Seven Stills & Two Docs

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Tuesday night, Izzy & I watched a documentary that I was personally really excited about called “Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films” which documents the legendary rise & fall of this film production company and the two Israeli men who ran it (Menahem Golan & Yoram Globus). Basically, they started out making Israeli films in the 60’s & early 70’s… then they made enough money to go to Hollywood and start films there… but they were essentially fantastic, charismatic & passionate salespeople who would basically sell a movie poster of an idea… and then make the movie around it after getting financial backing. Sounds like a great way to make movies, right? Hell, I do it all the time on this blog. Well… they start out with pretty schlocky films full of gore & LOTS of nudity… and of course most of them are panned, but they make money due to their meager budgets… and they put the money onto the next film… and they’d usually make DOZENS of movies a year. There are plenty of interviews from past actors, directors, producers & other business people like Robert Forster, Avi Lerner, Boaz Davidson, John Avildsen, Tobe Hooper, Gary Goddard, Molly Ringwald, Richard Chamberlain, Dolph Lundgren, Bo Derek, Elliot Gould, Michael Dudikoff, Alex Winter, Franco Nero, and even the many ladies who appeared nude on screen and Boogaloo Shrimp himself!!! They’ll talk about the history of legendary movies like “The Happy Hooker”, “Superman IV”, “Over the Top”, “Masters of the Universe”, “Breakin’ & Electric Boogaloo”, “Bloodsport”, “Delta Force”, “Death Wish 2-5”, “American Ninja” and a whole bunch of others that you didn’t know existed but now want to see if you’re into horrible movies like we are… like Lou Ferrigno in “Hercules”, Bo Derek in “Bolero”, Chuck Norris in “Invasion U.S.A.”, random sexy chick in something called “Lifeforce” and this musical called “The Apple” that looks like it’s “Xanadu” on a f**king acid trip! I highly recommend checking out this movie… because yeah, though a lot of people talk sh*t on the Golan-Globus method… it’s basically what the movie industry has been reduced down to now. How you ask?

 

·         Maximizing Profits – Ever wonder why Halloween is the time of year when all these ridiculously bad & modestly budgeted horror flicks come out? It’s because they can make a $2-5 million movie starring young, cute people… and they’re pretty much guaranteed a $10-15 million opening weekend. Or how about the kiddie flick that comes out on holiday weekends? And most of them being CGI now? Because CGI characters with voiceover is a LOT cheaper than trying to deal with prima donnas & coordinating hundreds of people to film.

 

·         Bigger = Better? – Bigger budgets, bigger names, bigger explosions, bigger titties, bigger everything… that’s how you get the better movie, right? Don’t agree with me? Explain the “Fast & Furious” franchise to me… or any of these cinematic universes that are coming out (Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Universal monsters, etc). How about “Pirates of the Caribbean”? Add more big names… add nine-digit budgets… only make 3-4 tentpole movies that’ll make or break your year, because there’s only so much money in the world.

 

·         Your Big Movie Pays off for the Other Movies – Can’t get funding for your Academy Award begging movie starring Robert Pattinson and a new unproven talent? How about a movie starring JGL from a pretentious French director? New Meryl Streep vehicle? A movie about playing drums starring some kid& the guy from the insurance commercials? Well… you’d better hope that Transformers 6 makes some money this summer!

 

Anyway, it’s a very interesting movie… check it out! And please, don’t worry… reviews will be coming soon for some of Cannon Films’ greatest hits... and we’ll probably talk about them on our podcast “Everything I Learned From Movies” coming out next week. Yes, I know… I said that before… but yeah, we’re actually finishing up musical intros (I don’t know music, but I know what I like) and our first episode “Tremors 5: Bloodlines” should be coming out VERY soon. I’ll keep you posted.

 

Wednesday night, Izzy & I watched another documentary about the movie industry called “Back in Time” which is about the making of & fanatic following of… what’s essentially a perfect film called “Back to the Future.” As you may know from past entries/rants including my Time Travel Movie List (gold medal winner) that I hold a special place in my heart for this movie. The original was one of a handful of VHS tapes that I had growing up as a kid, so I’ve probably seen it literally a thousand times or more in my life, and as critical as I am about movies… it’s airtight. Unimpeachable. Go ahead & try… I’ve probably got it covered. What’s Doc Brown’s backstory? Why is he hanging out with a 17-year old boy like Marty? Is he a vampire? What about Lorraine Baines-McFly? She had some slutty tendencies, right? Can even Confident George fulfill her desires? Do you think she contacted the real Calvin Klein once he kinda blew up in the early 80’s? “Hey, remember me? Lorraine? We went to the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance a few years back? We were gonna… park? I think about you every time I’m with my husband and our three kids… one of which I named Marty on your suggestion” which led to a restraining order. Probably not since it felt like she kissed her brother (spoiler alert) but… you never really know. Look… I could go on for days… but I’ll probably save it for a podcast.

 

Anyway, that’s just the original… and I hold the entire trilogy in incredibly high esteem… or at least I thought I did until I saw the kind of incredible fans of this movie that are interviewed in this film. Have you ever wanted a DeLorean? Of course you have! Everybody has & does! These are the people that not only have a DeLorean… but tricked it out to be an exact replica of the movie’s time machine version… and go to BTTF conventions… and run website forums around the movie… and recreate the town square of 1955 Hill Valley… and travel as a cover band… and have full-on musical productions inspired by the movie… and make 9-hole miniature golf courses based on the movie in their backyards. They’re in a WHOLE different stratosphere of fandom… and it’s pretty damn awesome. This movie goes over not just the production of the film (including the story of how it got greenlit & the famous casting change of Eric Stoltz as Marty) but then into all the fandom and how so many people were affected by this movie. There are some great interviews with the likes of Steven Spielberg, Robert Zemeckis, Bob Gale, Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Claudia Wells, Lea Thompson, James Tolkan and many, many more. It’s extremely interesting… and I assume since you like good movie, you all love Back to the Future… so check it out. It’s currently streaming on Netflix as well and is a good way to spend 90 minutes.

 

Wednesday, Izzy swung by Seven Stills Distillery to pick up our new “fresh” barrels for aging our homebrew… but she also had a wonderful opportunity to help bottle some of their DELICIOUS spirits and learn the process a little bit. She’ll probably elaborate more on her blog (Untidy Venus) but in payment for helping them out for  few hours… they were kind enough to share some of their delicious products which we’d admittedly had a very hard time finding in stores… so we got to try some of the defect bottles…

 

First up was Chocasmoke, which is whiskey distilled from chocolate oatmeal stout & peat smoked malted barley. The result is a fairly smooth whiskey (though 47% ABV burns a bit when you’re not primed for it) with great smoky & chocolaty notes… as a fan of whiskey AND stouts, I highly recommend it.

 

Then we tried their Whipnose Whiskey, which is made from a Double IPA in collaboration with Pacific Brewing Laboratory along with some maple sugar. This one had more notes of citrus & kind of a rye bitterness… but it was MUCH mellower than what I was expecting with the threat of so many pounds of hops used in the original brew and then being distilled. There’s little trace of that. Also a good whiskey… like there’s rarely bad whiskeys, am I right? They also gave us a few samples of their Bitters but we’ve yet to try those… we’re not much for cocktails usually. We’re far too casual with our drinking… like marathon runners instead of dashers.

