Nobody Pays Me in Gum

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This weekend was a’ight. First & foremost, Bubbles had a great weekend in Tahoe & she and Gretchen are back home safe & sound. It was basically a blizzard but still a great time. It rained here in San Francisco for the majority of the weekend with only a few glimpses of sunshine to remind you what you were missing. Football games were pretty damn good. Unfortunately, Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff & 49ers punt returner Kyle Williams can probably never show their faces in public again… but hey, sh*t happens. By the way, they’ll probably soon be FORMER Ravens kicker & 49ers punt returner before the end of the week. So yeah, four years later, it’s Patriots & Giants in the Super Bowl again. I’m sure it’ll be a great game… and the roommates & I are going to host a nice little party for the Game… so yeah, we’ll make the most of it.

Also this weekend, I got my new laptop and transferred over most of my pictures & music to it… as well as my PS3. The best thing about doing that… is it gave me an excuse to go through the pictures a little bit. A lot of them you’ve probably seen on this blog over the past almost five years now that I’ve been doing this. However, some of them I hadn’t even seen in a long time. I went through some of the pictures of me & my brother as a kid… and saw a few with my grandparents & great-grandparents that passed away. Pictures of my mom & dad in their 20’s with two kids. Also, I’m just going to say it… I don’t know if it was the fashion back in the day… but I was in some pretty ridiculous clothes as a kid. Mom, I blame you. Also, ever wonder what I might look like with a creepy ass moustache & aviator sunglasses? Well, all you have to do is look at old pictures of my dad. I think I found my Halloween outfit next year. Here are a few treats on that front…

Me & my baby bro

The family...

I wasn't joking about my dad, right?

Uncle Chuck, Grandma Love, my bro & me

Rockin' the powder blue suit & Dorothy Hamill hair

This one I... I just don't know what to say...

Only five weeks to Disneyland...

and note that I'm 6 & already as tall as Donald Duck

Then there were the awkward teen years… so gangly… total Coke bottle bottom glasses… we’ll just skip over those. Then the early traveling years of my early 20’s… so gangly… total Coke bottle bottom glasses… but I was seeing the world, so hella happy in all the pictures… and yeah, I was for the most part outside of the photo frames too. After that was my trip to China & Lasik surgery, so then the pictures become a LOT more of my friends & I hanging out… and a lot better quality thanks to my new camera back when I started this thing… and then a lot of Kairi & Vinny as little babies & watching how they’ve grown over the past few years (and a little sad that I haven’t seen Kelaudri in a few years, but I’m sure she’s doing good). A few of the past apartments like my sh*t shack in Murray, the 34th floor penthouse in Denver, downtown in SLC, the Tahoe habitat, etc. Just kind of going through the memories. Yeah, pretty cool. I enjoyed it. I suggest you guys do the same… but beware, your heart strings might be tugged at a little bit. Anyway, enough of that… here’s some news…

PIS3 – I’ve been saying it for years that the best way to make a guy improve his aim in the bathroom is to give him an incentive. A few years ago, I got some viral email where they put a fake fly sticker on a porcelain urinal & it apparently helped guys to focus their effort… as opposed to just letting it fly or something, like I guess some guys do. Now, the next step. Three years ago the "Toylet" was just a pipe-dream for developers at Japanese video game maker Sega, but now the urinal video game has been rolled out at pubs across the nation. Users target their urine at a sensor inside the toilet which measures volume and speed, with software then matching that to progress in a selection of five video games in a console mounted at the top of the urinal. "At first, we thought it would really be only young people who would like this kind of game. But ... we're seeing this phenomenon where people are enjoying playing with it, regardless of age," said Hirotaka Machida, the console's lead producer. At 150,000 yen (about $1600) for a single unit, Machida said the original plan had been to avoid the mass market, but tests in pubs and restaurants showed it had broad appeal. An infra-red device cuts off play if gamers stray too far from the urinal, reducing the amount of mess, according to Sega, making it a hit with pub managers as well. Toilet humor and raunchy gags are a staple of far from high-brow variety shows in Japan where Toylets were rolled out on general release. Sega now has its sights on a global expansion plan later in the year. So speak to your local bartender… and get them on this tip. Sega is making a comeback yall… and it’s in the bathroom. Sonic the Hedgehog won’t know what hit him…

Apocalypse Update – An Australian family's dog is being called a hero after it rescued two young girls from a snake attack. 18-month-old River spotted a two-foot-long brown snake hiding under a children's swing just as 7-year-old Michelle Lynch and 2-year-old Kaylee were headed its way. The brown snake is considered the second-most deadly land snake, whose venom is strong enough to easily kill an adult human. "Michelle loves River, and River loves Michelle. Kaylee thinks that River is a fantastic toy," said Ben Lynch. The snake reared its head at the two girls, ready to attack, when River jumped to their defense. "River came bursting out and jumped on the snake," Michelle Lynch said of her rescuer. Unfortunately, River was bitten in the attack and began to suffer from paralysis a few hours later. The Lynch family took River to the vet, where he is receiving anti-venom and is expected to make a full recovery. "They're a pack animal and we're their pack so it's definitely their instinct to get in there, especially when kids are involved," said Catherine Lynch. "She's a very sweet, friendly dog. She's very much part of our family." Good boy, River! Good boy! May you have a speedy recovery. I know you are all skeptical out there of my serpent apocalypse… but now you’re starting to see that it makes sense, right? They’re attacking our youth! “Oh $teve, it’s just an isolated incident. They’re not trying to take out our offspring. I don’t care how many times you’ve mentioned these isolated incidences.” Oh really? This time the dog came to the rescue… let’s look at another isolated incident where they don’t have domesticated canines to protect them…

A-Crocalypse Update: Sh*t is Real!!! - A wild crocodile swallowed a 10-year-old girl while she played in a river (hmm, wasn’t that the dog’s name from the last story?) with her father in eastern Indonesia, the second death in the same place in two months, a local official said Friday. The girl was swimming in Wailolong river on Thursday when the large crocodile suddenly appeared, swallowed her instantly and disappeared into the water, said Viktor Mado Waton, Lembata district head in East Nusa Tenggara province. "They only found the girl's clothes three hours after the incident, some 200 meters away from the attack site," he said, adding that her family members were still trying to find the body. "Her father saw this shocking scene as he was only five meters away in the water." He said the father and the girl's teenage brother were hunting turtles in the river while she was playing. A 12-year-old boy was killed and eaten by a crocodile in the same river in early December when he was playing with his friends. The district head said he has warned locals of the danger and he will work with police to shut the area off to prevent another incident. A truly tragic story… but in an environment where numbers are high & food supply is scarce, animals will get VERY aggressive in order to survive. That’s scientific fact. Say what you will about my conspiracy theories of reptiles forming an evil legion of Doom or something… but I’m just saying that it’s a real issue. My condolences to the little girl’s family. Be safe out there!

Anyway, how’s that for some uplifting news? Tune in next time when I talk about crazy things going on in other countries… and perhaps even a brand new movie list. What? Can it be so? Absolutely! Courtesy of C-Real who started up the idea… thanks for joining the ever expanding universe of the Eclectic Eccentric. Have a great day everybody!!!

I Can See It In Your Eyes

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it has started raining… and apparently won’t stop through the weekend so that’s cool. We need the water & the mountains need the snow. Freaky stuff up in Washington state apparently with snow double what their previous record was. That’s crazy! Still nothing compared to the other places I’ve lived but they’re not prepared for it… so be safe out there Washingtonians. Aside from that, I’ll enjoy the rainy weather by watching some football divisional championships on Sunday, maybe do some cleaning & cooking, and on Saturday I may be delivering my old TV to my roommate’s friend in El Cerrito. She’s promised me food for my troubles… so how can I say no to that? Also, I convinced my mom to get a PSeye so that we can chat over the PS3… which means that I’ll get to see my niece & nephew (or rather a grainy representation of them) and that’s pretty cool. Technology nowadays is pretty amazing… and only getting more so every day.

Gretchen is going on a trip to Tahoe this weekend. No, I won’t be going with her. Allow me to explain. Y’all know Bubbles, right? One of my best friends for many years now? Well, this time of year is a rough patch for her… as well as she’s had a rough few months recently… and she has a surgery coming up pretty quick… so she could use a vacation. Her family’s in town (brother’s birthday) and they were looking to go to Lake Tahoe for a little ski & spa weekend… but since the NFC Championship is going to be here, rental cars are RIDICULOUSLY priced. She’s a little strapped for cash… so she was going to call the whole thing off… and she really needs it. So… being the ultimate badass that I am… I offered Gretchen’s services… for several reasons:

1) She really needed this vacation & I didn’t want her to have to give up a spa weekend in Tahoe
2) I’d rather have her in a safe Jeep fully loaded, prepared & experienced for Tahoe weather since it’ll probably be snowing all weekend, than in a broken down rental car anyway
3) It saves her enough money to really enjoy herself & I know she’ll be paying for her family too
4) I wasn’t planning on going anywhere this weekend anyway except maybe to El Cerrito to help with the TV, but I can take a bus there & it only takes an extra 15 minutes or so each way & I don’t have to drive
5) I can trust her & I know she’s good for it
6) Karma comes back around
7) Did I mention that I’m the ultimate badass? Cuz I feel like that’s pretty important when I’m entrusting my most financially valuable possession to a friend.

