at the Boston tavern that inspired the television show "Cheers," Doyle has been laid off. The bar's owner says the economy is to blame. Doyle was a fixture at the pub known as the Bull & Finch long before his TV counterpart, Sam Malone, entered the mainstream. After the NBC show hit the airwaves in 1982, he started serving 5,000 people a day. Doyle used the bar's fame to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity. Friend Tommy Leonard tells the Boston Herald that Doyle is "the most giving person" he's met. The 66-year-old Doyle tells The Boston Globe he's not bitter and may write a book about his experiences. I hope it's a top seller…because he'll probably give half away to charity in retire on the rest. It's a shame when good dudes like this get the shaft because their company simply can't afford them. At least he has something to fall back on…being the inspiration for a popular TV character…much like the Kramer guy…or Tim Allen or something.

Sorry for the somewhat depressing nature of this news…you know it's not my thing...but it's just messed up. I guess I just wanted to show that it's not just you that may be scared about your job, it's all of us. From Donald Trump to the guy picking up your trash, we're all feeling the pinch from this economy leveling out (trust me, that's really what it is) and we're all scared about what the future holds. That's why we just have to be there for each other. Share reassuring news. Have hope for the future…but be willing to work hard to see it through. Yeah, pinching some pennies here and there may not be a bad idea. Maybe check out the local Goodwill for that new dining set instead of some designer showroom…but don't forget, the designer showrooms have employees too. I guess the message is to live within your means…and always be there to help somebody in need…because the best things in life truly are free. Anyway, that's just my opinion.

That should do it for today. I think I've bored you enough with my ramblings. Just to give you an idea of the ecclectic array of movies that I watch, last night was "Casino Royale" for the first time since it first came out. I'd almost forgotten how awesome that movie is on multiple levels. Then, the movies arriving through Netflix are "Role Models", "The Seven Year Itch" (classic with Marilyn) and the French film "Amelie" which I have never seen. Should make for an interesting weekend in film. Anyway, tomorrow night's bowling…and don't think that I'm not excited about that. Have a great day everybody!!!

I Can't Fathom It

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,


So I didn't do too much of anything yesterday. I can't really lie about that. In fact, do you know what I did? I finished up the Poltergeist trilogy...midday. I watched "Poltergeist III" starring Tom Skerritt, Nancy Allen, and Lara Flynn Boyle...as well as the usual Heather O'Rourke and Zelda Rubinstein (the "Magical Midget"). The movie was pretty much more of the same. The little girl is with her aunt & uncle now in a Chicago skyscraper...but Kane, the creepy old demon guy has followed her there...and hijinx ensues. Probably the most impressive thing about this movie is that a vast majority of the special effects are just different camera angles using a lot of mirrors, which seem to line the walls of all the rooms, hallways, elevators, and basically everything except the parking garage in this building. There are a lot of body doubles and fake mirrors and what-have-you...but it's still quite impressive. Kudos to director Gary Sherman. Other than that, yeah, it's a horror flick, rated PG. If you miss it, don't feel too bad.



I also finally watched a movie that my brother suggested called "Buying the Cow" starring Jerry O'Connell, Ryan Reynolds, Bill Bellamy, Bridgette Wilson, and Alyssa Milano. It's basically a buddy comedy about a guy named David (O'Connell) who is a commmitment-shy LA yuppie whose girlfriend of many years (Wilson) gives him an ultimatum: commit or get out. David has two months to decide if he wants to stay with Sarah as she leaves town for a job in New York. Following the advice from his more outgoing friends (Reynolds & Bellamy), he hits the dating scene as he tries to find his one and only soul mate, a mysterious woman he sees again and again, but always gets away before he can talk to her. It's a pretty typical buddy comedy with the stereotypcial schauvenist pig friend and more sensitive friend, plans that go awry, stories of writing love letters to an eleven-year old, and basically centers around the saying, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" Actually towards the end, there's actually quite the profound little speech by Jerry O'Connell (which shocks me considering all the other movies that I've seen him in). You may want to give it a shot. It has its moments. Basically, if you liked "Tomcats" but thought it was too disgusting, this is a nice alternative. It's a little sweeter.


Yesterday, I also watched the first two episodes of the TV show that apparently everybody else has seen called "Heroes" about people who discover that they have superpowers. I really, really enjoyed it. Now, I've only seen the first two episodes, so don't spoil it for me...but I like it because it's like one of my favorite movies out there "Unbreakable" but with multiple character background stories discovering that they have the powers, inner conflict with how they react to these new abilities, special effects, and because I've seen commercials on TV, bad guys. Can't wait to continue the story. Until then...here's some movie news...


Johnny Depp Update - So apparently in one press conference, Johnny Depp announced that he would indeed be starring in a fourth installment of "Pirates of the Caribbean" as Jack Sparrow, in superbuddy Tim Burton's "Alice In Wonderland" as the Mad Hatter, and in the future Bruckheimer production of "The Lone Ranger" but here's the twist...he will not be the Lone Ranger...but rather his sidekick Tonto. Not a bad day for him or his agent, I would say. Now, because all of these movies that he's been rumored to be in seem to be coming true, I think I'm going to throw in another one...involving the next installment of the Batman movie series. Now, I know there are the rumors all around about Philip Seymour Hoffman playing a gun-running Penguin...and Johnny Depp trying to one up Jim Carrey as the Riddler (good luck with that, playa) but I'm going to say...that Johnny Depp is going to play the Mad Hatter in the next Batman. There, I said it. Easiest $20 million you ever made. You don't even have to change the character. No need to thank me, just pay it forward...to my checking account.