 

Friday night, well… it’s been a while since I mentioned this… but Izzy & I got a few more barrels for aging beer from Seven Stills Distillery this past week… one of which will be aging our Scotch Ale that we started a few weeks ago… and another that we’ll be aging our latest Cider in until Big Ben & Lone Cicerone are ready with their latest brew that they want to barrel age. All of which will be fantastic I’m sure… but here are some pictures of the process of preparing the brew & the barrels for aging…

 

We’ll also be bottling our Barrel Aged Chocolate Porter soon from our first barrel… which is starting to turn sour a bit… so we’ll soon be preparing a Flemish Red or something like that to age in it for quite some time. That’s right ladies & gentleman… our first (intentional) sour beer is coming VERY soon… as well as our first Belgian beer… but more on that in the coming weeks. Until then, Happy Halloween everybody!!! Have a wonderful & safe weekend!!!

I Can See It In Your Eyes

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it has started raining… and apparently won’t stop through the weekend so that’s cool. We need the water & the mountains need the snow. Freaky stuff up in Washington state apparently with snow double what their previous record was. That’s crazy! Still nothing compared to the other places I’ve lived but they’re not prepared for it… so be safe out there Washingtonians. Aside from that, I’ll enjoy the rainy weather by watching some football divisional championships on Sunday, maybe do some cleaning & cooking, and on Saturday I may be delivering my old TV to my roommate’s friend in El Cerrito. She’s promised me food for my troubles… so how can I say no to that? Also, I convinced my mom to get a PSeye so that we can chat over the PS3… which means that I’ll get to see my niece & nephew (or rather a grainy representation of them) and that’s pretty cool. Technology nowadays is pretty amazing… and only getting more so every day.

Gretchen is going on a trip to Tahoe this weekend. No, I won’t be going with her. Allow me to explain. Y’all know Bubbles, right? One of my best friends for many years now? Well, this time of year is a rough patch for her… as well as she’s had a rough few months recently… and she has a surgery coming up pretty quick… so she could use a vacation. Her family’s in town (brother’s birthday) and they were looking to go to Lake Tahoe for a little ski & spa weekend… but since the NFC Championship is going to be here, rental cars are RIDICULOUSLY priced. She’s a little strapped for cash… so she was going to call the whole thing off… and she really needs it. So… being the ultimate badass that I am… I offered Gretchen’s services… for several reasons:

1) She really needed this vacation & I didn’t want her to have to give up a spa weekend in Tahoe
2) I’d rather have her in a safe Jeep fully loaded, prepared & experienced for Tahoe weather since it’ll probably be snowing all weekend, than in a broken down rental car anyway
3) It saves her enough money to really enjoy herself & I know she’ll be paying for her family too
4) I wasn’t planning on going anywhere this weekend anyway except maybe to El Cerrito to help with the TV, but I can take a bus there & it only takes an extra 15 minutes or so each way & I don’t have to drive
5) I can trust her & I know she’s good for it
6) Karma comes back around
7) Did I mention that I’m the ultimate badass? Cuz I feel like that’s pretty important when I’m entrusting my most financially valuable possession to a friend.

I’m sure she’ll have a great time up in Tahoe & say hello to some of my peeps who may remember her from the Anniversary Party last December. Meanwhile I’ll be chillaxing, resting up my knee that’s still a little sore from basketball last weekend (and walking 2-3 miles a day on slick uneven terrain doesn’t help much), do another good deed by donating my old TV to someone in need across the bay, maybe enjoy a museum or something along the way back through downtown, watching some great football games & hopefully play a basketball game Sunday night. Also, maybe get to see my mom, niece & nephew via PS3. Sounds like a pretty great weekend to me… though I’ll admit, Tahoe may be more fun. Oh well… next time.

Also, pretty big news on the engagement front. No, not for me… at least directly. Remember in November when we went to Vegas for Jackie D’s 25th birthday extravaganza? Well, the couple that we went with… are now engaged. Congratulations to them first & foremost… but there’s more. They live in Philadelphia… but want to get married… in Vegas. Not only that… but they want to get married in Vegas… in the Cosmopolitan hotel that we were staying at… in one of the bars… on Doomsday, December 21st, 2012. Granted this is if the snakes haven’t completely taken over by then (more on that later) but… I can’t help but feel pretty much responsible for this. Like… a LOT. According to Jackie D, I was even mentioned by name ($tev-OOOOH!!!) when she was told about it. So what does that mean? Well, I’m more than likely going to be invited to the wedding… and I may even have to make a speech (excuse me, SPREECH!!!) during the ceremony at some point. The only concern… is that Friday, December 21st date means that I might have to make a combination Las Vegas / Christmas in Utah trip. That may require some of the family parties to tone it down as Uncle $teve tries to recuperate. Anyway, that’s a long ways down the line… so again, congratulations to them, and here’s the news…

Tebow IS Mortal – After being shellacked by the Patriots on Sunday, it appears Tim Tebow actually needed more R&R than anyone thought. The Broncos quarterback played through rib, lung and chest injuries he sustained in Denver’s 45-10 loss at New England in the AFC divisional playoffs last weekend. He won’t need surgery, is expected to make a full recovery with some down time and his offseason training program shouldn’t be affected in any way. ESPN first reported Wednesday that Tebow got hurt on a third-quarter tackle, then had trouble sleeping because of the pain and underwent an MRI on his chest Monday. Team spokesman Patrick Smyth said that while he couldn’t confirm the exact extent or nature of the injuries due to team policy, he acknowledged that Tebow finished the game in considerable pain. Backup Brady Quinn quickly got ready to go into the game after Tebow was hit by Vince Wilfork and Rob Ninkovich, but Tebow stayed in and finished up. “It’s just the physicality of playing football. Sometimes you get hit and it can hurt a little bit. But, I wanted to play a lot of the game,” Tebow said after the game. The outcome had long been decided by the time Tebow got hurt. “I just wanted to show character. You just continue to fight and it doesn’t change who you are, how you play, how you go out there, you should be the same at all times. That’s what I wanted to show, it didn’t matter if it was the first play or the last play or you were down by 42. I was going to be the same player and I was still going to give everything I have. Because that’s all I have to give.” Tebow wasn’t in the locker room during a one-hour media window on Sunday, emerging with a smile from the trainer’s room as reporters were filing out as the players streamed to their end-of-season meeting with coach John Fox. On Monday, Broncos boss John Elway declared Tebow the incumbent starting QB entering training camp next summer and reiterated his plan to work with him during the offseason to help polish his passing game. Tebow went 8-5 as the Broncos starter after supplanting Kyle Orton following a 1-4 start. He engineered a six-game winning streak that included four straight fourth-quarter comebacks that sent Tebowmania into full pitch. He faded at the end, losing his last three starts, including one to the Kansas City Chiefs and Orton, but the Broncos backed into the playoffs nevertheless at 8-8 as champions of the middling AFC West. Tebow had the best game of his pro career in the wild card round, when he averaged 31.6 yards per completion, the best in the NFL in 40 years, and threw an 80-yard touchdown pass to Demaryius Thomas on the first play of overtime for a 29-23 win over heavily favored Pittsburgh and the league’s No. 1 defense. That was Denver’s first playoff game in six seasons. Tebow, who didn’t get the first-team snaps during training camp or for the first month of the season, realizes he has a long way to go himself. “Just work and improve, fundamentals, understanding defenses, footwork, everything,” he said. Some say the injury was only a matter of time as Tebow’s style of play this year with the read option is very rare because the NFL usually protects their quarterbacks like China dolls 100% of the time… but Tebow noted that he actually takes glancing blows, if any, from smaller defenders while on the run, making him less vulnerable than when he stays in the pocket and might get sandwiched by 300-pound linemen… but for any team to win, you need balance in your running & passing offense. “We’re always looking for balance,” Elway said. “Balance is what we won Super Bowls with.” Elway and Tebow are eager to see what a difference an offseason can make— they didn’t have that luxury last year during the NFL lockout. As Tebow put it, “I feel like I’ve improved a lot in a lot of different forms of my game. And I continue to improve and continue to get a lot better, and I believe I can, and I’m looking forward to putting in work.” Best of luck, Mr. Tebow… and I hope that you feel better soon too. It’s gonna be a lot of work… especially since the team kind of sabotaged your chances by trading away your best receiver the week you became starter & didn’t really have a lot of weapons on offense to begin with. Oh well… still, best of luck in getting the tools you need to succeed. You’ve got the right attitude.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar Update – Okay, since I was a little boy about 7-8 years old, there were two players that I really respected both as players & men. I know that most of you probably think it’s a tandem like Michael Jordan & Magic Johnson or something like that… and they get mad respect… but not them. First & foremost was David Robinson, a Hall of Fame center who had just started with the San Antonio Spurs after being drafted two years earlier… but fulfilling his commitment to the Navy. He also played piano, saxophone & had several charitable organizations that he worked with… and could also play some serious ball. Did you know he scored over 70 points in a game once? MJ didn’t do that. Anyway, he was one… and the other was a man whom I had just read an autobiography about in my spare time at school (while I was waiting for others to learn math that I had been doing for years). It was about a kid named Lewis Ferdinand Alcindor, jr growing up in Brooklyn. He was pretty gangly & incredibly tall… and pretty much made to play basketball as he was nearly seven feet tall by the time he got to high school in the early 60’s during the Civil Rights Movement. He not only became a great athlete but also focused on expanding his mind & abilities beyond basketball, learned from the legendary coach John Wooden at UCLA (while losing like twice in his four years there), was the #1 pick of the 1969 NBA Draft, in a career spanning twenty years, he’s won six championships, six MVP awards, is the league’s all-time leading scorer, rebounder & probably shot blocker except they didn’t keep the stats until he was well into his career… and beyond that he’s written several books, helped countless young stars balance their careers & personal lives as an assistant coach, starred in a movies with the likes of Bruce Lee, Leslie Nielsen & the creators of South Park… oh and somewhere in there he changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Well now, another giant milestone…

