First Quarter Report 2011

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen, I know, my entries are few & far between nowadays. I’ve had about a dozen here in the first quarter of 2011 when it’s normally about that every two weeks. Oh well, I try. It’s just been so busy & the internet is sketchy out in the Presidio, but mostly busy & usually fun stuff. Let’s see, over the weekend it continued raining… but broke periodically so that I could get a quick hike in. Saturday, I had dinner & drinks with Bubbles & her roommate who is moving away at the end of the week. We went to a “French” place called SA, which was actually pretty damn good, but very pricey & busy on a Saturday night as you might expect in the Marina. We had a great time though, talking about new adventures & trying new delicacies… and wine always helps. Afterwards, we went to Liverpool Lil’s by the Lombard Gate for a few more drinks & it was much quieter there. A pretty good English pub feel of a place… with rich mahogany and… many leather bound books. It’s kind of a big deal. Sunday, Bubbles wanted to go to brunch, so we went to a nice place in Pacific Heights… but for the life of me I can’t recall the name. It’s on Clement between 8th & 9th Avenue. I remember that though. Anyway, it was pretty good… and we may have convinced them to put pineapple mimosas on the menu after insisting that they make some & try it out. After brunch, we watched “The Black Dahlia” and “Bulletproof” with her roommate, while splitting 3 bottles of wine. It was Sunday & rainy. Don’t judge me. Monday, Bubbles’ brother… we’ll call him Baby Bub… came to town, so after work I met up with them at the Irish Bank, which apparently was stop #3 on their tour of San Francisco bars after a place in the Marina & North Beach… so then we went to The Mix in the Castro (my first visit there) for a few drinks, then another place in the Castro, then back to the Presidio to changed, met up with all of Bubbles’ roommates & went to Naked Fish for some sushi & sake… and then to The Tipsy Pig for a few drinks. It was a lot of fun & I get along with Baby Bub pretty well. He reminds me a LOT of my brother. He’s never really had a job, kinda drifts through life & leaches off other people, but a fun smart kid that’ll probably never grow up. Oh well, who wants to do that anyway? It’s overrated. Anyway, probably the highlight of the night was while Bubbles went to the bathroom, Baby Bub said that he really appreciated that she had a friend like me to watch over her & help her out (apparently he’s heard about the late night pickups & drunken stumbles) and he (like my brother) also talked about moving out here… but yeah, we’ll see how that goes… because first thing he needs is a job. So yeah, great night! Tuesday was yet another Taco Tuesday. This time it was held at Carmen’s new apartment with her friends… so we had a wonderful night of Mexican food, margaritas, Coronas & various ice creams. I was the life of the party, of course, but what else is new? Actually I think it was just that everybody knew me the least… but by the end of the night, they realized that I’m a fairly charming & hilarious man… and not bad on the eyes either. Next Tuesday, I won some tickets to a comedy show at Punchlines (like Jackie D a few weeks back) so a few of us may be meeting up for that. We shall see. All in all, just a fantastic evening. Wednesday was a pretty busy day at work, so afterwards I cooked me some dinner, took care of some things around the house, then sat down and watched “127 Hours” starring James Franco. For those who don’t know, this is about a hiker who goes on a fairly deserted trail in Utah, falls in a crevasse & gets his arm pinned by a boulder (true story) so after 5 days... and no visitors or rescue… he basically has to find a way to survive… which is cutting his arm off with a dull bottle opener on his Swiss army knife. Believe me, I’m not spoiling the ending… everybody knows this. However, the movie itself is pretty fantastic. It’s from director Danny Boyle (“Slumdog Millionairre” & “28 Days Later”) and it’s basically a one-man performance by James Franco (though I did like the cameo of Treat Williams) and it delves into the whole looking back on your life, self-reflection, finding out what’s really important to you, doing what you have to do to survive & then finally… making it work. That’s all I’m really going to say other than I think you should check it out. I still like “Into The Wild” better for this kind of movie… but still, this one’s pretty good too. Here’s some news… Pizza with ALL the Toppings – Have you ever wondered why pizza is so good? Maybe there’s more to it than just the succulent goodness of meat, cheese & veggies on a portable medium. In Toronto last week, police shut down a downtown pizza restaurant after they found more than $1 million of marijuana and other drugs on site. Police say 57-year-old Salvatore Crimi likely ran the dealings at Pizza Gigi, which is near both Central Technical School and a University of Toronto campus (so conveniently located for all your late night party needs). Officers became suspicious when they saw people filing in and out of the restaurant without ever buying food (duh). Besides weed, police found Oxycontin, Oxycocet, ecstasy, and a small amount of crack cocaine, according to CBC. The funny part is… at least 58% of Americans would have been a-ok with Crimi's criminal activities, according to a survey from The Economist/You Gov. One-thousand people took the survey February 5-8, and nearly 60% of participants supported regulating and taxing the drug, according to Seattle Pi. The survey comes at a time when Washington is issuing a statewide initiative that would require the legislature to monitor and possibly sales on pot. To get on the November ballot, the survey needs more than 241,000 signatures; last year, the survey failed by 50,000 votes. If that ruling finally makes it to the ballot and passes, I’m sure a few more people will consider a move to the West coast. At the beginning of February, a 21-year-old Connecticut native Robert Michelson called 911 to ask a question about the law: Could he get arrested for growing marijuana? Of course, the officer assured him that he could go to prison for planting pot, no matter how small the amount, according to the News Tribune. Police officers visited Michelson's home not long after the phone call; they found drug paraphernalia and a tiny bit of marijuana in his home. Michelson was charged with possession but released on bail. What’s the point of these stories? Well, if you’re going to get high, at least be smart about it. If you’re going to run a bodega out of your pizza parlor, then make sure they at least buy their munchies there too. If you’re going to ask a cop about getting arrested, keep it hypothetical. “Hey, how much time would I be put away for with this amount of cocaine on me?” “Hmm, that’s a great question. Let’s go find out. Hands behind your head.” Lastly, it’s going to be there, so just tax it like they were cigarettes. Fine American tobacco will still sell well in other countries… as an alternative to the great marijuana they already produce. There’s a Time & Place for Everything – And it’s called college. You’ve all heard it. Hell, most of you probably lived by it. Binge drinking, recreational drugs, promiscuous sex, experimentation, all of the above simultaneously, but I don’t recall anything like this in my college experience. The president of an American university said on Thursday he was launching an investigation into an on-campus presentation of a live sex act performed for students at an after class event. President Morton Schapiro of Northwestern University, which is of Chicago in Evanston, said he was "troubled