I’m sure she’ll have a great time up in Tahoe & say hello to some of my peeps who may remember her from the Anniversary Party last December. Meanwhile I’ll be chillaxing, resting up my knee that’s still a little sore from basketball last weekend (and walking 2-3 miles a day on slick uneven terrain doesn’t help much), do another good deed by donating my old TV to someone in need across the bay, maybe enjoy a museum or something along the way back through downtown, watching some great football games & hopefully play a basketball game Sunday night. Also, maybe get to see my mom, niece & nephew via PS3. Sounds like a pretty great weekend to me… though I’ll admit, Tahoe may be more fun. Oh well… next time.

Also, pretty big news on the engagement front. No, not for me… at least directly. Remember in November when we went to Vegas for Jackie D’s 25th birthday extravaganza? Well, the couple that we went with… are now engaged. Congratulations to them first & foremost… but there’s more. They live in Philadelphia… but want to get married… in Vegas. Not only that… but they want to get married in Vegas… in the Cosmopolitan hotel that we were staying at… in one of the bars… on Doomsday, December 21st, 2012. Granted this is if the snakes haven’t completely taken over by then (more on that later) but… I can’t help but feel pretty much responsible for this. Like… a LOT. According to Jackie D, I was even mentioned by name ($tev-OOOOH!!!) when she was told about it. So what does that mean? Well, I’m more than likely going to be invited to the wedding… and I may even have to make a speech (excuse me, SPREECH!!!) during the ceremony at some point. The only concern… is that Friday, December 21st date means that I might have to make a combination Las Vegas / Christmas in Utah trip. That may require some of the family parties to tone it down as Uncle $teve tries to recuperate. Anyway, that’s a long ways down the line… so again, congratulations to them, and here’s the news…

Tebow IS Mortal – After being shellacked by the Patriots on Sunday, it appears Tim Tebow actually needed more R&R than anyone thought. The Broncos quarterback played through rib, lung and chest injuries he sustained in Denver’s 45-10 loss at New England in the AFC divisional playoffs last weekend. He won’t need surgery, is expected to make a full recovery with some down time and his offseason training program shouldn’t be affected in any way. ESPN first reported Wednesday that Tebow got hurt on a third-quarter tackle, then had trouble sleeping because of the pain and underwent an MRI on his chest Monday. Team spokesman Patrick Smyth said that while he couldn’t confirm the exact extent or nature of the injuries due to team policy, he acknowledged that Tebow finished the game in considerable pain. Backup Brady Quinn quickly got ready to go into the game after Tebow was hit by Vince Wilfork and Rob Ninkovich, but Tebow stayed in and finished up. “It’s just the physicality of playing football. Sometimes you get hit and it can hurt a little bit. But, I wanted to play a lot of the game,” Tebow said after the game. The outcome had long been decided by the time Tebow got hurt. “I just wanted to show character. You just continue to fight and it doesn’t change who you are, how you play, how you go out there, you should be the same at all times. That’s what I wanted to show, it didn’t matter if it was the first play or the last play or you were down by 42. I was going to be the same player and I was still going to give everything I have. Because that’s all I have to give.” Tebow wasn’t in the locker room during a one-hour media window on Sunday, emerging with a smile from the trainer’s room as reporters were filing out as the players streamed to their end-of-season meeting with coach John Fox. On Monday, Broncos boss John Elway declared Tebow the incumbent starting QB entering training camp next summer and reiterated his plan to work with him during the offseason to help polish his passing game. Tebow went 8-5 as the Broncos starter after supplanting Kyle Orton following a 1-4 start. He engineered a six-game winning streak that included four straight fourth-quarter comebacks that sent Tebowmania into full pitch. He faded at the end, losing his last three starts, including one to the Kansas City Chiefs and Orton, but the Broncos backed into the playoffs nevertheless at 8-8 as champions of the middling AFC West. Tebow had the best game of his pro career in the wild card round, when he averaged 31.6 yards per completion, the best in the NFL in 40 years, and threw an 80-yard touchdown pass to Demaryius Thomas on the first play of overtime for a 29-23 win over heavily favored Pittsburgh and the league’s No. 1 defense. That was Denver’s first playoff game in six seasons. Tebow, who didn’t get the first-team snaps during training camp or for the first month of the season, realizes he has a long way to go himself. “Just work and improve, fundamentals, understanding defenses, footwork, everything,” he said. Some say the injury was only a matter of time as Tebow’s style of play this year with the read option is very rare because the NFL usually protects their quarterbacks like China dolls 100% of the time… but Tebow noted that he actually takes glancing blows, if any, from smaller defenders while on the run, making him less vulnerable than when he stays in the pocket and might get sandwiched by 300-pound linemen… but for any team to win, you need balance in your running & passing offense. “We’re always looking for balance,” Elway said. “Balance is what we won Super Bowls with.” Elway and Tebow are eager to see what a difference an offseason can make— they didn’t have that luxury last year during the NFL lockout. As Tebow put it, “I feel like I’ve improved a lot in a lot of different forms of my game. And I continue to improve and continue to get a lot better, and I believe I can, and I’m looking forward to putting in work.” Best of luck, Mr. Tebow… and I hope that you feel better soon too. It’s gonna be a lot of work… especially since the team kind of sabotaged your chances by trading away your best receiver the week you became starter & didn’t really have a lot of weapons on offense to begin with. Oh well… still, best of luck in getting the tools you need to succeed. You’ve got the right attitude.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar Update – Okay, since I was a little boy about 7-8 years old, there were two players that I really respected both as players & men. I know that most of you probably think it’s a tandem like Michael Jordan & Magic Johnson or something like that… and they get mad respect… but not them. First & foremost was David Robinson, a Hall of Fame center who had just started with the San Antonio Spurs after being drafted two years earlier… but fulfilling his commitment to the Navy. He also played piano, saxophone & had several charitable organizations that he worked with… and could also play some serious ball. Did you know he scored over 70 points in a game once? MJ didn’t do that. Anyway, he was one… and the other was a man whom I had just read an autobiography about in my spare time at school (while I was waiting for others to learn math that I had been doing for years). It was about a kid named Lewis Ferdinand Alcindor, jr growing up in Brooklyn. He was pretty gangly & incredibly tall… and pretty much made to play basketball as he was nearly seven feet tall by the time he got to high school in the early 60’s during the Civil Rights Movement. He not only became a great athlete but also focused on expanding his mind & abilities beyond basketball, learned from the legendary coach John Wooden at UCLA (while losing like twice in his four years there), was the #1 pick of the 1969 NBA Draft, in a career spanning twenty years, he’s won six championships, six MVP awards, is the league’s all-time leading scorer, rebounder & probably shot blocker except they didn’t keep the stats until he was well into his career… and beyond that he’s written several books, helped countless young stars balance their careers & personal lives as an assistant coach, starred in a movies with the likes of Bruce Lee, Leslie Nielsen & the creators of South Park… oh and somewhere in there he changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Well now, another giant milestone…

The NBA's all-time scoring leader is now a global cultural ambassador. The State Department announced Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's appointment Wednesday. Ann Stock, assistant secretary of state for education and cultural affairs, says Abdul-Jabbar will travel the world to engage a generation of young people to help promote diplomacy. Stock says the appointment is part of Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton's vision of "Smart Power" that combines diplomacy, defense and development to "bridge the gap in a tense world through young people." Abdul-Jabbar will travel to Brazil on January 22nd for a number of events centering on education, using his own experiences to help connect with young people. Not bad for a lanky kid from Brooklyn, huh? Yet another example of how education, hard work & a little bit of God-given ability can go a long way. Congratulations Kareem!

Apocalypse Update – It has finally happened… Big Brother has found my blog & the US Government is actually heading my advice. God help us all. Tuesday, the United States announced a ban on Burmese pythons, after years of unsuccessful efforts to eradicate the giant snakes from the Everglades National Park in Florida. U.S. Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, who has championed the ban, said it would take effect within about 60 days and make it illegal to import the snakes or transport them across state lines. A bit extreme you may be saying? Keep reading. Salazar announced the measure at a news conference at a flood control pumping station in a corner of the Everglades just outside Miami, where he was joined by Florida Senator Ben Nelson and two senior park and Florida Wildlife Commission officials as they held aloft a recently captured 13-foot python. Too extreme now? "The action we’re taking today is a milestone in the protection of the Everglades," Salazar said. Biologists say most pythons in the Everglades are thought to have been released there by their owners once they realized that the "pets" can grow from just a foot to 12 feet long within their first two years of life. So instead of stray domesticated cats & dogs… you’ve got giant irate constrictors prowling your neighborhood. In addition to the Burmese python, which has become one of the most notorious invasive species in U.S. history, the ban affects the yellow anaconda and northern and southern African pythons.