The NBA's all-time scoring leader is now a global cultural ambassador. The State Department announced Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's appointment Wednesday. Ann Stock, assistant secretary of state for education and cultural affairs, says Abdul-Jabbar will travel the world to engage a generation of young people to help promote diplomacy. Stock says the appointment is part of Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton's vision of "Smart Power" that combines diplomacy, defense and development to "bridge the gap in a tense world through young people." Abdul-Jabbar will travel to Brazil on January 22nd for a number of events centering on education, using his own experiences to help connect with young people. Not bad for a lanky kid from Brooklyn, huh? Yet another example of how education, hard work & a little bit of God-given ability can go a long way. Congratulations Kareem!

Apocalypse Update – It has finally happened… Big Brother has found my blog & the US Government is actually heading my advice. God help us all. Tuesday, the United States announced a ban on Burmese pythons, after years of unsuccessful efforts to eradicate the giant snakes from the Everglades National Park in Florida. U.S. Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, who has championed the ban, said it would take effect within about 60 days and make it illegal to import the snakes or transport them across state lines. A bit extreme you may be saying? Keep reading. Salazar announced the measure at a news conference at a flood control pumping station in a corner of the Everglades just outside Miami, where he was joined by Florida Senator Ben Nelson and two senior park and Florida Wildlife Commission officials as they held aloft a recently captured 13-foot python. Too extreme now? "The action we’re taking today is a milestone in the protection of the Everglades," Salazar said. Biologists say most pythons in the Everglades are thought to have been released there by their owners once they realized that the "pets" can grow from just a foot to 12 feet long within their first two years of life. So instead of stray domesticated cats & dogs… you’ve got giant irate constrictors prowling your neighborhood. In addition to the Burmese python, which has become one of the most notorious invasive species in U.S. history, the ban affects the yellow anaconda and northern and southern African pythons.

That’s not all you have to worry about as other invasive species in subtropical parts of Florida include dragon-like Nile Monitor lizards and raccoon-sized African rats. That’s right… rodents of an unusual size… combined with apparently fire-breathing, dragon-like lizards have turned the Everglades into a veritable Fire Swamp not unlike “The Princess Bride.” However of all of these invaders, Burmese pythons, which are native to southeast Asia, have become the stuff of legend in the Everglades since they were first sighted in the wildlife haven in the mid-1970s. With their razor-sharp teeth, they have been known to eat practically anything that moves in the park, from small mammals to large wading birds. Last year, a 15.7-foot Burmese was found with a huge bulge from a recently consumed 76-pound deer. Compounding eradication problems, however, the bone-crushing snakes have also bred in the wild in the savanna and steamy swamps of the Everglades. One of the creatures was aggressive enough to try devouring a 6-foot alligator in the park in 2005. The alligator was believed to have been dead already and the snake also died trying to digest it… but that’s not the point. I think the next stop is military action. Sure, they’re using our precious national parks as a hostage in this case so that we can’t completely eradicate the whole area… but I’m sure the military is already coordinating a major tactical movement against this invaders… you know, once they settle all that stuff in other countries. We may just have to grab our machetes & go into the glades ourselves to settle this once & for all. Sure, they have the home field advantage… and their ability to reproduce their numbers gives them an advantage… but I’m sure once they see our camouflage becomes the skins of their fallen comrades, we will strike fear deep into their bile-pumping black hearts & other species will think twice before forming an allegiance with these Burmese bastards. Who will lead us into this battle? I can think of only one man who’s perfectly equipped for the job…

MACHETE KILLS AGAIN!!!
(You’re welcome for the premise of your next movie, Robert Rodriguez…)