and disappointed" after hearing about the use of a sex toy on a naked woman by her fiancé in front of more than 100 students (giggidy). The demonstration was performed as part of an after-class event (extra credit party?) for a popular human sexuality course, at the prestigious private university, according to The Daily Northwestern. The February 21 incident took place in a session which students were not required to attend and they were advised in advance of the explicit nature of the activity (to increase attendance). "I feel it represented extremely poor judgment on the part of our faculty member," Schapiro said in a statement. "I simply do not believe this was appropriate, necessary, or in keeping with Northwestern University's academic mission." Schapiro said he has directed that the incident be fully investigated. "Many members of the Northwestern community are disturbed by what took place on our campus," Schapiro said. "So am I." Psychology Prof. J. Michael Bailey, who teaches the class, could not be reached for comment. In an email to his students, published in The Daily Northwestern, he wrote that he organizes optional after-class events which feature speakers addressing interesting aspects of sexuality. Bailey wrote that "some experiences are educational and interesting in non-traditional ways" and that student feedback has been "uniformly positive." He wrote that it was "too early to say" if he had any regrets. I’m thinking if there’s going to be an investigation that will ultimately result in losing your job, your retirement & your tenure, you may have a regret or two. Damn, where was this class when I was in college? Oh yeah, the coeds next door. “Hey $teve, are you going to that demonstration in Human Sexuality class tonight?” “I was thinking about it… but I don’t know if I’m prepared for it. I’ve never seen a girl to town with a vibrator before.” “Really?” “Yeah, I usually just bring my own toy to the party. We should probably study for this… where’s your vibrator?” Like Your Odds? – The next few stories are about technology… and how it may bring about the end of mankind, especially since there haven’t been any good snake stories in the news lately (remember THAT Apocalypse?). A new poll shows young drivers are more likely to use cell phones while driving, and that 30% of them have recently texted from behind the wheel, U.S. transportation officials said. The release of the poll came as Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood called distracted driving "a deadly epidemic." The poll comes from the magazine Consumer Reports, which is working with the U.S. Department of Transportation on creating awareness about the dangers of cell phone use while driving. Among the findings are that 63% of respondents under 30-years-old reported using a handheld phone while driving in the past 30 days, the Department of Transportation said. And 30% of the drivers texted from behind the wheel in the same time period according to the survey, which had a total of 1,026 respondents. Older drivers were less likely to talk on the phone behind the wheel, and only 9% of those over 30 years-old reported they had recently texted while driving. LaHood, appearing at the Yonkers, New York, headquarters of Consumer Reports, said teens are more likely to drive distracted because of peer pressure. “Come on man, everybody’s doing it. Just send a picture of your junk to your girlfriend while driving your dad’s car in a densely populated area. That’s gangsta!!! Here, let me turn up the music…” Yeah, that’s how it’s going I’m sure. Teenagers are dumb, but I don’t think they’re quite that dumb. Give ‘em a few years. I think it’s just that people don’t know how to communicate anymore. That’s the root of it. The important thing about this is… statistically speaking, if you crunch the number, we’re talking about 15-20% of drivers out there are texting… another 25-30% are talking on the phone while driving… another 30-40% are uninsured… but only 5% or so are drunk or snorting cocaine off a woman’s backside. So who is more likely to rear end your car or kill you with their car? A drunk driver? Nope… probably just an uninsured douche who wasn’t watching where they were going 35 MPH in downtown. Think about it… all I’m saying MADD can still be MADD but just change it up to Mother Against Dipsh*t Drivers. My point – Don’t drink and/or text & drive. Why? Because you don’t want that sh*t on your conscience if something happens, do you? Of course not. Remember me saving that guy last week? Don’t do it!!! Three Year Glitch – Everybody knows about the 7 Year Itch, right? No, not just the timeless comedy starring The Marilyn Monroe. The whole belief that after seven years… everybody starts having 2nd thoughts about their relationship, marriage, whatever. Well now, the "three-year glitch" has apparently replaced the "seven-year itch" as the tipping point where couples start to take each other for granted, according to a new survey. Weight gain, stinginess, toe-nail clippings on the bathroom floor and snoring are a few of the passion-killers that have led to a swifter decline in relationships in the fast-paced 21st century, said the study commissioned by Warner Brothers to promote the release of comedy film "Hall Pass" in UK cinemas. The survey of 2,000 British adults in steady relationships pinpointed the 36-month marker as the time when relationship stress levels peak and points to a new trend of "pink passes" and "solo" holidays away from partners and spouses that many Britons resort to in order to keep romance alive. Hmm… I like the sound of a pink pass. "Longer working hours combined with money worries are clearly taking their toll on modern relationships and we are seeing an increasing trend for solo holidays and weekends away from marriages and relationships in order to revive the romantic spark," said pollster Judi James who oversaw the survey. The poll compared feedback from those in short-term relationships (defined as less than three years) and people who were married or in longer-term partnerships. The findings showed that 67% of all of those surveyed said that small irritations which are seemingly harmless and often endearing during the first flushes of love often expand into major irritations around 36 months. More than half of the Brits surveyed (52%) who were in younger relationships said they enjoyed sexual relations at least three times a week, compared to just 16% of those in relationships older than three years. This suggests that as we get older together, romance gives way to day to day practicalities, supported by the fact that 55% of busy people in longer-term relationships admit that they now have to "schedule" their romantic time (Really? I’m NEVER too busy for some lovin’). The report also said that those in the first flush of love can look forward to an average of three compliments a week from their partners -- a figure which falls to an average of a single weekly compliment at the three-year high tide mark (really?). The prognosis gets worse the longer we stay in relationships, three in 10 of those surveyed that have been in a relationship for five years or more said that they never receive any compliments from their partners. The findings also showed that more than three quarters (76%) of all people surveyed responded that "individual space was important" within a relationship and pointed to a rise of individual activities. A third (34%) of those who have been seeing their partners for longer than three years have at least two evenings a month defined as a "pass" or a "ticket" where it is accepted that they can pursue their own interests and 58% of the same sample group enjoy regular holidays without their partners. The top 10 everyday passion-killers:

