The Eclectic Eccentric 2: The Kwyjibo Chronicles: beer commercial

Monday, February 8, 2010

A Hundred Grand per Second

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the game was great…and the final score that I was telling everybody in the week leading up was off by three points. If only Stover had hit that 51-yarder for the Colts. Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for winning the game…and the city of New Orleans for going completely crazy…and just in time to start Mardi Gras. There will probably be a lot of people that won’t go into work until March. However, you all know that the real reason to watch the Super Bowl…is for the commercials…and this year didn’t disappoint. So here’s a quick rundown of a few of my favorites…

#1 – Motorola – You knew this one was going to get the top spot as soon as it showed up on TV. By halftime, I had a very good buzz going. Made myself a cocktail with vodka & cran-grape juice (quite tasty), and chased buffalo chicken strips with few shots of Jaeger and three high point Heinekens…so when this commercial started, there was a literal spit take. “PFFFFFT!!! Oh my, Megan Fox, a bubble bath & a cell phone, I know where this is going…and I like it.”

It also brought back memories of another Super Bowl commercial that forever shaped my life. It was the winter of my 10th year, a boy who was watching possibly the greatest Super Bowl ever up until that point between the Giants of New York City and the Williams of Buffalo. This was also my first Super Bowl viewed from a projector screen (party hosted by a bunch of cops at a rec center) and the food was fantastic. I was a kid; I remember that kind of stuff. There was a jukebox too…playing a lot of hair bands. Anyway, then this commercial came on…and from that point on, my childhood was over. I was a Man.

#2 – Bud Light – Beer companies are the steady performers of the Super Bowl. Humor, sex appeal, stereotypes of oafish men, you almost forget that it’s about alcohol. Great little collection from Bud Light & Budweiser this year.

#3 – Leno, Oprah, & Letterman – I don’t watch any of the three…but I know the story…and I’m glad that they didn’t have to resort to CGI to get them in the same room at the same time. Who knew Letterman did such a great Leno? “Is it because I’m here?”

Flush It – Taco Bell – This one from one of my favorite fast food places…did not rock. And not just because I heard it from Charles Barkley. Also, I like Tim Tebow…but was thrown off by him tackling his mom. Save it for the field, Wildcat. Also, I love the Who…but you could tell that they hadn’t toured since I was an itch in my daddy’s pants. That’s why these three get the Flush It…because I like them all…and they disappointed me.

Overall: The game was great & I thought the commercials were okay. Who doesn’t love watching Betty White, Abe Vagoda & Tebow’s mom getting knocked on their ass during a timeout? (Still miss Terrible Terry Tate) But the one negative thing overall, was that there really wasn’t anything that was for a noble cause. Nothing really for Haiti relief, nothing for Afrika, and for all the talk about New Orleans rebuilding and how the Saints were playing for them, nothing really saying how you could help other than by yelling “WHO DAT???” with every first down. So much potential to reach so many people…and it was lost. Then again, they did have Megan Fox taking a bubble bath so…who am I to complain? However, aside from the Super Bowl, plenty of people are out there trying to do some good…

Raising Funds – I have never been so proud to be an American, as I was when I read this story. A strip club in Ohio has raised $1,000 for Haitian earthquake relief during what was billed as "Lap dances for Haiti." (It’s okay, I just…have something in my eye) Marilyn's on Monroe in Toledo donated the $10 cover charges collected Saturday to ISOH/IMPACT, an organization based in suburban Perrysburg that provides food and clothing for Haiti. Marilyn's general manager Kenny Soprano says his establishment had been looking for a reason to hold a charity fundraiser even before the quake, as a way to improve its image. He says you don't hear much about strip clubs giving back to the community. ISOH/IMPACT CEO Linda Greene doesn't have a problem with where the money came from. She says her group appreciates any donations to help Haiti. Why can’t there be more fund raisers like this? Casinos donating like 2% of what they would’ve wasted on another tower for the hotel that they’re not gonna fill. I want to help start an organization that has special nights to help raise funds all over the globe, SHARE (Strippers for Help, Aid & Relief Everywhere) – “Changing the World, One Grind at a Time” I know the Wingman would help me in this endeavor. Anybody else want in on the ground floor of this venture? Or more appropriately, the Champagne Room?