G Spot Update – That’s right ladies… read carefully. We about to talk about… the G Spot… and no, not the club on Columbus. Many women swear they have one, but a new review of 60 years of sex research shows science still can't definitively find the G-spot (though they’ve tried many black holes). Researchers have used surveys, imaging scans and biopsies of women, all trying to locate and define the presumably orgasmic area on the vaginal wall known as the G-spot. Based on a review of 96 published studies, an Israeli and American research team came to one conclusion. "Without a doubt, a discreet anatomic entity called the G-spot does not exist," said Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky, a urology resident at Yale-New Haven Hospital in Connecticut, and lead author of the review, published Jan. 12 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (call now for subscriptions). Kilchevsky conceded the work is not "1,000 percent conclusive," allowing that other scientists could one day find something his team missed. But they would need new technology to do it, he said. Fun fact: The G-spot was named in honor of the late Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, who in 1950 described a particularly sensitive 1- to 2-centimeter wide area on the vaginal wall. How’s that for a legacy? Having the G-spot named after you? Gräfenberg's description put Western medicine on a quest to define and learn more about the spot, purported to be a few centimeters in from the vaginal opening, on the vaginal wall toward the front of a woman's body. But Gräfenberg wasn't the first to write about such an erogenous zone. The Kamasastra and Jayamangala scripts dating back to 11th century India describe a similar sensitive area, according to the new study. Modern surveys of women on the subject only confounded the search. From a review of 29 surveys and observational studies, Kilchevsky concluded that a majority of women believe a G-spot actually exists, although some of those women also say they can't locate it. Other researchers have looked for physical evidence. Biopsies of tissue taken from the vaginal wall often find more nerve endings in the area of the purported G-spot than in other regions of the vaginal wall. But Kilchevsky and his colleagues also found biopsy studies with inconclusive results, and the authors point out that sensitivity in the human body isn't determined by the number of nerve endings alone. One 2008 study used ultrasound imaging to explore the vaginal wall of women, and found evidence of thicker tissue in the area of the G-spot among women who reported having vaginal orgasms. Women who said they had never had vaginal orgasms had thinner tissue in that area. However, other imaging studies included in Kilchevsky's review couldn't find a conclusive G-spot. Ultimately, Kilchevsky said he hopes his conclusions support women who worry they can't find the G-spot at home. "Women who can't achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration don't have anything wrong with them," he said. Kilchevsky doesn't think women who claim to have a G-spot are crazy either. "What they're likely experiencing is a continuation of the clitoris," he said. G-spot skeptics often point out that the tissue of the clitoris extends into the body, behind it where the G-spot would be located. One study in the review kept "the possibility of a discrete G-spot viable," according to Kilchevsky. A Rutgers University research team recently asked several women to stimulate themselves in a functional magnetic resonance (fMRI) machine (you know, I need to be a researcher in these f**king experiments). Brain scans showed stimulating the clitoris, vagina and cervix lit up distinct areas of the women's sensory cortex. This means the brain registered distinct feelings between stimulating the clitoris, the cervix and the vaginal wall – where the G-spot is famed to be. Barry Komisaruk, the lead author of the fMRI study and professor of psychology at Rutgers University, advocates calling it the G-area, or G-region, instead. Why not G-zone? G-plaza? G-park? G-district? Or G-G-G-G UNIT? I’ve got more… "I think that the bulk of the evidence shows that the G-spot is not a particular thing. It's not like saying, 'What is the thyroid gland?'" Komisaruk said. "The G-spot is more of a thing like New York City is a thing. It's a region, it's a convergence of many different structures." Komisaruk said that pressing on the area proclaimed to be the G-spot also presses the urethra and a structure called Skene's gland, which is analogous to the male prostate. "Each of those areas have different nerve sites," said Komisaruk. "I think there's good enough data that a lot of women feel that that is a particularly sensitive region." Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of "Great in Bed" (DK Publishing, 2011), pointed out that ambiguity is nothing new in sexual research. "I'm not sure why some people get caught up in this desire to find this anatomic thing that is the end all be all," Herbenick said. I agree… trying to find it in different ways is half the fun anyway… the other half is finding it. Findings from the well-known Australian researcher Dr. Helen O'Connell show the vagina, clitoris and urethra may act as "clitoral complex," during sex, Herbenick said. Any time one of these parts is moved or stimulated, it moves and stimulates the others. "We don't even have orgasm all figured out yet, I don't why we would expect to have the G-spot figured out," Herbenick said. Here here!!! So ladies… now is the time for us to stand united. I know that together we can find out the mysteries of your last frontier & show the world that your G-spot does in fact exist. I’m accepting applications for a study at no cost to you and the benefits… let’s just say they’re priceless. You’re welcome.

Lionel Richie “Hello” Remix – Since I’ve been talking about the end of the world & the extinction of the G-spot, I just thought I’d end this entry with a little bit of bright side before we prepare for battle. Please enjoy this video combining the legendary love ballad “Hello” with a dozen or so movies… Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Hey, It's October

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yeah… I know. It’s been too long. Believe me, I know. Let’s see… been about two weeks or so, right? Well, first things first. I’m healthy & almost completely recovered from my surgery. It’s really just a little scar on my cheek right now… and we’ll see how long that sticks around. Basically I went in a week later to get the stitches taken out… and the nurse was amazed with how quickly it had healed. Given what the right side of my face went through when I was 16… and going to school a week later… a little square inch off my cheek is NOTHING!!! So yeah, that’s cool. Haven’t really been playing ball again until this weekend though. Basketball because they warned me against slaps in the face… and softball because the last two games have been forfeit (other team) and rained out. It’s getting to be that time of the year again.

Also, the lamp went out on my projector TV last night so I've ordered a new one. This last lamp had a pretty good run. I think it has been just over three years on this last one... and the one before that was almost 5 years. Good thing too... because last time the lamp was almost $300 but I found a new one online this morning for $130. Much better... but still a ripoff. Hopefully it gets here in time for football tomorrow... but really it may just be the motivation needed for the girls to help me get started with this backyard renovation... especially since my dad's coming to visit on Friday. We'll probably be out & about during all the daylight hours though with the Utah-Cal game starting at 4 PM across town & the Raiders-Chiefs game starting at 1 PM across the bay. It should make for a wonderful quick weekend though.

Work has been incredibly busy… and it really didn’t help that I had to call in for the full two days of & after my surgery because I woke up & my face was swollen to the point I couldn’t really open my eye after that first night. That weekend after was literally just me staying at home, watching movies & TV (mostly football), icing my face, trying not to sneeze for fear of it splitting my stitches, and not doing anything to get my heart up. Hell, I was nervous when I was walking up a flight of stairs to go number two that first day. Regardless though, it’s all good now… and I’m getting caught up, but it’s not for a lack of work… and my coworkers have been amazing too. Another reason why I haven’t written lately… I’ve just been too damn busy.

That first Tuesday, October 4th, I had dinner with Bubbles at New Etitrea, an Ethiopian place & I had never tried Ethiopian food before. What would you expect it to be like? Gruel & suffering, right? Well, it’s more like curry and some Mediterranean spices… and there’s no utensils, you just take a piece of their flatbread, scoop up some of the meat with sauce (like curry in texture) and eat it. The food was pretty good… but the company was even better. We chatted about setting up a usual time a few times a month where we can catch up because… even though we work 5 feet from one another over 40 hours a week, we hardly talk. I’m all for it… and then we went to Yancy’s for some beers & games. Good times.

That Thursday, my roommate Nurse invited me to… wait for it… Sharktoberfest!!! It’s like Shark Week… but with beer. Anyway, the vision in my head couldn’t possibly have matched up with the reality… but it sounded great… and it was. Thursday nights at the California Academy of Science, they have social hours where there is a $10 admission fee (not bad) and adult beverages offered within the confines of the museum. Combine the nerdy goodness of the aquariums, tropical enviro-dome, interactive exhibits, fellowship of your fellow nerds & other social creatures, a living roof deck offering beautiful views of Golden Gate Park and the surrounding area, add booze & mix… and you’ve got the recipe for a good time. Though… I was disappointed that it was Sharktoberfest… and I only saw one little nurse shark… and no violence like Shark Week… but then again, probably a good thing in hindsight.

Also, I found out that I was kind of a third wheel on a date with Nurse & a pretty nice guy… but her friend was also there too (though I think she doesn’t care for me for some reason. I know, it’s weird right?) but after the museum, we went to The Bitter End and had a few drinks there (date guy was driving… a Beemer) and played some pool. It was a pretty great evening.

Saturday morning, there’s a knock on the door & I’m the only roommate up… and standing at the door is a cute girl in a little black dress (“Dear dairy, JACKPOT!!!”). Apparently, she is my new neighbor a few doors down… and she had met a few of the other roommates and wanted to see if they wanted to do breakfast. I informed her that I was the only one up… and had I not just ate, I would gladly join her… wait, my name is $teve by the way (What? What was I saying? So awkward…) We will call her… Joy. Anyway, she thanked me & said she’d see if anybody else wanted to go with her or if she would just cook something up. I offered her some scrambled eggs that I could warm up, but she declined. Sigh…

About an hour or so later, I figured that I’d make a walk down to the post office to mail some things out & call my mom along the walk for our chat. I told her about the incident earlier… and she freaked as a mother would, “Oh my gosh, she’s probably seen you in the parking lot talking to me & wondered who you were talking to & wants to jump your bones.” I… didn’t really get that vibe… but I rarely do. Then as I’m walking back from the post office, we’re talking about another subject… and Joy walks by the other way. We exchange greetings (“Hi, how are ya?”) keeping eye contact… but also stride. After a safe distance, I inform my mom on the line who walked by… and she basically tells me to turn around and go talk to her now, okay… whatever & we hang up. I turn around… and I don’t see her anywhere. Did she turn a corner? Hide behind a bush? I don’t know. She mentioned breakfast… so maybe she went to La Terrasse by the post office. Checked it out, didn’t see her, schucks. Next time. P.S. Let me know when you think that turned a little stalkerish because I felt it borderline.