That’s not all you have to worry about as other invasive species in subtropical parts of Florida include dragon-like Nile Monitor lizards and raccoon-sized African rats. That’s right… rodents of an unusual size… combined with apparently fire-breathing, dragon-like lizards have turned the Everglades into a veritable Fire Swamp not unlike “The Princess Bride.” However of all of these invaders, Burmese pythons, which are native to southeast Asia, have become the stuff of legend in the Everglades since they were first sighted in the wildlife haven in the mid-1970s. With their razor-sharp teeth, they have been known to eat practically anything that moves in the park, from small mammals to large wading birds. Last year, a 15.7-foot Burmese was found with a huge bulge from a recently consumed 76-pound deer. Compounding eradication problems, however, the bone-crushing snakes have also bred in the wild in the savanna and steamy swamps of the Everglades. One of the creatures was aggressive enough to try devouring a 6-foot alligator in the park in 2005. The alligator was believed to have been dead already and the snake also died trying to digest it… but that’s not the point. I think the next stop is military action. Sure, they’re using our precious national parks as a hostage in this case so that we can’t completely eradicate the whole area… but I’m sure the military is already coordinating a major tactical movement against this invaders… you know, once they settle all that stuff in other countries. We may just have to grab our machetes & go into the glades ourselves to settle this once & for all. Sure, they have the home field advantage… and their ability to reproduce their numbers gives them an advantage… but I’m sure once they see our camouflage becomes the skins of their fallen comrades, we will strike fear deep into their bile-pumping black hearts & other species will think twice before forming an allegiance with these Burmese bastards. Who will lead us into this battle? I can think of only one man who’s perfectly equipped for the job…

MACHETE KILLS AGAIN!!!
(You’re welcome for the premise of your next movie, Robert Rodriguez…)

G Spot Update – That’s right ladies… read carefully. We about to talk about… the G Spot… and no, not the club on Columbus. Many women swear they have one, but a new review of 60 years of sex research shows science still can't definitively find the G-spot (though they’ve tried many black holes). Researchers have used surveys, imaging scans and biopsies of women, all trying to locate and define the presumably orgasmic area on the vaginal wall known as the G-spot. Based on a review of 96 published studies, an Israeli and American research team came to one conclusion. "Without a doubt, a discreet anatomic entity called the G-spot does not exist," said Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky, a urology resident at Yale-New Haven Hospital in Connecticut, and lead author of the review, published Jan. 12 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (call now for subscriptions). Kilchevsky conceded the work is not "1,000 percent conclusive," allowing that other scientists could one day find something his team missed. But they would need new technology to do it, he said. Fun fact: The G-spot was named in honor of the late Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, who in 1950 described a particularly sensitive 1- to 2-centimeter wide area on the vaginal wall. How’s that for a legacy? Having the G-spot named after you? Gräfenberg's description put Western medicine on a quest to define and learn more about the spot, purported to be a few centimeters in from the vaginal opening, on the vaginal wall toward the front of a woman's body. But Gräfenberg wasn't the first to write about such an erogenous zone. The Kamasastra and Jayamangala scripts dating back to 11th century India describe a similar sensitive area, according to the new study. Modern surveys of women on the subject only confounded the search. From a review of 29 surveys and observational studies, Kilchevsky concluded that a majority of women believe a G-spot actually exists, although some of those women also say they can't locate it. Other researchers have looked for physical evidence. Biopsies of tissue taken from the vaginal wall often find more nerve endings in the area of the purported G-spot than in other regions of the vaginal wall. But Kilchevsky and his colleagues also found biopsy studies with inconclusive results, and the authors point out that sensitivity in the human body isn't determined by the number of nerve endings alone. One 2008 study used ultrasound imaging to explore the vaginal wall of women, and found evidence of thicker tissue in the area of the G-spot among women who reported having vaginal orgasms. Women who said they had never had vaginal orgasms had thinner tissue in that area. However, other imaging studies included in Kilchevsky's review couldn't find a conclusive G-spot. Ultimately, Kilchevsky said he hopes his conclusions support women who worry they can't find the G-spot at home. "Women who can't achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration don't have anything wrong with them," he said. Kilchevsky doesn't think women who claim to have a G-spot are crazy either. "What they're likely experiencing is a continuation of the clitoris," he said. G-spot skeptics often point out that the tissue of the clitoris extends into the body, behind it where the G-spot would be located. One study in the review kept "the possibility of a discrete G-spot viable," according to Kilchevsky. A Rutgers University research team recently asked several women to stimulate themselves in a functional magnetic resonance (fMRI) machine (you know, I need to be a researcher in these f**king experiments). Brain scans showed stimulating the clitoris, vagina and cervix lit up distinct areas of the women's sensory cortex. This means the brain registered distinct feelings between stimulating the clitoris, the cervix and the vaginal wall – where the G-spot is famed to be. Barry Komisaruk, the lead author of the fMRI study and professor of psychology at Rutgers University, advocates calling it the G-area, or G-region, instead. Why not G-zone? G-plaza? G-park? G-district? Or G-G-G-G UNIT? I’ve got more… "I think that the bulk of the evidence shows that the G-spot is not a particular thing. It's not like saying, 'What is the thyroid gland?'" Komisaruk said. "The G-spot is more of a thing like New York City is a thing. It's a region, it's a convergence of many different structures." Komisaruk said that pressing on the area proclaimed to be the G-spot also presses the urethra and a structure called Skene's gland, which is analogous to the male prostate. "Each of those areas have different nerve sites," said Komisaruk. "I think there's good enough data that a lot of women feel that that is a particularly sensitive region." Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of "Great in Bed" (DK Publishing, 2011), pointed out that ambiguity is nothing new in sexual research. "I'm not sure why some people get caught up in this desire to find this anatomic thing that is the end all be all," Herbenick said. I agree… trying to find it in different ways is half the fun anyway… the other half is finding it. Findings from the well-known Australian researcher Dr. Helen O'Connell show the vagina, clitoris and urethra may act as "clitoral complex," during sex, Herbenick said. Any time one of these parts is moved or stimulated, it moves and stimulates the others. "We don't even have orgasm all figured out yet, I don't why we would expect to have the G-spot figured out," Herbenick said. Here here!!! So ladies… now is the time for us to stand united. I know that together we can find out the mysteries of your last frontier & show the world that your G-spot does in fact exist. I’m accepting applications for a study at no cost to you and the benefits… let’s just say they’re priceless. You’re welcome.

Lionel Richie “Hello” Remix – Since I’ve been talking about the end of the world & the extinction of the G-spot, I just thought I’d end this entry with a little bit of bright side before we prepare for battle. Please enjoy this video combining the legendary love ballad “Hello” with a dozen or so movies… Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Sexy Sexy Science

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Great football this weekend!!! Seriously, the Saints – 49ers game was definitely one for the ages. The home team is now one win away from the Super Bowl… with the bastard NY Giants standing in the way. GO NINERS!!! The Tebow magic has died down momentarily with a humbling loss to the Patriots… but they’ve already announced that he’s pegged as the starter for next year so that’s a good start. Hopefully over the offseason he can become a more pure quarterback… but with undeniable heart & athleticism. Remember, Tom Brady wasn’t always Tom Brady… but he worked hard and it came to be. If there’s one thing I’ve learned the past few years… it’s to never doubt Tebow!!! Thank you & God bless…

Saturday, I searched for a suitable laptop as my current laptop is about a decade old & on its last leg… or whatever the equivalent would be for a laptop. It’s been frustrating me… and so I ordered a new one (costs $200 less online as opposed to directly with my local Best Buy so… yeah, I can wait a week). While I was at Best Buy though, they had a special on pre-owned PS3 games… so basically I walked out of there with four “old” games (Duke Nukkem Forever, Infamous, Dead Rising 2 & NHL 2011) for about $30, which is awesome. I’ll let you know if they’re any good. Oh, I also upgraded my PS3 from a 60GB hard drive to a 500GB drive, so I can start using its full capabilities (music, video, etc) instead of just a few demos downloaded of the Playstation Store. So yeah, Saturday was upgrading my technology… until football started.