You may be thinking, “$teve, I’m not a stripper. I work in an office. How can I help?” Well, once again, the brilliant minds of advertisers & marketers have a great idea, whether they realize it…or not…

Good Deeds Gone Bad – Sometimes trying to help others blows back in your face (see: Crack Whore ex-sister-in-law) and even before you start helping, you KNOW that it’s going to…but you do it anyway. Why? Because you think you’re a decent person…and this time, it’s going to be different. Slovenian police said Wednesday that a man who saved his three dogs from being put down for attacking humans was himself mauled to death by them. "Three dogs bit their 52-year-old owner to death in Ljubljana yesterday," police spokeswoman Maja Adlesic said. Four years ago, the three bullmastiffs attacked and seriously injured a passer-by outside their owner's house. They spent years in custody pending legal hearings, but when one of them attacked a dog handler, authorities ordered them to be put down. Their owner, a doctor, succeeded last June in his legal appeals to get the dogs back, sparking a national controversy. After his death, an opposition party said the agriculture minister should resign for failing to stop the dogs from being released. The dogs attacked the man in his garden Tuesday, killing him before the police arrived. All three dogs were put down following the attack. It really is a sad story. As you know, I’m a huge fan of big dogs. Then again, I’m reminded of one of my favorite stories of good deeds gone bad. Take me in oh tender woman…

That’ll do it for today. I know I’m ending on kind of a sad note…which I hate to do…but I just want you all to look out for one another…and be there for each other in times of need. There’s just too much potential Love in the world for anybody out there for feel alone & disconnected. However, you also have to be careful because there are some real douches and horrible people in the world too…but maybe all they need is a little Love…but they have to earn it. As any woman walking the street can tell you, Love ain’t free…except maybe from Jesus. If any of you are ever feeling down and need someone to talk to, you know how to reach me. Any time of day or night (as some of you are WELL aware) I’ll answer the call. Have a great night everybody!!! Oh…and before I go…

Thursday, September 25, 2008

NO MORE JELLO FOR ME, MOM!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, JL Clyde & I watched some movies again...and the first was "Poltergeist II" with Craig T. Nelson & Jobeth Williams. Okay, so we watched the first one a month or so ago...and the second one picks up a few weeks later. After their house was sucked up into an alternate dimension or something (sorry, spoiler for the first), the insurance company is giving them flack...because techinically their house is just missing...and they don't have alternate dimension insurance (talk to your local agent immediately). So they're living at grandma's house...but there's a family secret. While trying to get their lives back together, they have a visitor. Quite possibly the creepiest old man you've ever seen...and the ghosts come back after their little girl Carolanne (the girl sucked into the TV in the first one). Now, with the help of a "magical midget" and a Medicine Man (I smell a spin-off), Coach must save his family from an evil demon. It's a pretty good horror flick without all the gore. I mean, the creepy old man (Julian Beck) really is just about the creepiest thing that you can imagine. I also watched the E! True Hollywood Story about the "Poltergeist Curse" a few years back...and if you know that backstory, it can be a little creepy too. Here are some of the things that happened...

Four main actors died between the release of the first movie and the release of the third (about six years time):

Dominique Dunne, 22-year-old actress who played the oldest sibling Dana in the first movie, died after being choked by a jealous boyfriend in 1982. The boyfriend John Thomas Sweeney was later convicted and sentenced to six years in prison, though initially he only served two and a half years.

Julian Beck, 60-year-old actor who played Kane (creepy old guy) in Poltergeist II: The Other Side, died in 1985 of stomach cancer, with which he was diagnosed before he had accepted the role.

Will Sampson, 53 years old, who played Taylor the Medicine Man in Poltergeist II, died of post-operative kidney failure and pre-operative malnutrition problems in 1987.

Heather O'Rourke, actress who played Carol Anne in all three Poltergeist movies, died in 1988 at the age of 12 after what doctors initially described as an acute form of influenza but later changed to septic shock after bacterial toxins invaded her bloodstream. At the time, she had suffered acute bowel obstruction, initially diagnosed as Crohn's disease, which may have been the cause of death.

Here are a few other rumors/coincidences that were mentioned during the show:

Actor Will Sampson, a Creek Indian and shaman, performed an exorcism on the set of Poltergeist II to rid it of "alien spirits". Why?

The "prop" skeletons emerging from the muddy swimming pool towards the end of the first movie were in fact real corpses - the cast and crew found this out later

During a scene when Robbie Freeling (Oliver Robins) was choked by a toy clown in his room, the mechanical prop malfunctioned and Robins was actually choked.

During a photography session for Poltergeist III, it was discovered that one shot of co-star Zelda Rubenstein had shining light obstructing the view of her face. Rubenstein claims the photo was taken at the moment the actress's mother died.

During the making of Poltergeist III, a movie set of a parking garage was destroyed by fire during shooting of a fire scene, injuring all but one of the crew.

Heather O'Rourke once starred in a Rainbow Brite commercial with Judith Barsi. Judith died at age 10, five months and 24 days after Heather died. She was murdered along with her mother by her father.

Anyway, just a little extra controversy to throw in there. Even if you didn't know all of that stuff...it's a creepy PG movie. I liked it...though at times you'll catch yourself even laughing a bit. I'm sure it was intentional. After that, we decided to watch a movie that I can't believe I had never seen before. It's a movie about time travel, going from the 80's to the 60's, so the music is awesome, and starring the dynamic trio of Nicolas Cage, Kathleen Turner AND Jim Carrey. That movie is "Peggy Sue Got Married" which was directed by Francis Ford Coppola...so little Sofia starred in it too as Peggy Sue's little sister...and Helen Hunt as Peggy Sue's daughter which was a pleasant surprise. Anyway, it's about a woman (Turner) on the verge of divorce from her husband of 25 years (Cage) who, while at her 25th high school reunion, passes out...and wakes up in 1960, back in high school donating blood. After a few minutes of trying to convince herself that she's not crazy, she decides to use the opportunity to see what might have been if she had made different decisions...like going out with the mysterious poet badboy (Kevin O'Connor) instead of her high school sweetheart/future husband. It's actually a pretty good flick with lots of comedy...and not just because Nic Cage uses quite possibly the worst weasely kind of voice ever (I'm sure purposely) throughout the movie...but then sings like a lark, all while donning a blonde pompadour. Plenty of fun and enteratining stuff in this one. I say check it out...and don't worry, though it seems like Sofia Coppola pops up entirely too much in a few early scenes, you don't have to see her the rest of the movie after that. Also, Peggy Sue mentions a few times through the movie that she has two kids Beth (Helen Hunt) and Scott (officially listed as Randy Bourne), you never get to see her son. Just thought that was a little weird. Here's some "news" from yesterday...

Clay Aiken's Secret - Singer Clay Aiken has told People Magazine and shocked all of his Claymates by admitting that he is gay. In other news, salt tastes salty. In the most unnewsworthy news report since "Keith Richards Admits Drug Use", the 29-year old will be on the cover of People's latest issue holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, conceived by in-vitro fertilization with friend and producer Jaymes Foster. The headline: "Yes, I'm Gay." I hate to say it...but I agree with "American Idol" judge & producer Simon Cowell when he said (sarcastically of course): "Wow. That's a shock. It's like being told Santa Claus isn't real. Unbelievable."

Lindsay Update - In yet another gasper of a story, friend of the blog Lindsay Lohan has confirmed what the world has guessed: She's been dating Samantha Ronson "a very long time." The 22-year-old actress casually told the co-host of the syndicated radio program "Loveline" on Monday that she's been dating the 31-year-old DJ. The pair have appeared in public and been photographed together but have never publicly commented about the extent of their relationship. "You guys, you and Samantha, have been going out for how long now?" DJ Ted Stryker asked. "Like two years, one year, five months, two months?" "For a very long time," Lohan said after laughing. This isn't surprising...because over a year ago when Lindsay & I were talking to each other (before her first few stints in rehab) she would often mention her curiosity in the field of what she called "hot girly sex" and being a caring person, amateur psychologist, and generic pervert, I would ask her to describe these urges, thoughts, fantasies, and the like...but I'm happy for them. I hope that Sam helps her get her life back in order...because I hate to see friends go down a path of self-destruction. Again, not really news...but here you go...and the Easter Bunny doesn't make sense...and the sun rose yet again...and I just farted. Thus concludes today's news program.

Today's going to be more packing (though I still have heard nothing from Denver...or Vegas for the past few months for that matter) and then I pick up my new suits today. Perhaps I'll take some pictures to show you how nice they all are...but we'll see. That seems awfully ambitious of me right now. Here are a few things that I was via email that I thought was quite hilarious. The first is I'm sure that you have all seen before...but it's simply titled the BEST BEER COMMERCIAL EVER and I would have to agree...though I'm also a big fan of the "I Love You, Man!" commercials from my childhood...

Then there's this place in Chandler, Arizona called Heart Attack Grill which has these...simply amazingly indulgent hamburgers that I wouldn't even DARE to try to process in one sitting...but the staff seems very friendly...with a flare for the kinky, which I can always enjoy during a lengthy sitdown. Jewels, I may come to visit you yet. Enjoy the pictures...