McAdams To Star In Holmes Movie - Sorry to disappoint, but Rachel McAdams isn't starring in the new John Holmes biopic (it's a damn shame...but they simply won't pay me enough to star in "Boogie Nights 2: Happy Endings for All") but rather she will play the love interest of Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey jr) in the Guy Ritchie version coming out...well, not soon enough. The character she plays is Irene Adler who appeared in only one story "A Scandal in Bohemia" from 1891. Filming starts next month in the United Kingdom.


Megan Fox Update - Megan Fox is being sought to star in the feature adaptation of the late Michael Turner's comic book "Fathom" for Fox Atomic reports The IESB. The story centers on a young woman named Aspen who goes on a water-based adventure after discovering she's part of a race of aquatic humanoids named The Blue (Why am I thinking of Jessica Alba dolphin kicking "Into the Blue"?). Fox (the company, not the hottie) is currently seeking writers for the film which has been in development with James Cameron's Lightstorm Entertainment and seemed to have fallen apart due to scripting issues. Now, to clarify the key points...we're talking about Megan Fox...as basically the Little Mermaid with the ability to control water...so the wardrobe will be quite remarkable...and James Cameron's involved in the development (Again, why am I thinking of Jessica Alba as "Dark Angel" now?)...and reading through the summary of the comic book series on Wikipedia, I think that I can help with the scripting problems.



It's a story of self-discovery of your superpowers (see "Heroes", "Unbreakable", "Smallville", and turn up the heat), fighting giant sea creatures in a Moby Dick-esque storyline...and most exciting, at the very end of the first movie (because what's the point if you can't do a few sequels?), Aspen comes up out of the water onto a boat (in slow motion with a torn outfit after a might battle, of course) and standing there to congratulate her...and ask for her help in a new adventure...is the Tomb Raider herself, Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie). That's right, there's an extablished, preexisting tie-in with the Tomb Raider...and just a few weeks ago, Fox (the hottie) mentioned that she has thought sexy, sexy thoughts about her & Jolie in a little hot girly stuff...and I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom real quick. There, I'm back. Where was I? Yeah, this ugh...this could be a good thing if it goes through. Maybe too good. Because as mentioned in the book "Choke" - Nothing is ever as good as you can imagine it. This meeting of two celestial bodies in the middle of Earth's ocean could wipe out existence much like the end of the dinosaurs...though I beg to differ, I have been pleasantly surprised a few times...and my imagination is running wild right now. I could probably have a script by Monday if you're interested. I can't fathom how good this movie could really be. Okay, back to reality...


Wall Street 2? - Amid the economic clusterfunk that has finally come tumbling down, for some reason, actor, son of Spartacus, and the guy bangin' Catherine Zeta-Jones himself, Michael Douglas had to field questions Wednesday about the financial turmoil shaking world markets from reporters recalling his role in the 1987 film "Wall Street." The actor sought to focus on the subject of Wednesday's news conference — urging the United States and eight other holdout nations to ratify a nuclear test ban treaty. Douglas won an Academy Award for portraying the rapacious banker Gordon Gekko, who popularized the phrase "greed is good" in the movie. After world leaders here condemned the "boundless greed" of world markets, Douglas was asked to compare nuclear Armageddon with the "financial Armageddon on Wall Street" but the likening to Gekko did not end there, with a reporter asking: "Are you saying Gordon that greed is not good?" Douglas replied, "I'm not saying that...and my name is not Gordon. He's a character I played 20 years ago." How sad is it that our reporters are resorting to asking actors...at a nuclear test ban treaty conference...about how to overcome the economic downturn? Obviously, Gordon Gekko was part of the problem. We should have asked ourselves, WWJD? As in, what would Jack (T. Colton) do? He can save the day. Why? What does the T stand for? Trustworthy.


Now, I don't think that I'm alone when I say that the current economy kind of scares the crap the out of me...mostly because I've read a few history books and the government buying out $700 billion in bad debt and printing more money sounds eerily familiar to what happened during the Great Depression...but not in the United States...rather half the world away in Germany, where a wheelbarrel full of Deutsche Marks couldn't buy you loaf of bread because of inflation...and it took a charasmatic (and crazy ass) leader to lead them out of depression...and into another World War. I thought that maybe I was just being a little paranoid...and I probably am...but then I heard that John McCain basically quit running for President and Sarah Palin went to New York to go shopping or something...oh and meet up with the Afghan president for a few minutes to have some tea too. What the hell is going on? Granted our situation is a little different...whereas we were just involved in a financial clusterfunk from the top-down...but for the economy to work, we can't just hoard all of our money and quit being consumers. That's how things get worse. I know it's easy for me to say while I, at this moment that I'm typing this, still have a job...but it's just how the economy works. If the belief in the value of money goes down, then the value of money goes down. I'm not an economic expert...but it scares me that there's not a better idea to save the economy from somebody that is.



Anyway, enough about that depressing stuff...I got my suits last night...and they look amazing on me. I can't lie. Pictures to come one day...but in the meantime, I'll just wish you all a wonderful day, weekend, and ever after. I hope that everything works out for the best. Oh...and big surprise...but I just got word from Denver and they'll be making their decision later today. Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease...