The Visit with Keanu

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

This weekend was pretty relaxing involving mostly horror flicks & finding out I needed a few more things to pull off the podcast… but here are the highlights…

 

First up, we watched one of director Eli Roth’s new movies called “Knock Knock” starring legendary thespian Keanu Reeves as a married architect whose home working& burning the midnight oil one weekend night while his wife & kids are playing at the beach (like five miles from his house?) when all of a sudden, during this rainy night, two young attractive ladies dressed in see-through party clothes are at his door saying that they got dropped off at the wrong place by their Uber & they’re looking for a party… can they use his phone? They’re not getting a signal. NOPE!!! Slams door in their face… roll credits. It was more of a short film. Of course that’s not what happens… he invites them in being a nice (stupid) guy… they start flattering him… long story short, Keanu pulls a three-way with girls who are younger combined. Well, he wakes up the next morning… and they’re still there… and just making themselves at home… like, completely… and long story short… sh*t gets out of control. Now… the premise of the movie… pretty good. That’s why I wanted to watch it originally. The atmosphere & everything built is a great little horror flick… tension is built… but then sh*t just gets f**king stupid. The second half of the movie is just one plot convenience after another… and yeah, it’s just kind of frustrating and hard to watch towards the end. Would I recommend seeing it? Sure, why not? I like Eli Roth movies & it’s not “Hostel” levels of gore (though there are moments Izzy had to turn away) which I support. That being said… there are definitely flaws. It’s basically the story of a stupid architect being outwitted by two attractive teenage chicks.

 

Next up was “Annabelle”, the 2014’s prequel to 2013’s “The Conjuring” with this installment detailing the “true” (documented) story of a doll possessed by an evil entity of some sort. So… a young married couple Mia & John are in a quiet neighborhood… and then there are some Manson Family murders next door… and because they went to check out the noise, they bring it to their house… and Mia is hurt while the assailants are gunned the f**k down! Well… apparently the soul of one of the attackers gets transported into her (already creepy f**king looking) antique doll and… look, I’m going to stop right here. This movie is “Child’s Play” meets “Rosemary’s Baby” or some crazy sh*t like that…  and occasional appearances from the dark demon figure borrowed from the “Insidious” movies. By the way, am I the only one that REALLY gets “Insidious” & “The Conjuring” confused because it uses the same actors (Patrick Wilson) and most of the storylines? I can’t be right? Anyway, if you’re okay with the whole killer doll thing & suspend your disbelief, then the movie’s pretty good. Tension is built, there are a few great creepy scenes, VERY ominous tone, you don’t really know what’s going on half the time… and I always thought that there may be a twist that somebody was just losing their mind… and maybe there are a few twists like that… you’ll just have to see to find out… but when you get down to it… it’s about a killer doll, right? I’d say check it out. The director did a decent job… and the only other major release movie to his credit is… “Mortal Kombat: Annihilation” aka the pretty bad sequel. I’d say check it out if you want… but not mandatory.

 

 

Lastly was this year’s “The Visit” from infamous director M. Night Shyamalan who has made some real stinkers in his recent history… but everybody is apparently on board that this is his best in well over a decade. Well, this is the story of two teenagers (documentarian sister & younger cracker rapper brother) who go on a visit to their grandparents in Monroeville, PA (farm country) whom they have never met before… as their mom basically disowned them when she was 19 & pregnant… and there’s elusion to another event that led to them parting ways. The kids are there for about a week while the mom is on a cruise with her boyfriend… and they’re documenting the event with video cameras (found footage film) and things start off well enough… but their grandparents have some VERY unusual habits… that seem to be getting progressively worse… and creepier. Now, I thought this movie was pretty damn good. There are a few things that just irritated the hell out of me (mostly the dialogue from the kids sounding REALLY contrived and obviously from a writer/director/occasional cameo actor… and especially the kid rapping… and a few ‘found footage’ shots where I questioned who was videotaping… and a few scenes of “WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE???”) but overall, yeah… it’s a pretty good scary flick. I’d recommend checking it out. Is this the Return of the Shyamalan? We shall see…

 

Sunday morning, Izzy & I also started our first New Brew of 2016… and it was our 2^nd attempt at making a Russian Imperial Stout!!! That’s right, $teve’s Birthday Cake 2.0 has officially begun!!! You may remember from last year that this particular brew requires a LOT of fermentable sugars to get the high alcohol content that we’re looking for… and because of a few things we’ve learned the past year from getting proper attenuation from the grains, etc. we were able to increase our original gravity (basically sugar content) enough that it should be 1-2% MORE alcohol than our original… which after barrel aging was already 11-12%. Anyway, we’ll keep you posted obviously… but here are some pictures of the process…

 

 

The next morning... so much activity it blew off our bubbler...

One sad note… was that our Belgian Quad that we started before Christmas… apparently got an infection, probably due to poor sanitization on our part… so unfortunately we ended up dumping the batch. We’ve also been trying to completely sanitize every piece of the FastFerment conical fermenter that it was in. With the fermenter being made of plastic, it’s easier to get some things in the microscopic nooks & crannies… but hopefully we can still salvage it. Worst case scenario: We have a new souring fermentor… but we should be able to get it back to prime. Dumping the entire five gallon batch is sad of course… but since this is the first batch that we’ve really had to dump in about 50 attempts over the past 2.5 years… apparently that’s REALLY good luck & preparation on our part. Still… it would’ve been nice to try out that quad… oh well… soon enough I’m sure…

 

Izzy also made some jerky... with secret ingredients... okay, it's Mountain Dew & Adobo... and it's delicious...

 

Monday night was the Annual Party for employees at Elevation 66 Brewing… and we were invited!!! YAY!!! Big Dave remembered!!! No, seriously… Super Dave honestly just forgot to invite us last year… but this year, he took everybody to Albany Bowl for pizza, beer & bowling!!! It was awesome!!! I showed up after work so everybody was WELL into the festivities by the time we got there… but we had a great time with Super Dave, Lady E, Big Ben, Lone Cicerone and everybody else.

 

Later this week, Izzy & I will be heading off on a nice little getaway to my former mistress… Las Vegas, Nevada (as opposed to Las Vegas, New Mexico). What are we going to do while we’re there? Wouldn’t YOU like to know? Well… we’re still kind of figuring all of that out since I’ve been there MANY times and she hasn’t really been there as an adult… but if you know us, you know the kind of crazy stuff we’ll end up stumbling upon… oh and my Wingman will be meeting up with us too!!! Musicals? Possibly. Brewery tours? More than likely. Drinking? B**ch, please!!! EPIC PARTY WEEKEND ALERT!!! Have a great weekend yourselves, everybody!!!

All Kneel Before THOR!!!

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Bowling last night…really didn't involve bowling at all. Unfortunately, a few people from work were sick, so it ended up being just me, Nikki, her boyfriend Q and my cousin Ranae for the party at Lucky Strike. We met up after work and walked down 16th Street to the Pavilion…and when we got there, it was pretty busy…but the greeters, coat check, bartenders, waitresses, even the lady walking around taking pictures with Mr Pin (their mascot) were all very nice and helpful. One even walked me to the restroom. Such service. On top of that, there were buffets, charity auctions, people walking around with food and drinks, and the atmosphere was very swanky. I could easily see a place like that being overpriced…but I may have to go back there for their St. Patty's Day event too. That one will cost a few bucks though. Anyway, we got there…and all the lanes were reserved by teams from local companies…so we just sat down at an open booth…and they basically brought us these whole gourmet pizzas (like shrimp & bleu cheese, caprese, marguerite and other pretentious varieties), baked potato chips, and our glasses were never empty. It was awesome. The four of us basically just got to know each other a little bit, since it was the first meetings between a few of us…and it was just a great time. Maybe when the Mad Scientist visits next week, I'll have to show him it. Great place. If you're a local, I suggest checking it out.

After a few drinks, we walked back to my place and watched "Role Models" starring Paul Rudd & Seann William Scott. I'm sure you've seen the commercials, but it's about two guys who do community service hours with Sturdy Wings, which is like a Big Brother program…and the kids are a little difficult. One's a foul-mouthed little black kid (Bobb'e Thompson) and the other's a live action role playing McLovin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse from "Superbad") but it was actually really funny at points. Not a classic or anything…but pretty entertaining. I say give it a shot if you like sophomoric humor…which I absolutely do. Here's the news...