Sunday was the start of another basketball season & we played a pretty good game. I wasn’t my best at all… missed a lot of easy shots & free throws… but that kind of happens when I’m matched up against a guy better suited for left tackle & loved taking good, firm cheap shots whenever he could. Seriously, guy had a hundred pounds on me… but I still destroyed him game-wise. I can’t guard everybody though… and like I said I was missing shots when/if they were getting me the ball, but I still had about a dozen points which wasn’t too bad considering the rib shots, getting my knee whacked good & a chop to the throat that all still kind of ache a day or so later. We ended up losing by four points… but we really should’ve dominated. I’m a little disappointed in myself… but hey, next game. Can’t change the last one. We’re still not really playing as a team much… but the only time we see each other is at the games so, no real plan of attack other than whatever comes to mind during the game… and everybody wants to take shots but not do the dirty work.

Monday, I found out that I could do a chat with my brother on his PS3… using my webcam for my laptop & a Bluetooth from a game that he bought me last year called “Warhawk” so that’s okay. Got to see him & C-Rock in a grainy ass way. Why do I mention this? Because my mom has a PS3 as well… and so now once in a while, she can probably do the same thing… and when the niece & nephew visit on weekends, they get to see their Uncle $teve on the TV when they talk to him (and the connection will actually be quite a bit better than my cell phone). That’s awesome to me, so I thought I’d share it with you. You’re welcome! Anybody else who wants to get in on this PS3 chat tip, drop me a friend request at SJK69. That’s right, that’s my ID, deal with it. You know you love it.

Tuesday morning, I did my taxes bright & early because… well, they’re really simple… you know, finally having one job in one state for an entire year will do that… and basically, my return was nearly double what it was last year living in Tahoe. Why? Well obviously I was getting paid a lot more as well as I didn’t go on unemployment for 3 weeks. There were also a few moving expenses deductions in there so yeah, good times. Moving out here to San Francisco has been a fairly good financial situation for me thus far. On top of the taxes, I’ve been ballin’ out of control with several vacations & road trips, but with all the money I’m saving on stuff like gas, I’m able to save a few hundred bucks a month. It would be even better if I could avoid parking tickets, ordering $30 pizzas, extravagant mixology experiments when I’m already buzzed, and other stuff like that… but it’s all part of the experience. I’m really happy here… but yeah, it does get a little lonely… but hey, only one way to change that… and I’m working on it. I’m a charming & good looking guy, I just need to get out there & do something with it. That’s all. Anyway, enough about that, here’s the news…

Jay-Z / Beyonce Update - A newly discovered horse fly in Australia was so "bootylicious" with its golden-haired bum, there was only one name worthy of its beauty: Beyonce. Previously published results from Bryan Lessard, a 24-year-old researcher at Australia's Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization, were recently announced on the species that had been sitting in a fly collection since it was captured in 1981 — the same year pop diva Beyonce was born (and yours truly). He says he wanted to pay respect to the insect's beauty by naming it Scaptia (Plinthina) beyonceae. Lessard said Beyonce would be "in the nature history books forever" and that the fly now bearing her name is "pretty bootylicious" with its golden backside. "Bootylicious" was the title of a song by Beyonce's previous group, Destiny's Child. It's unknown if the rare species is a bloodsucker like many female horse flies (and other species, I said it!!!). Lessard says he was unable to find any live specimens when he went looking in 2010 in northeast Queensland's Atherton Tablelands, where it was captured three decades ago. However, at least one member of the public has alerted him that he was recently bitten by what's locally called the "gold bum fly." The description of the fly was earlier published in the Australian Journal of Entomology, but the results were announced last week. Lessard says he hasn't heard from Beyonce, who recently gave birth to her first child, but he is a fan and hopes she will take his scientific gesture as a compliment… and maybe say heeeeey? He also said the name was picked to help draw attention to the importance of his field and the need for more researchers to catalog and study insects. Horse flies are "vital pollinators of native plants, not just in Australia, but all over the world. It's extremely important to name all the undescribed species so we can measure our human impact on the environment and hopefully protect it for future generations to enjoy." See? Some nice marketing for scientists out there… even the ones that study bugs, which granted isn’t even the sexiest job in the scientist community (been a while since a sexbot update). However, it is vital important as they say. I know here in California its of major importance with regards to bee populations helping all our fruits, vegetables & nuts to grow so that we can feed the world. Keep up the good work… and I hope Beyonce hollas back… otherwise, I’d rename it to “Bug-a-boo”!!! (PS Also a Destiny’s Child song, just so you catch the joke)

Barbie Update - Iran's morality police are cracking down on the sale of Barbie dolls to protect the public from what they see as pernicious western culture eroding Islamic values, shopkeepers said on Monday. As the West imposes the toughest ever sanctions on Iran and tensions rise over its nuclear program, inside the country the Barbie ban is part of what the government calls a "soft war" against decadent cultural influences. "About three weeks ago they (the morality police) came to our shop, asking us to remove all the Barbies," said a shopkeeper in a toy shop in northern Tehran. Iran's religious rulers first declared Barbie, made by U.S. company Mattel Inc, un-Islamic in 1996, citing its "destructive cultural and social consequences." Despite the ban, the doll has until recently been openly on sale in Tehran shops. The new order, issued around three weeks ago, forced shopkeepers to hide the leggy, busty blonde behind other toys as a way of meeting popular demand for the dolls while avoiding being closed down by the police. Yes, this is the same Iran that’s trying to be a nuclear power. I’m thinking that it’ll eventually work itself into black market Barbie sells. A range of officially approved dolls launched in 2002 to counter demand for Barbie have not proven successful, merchants told Reuters. The dolls named Sara, a female, and Dara, a male (really?) arrived in shops wearing a variety of traditional dress, with Sara fully respecting the rule that all women in Iran must obey in public, of covering their hair and wearing loose-fitting clothes. How have the consumers spoken? "My daughter prefers Barbies. She says Sara and Dara are ugly and fat," said Farnaz, a 38-year-old mother, adding that she could not find Barbie cartoon DVDs as she was told they were also banned from public sale. Pointing to a doll covered in black long veil, a 40-year-old Tehran toy shop manager said: "We still sell Barbies but secretly and put these in the window to make the police think we are just selling these kinds of dolls." See? You have to go to bodegas to get your blonde fix… and sex sells, baby! Yes, even in the doll game. Iran has fought a running battle to purge pervasive western culture from the country since its Islamic revolution overthrew a western-backed king in 1979, enforcing Islamic dress codes, banning Western music and foreign satellite television. As another swipe at the West, Iranians will soon be able to buy toy versions of the U.S. spy drone that it captured in December, Iranian media reported. Models of the bat-wing RQ-170 Sentinel - which Iran's military displayed on TV after it was downed near the Afghan border - will be mass produced in a variety of colors, reports said. Eh… we’ve got plenty of the real thing & are always improving on them. Enjoy your toys… and our Barbies.

Laser Clark Gable – Well, it’s been a while since THE Clark Gable has made some news… so now it’s up to his progeny… even if it’s a little on the crazy side. Clark Gable's 23-year-old grandson has been sentenced to 10 days in jail for pointing a green laser at a Los Angeles police helicopter as it flew 800 feet over Hollywood. City News Service says the judge, who gave Clark James Gable credit for one day already served in jail, also placed him on three years' probation. He was sentenced Thursday. Gable pleaded guilty last month to felony discharge of a laser. He flashed the laser three times at the helicopter while riding as a passenger in a car on July 28. Officers aboard the helicopter pinpointed the source of the 52-milliwatt laser and directed officers on the ground to make an arrest. That’s right. You can go to jail for some childish sh*t. Keep that in mind next time you play with those little lasers. I know they’re fun… but if Clark Gable can go to jail for it… you don’t stand a f**king chance.

Most Beautiful Scientific Theories – Okay, this is a warning… but I’m about to nerd up on ya… so prepare yourself. From Darwinian evolution to the idea that personality is largely shaped by chance, the favorite theories of the world's most eminent thinkers are as eclectic as science itself. Every January, John Brockman, the impresario and literary agent who presides over the online salon Edge.org, asks his circle of scientists, digerati and humanities scholars to tackle one question. In previous years, they have included "how is the Internet changing the way you think?" and "what is the most important invention in the last 2,000 years?" This year, he posed the open-ended question "what is your favorite deep, elegant or beautiful explanation?" The responses, released at midnight on Sunday, provide a crash course in science both well known and far out-of-the-box, as admired by the likes of Astronomer Royal Martin Rees, physicist Freeman Dyson and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. Several of the nearly 200 scholars nominated what are arguably the two most powerful scientific theories ever developed. "Darwin's natural selection wins hands down," argues Dawkins, emeritus professor at Oxford University. "Never in the field of human comprehension were so many facts explained by assuming so few," he says of the theory that encompasses everything about life, based on the idea of natural selection operating on random genetic mutations (aka the Platypus). Einstein's theory of relativity, which explains gravity as the curvature of space, also gets a few nods. As theoretical physicist Steve Giddings of the University of California, Santa Barbara, writes, "This central idea has shaped our ideas of modern cosmology (and) given us the image of the expanding universe." General relativity explains black holes, the bending of light and "even offers a possible explanation of the origin of our Universe - as quantum tunneling from 'nothing,'" he writes.

