Wurst Case Scenario

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

My weekend was full of football, laundry & cleaning… and slushy snow… and I watched “Scrooged” with the roommate (holiday classic). Oh… and I was also checking into apartment pricing in San Francisco… and then I shat myself with shock… and then looked some more… and I’m getting really excited about the possibility of moving to San Francisco. However, nothing really new since the last update with regards to the job opportunity details. They want to interview me obviously (because they probably had the same reaction to my amazing resume as I did with their housing prices) but that’s as far as I’ve heard. Everybody thinks that it’s a good idea if the circumstances are right… even my dad’s lightening up to the idea (probably because I told him that others were willing to help me move & I reminded him that there’s really only two large pieces of furniture that I move now (my couch & an oak dresser… and even that isn’t bad). By the way, how about that Las Vegas Bowl matchup? Utah against Boise State!!! That should be a great game… in Vegas… but alas, the bowl game that I’m REALLY considering going to… is the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl at AT&T Park in San Francisco (where the world champion Giants play) where Nevada’s playing Boston College. We’ll have to wait until I know the situation with regards to… well, everything… but I’ll be sure to keep you posted on that.

The other night, I finally watched “Jonah Hex” starring Josh Brolin, Megan Fox & John Malkovich. It only lasted one week in theatres… and I had other plans already… so I missed out on the theatre experience. I’m glad that I did… because the movie was pretty f**king lame. For those who don’t remember, it’s the story (loosely) based on the DC Comic of a former civil war vet named Jonah Hex (Brolin) whose family is burned alive in front of him by a vengeful Confederate general Quentin Turnbull (Malkovich) & he also brands Hex’s face as a memento of the occasion. While left for dead, Hex is found by Crow Indians and brought back to life… and apparently has the superpower to talk to dead people (I guess it has its utility) and he searches the Old West seeking vengeance… but then Turnbull dies… so now he’s a bounty hunter. With me so far? Okay, long story short, inexplicably there’s a superhot prostitute (Fox) who is smitten with Hex… and then they found out that Turnbull isn’t dead… and in fact, he putting together this ultimate weapon made by Eli Whitney (yes, the cotton gin guy) to destroy the North… and so President Grant (Aidan Quinn) employs the services of Jonah to save America. Now, it was definitely better than “Wild Wild West” but had eerie similarities to the overall feel… but with a dash of lots of violence (though PG-13 for the kiddies), writing from the guys who brought you “Crank” and just… a lot of loop holes. Malkovich was pretty creepy as the bad guy (as he usually is) but even then it was… I don’t know, it seemed wasted… like when you see Sir Ben Kingsley in these video game adaptation movies like “Bloodrayne” or something. Josh Brolin was okay given the material (I’m sure direction was “you’re angry… aaaand… action!”) and God bless her, for her four minutes of screen time even Megan Fox did okay… given the fact that she was playing a prostitute in love with a heartless bounty hunter. Eh, it only wasted about 80 minutes of my life… and I got to see Megan Fox in a corset for a few minutes. It could’ve been worse. Now for some news…

Cash Update - "The Man in Black" was dressed in blue as he rehearsed for a 1969 concert at San Quentin. The embroidered blue jumpsuit that Johnny Cash wore to practice caused a bidding war during a memorabilia auction Sunday, bringing in nearly 10 times what was expected. The suit was expected to sell for $5,000, but was eventually claimed for $50,000 by a collector from Belgium, said Darren Julien, president and CEO of Julien's Auctions in Beverly Hills. He would not name the buyer. The auction of 321 lots sold for over $700,000, nearly twice what was expected, Julien said Monday. The late country singer was photographed in the suit giving a concert photographer "The Finger." Yes, THAT photo, which was also used in a 1998 Billboard magazine ad purchased by Cash's record company to sarcastically thank Nashville and country radio after he received a best country album Grammy for "Unchained." "Johnny Cash is highly collectible. He's got global appeal, especially for a country artist. He was the first country music artist who was collectible. He set the standard," Julien said. An international group of fans, collectors and investors took part in the auction, by phone or in person, he said. A poster announcing Cash's performance at the prison sold for $25,000, a 1968 passport for $21,875 and a Martin guitar for $50,000. A shirt made by Nudie Cohn and worn by Cash when he was grand marshal of the American Bicentennial Grand Parade in 1976 brought in $31,250 and a pair of Cash's knee-high boots sold for $21,875. Cash died in 2003 of complications from diabetes. Because he performed at prison so often and led a rather rowdy life early in his career, many people believed he served time in prison. He did not, although he battled drug addiction over the years and received a suspended jail sentence in 1965 on a misdemeanor narcotics charge in Texas. Pretty nice, huh? Also, in case I didn’t mention it earlier, Cash’d Out (the Johnny Cash tribute band) will be performing at the Knitting Factory in Reno this Friday. Tickets are on sale if you’re interested… and who knows? Maybe I’ll be bored and go since Bubbles won’t be coming until Saturday. She’s going to be my +1 to my company’s 1st anniversary gala on Sunday. Elegant evening attire, great coworkers, dancing at a very prestigious location & the best arm candy in the place… obviously not all women get to be that lucky, but then again… she’s a special woman in black… like a female Johnny Cash.

Advertising – This next one comes from friend of the blog Lilie who was apparently Christmas shopping when she stumbled on this gem. The holidays are a time for catching up with cousins, stuffing your face with food and, now, gratuitous lingerie. Canadian undergarment proprietor (how fancy does that sound?) La Senza is serving up the Cup Size Choir, a collection of lingerie-clad singers. Labeled A-G (for giggidy!), the high notes are based on the model's cup size. Don't expect any real-life Mariah Careys on here: The models got some serious help hitting the right note. The real goal obviously is to show off the lingerie, which happens every time you press a key, and the model sings as she sinks into her plush, velvety bed… you know, for demonstration purposes. The funky website currently has an automated version of "Deck the Halls," but the real fun is in making your own soundtrack by clicking on the keys and sharing your masterpiece with friends. "Jingle Bells" is cool, but if you can recreate the "Beverly Hills Cop" theme "Axel F" then you will be a golden God in my book. Anyway, feel free to give it a shot… and maybe find somebody for that special lady in your life.

German Repo - A German woman who splurged on breast implants with a loan from her then boyfriend now fears her assets could be re-possessed after she failed to fully reimburse him, the 20-year-old woman told Bild newspaper. Her ex-boyfriend is demanding that she return the 4,379 euros ($5,865) he gave her to pay for her breast enlargement surgery in 2009 or he'll call the police and get the repossessors involved, Bild reported on Wednesday. "It's true that Carsten signed a loan agreement shortly before the operation," the woman named only as Anastasia is quoted saying. "The condition was that I wouldn't have to pay him back if I stayed with him for a year." But the pair split shortly after she underwent the plastic surgery. The woman said she had transferred 3,000 euros into her ex-boyfriend's account last week (probably from her NEW boyfriend) but I guess this will be settled one way or another. The only question is… what exactly WOULD happen if they repossessed her breast implants? I mean… okay, she’s flatter again (which by the way, ladies, not that big of a deal) but… does the guy just get to keep the implants? Do they go back to the surgeon? Does the same surgeon have to be the one to remove them & then he’s reimbursed? I’m just curious about the whole logistics… and who benefits from it. Does the ex-boyfriend get money back? Does the surgeon for removing the implants? Does a notary have to present for the surgery? If so, sign me up for notary duty…

Wurst Case Scenario – Also in Germany, a small-town butcher said on Monday he faces steep bills after a wild boar tore through his shop in an hour-long rampage but will at least recover some of his losses by selling slices of the slain beast. The boar wandered out of a nearby forest and into the shop and caused about 5,000 euros ($6,600) in damage before being shot by a Jaegermeister (local master hunter), butcher Rainer Kraemer told Reuters. "Insurance covers theft and fire, but the butcher shop isn't covered for a wild boar attack," said Kraemer, whose shop is in the town of Hoehr-Grenzhausen near the western city of Koblenz. The 130-kg (290 lbs) boar will only fetch about 400 euros in ham and wurst sales after Kraemer finishes carving it up… but hey, it’s better than nothing. Luckily, there was only one customer in the store during the attack who escaped with only a minor injury. "Once the boar pushed through the door, I quickly helped the customer out of store and then went to try to guard the production equipment," said Kraemer. He and a sales clerk were unhurt in the rampage but unable to stop the boar. It sounds like something out of a Grimm Brothers tale, right? Like there should be a moral at the end like, “Don’t be a glutton in a house of gluttony, otherwise you’ll be on the menu” or something like that. I don’t know, maybe I’m just weird.