It's Always Funny in Philadelphia - Employees of a Pennsylvania pet store expecting a shipment of tropical fish and salt water…instead got a man's dead body. Mark Arabia owns the Pets Plus store in northeast Philadelphia, where the mix-up was discovered Tuesday. He says he learned the body was that of a 65-year-old San Diego-area man who died of early onset Alzheimer's disease. The body was supposed to go to a research laboratory in Allentown, a 70-mile drive away (but well worth it). US Airways released a statement saying the air cargo problem was caused by a "verbal miscommunication between a delivery driver and the cargo representative (possibly also suffering from Alzheimer's)." The Tempe, Arizona-based airline said it's deeply sorry. The fish were shipped in three boxes. The corpse was shipped in a wooden coffin wrapped in cardboard. Arabia said the fish were left at the airport...and probably died. Shipping mistakes happen…but this would've been weird. You would think that it'd be weird for somebody putting tags on this large cargo though. "Okay, we've got this coffin going to a Pet Store in Philly…and these fish tanks going to a mortuary in Allentown. Hmm, maybe they want to brighten the mortuary up a bit. Good for them." Thank goodness that Obama's lifting the ban on stem cell research so that we can find a cure for Alzheimer's among other ailments. I have a hard time getting behind the protesters that say stem cell research kills babies for no good reason and stuff like that…because then I think, "You know, the same could be said about masturbation. Think about the MILLIONS of children that you kill every single time that rub one out. You'd be the Mussolini of Masturbation. The Stalin of Stroking. Attila the Fun. Erik the Red Palms. The Caesar of Salami Slapping. The Hitler of Hand Love." Okay, I think that's enough for today…and I'm not even gonna utter what I thought from Milosevic. Truly disturbing. Anyway, yeah. Go Stem Cells!!!

Colbert Update - Last week, the great Stephen Colbert convinced the Colbert Nation to go out and vote for his surname to be the official name of a space station being launched into orbit later this year. When we last reported, he was behind the name Serenity…and ahead of Xenu (scientology overlord). Well, the count by mid-Tuesday had votes for the fellow great $teve in the lead, just shy of 115,000 votes and Serenity trailing at 98,641. More than 451,000 people have voted. The to-be-named space station room, currently called Node 3, is scheduled to be delivered to the space station near the end of this year. It will have lots of big windows and a machine that will turn astronauts' urine into drinking water (tasty). The name Colbert doesn't quite fit with NASA's theme, said agency spokesman John Yembrick. Other U.S. rooms in the international orbiting outpost are named Unity, Harmony and Destiny. However, the space agency hasn't made any decision and voting continues until March 20th. NASA has a legalistic out. Its contest rules say voting results "are not binding on NASA and NASA reserves the right to ultimately select a name" in keeping with its best interests. The idea behind the contest was to get people excited about space and we can all hope that NASA won't be stuck or have to ignore the vote…but don't cry for Colbert if NASA uses its regulations to thwart him. He's already managed to get his name attached to an ice cream flavor, a junior league hockey team, a Hungarian bridge and an eagle, to name a few…along with running for President, getting his portrait in the Smithsonian, winning a Peabody, singing with some of music's greatest, and getting an on-air lap dance from Jane Fonda to name a few other things. It's good to be $teve.

Thor Update - Have I mentioned they're making a Thor movie on this blog yet? Probably not…or maybe just in passing with other Marvel superhero movies…but here's what's going on with it…and it's kind of intriguing. First off, the director is Kenneth Branagh. You may remember him from a bunch of 90's Shakespearean movies like Hamlet, Much Ado About Nothing, Othello, Love's Labour's Lost, Henry V, then directing & starring in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (great flick with DeNiro as the Monster) and then somehow getting conned into playing Dr. Loveless on "Wild Wild West". Well, he's directing this flick…and as of this week, there's apparently a short list of actors set to play the main characters. Alexander Skarsgard ("True Blood") is rumored to play the title character Thor, Norse God of Thunder while the main villain, his brother Loki, the God of Evil is rumored to be played by Josh Hartnett ("Sin City", "Pearl Harbor", & "30 Days of Night"). So it could be a pretty good flick. I don't know the Skarsgard guy…but I don't have HBO…and that Sawyer guy from Lost is already playing Gambit…so there's no way he can get two roles in the Marvel Universe. Yeah, we'll see how it goes. Just wanted to give you all the skinny.