Back at the apartment, a few of the roommates & I were flipping through the channels… and we found “Back to the Future Part II” and it had just started… so we HAD to see it… you know, with 2015 being just around the corner. Of course after Part II… was Part III so we had to watch that too. Watching it as an adult though… with the roommates… we basically came up with some new theories about it. I know I’ve mentioned a few in the past… but there might be something to these… so hear me out.

Theory #1: Doctor Emmett Brown… is a vampire. Think about it. The man doesn’t age a DAY from 1955 to 1985. That’s thirty years. And you can tell me that he would just have changed from old to old but… let’s say his in his fifties in the 50’s. Wouldn’t he be in his 80’s in 1985? Do you know guys in their 80’s that are going on magical time traveling adventures of self-discovery including lightning, Libyans, Lea Thompson & DeLoreans? I didn’t think so. Especially with a clear brilliant mind & youthful vigorous body that helps him to (spoiler alert) father children while inventing a hovering time traveling train during the term of the 19th century? Also, the hair… maybe it was because I saw Bram Stoker’s Dracula on Blu Ray a few days earlier… but tell me that’s not vampire style. It was just something that I had never realized before… but now, it puts a whole new twist on this incredible trilogy. Oh… and on that note, Strickland is a vampire too… but he’s more disciplined, not like those slacker vampires out inventing time machines. He has no heart. No soul. He looks the same in 1885… because he is the same… with a moustache. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Theory #2: Doctor Emmett Brown… is Rashe Algool. We started with that idea that he was The Batman because of his knack for inventing, seemingly endless energy & nowadays creepy tendency to keep teenage boys around (seriously, what’s up with that?). However, with some thought, we decided that he was in fact immortal (Batman is not, hence half of his appeal) and his powers & abilities seem to have a more devilish quality to them. Batman would never manipulate the space-time continuum… or steal plutonium from Libyan terrorists (maybe liberate plutonium in order to stop Libyan terrorists, but that may be semantics). Again… the hair doesn’t help his cause towards hero over villain. Oh by the way, for those of you thinking that I’m comparing Doc Brown to Liam Neeson from “Batman Begins” that’s not the case. I’m talking about Rashe Algool from the Batman comics… and more specifically the animated series from the early nineties (which kicks so much ass in every way). We also devised that if there was a Batman in this version, the reason for their discontent would be because of a disagreement at a NAMBLA meeting concerning their young wards. Anyway, just some observations we made… and now I invite you to watch the movies in a group of friends with those thoughts in mind.

Sunday, I woke up fairly early to volunteer with a Meal on Wheels fundraiser at Hermann Plaza, basically a wine mixer in which I was helping by selling raffle tickets. They paired me up with a lady in her late thirties/early forties… we’ll call her CC… and long story short, we sold more raffle tickets than the other 6-7 teams combined. We rocked HARD!!! We also chatted the afternoon away as well & enjoyed some great classic rock cover band music… and after our shift of raffling, some of the vintages & light snacks that the event had to offer. Afterwards, we went for a few drinks at Elephant & Castle down the street & Globe a few blocks away where we later met up with some of CC’s friends. Good times… and I may have found a good friend to hang out with once in a while. We shall see. If not, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

The work week was busy busy busy… and not a whole lot going on except for a little rain & my face starting to look human again. The scar is now just a little discoloration on my cheek for the most part & I’m using Vitamin E to take care of even that. Probably won’t even be noticeable by the time Vegas rolls around in a month.

Oh… and remember Joy from earlier in this entry? Well, Friday morning, we were both getting on the bus, she sat next to me, we chatted it up a bit for that 20-30 minutes… and check this, she actually asked me about the making phone calls in the cul de sac… my mom was actually right. It makes sense because it’s the only time she sees me… but you know, cosmic. Anyway, we chatted, I told her she was welcome to come hang at our apartment anytime, she mentioned that she was new to town, so I offered my services as a concierge, dropped the digits… my move has been made. We shall see where it goes from here. However, just the fact that a cute lady like her would even willingly talk to me makes me feel fresha denna mutha f*cka… Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Black Panther by Odeon

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

We lost the softball game in the closing moments again…but we did stage a massive comeback, as often happens in these games. I went 1-for-2 with a walk, run, 2 RBIs and 2 beers with the guys afterwards…so not a bad way to spend a Wednesday evening. The worst part was that Boss Man K was on the other team, so he’s likely to talk trash for a while. I can deal with it though. His team may have edged us in softball…but I’m over a foot taller than him, so we’ll see if he even shows up on the court. “Oh yeah, about our basketball game tonight, I need you to work late.” “Not cool, dude.” I’m just playing. He’s a good guy. Sigh… Speaking of which, I hate to even say it…but I’ve been glancing at other jobs. I know, I know. “$teve, you love your job, you love where you live, business is a boomin’, why the hell would you want to f**k that up?” I just said that I was glancing… but I did stumble upon a job that would be considered “the next step” in my career progression… and it’s along the Cali coast at another office with the company. One of the last things that I want to do is move again… after six months… because that sh*t’s getting old. However, I have to do what’s best for me. Now, am I going to be considered qualified if I apply for this job? Probably not. Thanks to a lot of different factors, I technically have no previous managerial experience (though you could’ve fooled me at a few previous jobs) in my decade-plus with the company. Is the pay worth the move? I’m considering leaving this paradise for it, so yeah. How about the responsibility? A LOT more responsibility…but I’m confident in my abilities to do anything I put my mind to, and I’ve been training for years for this job & doing bits & pieces of this job for quite some time on top of my own duties. I’d also have a few friends in the area (since I seem to have friends EVERYWHERE except here). I don’t know, it was just a thought that I had. Feel free to call me crazy for even considering it. I would have to agree. Anyway, that’s about it for me in the personal level. Here’s some news…

Blackhawks Win Stanley Cup – After nearly half a century, the Chicago Blackhawks are the best team in hockey once again. I’m not afraid to say that I was rooting for the Philly Flyers…but hey, either way it was going to be a pretty awesome victory for either team. The way it happened though, with an overtime goal by rising star Patrick Kane (probably most popular for a few DUI mistakes & romantically linked to “The Girl Next Door” Elisha Cuthbert) was like something out of a bad Disney movie…but hey, it works. Congratulations to the Blackhawks!!! And don’t worry, I’m not really angered about the team name like the NFL’s Washington Racists (now home to my boy Donovan McNabb). Seriously, how is that still cool? And in other sports news…

Avery Johnson – The scrappy former Spurs point guard with the hilarious accent, Avery Johnson, has just signed on to be the head coach of the lowly New Jersey Nets, who last year barely escaped the worst record in NBA history (thanks to a decent stretch the last month of the season). The current ESPN analyst coached Dallas for three-plus seasons, going 194-70 in the regular season and 23-24 in the playoffs. He guided the Mavs to the NBA finals in 2006, but was fired after a first-round playoff series loss to New Orleans in 2008 (and Mark Cuban might be racist?). Johnson is a proven winner, and his arrival in New Jersey will reunite him with point guard Devin Harris, who was shipped to New Jersey in the deal that sent Jason Kidd to the Mavericks. The Nets also have a young talented center in Brook Lopez, two guards with tons of potential, Terrence Williams and Courtney Lee, and high hopes for Chinese Olympian Yi Jianlian. New Jersey also has the third pick in this month’s draft. Johnson should also benefit working with new Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov. The Russian billionaire has said he will open his wallet in free agency, and the Nets have more than $23 million to spend on a talent pool that might include LeBron James among others. Oh…and Jigga’s part owner of the soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets. I’m glad to see Avery back into coaching. He got the sh*tty end of the stick in Dallas, so I hope that he’s able to turn the Nets around. I mean… they really can’t do much worse, right? Plus getting another great low post talent like Derrick Favors or DeMarcus Cousins with the 3rd pick, or maybe not LeBron…but signing Amare Stoudemire or Chris Bosh or something in free agency, could make this team a HUGE threat in the Eastern Conference almost immediately with the scrappy leadership of Avery Johnson tutoring an All-Star talent like Devin Harris. Watch out now!!!