1. Weight gain/lack of exercise - 13%


2. Money & Spend thriftiness - 11%


3. Anti-social working hours – 10%


4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness) – 9%


5. In-Laws/extended family - too much/too little – 9%


6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc) – 8%


7. Alcohol - drinking too much – 7% (usually a pretty good starter though)


8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits – 6%


9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes – 4%


10. Bathroom habits - Stray nail cuttings etc – 4%

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. It’s been beautiful the past few days… but of course it’s supposed to rain Saturday, so we’ll see how it goes. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Okay, ONE Roommate Found

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Let’s see… Taco Tuesday involved a lunch of chicken tacos at work, dinner at Gaylord, a Thai restaurant in the Embarcadero Mall which was pretty good. I highly recommend it. Then we followed that up with a comedy show at Punchline with me, Jackie D, Tracy & Tracy’s cousin J. The show was actually pretty hilarious… and I don’t even think it required the two drink minimum… but you never know.

Wednesday, Splits let us know that she’s probably backing out of the roommate situation for another month… so yay, more interviews over the weekend. WTF? Not too worried though, because it’s a great situation for anybody who REALLY wants in. Rumor has it… we may even be interviewing another French woman… so $teve doesn’t mind at all. At this point, I think I’m about ready to just remove myself completely from the equation, so it can’t be blamed on me later on when Tracy loses her sh*t, because she already is a little… but she hasn’t done much except show up to the interviews half the time so… yeah.