Many of the nominated ideas, however, won't be found in science courses taught in high school or even college. Terrence Sejnowski, a computational neuroscientist at the Salk Institute, extols the discovery that the conscious, deliberative mind is not the author of important decisions such as what work people do and who they marry. Instead, he writes, "an ancient brain system called the basal ganglia, brain circuits that consciousness cannot access," pull the strings. Running on the neurochemical dopamine, they predict how rewarding a choice will be - if I pick this apartment, how happy will I be? - "evaluate the current state of the entire cortex and inform the brain about the best course of action," explains Sejnowski. Only later do people construct an explanation of their choices, he said in an interview, convincing themselves incorrectly that volition and logic were responsible. That’s a pretty interesting theory, in my humble opinion. A kind of scientific explanation for “going with your gut” even if it’s against logic… and then later basically convincing yourself that it seemed like the best decision at the time. Hmm… I don’t see how that could apply to my life at all (please disregard the last 3+ years of this blog). To neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky of Stanford University, the most beautiful idea is emergence, in which complex phenomena almost magically come into being from extremely simple components. For instance, a human being arises from a few thousand genes. The intelligence of an ant colony - labor specialization, intricate underground nests - emerges from the seemingly senseless behavior of thousands of individual ants. "Critically, there's no blueprint or central source of command," says Sapolsky. Each individual ant has a simple algorithm for interacting with the environment, "and out of this emerges a highly efficient colony." Among other tricks, the colony has solved the notorious Traveling Salesman problem, or the challenge of stopping at a long list of destinations by the shortest route possible. Also very interesting… here are a few others mentioned in the article…

Stephen Kosslyn, director of the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford, is most impressed by Pavlovian conditioning, in which a neutral stimulus such as a sound comes to be associated with a reward, such as food, producing a response, such as salivation. That much is familiar. Less well known is that Pavlovian conditioning might account for placebo effects. After people have used analgesics such as ibuprofen or aspirin many times, the drugs begin to have effects before their active ingredients kick in. From previous experience, the mere act of taking the pill has become like Pavlov's bell was for his dogs, causing them to salivate: the "conditioned stimulus" of merely seeing the pill "triggers the pain-relieving processes invoked by the medicine itself," explains Kosslyn. Science theories that explain puzzling human behavior or the inner workings of the universe were also particular favorites of the Edge contributors:

* Psychologist Alison Gopnik of the University of California, Berkeley, is partial to one that accounts for why teenagers are so restless, reckless and emotional. Two brain systems, an emotional motivational system and a cognitive control system, have fallen out of sync, she explains. The control system that inhibits impulses and allows you to delay gratification kicks in later than it did in past generations, but the motivational system is kicking in earlier and earlier. The result: "A striking number of young adults who are enormously smart and knowledgeable but directionless, who are enthusiastic and exuberant but unable to commit to a particular work or a particular love until well into their twenties or thirties." Wait… they KNEW about this & did nothing to help my enormously smart ass? DAMN YOU SCIENTISTS!!!

* Neurobiologist Sam Barondes of the University of California, San Francisco, nominates the idea that personality is largely shaped by chance. One serendipitous force is which parental genes happen to be in the egg and sperm that produced the child. "But there is also chance in how neurodevelopmental processes unfold - a little virus here, an intrauterine event there, and you have chance all over the place," he said in an interview. Another toss of the dice: how a parent will respond to a child's genetic disposition to be outgoing, neurotic, open to new experience and the like, either reinforcing the innate tendencies or countering them. The role of chance in creating differences between people has moral consequences, says Barondes, "promoting understanding and compassion for the wide range of people with whom we share our lives."

* Timothy Wilson nominates the idea that "people become what they do." While people's behavior arises from their character - someone returns a lost wallet because she is honest - "the reverse also holds," says the University of Virginia psychologist. If we return a lost wallet, our assessment of how honest we are rises through what he calls "self-inference." One implication of this phenomenon: "We should all heed Kurt Vonnegut's advice," Wilson says: "'We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.'" True dat…

* Psychologist David Myers of Hope College finds "group polarization" a beautiful idea, since it explains how interacting with others tends to amplify people's initial views. In particular, discussing issues with like-minded peers -increasingly the norm in the United States, where red states attract conservatives and blue states attract liberals - push people toward extremes. "The surprising thing is that the group as a whole becomes more extreme than its pre-discussion average," he said in an interview. So in other words, putting crazy people in the same room make them crazier than the sum of their parts? Don’t worry, the opposite works too like Tony Robbins said, where if you surround yourself with people that you want to be like, then you’re more likely to become like those people.

* Martin Rees, professor of cosmology and astrophysics at the University of Cambridge, nominates the "astonishing concept" that what we consider the universe "could be hugely more extensive" than what astronomers observe. If true, the known cosmos may instead "be a tiny part of the aftermath of 'our' big bang, which is itself just one bang among a perhaps-infinite ensemble," Rees writes. Even more intriguing is that different physics might prevail in these different universes, so that "some of what we call 'laws of nature' may ... be local bylaws." I assume that whoever came up with that idea was probably smoking a joint with some buddies, as I’ve heard stuff like that growing up all the time. Good work, scientists! I dig your ways of thinking.

Anyway, that should do it for today. Gonna be a busy couple of weeks coming up but hey, that’s why I get paid the big bucks… and leads to big tax returns. BOO-YAH!!! Maybe I’ll finally get that chalice to complete my ensemble. It’s been so long since this pimp has had a proper drinking receptacle. This weekend should also be some good times with the 49ers playing in the NFC Championship for the first time since I could drive a car legally. GO NINERS!!! Have a great day everybody!!!

Up Close & Personal in 3D

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Starting off with a funny story… I was sitting with my roommate Pixie and one of her friends watching TV last night… and we saw a commercial for the soon-to-be released “Beauty & the Beast” in 3D, which obviously everybody is going to line up around the block of the movie theatres to see. Well, her friend mentioned that Titanic is apparently being released later this year… also in 3D. So Pixie said, “Are they just going to release every movie with a soundtrack by Celine Dion in 3D now?” Which immediately led to one of the most awkward movie titles ever… starring Robert Redford & Michelle Pfeiffer… yes, it’s “Up Close & Personal… in 3D”. Come on now, you all remember the song. “You were my strength when I was weak… You were my voice when I couldn’t speak…” Seriously though, the title is just awkward… and that got me thinking of a few other movie titles that wouldn’t really work with the 3D addition… such as the new depressing as hell Tom Hanks one coming out “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close… in 3D” doesn’t sound appealing at all. Or “Definitely, Maybe… in 3D” well, is it going to be in 3D or not? Or among one of the lamer movie titles to begin with… but I remember it because it was released on my 21st birthday & stars Angelina Jolie and an oft-accused doppelganger of mine, Ed Burns (I blame the nose) but that movie… “Life or Something Like It… in 3D” just seems pretty vague & pointless to watch. I don’t know… any others out there that come to mind that wouldn’t work with “in 3D” added?

Jay-Z Update – First & foremost, congratulations to Shawn Carter (aka Jay-Z) and his lovely wife Beyonce Knowles on the birth of their first child, daughter Blue Ivy Carter. By the way, I was so sure that she was going to be named Brooklyn… but that’s a side note now. This is also a baby name update, just so you know… because I always thought that Blue was a boy’s name AND color… but still, congratulations to both of you & I understand the need to have distinctive names that nobody else has in the entertainment industry. I’m sure that’s a great significant meaning behind it… or something. Like the initials B.I.C. as a tribute to Biggie. Or maybe it’s just because it’s the colors of the soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets, which Jigga partly owns. In further news, Blue Ivy is not even a week old, but she is already making music history. Billboard says that thanks to her dad, Jay-Z, featuring her on his new song, "Glory," Blue becomes the youngest person to ever appear on its chart. Jay-Z released the song about his first-born child with wife Beyonce on Monday, and it immediately became a viral sensation. The song, which credits B.I.C., features the sound of Blue's cries at the end. The song's refrain is "The most amazing feeling I feel/Words can't describe what I'm feeling for real/ Maybe I paint the sky blue/My greatest creation was you. You. Glory." Now, the song will enter Billboard's chart next week at No. 74. Blue was born Saturday, and her parents confirmed her birth Monday... so less than a week old and she’s already rockin’ the charts. It must run in the family…