Somebody’s Reading My Blog? – Tired of sports? Okay, how about video games? Yeah? Okay…and these new video game announcements may have been influenced by previous blog posts of mine concerning a love for certain things…like Time Travel & Dinosaurs in movies…but not necessarily video games (seriously, I don’t care about Prince of Persia or Turok at all). So how is a video game company going to peak MY interests? Well, how about games involving Time Travel & Dinosaurs based on movies? Makes sense, right? (Can’t wait until they make the one with a lesbian werewolf Milla Jovovich covered in bacon) Well, Telltale Games is going back in time for a new series of video games. The developer is creating episodic titles based on the "Back to the Future" and "Jurassic Park" franchises. Oh yes! The popular Universal Studios film trilogies spawned several games in their heyday in the '80s and '90s but have been absent from the interactive realm…until now. The as-yet-untitled Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Wii, PC and Mac games are set to be released this winter (just in time for Christmas, hint hint). "I think it's a prime time to reintroduce these properties in the digital world," said Dan Connors, CEO at Telltale Games. "Telltale Games has always set out to be a great storytelling company. We've been honing our chops over the past six years, and we're ready to take on these two iconic properties and continue to advance storytelling in games." Telltale Games previously created episodic games based on Aardman Animations' Oscar-winning animated film series "Wallace and Gromit," Steve Purcell's comic series "Sam and Max" and Matt Chapman's online cartoon "Homestar Runner." Now it’s time for something that interests people (just playing, I like Homestar Runner). The San Rafael, Calif.-based developer approached Universal Studios when looking for inspiration for their next game series. "'Jurassic Park' and 'Back to the Future' are two of our broadest and most beloved properties," said Bill Kispert, interactive vice president at Universal Studios. "We were very interested in bringing them into the interactive space, but they're not exactly the kind of properties that lend themselves to the stereotypical shoot-'em-up style of gameplay." Connors said the games, which are in the early stages of development, would tell new stories extending the "Back to the Future" and "Jurassic Park" lore. He teased that the "Back to the Future" games may include a DeLorean ride back to the 1970s while the "Jurassic Park" games would be intense and add new backstories to the series' man-versus-dinosaur mythology (and I’m sure Chaos Theory). "The games are going to exist within these worlds. I wouldn't call these games sequels per se but a new interpretation of their worlds for a new medium. For one generation, it's an introduction to these series. For another generation, it's a thing they can look back on and something they can share warmly with their family and friends." No word on whether Michael J. Fox would reprise the role of Marty McFly…but I’m thinking that’d be wicked awesome. And Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) & Biff (Tom Wilson), of course. Hopefully Jeff Goldblum’s too busy watching people poop and doing Law & Order to help out Jurassic Park. So yeah… there are some possibly sweet games in development. Keep an eye out for those (Christmas).

Jaguar: For Men – Remember the fragrance “Black Panther” by Odeon? Made famous by Brian “Bri-Man” Fantana? (Yes, it’s an Anchorman reference) Well, it’s a little known fact that you don’t need a fragrance illegal in nine countries to land that choice p***y. Biologists tracking jaguars in the Guatemalan jungle might smell nice but it's all in the name of science, with researchers finding the Calvin Klein cologne Obsession for Men attracts big cats. Biologists Rony Garcia and Jose Moreira from the Wildlife Conservation Society's (WCS) Jaguar Conservation Program say they use hidden cameras as a primary source for observing and tracking jaguars in Guatemala's Maya Biosphere Reserve. But they also rely on Obsession for Men, a cologne known for its complex scent, to help lure then research and hopefully ultimately preserve jaguars in the Central American country. "The method we are using to study the jaguars here in Guatemala is a non-invasive method which is based on photographing the individuals by using camera traps," Moreira told Reuters Television. "It has been very useful using Obsession (for Men) to get the jaguars in front of these camera traps ... and that allows us to estimate with greater confidence the genders and the numbers that live in each studied site." The discovery that Obsession for Men acted as a magnet for jaguars was the result of an experiment by the WCS's Bronx Zoo in New York. The WCS was looking for ways to get cheetahs in front of camera traps, and, after several years of testing with different fragrances, found spraying the musky Obsession For Men near the heat-and-motion-sensitive cameras drew the cats for longer than other scents. They also tried out about 23 other fragrances but Obsession for Men kept the cats' attention for longest with Nina Ricci's L'Air du Temps coming second (aka first loser). The practice made its way down to Guatemala, where Garcia and Moreira said they have been recording similar success in the wild since 2007, allowing them to track jaguars and even record their mating rituals (mmm jag shaggin’). Garcia said the results will be invaluable to conservation efforts. "These camera traps help us to identify how many jaguars are living in this area ... (and) helps us to have control over the population and lets us say to the government, to the public, that Laguna del Tigre still deserves conservation," he said. The WCS said it tentatively plans to expand the use of the cologne in programs in Venezuela, Nicaragua, Bolivia, Peru and Ecuador in coming years. So are jaguar pheromones the secret ingredient of Obsession…by Calvin Klein? Perhaps. Or are the jaguars just expecting an unsuspecting tourist to be at the end of that scent? More likely. Can we find pandas in the wild by dashing a little Hugo on our collars? Or even the Roc’s 9IX (“Stay on her mind”)? Only research will tell. Just thought it was amusing that Obsession has an effect on jaguars.

Les Grossman Movie – Okay, we all love “Tropic Thunder” right? Never go full retard. So… the character Les Grossman (Tom Cruise) being the giant movie mogul that he is, just score a big movie deal for himself. That’s right. I will repeat. Tom Cruise is bringing his foul-mouthed, hairy-handed Hollywood producer character Les Grossman back to the big screen. Paramount Pictures and MTV Films say they're developing a film around the fictional character. Earlier this week, the 47-year-old actor (yeah, “Risky Business” was a long time ago, don’t act surprised) reprised the role at Sunday's MTV Movie Awards. Cruise and Ben Stiller are among the producers of the film. Paramount said Wednesday that Cruise is in talks to play Grossman (and seriously, who else would play him?). Cruise can next be seen on screen in "Knight and Day," due in theaters later this month. I liked the small part in “Tropic Thunder” and every once in a while, I’m not going to lie, I’ll dance by myself singing “Apple bottom jeeeeans…” but an entire movie? We’ll see how that works out. I’ll probably watch it…but it’s going to be really hard to get over that initial reaction whenever I hear “Tom Cruise stars in…” and just about gag. I have to change the channel when previews for “Knight & Day” come on otherwise my stomach churns for the next half hour. True story. Anyway, congratulations on your movie deal, Tom. I’m sure it’ll be fantastic. “G-Fiiiiiiiiiiiive… None of those frequent flyer b**ch miles for my boy!”

Batman Update – In other movie news, yesterday Hollywood Life reported that what started as a comment on the "Inception" set looks like it might be gaining traction. Their source claims that Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“G.I. Joe” & “500 Days of Summer”), who also stars in this Summer's mind-bending thriller from director Chris Nolan, is apparently "on the short list" for The Riddler in Nolan's next "Batman" film. "Chris really dug Joseph [as an actor]. There was a joke at first between them [on the set of Inception] that Joseph wanted to read for Batman 3 and things heated up as filming continued. It’s not 100% confirmed that he’s getting [the role of The Riddler] but there’s certainly talk about it. Joseph is definitely on the short list." However, a representative for Gordon-Levitt has already denied the rumor according to The Wrap. The other issue is that the script for the film is still very much in the works and it's not confirmed if The Riddler will even be the next film's main antagonist. Remember? Just the other day they were talking about Penguin & Mister Freeze…and Catwoman is always on everybody’s mind. Anyway, just an interesting thought out there in rumor land. Like Obama being in the “Whoomp! (There it is)” music video almost twenty years ago. What? You didn’t know that? Where did you think he was in 1993? We have a sighting.