Political Satire Gold - "Austin Powers" and "Meet the Parents" director Jay Roach is set to direct a politically themed comedy which Warner Bros. Pictures just won the rights to reports Deadline. Zach Galifianakis (“The Hangover” & “Due Date”) and Will Ferrell (“Anchorman” & “The Other Guys”) are attached to the film in which the pair would go head-to-head as political rivals hoping to become presidential candidates. I would expect a lot of personal attacks (“You look like a fat Jesus!” “Yeah, well at least I wasn’t in Land of the Lost!!! That movie was an abortion of cinema!” “YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!”). Further details aren't forthcoming, but it is known that Chris Henchy ("The Other Guys") and Shawn Harwell ("Eastbound and Down") will pen the script. Roach, who directed the award-winning HBO political dramedy "Recount", hopes to get the film in theatres around the time of the 2012 political election. Roach, Galifianakis, Ferrell and Adam McKay (“Step Brothers”) will produce. Sounds like it has great comedic potential… so we shall see. Will it beat out “Head of State” for my highly coveted Presidential Movie List Gold Medal? Only time will tell… but they’re off to a great start.

MACHETE KILLS!!! - The end credits of "Machete" said the character will return in a sequel called "Machete Kills" and everybody took it as an ode to the somewhat campy grindhouse movies that it was based on (like “Shaft’s Big Score”, etc). However, in a recent red carpet interview via Bloody Disgusting, titular star Danny Trejo says things are further along on a potential sequel to the film than you might expect: "I asked (Robert Rodriguez) when he was going to write it and he says it's written, so we can get started pretty quick. We went all over the world with that movie and people kept having me sign these Machete action figures, it was a lot of fun. I don't even think Robert Rodriguez even expected that reception and now everyone is waiting for Machete Kills so hurry up Robert Rodriguez!" says Trejo (who really wants another big paycheck). Rodriguez has hinted before (in the same end credits) of a film trilogy with the third being titled "Machete Kills Again". Well, I’d watch them. I’m already anxiously awaiting the Blu Ray release of Machete… and the greenlighting of “Werewolf Women of the SS” but I’m pretty sure that Machete’s going to happen first.

Well, that’ll do it for today. Again, not a whole lot going on in my world other than the possibility of relocating yet again… but it’s still the early stages of that hypothetical transition. I should know more in the next few days… but in the meantime, have a great night everybody!!!

Another Pros & Cons List

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, as promised, some possibly HUGE news. There's a new job opportunity that has come up that has great potential for growth & a significant pay raise within the company. The catch is... that it's in San Francisco. I know what you're thinking. "$teve, you love Tahoe. You love your job. Why the hell are you even considering it?" Well, you're right. I do love my job... very much so, even if they may not pay me what I'm worth, I really enjoy the people I work with, the responsibility that my job entails & the experience that I've gained from it. I do love Tahoe... in the summer. I don't have all the details yet, so this is still preliminary... but I just thought I'd give you the heads up, that your boy Dr. Mookie Love may be taking his talents to South Beach... er, San Francisco. There's quite a number of steps between here and there though... so let's break it down. As usual, when I have a possible life-changing decision, I do two things: First, I make a list of Pros & Cons. Second, after doing some research, I contact my Board of Trustees (family & friends) and see what they think about the idea.

Bubbles told me about the opportunity on Monday, so she's obviously in favor of the idea. Or as she put it, "We'd be like peas & carrots again." Obviously referencing one of my favorite movies. The Wingmans, JL Clyde, K-Fish, Lilie, all seem to be in favor of the idea, thinking that the city would appeal more to my social nature... and I really don't like being snowed in for half the year and barely making ends meet financially. My mom really liked the idea too. She's obviously a little scared of her baby boy in the big city and everything... but I'm sure she won't mind visiting from time to time... any time of year. I even talked to Boss Man K... and he was very supportive of it... even when he knows the amount of work that he would be taking on, especially in the short term until he found someone (or four) to replace me.

My dad was the first person to tell me that I may be f**king crazy. I actually didn't tell him about the idea until late last night. He response was pretty much what I expected, which was why I wanted to have information first... but since it was early on, I didn't want it to be an all of a sudden thing. So I told him. "WHAT? SON, NO!!! Sigh... where is this job?" "San Francisco." "WHAT? Are you f**king... WHY?" So I told him about the job opportunity, that I already knew about the cost of living differences, the details were coming & it was just a thought, blah blah blah. "You know... you get like this everytime that you get snowed in. You know that, right?" Well, to look back, moving to Denver was after a futile 6-month search in Vegas at the beginning of the recession. Then the reason for moving back to SLC was not having a job for me in Denver. Then moving out here was because I didn't like being on the bottom of the totem pole again & I had an opportunity to open an office here in this paradise. He's not a huge fan of traffic & large numbers of people... and San Fran has that. He's also scared of his man-child in the big city. That's just the way parents are. He also REALLY doesn't want to help me move... and I can understand that. The thing is... I've grown up in Utah, lived in Denver, I'm not a huge fan of the snow. In Utah, it wasn't that bad... but it gets ridiculous sometimes here... and ice is even worse. If I were a skier & loved that stuff, then this would be perfect for me... but that's not the case. I've been out here a year. I absolutely love the summers, but I find myself tolerating the winter (mainly because of white gold & it's why I have a job here) and it's awfully lonely. I have a few friends but... it's mostly families out here & all the young'uns are matched up. So in the end though, "Son, you know I love you... and I'll support whatever you decide. Get the details, let me know what you decide, and we'll work it out." He even made a joke, "You know, my leg's all healed up now so I guess that means it's time for you to move again." Referring to when he decided to put a hole in his leg helping me load the LAST THING into the moving van when he helped me move here last year.

So yeah, now comes the list of Pros & Cons for this new opportunity / adventure. Here's how I have it broken down, but feel free to make mentions of other things that I might've missed.

Pros - Going to San Francisco
- Great job opportunity with advancement possiblities
- City of culture, excitement & lots of bridges
- Always something to do at any hour
- Single Women!!! - It seems like Alaska here sometimes
- Bubbles - It's always good to have good friends
- Family & friends will visit often & year round
- Three int'l airports with 45 minutes (and a cruise port)
- Public Transportation (less gas expense)
- I can bike year round (and play basketball & stay fit)
- B**ches... by which I mean beaches
- Napa, Half Moon Bay & Napa are less than an hour away
- Monterey & the Redwoods are two hours away
- Yosemite & Tahoe are three hours away (for summer)

Cons - Staying in Lake Tahoe
- Great job with people I enjoy working with already
- Fresh mountain air
- Less likely to get hit by a tsunami (I like the high ground)
- The Lake is gorgeous (but the ocean is in San Fran too)
- Cost of living is lower (but moreso are the wages)
- I don't have to move (that's a big one)

I'm sure there are many more for both sides that I'm just not typing fast enough or something... but that's a good start. So you see the dilemma, I take it. I like where I'm at... but I don't love it. Is it time for a new adventure? Already? Well, I'll keep you posted on events over the next few days (as much as I legally can) but I'm starting to get a little excited at the idea (except the moving part) but again, not all the details are in quite yet. There has to be enough force to break this ionic bond that I have to this place... but the lowering temperature probably helps with the threshold. Anyway, have a great evening everybody!!! I've got some thinking to do...