Beethoven’s Bummer – Speaking of musical genius, a rare handwritten letter by legendary German composer Ludwig van Beethoven complaining about illness and a lack of money has turned up at a northern German institute as part of a bequest, causing excitement among lovers of the composer. The Brahms Institute in the northern city of Luebeck said the six-page letter bearing the composer's signature and original seal was, in essence, an attempt to sell his well-known "Missa solemnis" mass which he completed in 1823. In the letter, Beethoven asks harpist and composer Franz Anton Stockhausen to help find advance buyers for the mass. But most striking are details about his personal circumstances, such as his financial concerns, an eye disorder and an attempt to track down a music-loving dentist who wrote to him, said Stefan Weymar, music researcher at the institute. "My low salary and my illness demand efforts to make a better fortune," said Beethoven in the letter, which has turned yellow with age and needs to be stored in special conditions and handled with gloves. Beethoven, 53 at the time of writing, went on to say that the education of his nephew was costly and that the boy would need support after his death. The black writing, which slopes to the right, looks messy and is marred by corrections and crossings out. "Beethoven was not a composer with beautiful handwriting. It is spontaneous and he wrote things, then crossed them out, his thoughts changed as he went on and that is the impression the letter gives," Weymar told Reuters. At the end, he wrote "all letters to me need nothing more than "To L. v. Beethoven in Vienna," where I receive everything." The missive ended up in the hands of music teacher Renate Wirth, a descendant of the recipient. "The bequest is of extraordinary historic value -- a piece of luck for the Brahms Institute. The value of the Beethoven letter is valued at over 100,000 Euros (about $120,000)," said Institute head Wolfgang Sandberger. Born in the western German city of Bonn in 1770, Beethoven moved to Vienna as a young musician and become one of the most celebrated composers of all time, straddling the classical and romantic eras. His deafness in later life makes his musical accomplishments all the more astonishing. Beethoven died in 1827, four years after the letter was written, and is buried in Vienna. His Moonlight Sonata for the piano and dramatic four-note opening to his Fifth Symphony are among the best known pieces of classical music ever written. His Ode to Joy, part of the Ninth Symphony, has been adopted as the EU's Anthem of Europe. "The appeal of a letter handwritten by Beethoven is certainly very great," Michael Ladenburger, head of the Beethoven House museum in Bonn, told Reuters. That appeal is reflected at auctions -- a shopping list with just six words on it was auctioned for 60,000 Euros last year. His letters are rare and the length of this one, with the insight it gives into his personal life, make it very interesting indeed." The Brahms Institute will put the letter on show from next week. Wow… just think about it. During his life, he was struggling to get by financially (at least by his standards) and stricken with deafness, an eye ailment, so much hardship. Yet now, his music is regarded as some of the best ever composed & little checklists to himself made for groceries are being auctioned off for nearly six digits. By the way, if you haven’t seen Gary Oldman rock his Beethoven in “Immortal Beloved” you seriously need to go rent that tonight. Great flick. Anyway, just a little tidbit about how sometimes greatness goes unappreciated in your lifetime… but if you’re truly great… sometimes you get recognition down the road. Sad but true. Be strong, brothers & sisters.

Greatest Wish Ever!!! – Okay, I’ve worked quite a bit with the Make-A-Wish Foundation back in the college days… and it’s truly a great organization. Life is about experiences and there’s really nothing better than the smile on a terminally ill child’s face when you can make their dreams come true. Most wishes are cute things like going to Disneyland (like I am in March with the niece & nephew), play catch with an NFL quarterback, see the Grand Canyon, stuff like that… but there was one that I read about that I REALLY liked. Why? Because it’s now on my bucket list. A 7-year-old boy with cancer was granted his wish… to blow up a building… more specifically, to push the detonator and implode a massive grain silo in Ohio. WUPW reports that Maxwell Hinton, who is suffering from Neuroblastoma, was granted the request by the Make-a-Wish Foundation. "I got cancer, Neuroblastoma, and I went through treatment and they made a wish for me," Hinton said. "I watch MythBusters and they inspired me to blow a building up." That’s right, even more destruction involving educational programming… and by the way, side note: Where’s Kari Byron at? Doesn’t anybody know she was the real reason people watched that show? Back to point, the ConAgra grain mill was already scheduled to be demolished, making way for the sale of 11 acres of property as part of a four-year renovation project. An estimated 30,000 local residents turned out to watch Hinton help blow up the building. "It's been a great experience for him, but it's a great experience for this whole area," said Doug Studer, who helped to organize the fulfillment of Hinton's wish. Warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it?

Well, this weekend is more football as we come down the stretch of the NFL season. The Saints are in town, Tebow goes to New England to work miracles, the Texas go to Baltimore & the Giants will hopefully be dismantled by the Packers. Also, I think this weekend is when I’ll look for that new laptop so I can more readily bring you my updates. Seriously, my current laptop is about to get shanked… but then again, it’s about 10 years old & just pathetic by today’s standards. Also, I’m thinking about hitting up the Contemporary Jewish Museum as it’s the last week of an exhibit about Harry Houdini that I have yet to experience entitled “Houdini: Art & Magic” which just sounds like fun. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Behold the Brady Six

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

There was some great football the past few days, wasn’t there? The Texans won their first playoff game in franchise history against the Bengals. The Saints & Lions had a bit of a shootout at the Superdome… and I was kinda hoping the Lions might get their 2nd playoff win since 1954, but now the Saints are coming here to San Francisco for what should be a GREAT game. Tebow worked his magic against the Steelers… and now I kinda want him to pull out the upset of the Patriots next week. I can see it now… Broncos & 49ers in the Super Bowl. I think the odds for that going into the seasons would’ve been about 1600 to one if both were about 40-1 shots. Anyway, still a lot of steps to go before that happens.

Last night, I watched some special by ESPN about “The Tom Brady 6” which basically talked about Tom Brady’s unlikely rise to superstardom. It starts out about how he wasn’t even the starting quarterback on his high school team here in the Bay Area, so he wasn’t highly touted. He went to Michigan where he started out at the 4th or 5th quarterback on the depth chart… and the best that he could plan to do was backup to Drew Henson, probably the biggest recruit in YEARS for the Wolverines. Well, Drew went pro in baseball after getting a little outshined by Tom, so he got the starting job. Then after college, he was really only even mildly sought after by two teams after his pre-draft workouts… so there were SIX quarterbacks drafted ahead of him. He fell to the sixth round, to the New England Patriots, and he was their 4th stringer. There was even a story about how he grew up idolizing Joe Montana… and wanted nothing more than to be a 49er… and they were looking for a quarterback… and they were one of the two teams interested… and in the third round, they picked… Giovanni Carmazzi out of Hofstra. Now, you may be asking yourself WHO??? Yeah, he didn’t last… but having six QBs drafted ahead of him, and a little bitterness towards the 49ers, only fueled Tom to be better & work harder… so he did. Then he worked his way to backup to Pro Bowler Drew Bledsoe, as happens in football, Drew got hurt, Tom stepped in… and 3 Super Bowl rings later he hasn’t looked back & hasn’t continued to strive to be better… and he has a baby mama actress to go with the supermodel wife. Play on playa!

The moral of the story: Sometimes things don’t go as planned… like most of the time. You can only control what you can control. There will be plenty of adversity in your life… and you may not feel that you get the recognition that you deserve… but the only way to change that is to step up & do better, be better, live better. Who knows? Do you think if Tom Brady was picked by the 49ers instead of what’s-his-name (who by the way is a farmer with goats now apparently) that he would have been motivated to do what he’s done? Would he have stepped in for Jeff Garcia one day, led the 49ers to a few Super Bowls and never looked back? Perhaps. Do you think if the Cleveland Browns would’ve picked him instead of Spergon Wynn that they would be the dynasty of the last decade? Then again, maybe he would’ve came in to relieve Tim Couch after yet another horrible performance… and subsequently broke his leg or blew out his ACL in practice or something, gets cut & goes on to sell insurance. You just never know what’s going to happen… but you prepare for the worst and be your best, never stopping, always growing. Go ahead & take a few minutes to look at your own situation. What can you be doing right now that would be better for your life than reading this sentence on my blog? The answer: Absolutely nothing. However, I highly recommend that while you’re waiting for my next post that you get up, get out & get something. You have my support!

Next up… well, funny story. A few weeks ago, I caught a special on TV about “The Real Rocky” or rather the real life boxer nicknamed “The Bayonne Bleeder” that was the inspiration for the character Rocky Balboa. My roommate Pixie & one of her friends watched a few minutes of it with me before heading out for the evening. Then with the holidays, we haven’t seen much of each other. Well, last night… I watched a documentary that I DVR’d about the making of the Rocky movies… all six of them. So about half way through it… Pixie comes home and sees me watching a Rocky documentary, so she jokingly said, “I kinda feel you’re always watching this Rocky documentary… and have been for weeks.” Sigh… yes, I may have a problem… but if it were Batman or something more artsy, she’d be right there with me. Anyway, yeah… it was a pretty good little documentary. Did you know that Dolph Lundgren was a Swedish model turned martial arts master turned MIT graduate in Chemical Engineering turned actor? How about that Mr. T was valedictorian of his high school class? Or that Adrian wasn’t cast until about a week before filming started… and Carrie Snodgress was going to play her until her agent wanted more money that they didn’t have? Well, now you know. Also, Rocky is really an inspirational tale along the lines of Tom Brady earlier in this rant… but yeah, you already knew that.