Disney Fun – Who doesn’t like little dirty things in Disney movies to keep adult entertained when they’re forced to watch the same f**king movies over and over again by their OCD children? God knows I appreciate the break from monotony. Well, here’s a list of the 7 Most Famous Sexual Innuendos from Disney Films. Just in case you didn’t know. I only knew of four of them. Enjoy…

Little Mermaid - Penis In The Castle

Disney may own the keys to the happiest place on earth to visit, but it may not be the happiest company to work for. At least not for the disgruntled artist who drew a prominent phallic symbol on the front cover of the Classics VHS cassette for The Little Mermaid, when the film was first released on video in 1990 (go ahead and look at your copy). Disney and the cover designer claim that the penis drawing was an accident, and the result of a late night rush job to finish the cover. Perhaps, Disney will next tell everyone that pigs fly and cows lactate Pepsi.

Aladdin – “Teenagers Take Off Your Clothes”

This sexual innuendo occurs in Disney's 1992 animated film, Aladdin. When Aladdin climbs up onto Jasmine’s roof her pet tiger attacks him. What was supposed to be said by Aladdin was, "Come on... good kitty, take off and go..." doesn't quite go as planned. In fact, the word "kitty" seems to be overlapped by some other sound, partially the snarl of Jasmine's pet tiger, and the rest of the sentence sounds like “Good teenagers, take off your clothes”. Coincidence that kids these days are becoming sexually active at a younger age? Perhaps. I don’t know about this one. I just remember Abu saying some pretty nasty sounding stuff. Dirty little monkey.

Roger Rabbit - Baby Herman $5 Bill

Baby Herman's character in Disney's 1988 film, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, first comes off as a sweet baby filled with innocence, whose only exclamations seem to be "coohs" and "ahhs." Roger's baby co-star is actually a middle-aged man who lets it all hang out once the director yells cut, complete with cigar chomping, and overall bad behavior. In a deleted scene Baby Herman is clearly seen placing a folded up bill down the blouse of a voluptuous woman, and in the next frame she is all smiles. Really? Is that bad? Is it wrong to tip your caregiver? I didn’t think so…and don’t worry, there’s more from this classic.

The Rescuers - Topless Woman

Oh yeah. This is a new one to me too. In Disney's 1977 film, The Rescuers, the sexual innuendo is not an animated blunder like in the other films, but a very real photograph of a topless woman. Disney claims that since the image is a photograph and not animated, that it had to have been inserted in post-production. The image appears not once…but TWICE, once at the top of the screen and once at the bottom, during the scene where Miss Bianca and Bernard are flying on Orville's back through New York City. Thankfully for the kiddies, the film runs too fast for the images to be seen in regular viewing speed, and one would have to know exactly where to pause the film and play it in slow motion to even see it…and that requires watching the film so…is it really worth it?

Lion King - Sex Off the Cliff

One of Disney's most famous sexual innuendos is in the 1994 animated feature film, The Lion King. As The Lion King is still the highest-grossing traditionally animated film in history, this one has been seen by countless viewers, whether they know it or not. Famously this message appears when the word "SEX" is spelled out in a dust cloud when Simba flops down in the dirt at the end of a cliff. Animators of the film say the cloud was meant to spell "SFX", and supposed to be a signature relating to special effects. Turned out to be more of a subliminal message instead of a signature. Influencing and corrupting the minds of young children, only to turn them into sex craved maniacs once they reach adolescence.

Little Mermaid - Clergyman Erection

Disney's The Little Mermaid is well known for another sexual innuendo, which appears near the end of the film, during the wedding scene. The movie goes like this: the mermaid, Ariel, is obsessed with the human world and one night travels to the surface to watch a celebration for Prince Eric. A sudden storm hits and everyone hops on a lifeboat except for Eric who goes back to rescue his dog. He almost drowns trying to save his dog, and is in turn saved by Ariel, who sings to him while dragging him back to the beach. Upon waking, Eric has a vague recollection that he was rescued by a girl with a beautiful voice; he vows to find her, and Ariel - who has fallen in love with Prince Eric - vows to find a way to join the human world as well. An hour later, they find a way to be together. Basically it’s one of the most ridiculous children’s stories ever…and why it’s among my favorite to watch…because I feel it teaches all the right lessons. It's the story of a teenage redhead runaway who learns the valuable lesson that the way to win that Prince Charming is to get a nice set of legs, lose the crabs (and other sea creatures), don't talk, feel free to walk around naked (or with a seashell top), and enjoy your body as much as he does. Oh...and watch out for witchy whores that steal your thunder...and your man. Oh…and when they’re married at the end of the movie, it looks as though the minister gets an erection during their ceremony. Great flick.

Roger Rabbit - Jessica Rabbit Commando

Of course, this list would not be complete without another sexual innuendo coming from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? And my personal favorite as I recall showing this to my dad when I was like ten years old…and then we watched “Basic Instinct” for the first time. Ah memories. Anyway, this particular incident occurs during the scene where Jessica Rabbit is riding crazily around "Toon Town" in one hellish cab ride. When the cab runs into a lamp post, poor Jessica Rabbit is thrown from the vehicle and finally lands on the ground. Jessica's spinning causes her red dress to hike up her thighs and for a split second her nether-regions are revealed, showing her no-nonsense attitude towards going commando. Roger Rabbit is one lucky guy, as if he wasn't before already. Good night everybody!!!

Erin Go Bragh

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, we got what I like to call a “Surprise Six”. What’s that? Well, it’s when you’re surprised with six inches of previously unforecasted snow when you wake up in the morning. It wasn’t too bad. The roads were a little icy because it was like ten degrees overnight but most made it through safely. We’ve seen it before. There’s also supposed to be a chance of snow on Friday, when my mom comes to visit…but hopefully that’s just more meteorologist guestimates because we plan on having some fun. Then again, this bit of snow may be okay as there’s a snowman (or snowwoman) making contest at Kings Beach on Friday that would’ve otherwise probably been cancelled. Wish us luck & send us suggestions. I’m thinking something in a Bettie Page might win over the (male) judges. And if the ladies ask, “It’s Bettie White of course.” “Then why are…her breasts out and she’s striking that pose?” “Oh no, this powdery snow’s hard to form. See, I was trying to get her to appear to be waving but…I guess I’m just out of practice.” Good times…followed by a pub crawl.

Last night, I also watched “Boondock Saints II: All Saint’s Day” which is a sequel to one of my favorite flicks of all time. For those who don’t know the story, it’s about two Irish brothers (Sean Patrick Flanery & Norman Reedus) who basically seek justice by killing criminals, usually involved with the Mafia in their hometown of Boston. That’s the first movie. The sequel picks up about 8 years later…and right off the bat, they’re sheep farmers in Ireland with Grizzly Adams beards. “Okay, I’ll let it slide. They must be on the run.” Yup, apparently right after the first movie ended, they ran off to Ireland to hide from the cops with their father (Billy Connelly). Well, back in Boston, somebody has copycatted them…but killed a priest. So now they have to go find out who did it…and defend their names (which apparently was already good enough to run off to Ireland). Well, they run into this annoying Mexican guy (Chris Collins jr) who helps them out…and then there’s a hot FBI agent with a bad Southern accent (Julie Benz, who I love in “Dexter”) and the mob boss who’s framing them is Judd Nelson from “The Breakfast Club” and there’s a very tiny assassin and…there’s these weird cutoffs with Rocco (from the first movie) where sometimes it’s just him spitting random vulgar quips of wisdom and other times he’s sharing a dream with his buddies…and then there’s special guest stars. Okay, so…it’s not the great movie ever made basically. It’s an okay sequel…but I’m not sure if I’d watch it again…and that’s a bold thing for me to say…because I’ve watched the original dozens of times. If you liked the first one, you may want to give it a gander…but don’t expect to be blown away.