Nice Beaver!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I’m over the cold now. Yippee!!! And just in time for another storm this weekend. It’s not supposed to be as epic as the last one but… you know how meteorologists are. Besides, the ladies love my Barry White voice… so no problems there. Also, some potentially Earth shattering news may be forthcoming (for those that I haven’t already discussed with) so tune in… I don’t know, tomorrow maybe. In the meantime, here’s the news…

RIP Leslie Nielsen – One of the greatest comedic straight-men in the history of cinema has passed away. Leslie Nielsen, star of “The Naked Gun” and “Airplane!” movies, as well as countless other spoofs… and dramatic roles in the likes of “Forbidden Planet” and “Poseidon Adventure”, was 80. I completely spaced the Naked Gun movies (and the TV series before its time “Police Squad”) when I was making my Guilty Pleasure Movie List the other day… but that’s probably because I don’t feel guilty about it. We’ll truly miss you… but will laugh at your legacy.

Neve Campbell’s SINGLE!!! – Somewhere in Idaho, The Mad Scientist is brushing up on his pickup lines (as am I, because she was on my Top 5 Hotties of the 90's list). The “Scream” star, 37, has quietly split from British actor John Light after three years of marriage, according to TMZ (so it has to be true). Citing irreconcilable differences, she secretly filed for divorce five months ago in Los Angeles County Superior Court. She asked that Light, 36, not receive spousal support. The two reportedly first met on the set of the 2001 indie, “Investigating Sex”. Engaged in 2006, they said "I do" the following year in Malibu. This is the actress' second divorce: She was previously wed to Canadian actor Jeff Colt. Campbell returns to the big screen in Scream 4, out April 15th… but that doesn’t matter right now, because she’s back on the market… and by my guess, probably looking for a good old fashioned American man… and I can be an actor if that would help… why not? Aren’t we all just actors on the big silver screen of Life? I guess what I’m trying to say is… holla!!!

Tallest Couple - Their height made Wayne and Laurie Hallquist seem like an ideal match when they met seven years ago, and on Thursday they were matched with something else -- the title of world's tallest living married couple. Guinness World Records bestowed that towering distinction to the Hallquists in a ceremony under the marquee at its Hollywood museum. The couple arrived in a white limousine, with Wayne sporting a tuxedo and Laurie in a white wedding dress. The Hallquists, who live in nearby Stockton, California, measure a combined 13 feet, 4 inches, or 407.4 centimeters, to be exact. He stands 6 feet 10.4 inches, she 6 feet 5.95 inches, the Guinness organization said. "It's a whole different perspective up here, and we can find each other quite easily in a crowd," Laurie told Reuters. "We can see several people going bald that might not know it at the moment," joked Wayne, 57, who works as a telephone company wire splicer (no ladder required). The Hallquists said that when they met at a church singles club in 2003, they could tell that others around them were sizing up a possible love affair because of their height. "She walked in, everyone looked at her, then they looked at me," Wayne said. But while Wayne said it was love at first sight for him, Laurie their first meeting came up short. "He talked about the size of my hands and feet, which is kind of a no-no," said Laurie, 46. "And then the second time we had a chance to talk, I figured out he was a really good guy." They have been married for seven years, but it took the Hallquists until this year to contact Guinness World Records. The couple said they were discouraged at first from making a play for world's tallest couple, because they read online that a man and a woman each standing over 7 feet had married in the 19th century. Only this year did they realize they could compete in another category: world's tallest living married couple. Guinness previously listed a couple in England -- Wilco and Keisha van Kleef-Bolton -- as the world's tallest couple at a combined height of 13 feet, 3 inches. The Hallquists knew they could beat that -- by an inch. So they contacted Guinness, and the organization had them measured by a doctor and a notary to make it official. Laurie, a former college basketball player who now works as a realtor, said she dated shorter men before Wayne (only a 99.9% chance of that), including one "kind of macho" guy who stood 5-foot-7. She described that pairing as "a little awkward" and said that she likes looking up to her husband -- at least physically. If recent history is any indication, the Hallquists may have a limited time to stand out. The van Kleef-Boltons were only named world's tallest couple last year, before the Hallquists stepped up to challenge them. "There may be people who are taller than the Hallquists, but unless we go out and can measure them, the Hallquists have the record all to themselves," said Guinness World Records adjudicator Stuart Claxton. Are you insanely tall? Do you know a girl you could marry who is also insanely tall? Well, come on down to Reno (or Vegas), get hitched, get measured, and get in The Book. I’m just saying… if you’re into that thing. I mean… Yao Ming would only have to marry a six-footer to get the title for the People’s Republic of China. Let’s keep it in America, ladies & gentlemen.

Picasso JACKPOT!!! – Painter Pablo Picasso was both hugely prolific and famously generous with his work, but was he enough of a free spirit to give hundreds of his early works -- an invaluable collection -- to his electrician? That question lies at the heart of a court case over the origin of 271 Picasso works -- a treasure trove of original sketches, paintings and collages that was unknown to the art world a few months ago and unveiled for the public on Monday. Experts have yet to appraise the full collection, which has been placed under lock and key after a judicial appeal by Picasso's heirs. But there is little dispute so far over its authenticity. The works, many of which belong to the artist's Blue and Cubist periods, could fetch more than 60 million euros (about $79 million) at auction. More mysterious is how such an extensive collection could have wound up in the hands of a retired electrician in the south of France who once worked for the Picasso family, or why he chose to hold onto it for so many decades (wait until the artist was dead, the market was up & the time was right, simple enough). "We have questions, legitimate questions about where the paintings came from," Claudia Andrieu, legal counsel for the Picasso Foundation, told Reuters Television. "We are discovering new pieces, completely unknown pieces that had never been printed in any book." The mystery began when Claude Picasso -- son of the artist and head of the foundation named after him -- received a letter from a man who said he owned original Picasso pieces and wanted to have them verified for authenticity. Picasso convinced the man to bring the collection to Paris, saying he would be unable to verify it from photographs. The man arrived by car with the paintings in a suitcase and laid them out on a table. "I felt a great surprise, naturally, lots of emotion at the discovery of pieces with which we were not familiar. But also a deep disturbance," he told French daily Liberation. "Many of these pieces were not dated, which means they never should have left the studio." The man in question was Pierre Le Guennec, an electrician in his seventies who worked on Picasso's property in the south of France during the 1970s. He told Reuters Television that Picasso's wife gave him the artworks. "It's Madame (Picasso) who gave them. But if Madame gave them, Monsieur was aware of it. She wasn't going to do it just like that, was she?" he said, speaking through a gate in front of his property. "What did you want me to do with them? ... They stayed in a box with other boxes that I have, from my job." Yet Picasso's heirs were not convinced. While the artist was known to dash out sketches on napkins at restaurants and make spontaneous gifts to friends, he would not have separated with such a large store of work, his son told Liberation. "It doesn't hold up, frankly," Picasso said. Andrieu of the Picasso Foundation said that Le Guennec had changed his story many times, first telling them he had received the paintings from Picasso himself, then Picasso's wife, and alternately in a box or a trash can (the guy is in his seventies). Questioned by the police, he said the paintings were given to him by Picasso's wife, who died in 1986. Le Guennec denied stealing the paintings and told RTL radio he decided to ask about their value as a possible inheritance for his children. Unwilling to risk losing the works, Picasso's heirs successfully appealed to a judge to have the works placed under lock and key, where experts can study and care for them. Among the works are nine extremely rare Cubist collages, a watercolor from Picasso's Blue period, several painted hand studies, some 30 lithographs and over 200 drawings, as well as portraits of the artist's first wife, Olga Khokhlova. "Mr. Picasso is only interested in the history of art," Andrieu said. "We got the pieces secured, and now it is for the judge to determine how the pieces were obtained." So was this guy an art thief? Just a nice guy who accepted priceless works of art for payment as an electrician? Was he bangin’ Picasso’s wife? Did he find them in a trash can? A bank vault? Did he draw them himself and just bare an extremely similar style to a master painter? I guess we’ll find out… or perhaps the mystery is forever sealed in the mind of man in his seventies who made a long prosperous career on getting electrocuted & being around electromagnetic fields. The world may never truly know… but seriously, if they’re really gifts… JACKPOT!!! $80 million in dirty twisted blue cubic pictures? Damn bro, your kids are SET!!!