Modern Art: Still Don’t Get It – I am not a professional artist. My artistic skills are lacking with the exception of occasional wordsmithing. Ask me to draw a picture, you’ll probably be disappointed. “Why is my portrait just a stick figure with boobs & squiggly hair?” “It’s an ugh… expressionist piece? That’s a thing, right?” Most of the time when I’m in an art museum, I can respect various mediums… and then others just confound me. Then again, I wouldn’t have imagined doing some of this crazy sh*t. In good old Denver, a 36-year-old woman was accused of causing $10,000 worth of damage to a painting by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still, a work valued at more than $30 million, authorities said on Wednesday. A police report said Carmen Tisch punched and scratched the painting, an oil-on-canvas called "1957-J no.2", at the recently opened Clyfford Still museum in Denver and pulled her pants down to slide her buttocks against it. By the way, this is in the statement, I’m sure. Tisch was charged with felony criminal mischief on Wednesday and has been held on a $20,000 bond since the incident in late December, said Lynn Kimbrough, spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney's Office. Kimbrough said Tisch also urinated after she rubbed up against the canvas, but whether urine got on the painting was still under investigation (really?). Born in North Dakota in 1904, Still was considered one of the most influential of the American post-World War Two abstract expressionist artists, although he was not as well known as others such as Jackson Pollock. Still died in 1980, and the city of Denver worked for years with his widow, Patricia, to secure the single-artist museum. She died in 2005, and her husband's collection was bequeathed to the city. Four of Still's works were auctioned by Sotheby's last year for $114 million to endow the Denver museum, which opened with much fanfare in November. Because Still closely guarded his works, most of the pieces at his namesake museum had not previously been displayed. Tisch will be formally advised of the charges on Friday, Kimbrough said. So… okay a few things. First, $30 million for a painting? The one pictured above? Really? Not only that… but there are several in that price range from this guy? F**k me, I’m in the wrong career. Sad thing though… is that you have to die to collect. Good for your offspring though, I guess. Secondly, and this is where I further call into question the $30 million value, is that she did $10,000 worth of damage? Okay, reality check. If I take my Scarface poster… and punch it, scratch it a bit, then wipe my ass upon it… and probably being a little in the process (natural response) to what percentage would you think I ruined that poster? My guess is that I couldn’t give that sh*t away to a blind man. “What’s the smell?” However, we’re talking about $10,000 being 0.03% of the $30 million “value” on the painting. I’m not sure how this girl swings, scratches or scats… but I know my poster would be south of 99.97% of mint condition. I get it though. Art is a subjective market. Let them pay their huge price tags for one-of-a-kind oil paintings.

Identity Theft: Make It Somebody You Want to Be - A Dallas teen missing for more than a year has been found living in Colombia. Lorene Turner tells WFAA that her granddaughter Jakadrien Turner ran away from home in the fall of 2010 when she was just 14. Typical tragic story of a teenage runaway, right? Wait for the twist. Jakadrien made her way to Houston, where she was arrested by police. That's when things took a turn toward the Kafka-esque. Jakadrien gave the police a false name… and of all the luck, her new alias just happened to match up with the name of a 22-year-old Colombian citizen who had been in the United States illegally. That’s not all… to compound Turner's plight further, the Colombian national had a warrant out for her arrest. The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) then deported Jakadrien in April 2011. "They didn't do their work," Lorene Turner said. "How do you deport a teenager and send her to Colombia without a passport, without anything?" Also, side note… she must be a fairly mature looking 14 year old too. Turner said she'd been looking on her computer every night for clues to her granddaughter's location, and has been cooperating with Dallas police as she carries out her search. It turns out that after Jakadrien was deported, she was given a work card in Colombia and released onto the streets. "She talked about how they had her working in this big house cleaning all day, and how tired she was," Turner said. Jakadrien is now being held in a Colombia detention facility while awaiting more information on her case. "ICE takes these allegations very seriously," said ICE Director of Public Affairs Brian Hale. " At the direction of [the Department of Homeland Security], ICE is fully and immediately investigating this matter in order to expeditiously determine the facts of this case." Yeah, I’ll bet. That’s a pretty major f**kup… but hey, that’s what a bratty ass teenager gets for being a smartass in my book. “What’s your name, miss?” “Haywood!” “Interesting name for a girl. What’s your last name?” “Jablomy!” “Let me just run this in the computer and… JACKPOT!!! Here comes my accommandations…” I really am curious what name she gave though? Jennifer Lopez? Shakira Valenzuela? Who knows?

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Been a very busy week at work… but hey, busy means good money, right? That’s the rumor. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on any big happenings… but pretty laid back once I get home to recuperate from the workday. Wish I had more interesting stories… but hey, you don’t wanna hear about all the crazy sh*t that I think about. I just don’t have time to type it all up either. Have a great night everybody!!!

Year of the Reaganing

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So… New Year’s happened… and it’s officially 2012. How did I celebrate? Well, apparently I got ill from hanging out at the airport or something… so I spent my half-day off Friday, all day Saturday (NYE) and first half of Sunday at home recuperating in blankies, watching movies and playing video games. That’s gangsta, right? Worst part: I didn’t get to utilize my tickets to the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl… so that’s $100 down the drain… just like last year. I did get to see it on TV though… as well as Utah come from behind to womp on Georgia Tech in overtime in the Sun Bowl.

Another good thing came out of it. I finally played “Batman: Arkham Asylum” that I’ve had since… I think last Christmas. Over the weekend, I loved it, beat it & am now trying to do all the challenges & doing pretty good at that. Fun game… possibly could’ve been a $tevie winner… but it also puts the sequel “Batman: Arkham City” within reach of THIS year’s $tevie if/when I get to play that. Don’t worry, I’ll be playing this year’s present from my brother “Assassin’s Creed II” soon.

Saturday night, I watched “Warrior” starring Joel Edgerton, Tom Hardy & Nick Nolte. It’s the true story of a high school physics teacher named Brendan Conlon (Edgerton) who was moonlighting as an MMA fighter, got suspended when the school found out… and then decided to join the Sparta tournament in Atlantic City to make ends meet after vigorous training during his off-time. There he faces the legendary fighters such as Koba… and an upstart who came from out of nowhere, Iraqi war vet Tommy Riordan (Hardy) who was a YouTube sensation. Now for the twist… Brendan & Tommy are BROTHERS!!! Throw in family drama, they haven’t spoken in years, an alcoholic trainer / father (Nolte) and you’ve got a pretty fantastic movie. Basically it’s a lot like “The Fighter” but with a different cast… and not nearly as much crack. I highly recommend it… and Tom Hardy looks pretty ripped & ready to be Bane in the next Batman flick.

After that, I watched an ESPN movie called “The Marinovich Project” about the story of Todd Marinovich. Basically for those who don’t know, Todd was raised by his father former NFL player Marv Marinovich to BE an NFL quarterback. Since birth (I kid you not) he was trained to be nothing else. He was fed whole natural foods, worked out constantly, studied film, basically that was IT. Now as a kid & teenager, he enjoyed it because he spent time with his dad & it was giving some incredible results. He made a few ESPN stories in his early teens… and was touted as “Robo QB” back in the late 80’s. He set the high school passing record… then he went to USC. College introduced him to a new level of drugs, fame, competition, all that horrible stuff. Basically he started doing drugs, but still was a pretty amazing player, got in a few fights with his coach, ended up being the first sophomore to declare for the NFL Draft in 1992 after he failed a few drug tests. Who drafted him? The Raiders, of course. Then still in LA.

Fun fact: He was the 2nd quarterback selected that draft. The first was a guy I remember named Dan McGwire because he was 6-10 (didn’t last long) by the Seahawks and the 3rd picked… was Brett Favre by the Atlanta Falcons. Yes, Todd was picked ahead of Brett Favre. Now imagine Brett as a Raider.