Old Baldy Back in Philly – No, not Terry Bradshaw…and he was in Pittsburgh anyway. I’m talking about a man and his horse. A museum in Philadelphia will once again showcase the head of Old Baldy, the horse Gen. George Meade rode during many of the Civil War's most infamous battles. The warhorse's preserved head was the subject of a battle between two city museums that both claimed ownership (possession is 9/10th of the law, suckah). A deal has been reached that allows the Grand Army of the Republic Museum and the Civil War Museum to share Old Baldy. The head could arrive at the Grand Army museum this month. The Civil War Museum closed in 2008 but plans to reopen in 2015 (so why is this even a problem for the next five years?). Other items in its collection have been sent to several area museums. Old Baldy was considered a Union hero after surviving the battles of Antietam and Gettysburg and soldiering on after being shot in battle many times…and all without saying a word (unlike that whiny prissy Mister Ed). So yeah, I like this story. Why? Because everybody gets head…in the name of history.

Mmm Cheese - Breast milk cheese, anyone? “Yes please.” A Manhattan chef has posted a recipe on his blog for what he calls "My spouse's mommy milk cheese." Daniel Angerer co-owns Klee Brasserie with his wife Lori Mason. A photo on his blog features the cheese encrusted with maple caramelized pumpkin and Concord grapes (but none of the milk’s source? How else do we know it’s fresh?). They had an overabundance of milk for their newborn, Arabella Caroline. When their small freezer ran out of space, Angerer decided to experiment. Angerer said his cooking instincts tend toward things natural. But even he admits: "THIS is a whole other level of 'natural.'" Well, it sounds delicious…and before any of you start thinking “$teve, that’s gross. Why would you want cheese from a woman’s teat? A married woman’s teat even?” Think about what you’re asking. Why wouldn’t I prefer a woman’s milk…over that of a cow? Or a goat? I worked at a dairy for two years. Those b**ches are disgusting…and dumb as a rock. I would think “Why do I do this? Oh yeah, milk.” Then I would have visions of one day in the not-so-distant future…when I would have my own dairy…filled with Cambodian & Brazilian immigrant women (because everybody knows they have the finest breast milk) who would run around free range until feeding time (specific diets for the desired subtle flavor) and then after a quick stop by the milking stations (where teenage boys would pay ME to do the job), they’re back to the fields to play games with their children (not going to go into the studding procedures this time…but I assure you the children are HUGE). Meanwhile I sleep in a huge pile of money with my “pet” Mariella by my side. Not so crazy NOW, is it? I mean… this economy is the perfect climate too. Hovering around 10% unemployment, single mothers out of work and looking for ways to provide for their children, who they’re not able to be with because of their erratic work schedule, maybe the answer’s the simple life on a farm. Man, if only I owned some land… Well, next time I’m in Manhattan, I know where I’m going for lunch.

Real Banana Hammock - Australian underwear company AussieBum has been monkeying around and the result is a range of men's underwear made with bananas. The new eco-friendly banana range of undies incorporates 27% banana fiber, 64% cotton and 9% lycra, AussieBum's Lloyd Jones said on Friday. He said the banana fiber used in the underwear is made from a bark weave from the banana plant and makes the underwear not only lightweight, but also very absorbent (ugh…okay? Just in case?). "Naturally you can't really add anymore banana fiber than that because it might be a bit squishy," said Jones, adding that wearers did not have to worry about real monkeys, as the underwear does not smell (nor I assume taste) like a banana. Yes, I live in constant fear of monkeys craving my underwear…but only after they’ve had a few drinks. Thank you for clarifying. So now you can have a real banana hammock…which will also swell up when it’s a little wet. You may never have to find a urinal again…and your junk will look better because of it (probably still smell bad though). Oh the possibilities. Sorry, still thinking about my farm.

Chocolate Racecar – Wow, this is turning into a pretty tasty entry. Fuelled by leftover chocolate and with components made from carrots, potato starch and flax, the world's first sustainable Formula 3 racing car has a top speed of 135 miles per hour and can go from zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds. Sound nuts? “Sounds like Mr. Fusion from Back to the Future.” Wait, there’s more. Brake pads made from cashews are still under development. Meet Lola, the University of Warwick's blend of muscle and eco-friendliness and the world's first racing car retrofitted with renewable and sustainable materials. Researchers from the university showed off their prize possession at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's (MIT) energy conference in Boston. "She's incredibly green, taking materials that would otherwise have ended up in a landfill. It lets people engage with recycling without the finger-wagging," said Kerry Kirwan, one of the car's designers at the university. "The public has really taken the car to its heart, because she's fun." Many of the car's components would more usually be found at a farmer's market…or in a rubbish bin, since most of the materials are actually industrial waste. The 2.0-litre BMW engine has been converted to diesel from gasoline and configured to run on fuel derived from waste from chocolate factories (pure imagination?) or other plant-based oils (fossils were plants once). Among Lola's other unique features is a radiator that converts ozone back to oxygen. "It's a racing car that cleans up as it goes along," said Steve Maggs, another member of the design team. The WorldFirst Formula 3 racing car took the university more than nine months to develop and cost around $200,000 (man, that IS green). Kirwan said that the thinking behind the project was to find a way to really put recycled materials to the test. "A lot of these technologies were a huge leap of application, something that shows the material under a really demanding application." A racecar that runs on chocolate & leftovers. You’ll never look at your wife’s cooking the same. “Oh honey, it was delicious. I love it when you try new things. But I’ve gotta drive around town tomorrow with a client from work and…it would just save us a lot of money to use it for fuel instead. Mmm delicious though.”

On another note, I was flipping through the channels the other day…and stumbled upon “Back to the Future Part II” and it peeved me off. It’s 2010, which means 2015 is just around the corner. Where the hell are my flying cars? Hoverboards? Insta-dry jackets…er, life preservers or whatever? Electro-hypno knock-out rays (aka Jackpot Machine)? Arcade games where you don’t use your hands? (Big ups to pre-pubescent Elijah Wood - “You use your hands? That’s a baby’s toy”) Not only that…but unless there are about a dozen other Jaws movies in the works right now, I don’t think we’re going to get up to number 19 in time for the holographic 3-D theatre display. AND I STILL WANT AN AFFORDABLE DELORIAN (with flux capacitor option)!!! Granted, we do have a few things that were predicted in the movie…like the ability to watch six TV channels at once (sports fans know what I’m talking about), entire meals that almost magically appear out of microwaves (still working on the exact dimensions & speed for the public), for some reason we still use fax machines, and now we’re just starting with cars that run on trash & flat beer…but still waiting for all the cool stuff. As with most things, I blame Bush. And of course I mean the President (though the other HAS distracted many a great men from their studies since time was time). I’m just saying…get on the ball, scientists (and movie directors with those Jaws flicks).

Well, that’ll do it for tonight. By the way, since I know that you’re all thinking about it, Weber State IS my upset special pick for the NCAA Men’s Tournament next weekend. I’ve gotta represent for my team from the city of Ogden…being one who still has a number of academic AP credits there. Go Wildcats!!! Less than two days until my mama comes to visit. Ooooh happy daaaay!!! Have a great night everybody!!!