Anyway, on that note, I think I’ll end this post on a high note. Again, some possible HUGE news coming tomorrow… but I’m gathering information first… because that’s how I do it. You know me. Also, Eagles are playing tonight against the Texans. You know, I like that Andre Johnson fought back against Cortland Finnegan… but I was kinda hoping he’d get suspended for a game too… but whatever. Have a great night everybody!!! (said in my sexy Barry White voice)

Guilty Pleasures

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Some opportunities have come up recently that may lead to some big changes… but I’ve been entirely too busy the past few weeks to even post pictures from New Orleans (remember? Halloween?) so for huge life decisions, I haven’t had a chance to do the usual process yet. Stay tuned though… and in the meantime… here’s some quick news…

Guilty Pleasure Movies – I caught this article on Yahoo! News the other day… and I swear it caught me watching one of these Top 5 Guilty Pleasure movies. Basically, there’s a new movie “Burlesque” out with Christina Aguilera & Cher starring as… well, burlesque dancers… and you know I’m a fan of that stuff (as long as I don’t think of a seventy-something like Cher) but it brought upon this list… by the way, this is THEIR list…

1. “Showgirls” (1995) – This was the one that I think they were spying on me. Yes, I admit it… last Monday night, I was flipping through the channels on Starz… and found this gem. It’s the story of Nomi Malone, a girl that wants to be a star in the Vegas limelight (instead of hooking) so she gets involved with the burlesque game… and apparently it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Everybody knows that the greatest line in the whole movie is when she pronounces Versace (Ver-sa-chi) as Ver-sayce. You can’t beat that… but then again, if that’s the highlight of your movie besides the catfights, lesbian makeout scenes, pyrotechnic nudity & overall drama… then you may not be a fan of this movie. Instead of rubbernecking on the freeway when I see a car accident, I watch movies like this. Don’t judge me.
2. “Xanadu” (1980) – Never seen it… heard it was Olivia Newton-John on rollerskates…
3. “Grease 2” (1982) – All I remember is that Michelle Pfeiffer’s in it… and some guy on a bike… we all make mistakes.
4. “Point Break” (1992) – Quite possibly the perfect bad movie… Academy Award winning director (Kathryn Bigelow of “Hurt Locker” aka Mrs. James Cameron), Keanu in his prime (well… did he really have one?), Patrick Swayze, surfing, character names like Johnny Utah, special cameos by Flea & Anthony of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, bank robberies by Presidential banditos, “I AM AN F-B-I AGENT!!!”, skydiving, for f**k’s sake it even has Gary Busey!!! It shames me to think of how many times I’ve seen this movie. Absolutely shames me to the core… and yet, I’d still watch it again.
5. “Mommie Dearest” (1981) – No idea what this is…
   
   

So with that in mind… I give you MY Top 5 Guilty Pleasure Movies…

1. “Starship Troopers” (1997) – Even better than “Showgirls”, “Robocop”, “Total Recall” and all the other guilty pleasures to come from director Paul Verhoeven, I have to put “Starship Troopers” at the top of the list. If you haven’t seen it, then you just can’t understand. Now, the two sequels are pretty much crap… but it has giant alien insects conquering the universe with spaceship transports, bugs that fire thermonuclear projectiles, sucking the brains out of their victims, and of course… we have the technology to travel willy-nilly through space… but not take care of infestations. Aside from that, I love the PSA’s and news updates that pop up from time to time… and Denise Richards & Dina Meyer in their prime… and for f**k’s sake it even has Doogie… and Michael Ironsides… and Gary Busey… well, his son Jake anyway. I wonder what Casper Van Diem has been up to since then… but probably f**king half of Hollywood. Favorite line – “The only good bug is a dead bug” or “Would you like to know more?”
2. “Pootie Tang” (2001) – You know that I love superheroes… and being from the ghetto, of course I’m going to love ghetto superheroes who are irresistible to the ladies and can also sing & dance… in their own language. Not too many people enjoyed this movie from director Chris Rock… but hey, that’s their problem. Also, little known fact, I own the DVD not because I’m a huge fan… but because purchasing the DVD was actually cheaper than renting it at Blockbuster. Yes, it was in a $2 bin. Sold!!! Favorite line – “(his silent song that everybody jams out too)” “POOTIE DONE DID IT AGAIN!!!”
3. “Tank Girl” (1995) – Absolutely one of the worst movies ever made. Period. You cannot deny it. However, I blame my brother for exposing me to this one. He was a huge fun (I think he had a crush on the titular actress Lori Petty whereas I’m a Naomi Watts fan myself) so we watched it a few times… and there’s plenty of dirtiness & explosions for an impressionable young mind… and kangaroo / human hybrids voiced by Ice-T… and Malcolm McDowell as a baddie… there’s even a musical number of “Let’s Do It”… so yeah, you look past all that craziness. It was based on a comic book, right? Never seen it? You may want to check it out… but be warned. Favorite line – “Quit pickin’ on my girlfriend!” Tank Girl kisses Jet Girl (Watts) and the guys hassling her walk away. “Thanks, I think it worked.” “What worked?” So have to try that once…
4. “Revenge of the Nerds” (1985) – Hey, if Sir James Cromwell stars in the movie, it can’t be that bad, right? Well, he’s in the movie for about three minutes while the credits roll (as Jamie Cromwell, pre-Sir years) and after that it’s just a college comedy with the likes of John Goodman, Ted McGinley (“Married with Children”), Curtis Armstrong & Anthony Edwards (GOOSE!!!). This was one of the few movies that I had growing up… so I could probably quote the whole damn thing to you… but I won’t unless I’m in person. Favorite line - “All jocks ever think about is sports… all nerds ever think about is sex.”
5. “Mannequin” (1987) – I blame the catchy song… and the fact that Kim Cattrall was gorgeous… and that Captain Harris from the “Police Academy” movies (another guilty pleasure) was in it… and to a lesser extent, HollyWOOOOOD!!! Yes, the story of a princess cursed to be a mannequin and only comes to life when nobody else is around for a lowly department store window decorator (Andrew McCartney) just seems to be one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Favorite line – “Armand… is the wind!”
6. “Dirty Dancing” (1987) – If somebody would watch this movie with me… I’m sure it’d make the list. I already love the soundtrack and all the parts that I have seen (parodied) over the years but… I can’t officially put it on the list until I have seen it, right? That’s why it’s number six on this list of five. Maybe I’m seeing the whole Patrick Swayze in his thirties, pre-18 Jennifer Grey relationship in an out-of-context manner… but the whole thing seems weird to me. And you know I like the dirty dancing. By the way, was anybody else NOT surprised that the star of a movie with “Dancing” in the title won “Dancing with the Stars”? If you are surprised, you chose to be. Favorite line – “Nobody puts Baby in the corner!” Face it, it’s everybody’s favorite line… ever.
   