Anyway, after getting drafted, he got hooked on heroin… and played two years for the Raiders before it caught up with him… and he was out of football. A few years later, he was in the Arena league… and then the drugs took over again. Then he decided to really go to rehab, met his wife & they have a beautiful child. That’s the summation of it… but I highly recommend that you check it out. He has a few interesting stories & analogies about why he made certain decisions… and you feel for the guy at times… and then you think he’s a prick at others… or maybe you’re just looking at it from a different angle or spectrum. When he was with the Raiders, he was basically 22 and decided that he didn’t want to play football anymore. It was his choice to make, right? Sure he can piss off the Raider nation… but they knew they were drafting a drug addict. They drafted them all the time. And felons. It’s what they do. Anyway, check it out if you get the chance. Now for some news…

Great Mystery of the Universe? – What are the great mysteries of the world? What is Life? Is there Life after death? What is the meaning of it all? Why is a drive way where you park and a parkway where you drive? What REALLY is in secret sauce? Do I REALLY want to know? What’s a platypus? Interspecies erotica gone awry? Well, for answers to most of these, we might seek the scientific council of guys like half-cyborg half-amazing all-man Stephen Hawking. However, the biggest mystery in the universe perplexing one of the world's best known scientists is -- women. When New Scientist magazine asked "Brief History of Time" author Stephen Hawking what he thinks about most, the Cambridge University professor renowned for unraveling some of the most complex questions in modern physics answered in his badass robot voice: "Women. They are a complete mystery." The wheelchair-bound Hawking, who only recently retired from a post once held by Isaac Newton, talked to the magazine in the run-up to celebrations for his 70th birthday about his biggest scientific blunder and his hopes for modern science. Hawking is due to celebrate his 70th birthday on Sunday with a public symposium entitled "The State of the Universe" at the University of Cambridge's Centre for Theoretical Cosmology, where the beats are off the hizzie & ladies always drink free. Hawking heads a list of speakers including British Astronomer Royal Martin Rees, Nobel Prize-winning physicist Saul Perlmutter and Kip Thorne, one of the world's leading theoretical physicists… so be sure to bring your bid’niss card to this playas only event this weekend. Woop WOOP!!! Woop WOOP!!!

So ladies… are you happy? Even fellow great $teve Stephen Hawking is entering his seventies… and has WASTED all that incredible knowledge on attempting to “solve” your ways. Cold fusion? Superconductors? The limits, if any, of space & time? VCR remotes? The man has mastered 3D Blu Ray remotes & would probably have down time traveling DeLorians and hover-boards if not for trying to figure you out. You may have very well doomed mankind… if not for that whole power of reproduction that you possess. Big thanks for that by the way. It brings up something that I’ve felt for a long ass time though. Have you ever wondered what separates self-made billionaires from the rest of us? Why Bill Gates has his own island & Oprah has her other other G6? Meanwhile you’re walking to the grocery store “for your health” and trying to decide whether you want to go that extra quarter for name brand pharmaceuticals? That’s that bullsh*t and you know it!!! You can’t afford a car!!! Anyway, one of my theories… is that those guys don’t focus 99% of their lives on getting laid. They didn’t waste their f**king time trying to figure y’all out. They put their gifts to goals with finite answers and endless benefit to mankind like the personal computer and whatever the hell Oprah does… advice I guess? Hypnotizing housewives? Anyway, they didn’t focus on the end goal. They focused on the steps to the end goal. First you get the idea, then you make it happen, then you get the money, then you get the power, then you get respect with a side of sweet sweet poon tang filthying up your Maybach’s backseat. It’s okay, you’ve got another while that one’s having Love stains removed. Just a thought… roll with it.

Apocalypse Update: Hybrid Sharks – So I’ve been documenting how Snakes may be the actual riders of the stallions of the Apocalypse for years… but recently, there have been a few twists that may point towards a more unified Kingdom that will bring about the end of the world. No, not Saudi Arabia. I’m talking about the Animal Kingdom. Scientists said on Tuesday that they had discovered the world's first hybrid sharks in Australian waters, a potential sign the predators were adapting to cope with climate change. Feel that shiver down your spine? The mating of the local Australian black-tip shark with its global counterpart, the common black-tip, was an unprecedented discovery with implications for the entire shark world, said lead researcher Jess Morgan. "It's very surprising because no one's ever seen shark hybrids before, this is not a common occurrence by any stretch of the imagination," Morgan, from the University of Queensland, told AFP. "This is evolution in action." Colin Simpfendorfer (poor guy with that last name), a partner in Morgan's research from James Cook University, said initial studies suggested the hybrid species was relatively robust, with a number of generations discovered across 57 specimens. The find was made during cataloguing work off Australia's east coast when Morgan said genetic testing showed certain sharks to be one species when physically they looked to be another. The Australian black-tip is slightly smaller than its common cousin and can only live in tropical waters, but its hybrid offspring have been found 2,000 kilometers down the coast, in cooler seas. It means the Australian black-tip could be adapting to ensure its survival as sea temperatures change because of global warming. "If it hybridizes with the common species it can effectively shift its range further south into cooler waters, so the effect of this hybridizing is a range expansion. It's enabled a species restricted to the tropics to move into temperate waters." Climate change and human fishing are some of the potential triggers being investigated by the team, with further genetic mapping also planned to examine whether it was an ancient process just discovered or a more recent phenomenon. If the hybrid was found to be stronger than its parent species -- a literal survival of the fittest -- Simpfendorfer said it may eventually outlast its so-called pure-bred predecessors. "We don't know whether that's the case here, but certainly we know that they are viable, they reproduce and that there are multiple generations of hybrids now that we can see from the genetic roadmap that we've generated from these animals. Certainly it appears that they are fairly fit individuals." The hybrids were extraordinarily abundant, accounting for up to 20% of black-tip populations in some areas, but Morgan said that didn't appear to be at the expense of their single-breed parents, adding to the mystery. Simpfendorfer said the study, published late last month in Conservation Genetics, could challenge traditional ideas of how sharks had and were continuing to evolve. "We thought we understood how species of sharks have separated, but what this is telling us is that in reality we probably don't fully understand the mechanisms that keep species of shark separate," he said. "And in fact, this may be happening in more species than these two."

Okay, so what does this mean to you & me? Sure, this example is just two slightly different species of black-tip sharks reproducing… but then those black-tip sharks start mingling with the Great White Sharks to make… I don’t know, zebra sharks… or is that what tiger sharks all already? Nurse sharks mingle with hammerhead sharks to form some sort of hybrid that can not only tend to wounded sharks, but also build structures? How about a vicious mako shark… with a THRESHER??? Oh yes… and with this genetic mixing, the offspring are stronger & more amiable and adaptable then before thanks to evolution (deal with it, Kansas!). It’s only a matter of time before they start mingling with dolphins or whales (seriously, what’s a blue whale going to do when a shark is getting its freak on? Look at it funny?). Perhaps then some hybrid that can break on land AND sea… perhaps with the dolphin intelligence they’ll figure out some sort of suit or apparatus… and I think you know where it goes from there. That’s right, while you sleep! I know what you’re thinking. “$teve, that sh*t’s stupid. Fish & mammals don’t breed with one another. It just doesn’t make sense from a genetic or logical standpoint.” Really? Like a bird, an amphibious rodent & a venomous snake having a big orgy with some kind of bastardized offspring? BEHOLD THE PLATYPUS, B**CHES!!! (Drops the mic & walks off the stage)

… and then he walks back onto the stage, picks up the mic & dusts it off realizing that he’s not done blowing your mind…

Apocalypse Update: Zom-Bees!!! – Sudden decreases in the bee population have been greatly affecting the world. I’m not joking. That sh*t is real. Just ask any farmer. No big deal. We’re only talking about crops & the very food that we eat. However, scientists have made some odd discoveries in researching this phenomenon. A fly parasite is being blamed for an epidemic that has struck the honey bee population around the world. The parasite nests in the stomach of the bees and causes them to walk in circles, sometimes pursuing bright lights, before eventually dying. The Parasitic Phorid Fly Apocephalus borealis is responsible for the “zombie” transformation, laying its eggs inside the abdomen of the honey bee. "When we observed the bees for some time, the ones that were alive, we found that they walked around in circles, often with no sense of direction," said San Francisco State University's Andrew Core lead author on the bee parasite study in the journal Plos One. Bees usually just sit in one place, sometimes curling up before they die, said Core. But the parasitized bees were still alive, unable to stand up on their legs. "They kept stretching them out and then falling over. It really painted a picture of something like a zombie." And while the parasite may be causing immense damage to the honey bees population, there is an upside to their discovery, according to the Mirror, "Scientists discovered the parasite by accident but they believe it may help them discover what is causing colony collapse disorder which is devastating honey bees in Europe and America cutting some populations in half." The parasite is believed to be new and similar to one currently affecting the bumblebee population. Scientists are still figuring out exactly how the parasite works, but an early theory by San Francisco State Professor John Hafernik holds that the parasite changes the bees' "body clocks," which causes their erratic behavior and deaths. Not exactly what I was expecting from this story… but hey, you never know when something like this could mutate… and then bees don’t die after the first sting… that’s just when they start going for your sweet brain honey. Then what if it goes to other animals? Don’t make me drop the mic again…

Anyway, that should do it. I probably should’ve walked away on the platypus thing… but I just don’t know when to quit. No real plans this weekend but I’m sure there’ll be something to do with watching football & exploring the city now that I’m feeling better than last weekend. Less than 60 days until the Disneyland trip with the family!!! It should be fantastic. Have a great weekend everybody!!!