Big Love vs. Mormons - Is there anybody out there that has seen the HBO series "Big Love" and doesn't love it? Anyone? It's addicting…and being from Utah, of course I want to know how Mormons (even the small percentage of fundamentalist polygamists) are portrayed. However, now there's a controversy. In the episode this Sunday (plug), Barb (Jeanne Tripplehorn) is in a Mormon temple endowment ceremony to avoid losing her membership in the church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints took offense to it. "Certainly church members are offended when their most sacred practices are misrepresented or presented without context or understanding," a church statement said. Only church members in good standing can enter temples to perform or witness sacred ceremonies. The ceremonies are centered on religious teachings and re-enactments of Bible stories to help Mormons prepare an eternal place for themselves and others by proxy in Heaven. Members take a vow not to discuss the rituals outside temple walls, although details of the ceremonies are widely available on the Internet (what isn't really?). The dramatization of the ceremony was vetted for accuracy by an adviser familiar with temple ceremonies who was on set during filming, said series creators and executives producers Mark V. Olsen and Will Scheffer. "In approaching the dramatization of the endowment ceremony, we knew we had a responsibility to be completely accurate and to show the ceremony in the proper context and with respect. We therefore took great pains to depict the ceremony with the dignity and reverence it is due." HBO has apologized…but is still going to air it this Sunday (plug). Frankly, I like it. It's good exposure for the church…and it appears to be done accurately, though to be honest, I have no idea what goes on in the temple. My mom was Mormon, my dad was Catholic, so I went to both (mostly Mormon) up until I was about 12, then was given a choice…and I chose to watch football. Then I went to church in high school to play basketball and hit on girls. Technically, not the most holy of reasons…but I couldn't think of any better. That being said, I suggest the church to just take it as good publicity (like the entire series kind of is) and accept your role as a major religion across the world. You've seen how other religions are depicted in movies and shows. This is NOTHING!!! Let it go. Let it go. Take a deep breath, sing a verse of "I Am A Child of God", drink some diet root beer, go home and have a talk with your wives. They'll be able to help you keep it all in perspective. It's about Love. Big Love. From up above. My guess as to why they're offended by it...and that maybe somebody on the board saw "Basic Instinct" and realized that Jeanne Tripplehorn was in it...but that would require somebody on the board admitting to seeing "Basic Instinct" and it's Rated R. You see the problem this presents.

New Football League - Did you know that there's a new professional (American) football league starting in October? Me neither. It's called the United Football League…and it just had some big news with regards to its legitimacy. Former NFL coaches Dennis Green, Jim Fassel and Jim Haslett will lead teams in the new United Football League. The league plans to debut with four teams in San Francisco, Orlando, New York and…wait for it…LAS VEGAS!!! It announced the coaches Wednesday. Ex-NFL defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell will coach the New York franchise. Green, the former Vikings and Cardinals coach, will be in San Francisco. Fassel, who led the Giants to the Super Bowl, will coach Las Vegas. Haslett, the ex-Saints coach, will be in Orlando. The UFL is an outdoor professional football league. Teams are scheduled to play games in Hartford, Sacramento and Los Angeles along with the home markets. The league also announced that the San Francisco franchise will play games at AT&T Park…where the NFL's 49ers play. Furthermore, guess where a potential market for next year is. That's right, SALT LAKE CITY. Pretty sweet, right? It gets better. They're now taking suggestions for the team names…and I have a few doozies (patent pending) for them…being a professional marketer and all. Maybe the Vegas franchise will give me a job if they like it. Anyway, here are my suggestions…in order of coolness…

• San Francisco Quake - Also works for the LA franchise when they roll around. I kid you not, the LA Quake was a team that my buddy & I made up for a Sports Marketing class a decade ago…and we've got all the logo and everything ready to go. Let me know what you think UFL.


• Las Vegas Knights - You can go with Aces, Elvi, Rattlers, anything like that…but you and I both know…that nothing beats Knights in Las Vegas. Days aren't bad either.


• Orlando & New York - I went with Tornadoes & Thunder…just because I didn't want to go with Otters or Manatees (you know, for Sea World) and Dawgz for NYC. Something about promoting illiteracy just doesn't sit well with me.


• Slick City - Though I know there's absolutely no way that they'll EVER let this fly…as shown with the Big Love story mentioned earlier, I still think that the best name for a Utah football Franchise, is the Salt Lake Stormin' Mormons. Who's with me? (Already have a logo for that one too)
  

Anyway, just starting out a possible 15-hour day today. I offered to do some overtime by helping out another department again…and it has the potential of going to around midnight. Fingers crossed that it's not quite that long…but either way, I'm getting paid…and I could use some rent money since I'll be going to Cali three weeks from today. Cash rules everything around me, CREAM, get the money, dolla dolla bills y'all. Have a great day everybody!!!