   

So there you go… and now for some guilty pleasure movie updates…

Bad Santa 2? – I also watched this holiday classic on Spike the other day (totally butchered… but the spirit is there) and then stumbled on this news clip. Out doing promotion for "Faster", Billy Bob Thornton revealed to Collider that he'd be up for doing a sequel to his 2003 pitch black comedy "Bad Santa". "Bad Santa's become like a classic Christmas movie. People watch It's a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street and Bad Santa. Now its sort of the box set. And there's been talk of making a sequel to it, which I actually would like to do. I've never done a sequel to one of my movies, but that one makes sense to me to do it" says Thornton. Thornton adds that a lot will depend on the director having the balls to keep the film dark and edgy - "Probably get a director who's got the juice to, with whoever makes it, you know, who puts up the money, to get it in blood. That's the way you have to do it, and hopefully it'll work." Hopefully director Terry Zwigoff can help out with “Bad Santa Resurrection” and yes, that will be the working title… in my world. Sigh… RIP Bernie Mac & John Ritter. A tear came to my eye when I saw you guys on TV the other day.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Like I said, a lot of things to go over so free time is at a minimum… plus I’ve had a bit of a cold the past day or so… and I don’t want it anymore, so I’m going to go to bed early. Lame, I know… but hey, it’s not like my roommate is going to mother me back to health. Have a great night everybody!!!

Thanksgiving 2010

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, here’s the rundown of this quickly adapted Thanksgiving trip back home. I left Wednesday after work (a little early) and made it in enough time to grab In-n-Out Burger on the way to the airport. The roads were better than anticipated. See, Wednesday morning… my thermometer in Gretchen (sounds dirty, I know) read -16 degrees on the drive to work. What does that mean? Even if it were almost 50 degrees warmer, water would still freeze. Anyway, the flight was pretty quick, like an hour, and when I landed everybody was telling me how cold it was at 10 degrees above zero in Slick City. I kinda laughed to myself thinking “Eh, it could be worse… like 12 hours ago.” Anyway, my dad picked me up at the airport and we watched a little TV and caught up before I went to bed. Nothing major Wednesday.

Thursday was Thanksgiving… and the first meal was with my stepmom’s family in Fruit Heights, but my brother and his kids were there too. Kairi & Vinny were very happy to see their Uncle $teve… and the feeling was mutual. We played a bit and had some great food with the family. Around sunset, I was getting ready to go when my brother said, “Hey, you should come hang out with me at Isaiah’s tonight.” “No thanks, I’m going to mom’s for dinner and spending the day with her, but I’ll be by tomorrow night.” “F**k her, hang out with me & your buddy.” See, I had to stop myself from saying, “No, f**k you… and everything you stand for, you’re lucky I don’t knock you the f**k out right here in front of your kids while everybody else in the room is jealous that they didn’t, you douche.” But instead I said something along the lines of “I’m going to hang out with my mother tonight… and I will hang out with Isaiah tomorrow. If you would care to join me in either case, you are more than welcome to.” Then I hugged the kids goodbye and Kairi asked, “Are you leaving again? I don’t want you to go.” She really knows how to tug at the heart strings. “Oh sweetie, I’m going to see grandma and then I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay? You be a good girl for daddy.” “Okay Uncle $teve, I love you.” I know I haven’t elaborated on why my brother and I are at odds (even though, I don’t think he knows it because I’m so damn nice & cool about it) but trust me, it’s completely founded. I’d like to say that I’ve forgiven him… but he makes it so difficult by being a douche to every single person he’s around & expecting everything without the least bit of effort on any level… and he blames it all on his ex-wife or having to watch his kids. I understand that being a single parent is tough… but seriously, what else are you doing? He even tried to get sympathy from my stepsister who has been raising a kid on her own for nearly a decade with a mother paying for everything, while she works and goes to school… and oddly enough, it didn’t work. Weird how that happens. Anyway, I love the douche… but he makes it very tough… and perhaps I will forgive him one day… but it really ain’t today.

That night, I went up to my mom’s and hung out with her and my cousin Alicia. We had another Thanksgiving dinner, checked the newspaper for Black Friday sales and she wanted to know what was on my wishlist, and then we watched “Little Shop of Horrors” starring Rick Moranis, John Candy, Bill Murray and the great Steve Martin. I had never watched it before… mainly because it’s a musical… but it was actually pretty damn funny (though Audrey’s voice bugged the sh*t out of me… but hey, I’m not from Jersey). For those who haven’t seen the movie (or the play), it’s about a quiet sweet florist Seymour (Moranis) who works in a basement of a floral shop and has a crush on a coworker named Audrey, but she has a dipsh*t boyfriend dentist who beats her (Martin). Anyway, Seymour discovers what he thinks is a new plant… and names it Audrey II… but he soon finds out that only blood is what makes the plant grow… and it’s getting BIG… and it needs “fresh meat” so… now he has to kill to feed his plant… but only douchebags… but then, what happens when he runs out of douchebags? (By the way, just… think about that world for a minute… go ahead, take your time… okay, back to the story) Anyway, I found it pretty funny so I would recommend it to anybody who needs a good laugh… and can deal with musicals. On that note, to watch the movie, we used my brother’s Netflix account (because my mom paid for everything anyway) and apparently over the weekend when I was gone, she watched a bunch of chick flicks… so I’m picturing a few days from now, my brother using it on his PS3… and it suggesting “Steel Magnolias” or “Playing by Heart” or “Fried Green Tomatoes” or something like that… and him going “Why the f**k would they suggest… oh wait, this one has Angelina Jolie! AND Scully! How bad could it be?”

Can you guess which one is my mom? Circa 1974

Friday morning, my mom, Alicia & I woke up at the crack of noon (okay, 9-ish) for some shopping… which was basically me watching my mom buy presents for Kairi & Vinny for a few hours… and then we went to Kohl’s and found a pretty good sale of dress shirts, so I got to pick out a few fly selections. I also did some shopping… but I won’t tell you where or what or for whom. Around sunset, I said my goodbyes and went to my buddy Isaiah’s house… and as mentioned before, he’s basically my brother… and he turned THIRTY two days earlier… so after giving him some crap for that (the few months I can) we caught up, stopped by the liquor store, and basically between he, my brother & myself, we drank a half gallon of some of the absolute worst rum you can imagine (the cheap stuff) with Kool Aid chasers (cuz that’s how gangstas do) and just having a good time.

That evening, I was sleeping on the floor (the house was already at capacity with three large adults & four kids in a two-bedroom apartment) and I was pretty faded. Well, in the middle of the night, I feel my brother who is lying on the couch, roll over on top of me and I see the blanket cover me… and he is no spring chicken… so I try to throw him off… and he’s heavy… and I’m drunk… but eventually I’m able to and I come out screaming “Get the f**k off me!!!” and then… I realize that apparently it was a dream or something… and I had just yelled that in the middle of a living room… and my brother’s still asleep on the couch… and now the dogs are staring at me. Nice, right? Thought you might enjoy that.

I want to take a moment to recognize a truly remarkable woman… and that is Isaiah’s wife Arwen. You see, I know my brother is not easy to live with. Nor is my buddy Isaiah at times (usually when he’s drinking, which is often). She’s also taken on motherly duties of his children (ages 9 and 6) and works two jobs while my brother continues being unemployed… and her husband is laid off from his last job last month. It obviously stresses her out quite a bit… and I made sure to thank her about a dozen times for putting up with both of my brothers. However, that being said, all the apologies from me in the world have little to no effect when my brother’s constant douchery is paired up with a drunken husband’s misplaced unsubtle comments… and that can cause drama… and it did. Enough to where, last I heard, Arwen is taken some time away from them staying with her brother. Sigh… I just don’t understand my brothers sometimes. It’s like they love this drama stuff… and they don’t think before they speak.

Anyway, so that was Saturday morning, then in the afternoon I met up with a friend that I hadn’t heard from in a while… K-Fish!!! We met up at Chili’s for some free chips & queso and a few beers and caught up on happenings in our respective worlds. That evening, I also met up with JL Clyde for some sushi and a few adult beverages at the Urban Lounge with live entertainment… and some dancing. Good times.

Sunday, I watched “Expendables” and some football with my dad as it snowed outside… and then he took me to the airport… and a few hours later, I was back in Truckee. Basically, it was a great weekend… and I did a lot of thinking about things during it… as I often do. You know, the whole “What is my purpose? Why aren’t I happy all the time like I used to be? Where did my goals go? Am I focused on the right things? What really matters to me? How did I get here? How can I help my family & friends? How is me being out here in this paradise in the middle of nowhere helping to achieve any of it?” kind of thoughts. I also drove through some of the old neighborhoods… and memories came flashing back… and how things have changed since then… and how blessed I am… but it doesn’t really mean anything if I don’t have somebody to share it with, right? If I’m not living with a purpose, then what’s the point? Just to get by? That ain’t me. At least I hope not. I want to regain that fire that I used to have as a young man and a kid… and I do at times… but then other times, I don’t know, it’s just not there unless I really try hard at it… but then I think “what’s the point?” and it fades. There are a few things that still burn like back in the day… but yeah, I guess I just have to figure out what my goals are, what’s important to me, and get back on track towards a life that I want. Not that my life is horrible by any means… but I guess I just have an insatiable appetite to help others & myself… and I get bored easily. I think too much… and it has its advantages and disadvantages… but hey, it is what it is. So yeah, great weekend… and I’ll be back there in four weeks for Christmas too.

Have a great day everybody!!! Hope your Thanksgiving was amazing as well!!!

Thanks Y'all

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, things change quickly in my world sometimes. This morning was a snowstorm of biblical proportions... and all the local are saying that they are NEVER this early in the season (like before Thanksgiving) so it should shape up to be a pretty interesting winter at times. Anyway, because of the storm, my mom didn't want to drive all the way across Northern Nevada just to see little old me for a few days. I know... sad, right? Not so... because she basically just said, "I booked you a flight to come visit us. It'll be safer and cheaper that way." So I'm heading home for Thanksgiving to see my dad, my mom, my brother, my friends, all my peeps pretty much. Now the only concern is them cleaning off the roads between now and then so I can make it to Reno but it has cleared up a bit since the blizzard this morning. Gretchen's a good girl. She'll get me through any kind of weather... but yeah, flying saves time... and I get reward miles. Woot woot!!! Happy birthday to my buddy Isaiah, who has basically been a brother of mine since the 2nd grade (that's over two decades) as he turns... wait for it... THIRTY in a matter of hours. That old basterd!!! Can't wait to see him for a few birthday brews watching football this weekend.

What are you thankful for? Here's a list of some of the things that I am truly thankful for... but don't feel like I do enough to show it.

• My Family - Though sometimes they irritate the hell out of me & seem to be ripe with drama whenever possible, I am truly thankful for them. I know that if I ever needed anything, they would be there for me... and they Love me for who I am. Though my brother works the hell out of my nerves sometimes... I still love the b**ch.
• My Friends - You ladies & gentlemen probably have no idea how much you mean to me... and if you ever need anything, I'm here for you. Sure "here" may be a few hundred or thousand miles away... but hey, with today's technology, I could be in the room with you in no time. I'm just a phone call away... and if that isn't enough... I have a web cam... though my voice is usually more satisfying than my face.
• My Health - I'm two meters tall, just over a hundred kilos, work out most days, though I could probably do some more cardiovascular work, but I'm disease free, have a steady ticker, a body like a stretched-out Greek God, a pretty imaginative little noggin, can eat pretty much anything, no real allergies, a few scars... but ladies love 'em. Yeah, I'm a very lucky man.
• My Home - Yes, I'm renting an apartment and sharing it with a roommate... but he's one of the most easy going roommates possible & though we've had a few discussions over the past few months, we really get along. Also, having a roof over my head is certainly appreciated every time that I have to brave the elements to go anywhere. It's always nice to have a fireplace, a comfortable couch & a warm blanket to come home too even when I don't have a young lady willing to keep me warm at night.
• My Job - It's hella busy... I'm overworked and underpaid... and I know that I've talked a few times about just saying "Phuket" and wandering the Earth... but I've been thankful for my job for over a decade now... and it has led me to some wonderful places in the world and made the rent payments and bar tabs over the years. Is it the job of my dreams? No, I'm not a superhero or gigolo (as that seems to be my occupation in most dreams over the years) but it's still pretty cool. I love the people that I work with, the job is somewhat interesting to me, I'm pretty much indispensable... and there's a definite confidence in that. Now if I could just get paid what I'm worth...
• My Vehicles - Though I haven't been able to spend much time with Baby over the past few years, I know she wishes she were with me too... and my little redheaded mistress Gretchen keeps me company here in the Sierras & keeps me safe. It's a shame that I had to lay Brandy to rest this time last year... but she had a great run. By the way, did I tell you that Gretchen went over 60k miles during the trip out to San Fran the other weekend? Yeah, big moment for her. Can't believe that I've put 14,000 miles on her in the year... and 11,000 since my Road Trip 2010 started.
• My Troops - I think that I speak for everybody when I say that you ladies & gentlemen protecting our nation are truly the greatest among us. Your tireless efforts and unmatched dedication to your country and our safety is something that we can never repay you. Thank you so much for everything that you do.
• My Imagination - It keeps me entertained... and apparently some other people out there. Am I capitalizing on it yet? Am I writing mega-blockbuster movies? Am I writing the next great American novella? A collection of short stories that will be studied by future generations to marvel at my use of prose & intricacies of sexual innuendo? Alas, not at this time... and I simply have to rely on my wit & charisma during one-on-one interactions to be my beacon for future generations... but maybe one day, I'll just get really bored (or need the c-c-c-cash) and just git r done and start the next Harry Potter craze or something like that. Could I live with myself for writing some terrible literary phenomenon like the Twilight Saga? You bet your ass I could... and I'm sure plenty of people would want to live with me too. We shall see...
  

There are a lot of smaller things that I'm thankful for... but yeah, obviously you guys mean the world to me... and I'm VERY excited to get to come and see a lot of you in the flesh for Thanksgiving. Anyway, I guess that'll do it for today. Not much else to say other than that. I'll be sure to pack my camera this time so that you all get to see my niece & nephew... and my face buried in sweet sweet pumpkin pie. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

I'm Going To The Country

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, as predicted, it snowed a substantial amount this weekend (though not quite the epic biblical proportions that were forecast… but the night is young & it should continue well into tomorrow), the Eagles dominated the Giants (okay, they won, and that’s what counts), Bone Junior met her first rock crush at the AMA’s (and we both actually bought the same first album when we were teenagers), and my mom will be coming for Thanksgiving… though probably just by herself. Oh well… we shall still have fun. Three day week at work, four day weekend with my mama & some sweet pumpkin pie… oh yeah, winter & the holidays are officially here. Well, my weekend was basically a lot of keeping warm and watching football…

and “Son of the Beach” which if you don’t know, was a series on FX back in 2000… and it was produced by Howard Stern… and it’s basically a spoof of “Baywatch” but it’s entirely double entendres (even character names are Notch Johnson, BJ Cummins, etc.), sex & fart jokes, shameless adult content, and basically everything that you can get away with on a TV-M rating. I like it because… well, it’s purposely sick and wrong… and at least once an episode has a daydream montage where somebody will say something like “dozens of big breasted female prisoners confined to a small area wearing nothing but undergarments? I wonder what that would be like…” and then the daydream begins. Plenty of guest stars are on it too… like David Arquette, Erik Estrada, Alan Thicke, Vincent Pastore (“Big P**sy”), and even the great Neil Patrick Harris. Anyway, it’s a lot like Naked Gun meets Baywatch… so if you like the Naked Guns movies then I suggest you check out “Son of the Beach” because… well, I think you’d appreciate it if you read my blog. Now for some world news…

Sexy Politics - A Polish singer and tabloid celebrity has put up posters of herself stretched out on the sand in a provocative bikini as part of her campaign to win a Warsaw district council seat in municipal elections on November 21. Several of the posters (located here) are to be seen around Warsaw's Bemowo district bearing Sara May's slogan: "Beautiful, independent, competent." "The deeds count, not the words, so I will not promise anything. I live in Bemowo in Warsaw," May, whose real name is Katarzyna Szczolek, wrote on her English language website, adding that she would try to make the city a better place to live in. Internet users who posted their comments below May's poster on various websites were not interested in her political views, instead preferring extensive discussion of the extent to which her photograph had been digitally enhanced. Using sex to sell your political views? Preposterous!!! Effective… but preposterous!!! Though I wish you the best of luck in your campaign, Miss Szczolek, I think that you’re going about this all wrong…

Topless Politics – Instead please take a note from the brazenly provocative, bare-breasted young women of Femen who are becoming an eye-catching -- if unsolicited -- fixture on Ukraine's political scene. Oh yes… this article combines world news, politics, and bare breasted idealistic Ukrainian women… if only more news was like this. Anna Hutsol, Femen's spikey-haired 26-year-old leader, says she commands a small army of 300 mainly student activists ready to peel off in public to support Ukrainian women's rights (PROVE IT!!!). As the group broadens its activities to embrace wider causes, she says Femen is undeterred by increased police action (or frigid temperatures that may make their nipples resemble AK-47 shells). "We plan more protests this year," Hutsol told Reuters. Femen activists caused a minor diplomatic stir last month during a visit by Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin with a topless street protest in which they made raunchy references to his personal life (so… do I have to kill people and become a dictator for girls to threaten me with nudity?). Last week two semi-clad Femen members disrupted an Iranian exhibition with a protest in support of an Iranian woman held in jail for adultery and complicity of murder. The Ukrainian authorities, who once laughed off Femen's activities as cheeky but harmless antics, may now be losing patience after the anti-Putin demonstration which touched a raw nerve in sensitive ties with a powerful neighbor. "The police are becoming more aggressive now. But at least that shows we are being taken seriously," Hutsol told Reuters in an interview in a downtown Kiev cafe. Established in 2008 by a group of Kiev university students, Femen says its main aims are to improve the role of women in Ukraine's male-dominated, post-Soviet society. "We want to show that our women have a demeaning role in our society. Their place is seen as in the kitchen or in bed," said Alexandra Shevchenko, a 22-year-old economics student who regularly plays a leading role in topless protests. Sex tourists and visiting foreign businessmen who feed Ukraine's sex industry are the group's main targets (note to self). It has also campaigned against sexual harassment of students in universities and railed against international beauty contests such as the Miss Universe competition. Even Mykola Azarov -- the country's dour, grey-haired prime minister -- found himself an unlikely target of Femen when he drew fire by naming an all-male government. But this is no classic women's movement. In conversation, Femen activists invoke no role models. Ex-prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko, Ukraine's best known woman, is for them just another actor on a stale political scene. The explicitly sexual nature of Femen's protests -- young women stripping to the waist, cavorting provocatively and chanting near-obscene slogans -- raises the question of whether its activists are not undermining their own movement's values (hey, don’t f**k this up for everybody). But they themselves see no contradiction. "We started out being dressed but we found nobody took any notice. I'm a big fan of taking off our clothes (giggidy!). It's how we get attention for our views," said Shevchenko. "It's all we've got, our bodies. We are not ashamed of this," said 20-year-old Inna, a journalism student. Hutsol says about 300 young women take part in protests, but Internet and email contacts indicate a support base of about 25,000 people. Financing, she says, comes from businessmen and local entrepreneurs who sympathize with their cause (in dollar donations?). Femen's first topless actions in mid-2009 targeted the sex industry, prostitution and the spread of Internet pornography. Early this year the group widened its agenda when Femen activists, protesting about vote-rigging in the presidential election, staged a topless demonstration at a polling booth as President Viktor Yanukovich himself turned up to vote. Since then it has held about 30 protests in the capital Kiev including one outside the government building. Many of them are short-lived: a flash of skin and a hurriedly-squawked slogan before security men move in to hustle the Femen activists off-stage (BOOOO!!!). When Putin visited in late October, six Femen activists stripped to the waist near the statue of Soviet state founder Lenin and chanted sexually-charged slogans, telling the Russian leader to keep his hands off Ukraine. "Ukraine is not Alina," read one -- a reference to Alina Kabayeva, the Olympic gymnast whom media speculation links romantically to Putin. Hutsol said the Putin action clearly ruffled feathers and police had since questioned many of those who took part. Its small support base, meager resources, limited agenda and a "young-centric" membership suggest Femen has little prospect of broadening into a political movement. But in a country deeply cynical about politics, Femen represents -- albeit on a modest scale -- one of the few regular street protest movements. Asked if Femen had a political agenda for the future. Hutsol said: "We do have some ideas, some plans. We are working on them." So ladies & gentlemen, show your support for women’s rights by donating to Femen… and even better, by flashing at the next round of elections to bring notice to the plight of Americans during these times where the middle class is being twiddled away. Mmm… I’ve never wanted to be part of a Russian political demonstration more than I do right now…

Really? This is a Study? – Speaking of girls that can hold their liquor, some women may be able to do so as well as men do, but there's no equality when it comes to whose health suffers more for it. Excessive alcohol use takes a higher toll on women's bodies, with a greater risk of liver, brain or heart damage, among other devastating conditions. "We are very concerned about the fact that more young women are starting to drink in harmful ways, including binge drinking," said Dr. Deidra Roach of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. A decades-long study of data on more than 500,000 people nationwide indicated women ages 21 to 23 were the only group whose binge drinking has increased (college). The research, reported in the July 2009 issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, showed a 30% jump between 1979 and 2006 in women who binge drink (technically, downing at least four alcoholic drinks in rapid succession). The physical differences between the sexes play a significant role in how their bodies metabolize alcohol. Women have more body fat and less water in their systems than men do, as well as lower levels of an enzyme important in the breakdown of alcohol, according to the NIAAA. This means they experience the effects of drinking more quickly and for a longer time than men. Of the estimated 17.6 million Americans who abuse alcohol, 5.3 million of them are female, according to the National Institutes of Health. "Because women are smaller than men . . . the same amount of alcohol will be more concentrated in a woman's body than a man's body," said Roach, a health scientist administrator in the NIAAA's Division of Treatment and Recovery Research. "This means when a man and a woman drink the same amount of alcohol, in general, the woman's internal organs will be exposed to more alcohol than the man's."

For women, the consequences of drinking include damage to organs and increased rates of chronic diseases.
Liver damage: Women develop alcohol-induced liver disease - including hepatitis and cirrhosis - over a shorter period of time and after consuming less alcohol than men, according to the NIAAA. It may be the female hormone estrogen that increases these risks.
Brain damage: MRI scans have shown that certain brain regions are smaller in women alcoholics than in other women and in men who are alcoholics, even after measurements are adjusted for head size, according to the NIAAA.
Heart disease: Many studies have shown a drink or two per day is heart-healthy. However, other research shows similar rates of severe damage to the heart muscle among women and men who are alcoholics, despite the fact that women who are alcoholics consume 60 percent less on average over their lifetimes, according to the NIAAA.
Breast cancer: The risks of developing breast cancer go up dramatically for heavy female drinkers. According to Loyola Marymount University, a large analysis showed the risk of developing the disease jumped 9 percent for each 10-gram increase (0.35 ounces) in daily alcohol consumption, up to 60 grams (2 ounces).
Violent injury: Not only are women put at greater risk of being assaulted, sexually or otherwise physically, by heavy drinking, according to the NIAAA, there has been an increase over the past decade in the proportion of women drivers to men drivers involved in fatal car crashes. So please don’t drink & drive.

Unhealthy drinking habits place women at greater risk for a variety of adverse health and social consequences, including becoming infected with the AIDS virus, Roach said. "We are seeing a growing body of evidence that binge drinking is a major risk factor for acquiring HIV among some groups of women," she said. Even less serious conditions, such as sinus or bladder infections, can be brought on by alcohol abuse. Joyce Rebeta-Burditt of Los Angeles said she had chronic sinus infections when she drank excessively 40 years ago. Rebeta-Burditt has since become a UCLA-certified alcohol recovery expert and the author of two books about recovering alcoholic women. "Alcoholism is very dehydrating," she said. "I didn't appreciate how sick I was physically. I got IBS [irritable bowel syndrome] from alcohol irritation, and I still have bouts." Rebeta-Burditt compared alcoholism to diseases such as diabetes that "sneak up on people," making it difficult to know when the line has been crossed. "The difference is, most people know diabetes is an illness and don't know that alcoholism is, too," she said. Roach said the NIAAA encourages health care professionals to screen women of all ages for problem drinking, because symptoms are so easily overlooked. For example, in older women alcohol may be a "hidden culprit" contributing to depression, frequent falling or heart failure, she said. "Neither health professionals nor patients should ever simply assume that alcohol could not be a problem," Roach said. Sigh… so in short, the study shows that men can handle their booze better than women. Period. Did they really need to study that for a decade to come to that conclusion? Last weekend, I went drinking with Bubbles, a lovely creature who’s maybe pushing a hundred pounds… but she drinks like a fish. She wanted to keep pace with over a hundred kilos of Grade A American beef like myself… but I’m a lightweight when it comes to booze. In the end, I needed a little water in the morning to take care of my headache… and she spent the whole day in bed sleeping it off… and honestly, we’ve drank more together. Case closed. Pocket the rest of the grant towards my own research on how alcohol lowers inhibitions… or at least is a great excuse for being freaky.

Free Breast Exams? – That really works? Again, case closed on the whole inhibitions thanks to alcohol thing. An Idaho judge has set bond at $100,000 for a Boise woman police say posed as a physician and duped at least two other women into having their breasts examined by her at Boise-area nightclubs. Hmm… apparently the key is to be a woman. They wouldn’t possibly want to fondle your breasts for the heck of it. Kristina Ross, 37, remains in Ada County Jail in Boise on two felony counts of practicing medicine without a license. Police say Ross introduced herself to victims -- one at a downtown Boise bar and the other at a nightclub in a Boise suburb -- as a plastic surgeon named Berlyn Aussieahshowna, a name that turned out to be bogus (gasp!!!). The two women told Boise officers they believed Ross was a physician because of her apparent medical knowledge (she used big funny sounding words), and they agreed to undergo what they thought were breast exams, which happened at the bars. As part of her ruse, Ross gave the women the telephone number of a real licensed plastic surgeon in Boise, the state capital, authorities said. Staff at that medical office became alarmed at the number of calls they received from women in recent weeks attempting to confirm appointments or surgeries with a Berlyn Aussieahshowna, according to charging documents. Medical workers on Tuesday alerted Boise police about the pattern, and they later arrested Ross. The suspect's gender is unclear (ugh… what?). Idaho court records show that Ross was arrested for petty theft in the spring and that the arrest warrant was issued to a Kristoffer Jon Ross. GASP!!! The Idaho Statesman website reported that Ross has a previous criminal record as a man but identifies herself as a woman and was booked into Ada County Jail as a female. Ugh… I know a way to clear up the misconception… but do I have to have a medical license before examining? Cosmetic surgical procedures Ross discussed with victims after she / he / it touched their breasts under the guise of a medical evaluation included breast augmentation and liposuction. The court on Wednesday found Ross was eligible for a public defender and set a preliminary hearing on the two felony charges for December 1. If convicted, Ross could face a maximum of five years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000 for each count. So ladies… the next time that you are at a bar… or a nightclub… and a person, male or female or all of the above, offers you a complimentary breast examination… BEWARE… because they may not be a professional. I know, I know, it’s quite unbelievable… as that’s pretty much the perfect place to locate a prospective client, perhaps buy her an adult beverage, gently break her down by pointing out what she may consider physical flaws (emotional erosion), offer her your expertise, give the business card… with cell phone number for “emergency” calls & then a few weeks later she’s upgrading from C to DD. See ladies? Just because I know the game, doesn’t mean I’m going to manipulate you. I tend to rely on my gentlemanly ways… and that may be why I’m spending my nights alone. Oh well, at least now I know that even if I have absolute consent to handle your chesticles, but it’s under slightly false pretenses, I face five years in prison. Do you at least see how it can be frustrating & confusing? Maybe this is why I’m in so many sexual harassment classes at work…

Even Their K-9s are Smaller - Meet Japan's newest police dog -- all 3 kilos (6.6 lb) of her. In what is a first for Japan and perhaps the world, a long-haired Chihuahua named "Momo" (Japanese for Peach) passed exams to become a police dog in the western Japanese prefecture of Nara. The brown-and-white, perky Momo was one of 32 successful candidates out of 70 dogs, passing a search and rescue test by finding a person in five minutes after merely sniffing their cap. "Any breed of dog can be entered to become a police dog in the search and rescue division," said a Nara police spokesman. But he admitted that news a Chihuahua had been entered may still come as a surprise to many. "It's quite unusual," he said. Television footage showed the 7-year-old Momo bounding across grass or sitting proudly, long hair blowing in the breeze. Momo will be used for rescue operations in case of disasters such as earthquakes, in the hope that she may be able to squeeze her tiny frame into places too narrow for more usual rescue dogs, which tend to be German Shepherds (aka REAL dogs). The public response to the news of Momo's selection took police by surprise, the spokesman said, adding: "The phone's been ringing all afternoon." Probably from somebody looking to do a Taco Bell commercial. I just… don’t see this little peach striking fear into the heart of ninjas or anything… but hey, congratulations on being a pocket-sized rescue dog nonetheless. And yes, I could certainly make some kind of stereotypical joke about a dog in Asia… and some timeless Face/Off reference about how “I could eat a Peach for hours” but I think I’m going to take the high road. Wait, if I explain the joke & why I’m not going to make it… does that still count as taking the high road? Eh, ask the referee for a ruling.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Two more days until my mom comes to visit for Thanksgiving!!! Seriously can’t wait… I’ve missed her. Also, to celebrate Black Friday, we may do some Christmas shopping… and then take in the casinos, while Boise State comes to town to play the Nevada Wolfpack. It should make for a great game… and would be two undefeated teams if Nevada hadn’t had to travel to Hawaii to lose there… but oh well, it’s just one less team in the ultra-controversial BCS BS. Also, there’s a weekend coming up where there’s a Cash’d Out concert & Santa Beer Crawl in Reno… and then my work is having an anniversary gala… and I say gala instead of party… because the dress code is “elegant evening attire” so… I may be able to get my ballroom dancing on… ladies? It should make for a great start to the winter season… and I definitely want to get out there and do more and have more fun than last year when I knew nobody and didn’t know where everything was. I’ll make it an early resolution or something. Now that I have a little spending cash (very little) that’s my goal… because honestly, other than my roommates (current & former) I don’t really have anybody else that I can “hang out” with per se. Everybody else has a family or we’re just not that close or anything… but hey, I figure if I get out there, meet people at “things” and just let it be known that I’m not a hermit & am looking for peeps, then that’s a great start. Have a great day everybody!!!