One of the things about have three female roommates… is you’re going to watch a few chick flicks (as you may have noticed). Wednesday night’s edition was “Letters to Juliet” starring Amanda Seyfried & the timeless Vanessa Redgrave. Story goes… a young writer (Seyfried) & her fiancé go to Verona, Italy for a pre-honeymoon, but the fiancé is a bit of an idiot & spends the whole time checking out vineyards and cheese masons and all this other stuff for his restaurant… instead of hanging with his girl. Well, she wanders… and stumbles upon Juliet’s balcony (you know, from that Billy Shakespeare play) and sees all these crazy ass girls from around the world writing letters to Juliet asking love advice. BTW, does this REALLY happen? I grew out of writing to Santa Claus when I was eight… but then again, it’s not like Juliet’s a fictional character. Oh wait, yeah, I guess she is. Anyway, she follows this beautiful busty Italian woman (best part of the flick was watching her walk) who scoops up these letters & take them to a bunch of Italian ladies who write letters back to these chicks. I know, right? Well, she finds an old one behind a brick dated 50+ years earlier, so she writes back to it… and the next day (literally, the mail system in Europe must be AMAZING!!!) the lady that wrote the letter (Redgrave) is in town looking for her… along with her grandson, who’s a douche by the way, so obviously he’s getting laid later on in the movie (spoiler alert) and he had a sad story to boot. Apparently that’s all it takes. Be a condescending prick… then show a little vulnerability… or just be a pretty boy with an irritating accent. I’m not cynical. Do the research. That’s what movies are saying. Anyway, for some creepy reason, they go on a search for her long-lost beloved… and apparently Lorenzo Bertoloni is the John Smith of the Tuscan region so they have to find DOZENS of them only to find they’re not the same one… but again, young girl (who’s engaged by the way), douchy guy with a British accent, Tuscany, old lady playing matchmaker while searching for some guy she hasn’t seen since the Baby Boom, you can go from here. It’s a total chick flick… but not an entirely horrible one. I just don’t enjoy them… except for how easily mockable they are… and yes, I get the point behind them & the “morals” and all that… but really, I’m gonna say my piece and be good with it.

Or watch whatever I want once they go to bed too (i.e. “Cyborg 2” a few weeks ago). Last night, I did just that… and watched a horror flick that I had heard a LOT about the past year called “Paranormal Activity” which I remembered for a few very important reasons. Reason number one, the marketing campaign on it was pretty much viral… up until reason number two. What is reason number two? It was made for a few thousand dollars (like $30,000 I think) and it made MILLIONS its opening weekend at select theatres… and then MILLIONS more when it was nationally released. The profits were astronomical. Why? Was it the greatest horror movie ever made? Not at all. Why the astronomical profits? Because it was a horror movie… and they always have a great opening weekend… because people want to be scared… and it had a budget of a few thousand dollars. You don’t watch horror flicks for the acting or cinematography or anything. Reason number three, before leaving Tahoe, I watched this thing on a cable channel about the 13 Scariest movies of the last decade… and this one was #2 on the list. Really? Yeah… it just fell short of “The Ring” which I didn’t find that creepy. Anyway, that’s why I wanted to watch it on Netflix. The story is about a couple who are in their new house in San Diego… and strange things are happening… so they try to document it & get some answers. Long story short, there’s something, a ghost or a demon or the Devil himself, that’s been following the girl her whole life… and it’s found her once again. Throw in a Ouija board & tell it all from a Blair Witch / Cloverfield / Quarantine perspective… and boom, you’ve got a movie. So… I feel like I could make a fantastic horror movie… because it’s ALL about how you tell the story, not how much gore & whatever there is, but truly bone chilling horror has some very specific rules. This movie has a few of them…

1. Lack of a soundtrack - Works great in setting a realistic context… but then again, with the right eery tones, it can make or break a big budget horror flick.



2. No big stars – Sure, no one minds seeing some full frontal nudity of a Hollywood starlet… but it’s pretty much a dead giveaway that the big star is going to make it through the movie… because sequels are essential. The star of this movie… is probably also the director, writer, cameraman, caterer, whatever.



3. Tease the Audience – Think about some of the great horror movies of all time. At what point did you actually SEE the “Monster”? Alien, Predator, Poltergeist, Jaws, Friday the 13th, Halloween, sure you’ve heard some of the back-story maybe… or seen the trail of destruction left in their wake… but you have no idea who or what is doing this… or even if it’s human. Sure, it may seem REALLY slow if you’re out with your friends, got a good buzz going, and all you hear about is lame ass back-story about the main characters… and some legend about a guy a long time ago that blah blah blah… but if you’re able to make it past all that & attention is properly maintained throughout… then about ¾ of the way through the movie, introduce the Monster. BOOM!!! Granted, this doesn’t work for sequels, because once the Monster has been introduced… then that’s pretty much the reason you’ve come to see it… and there’s no reason surprise… or IS THERE??? (Dun dun duuuuuuuh…)
   
   

There are of course other rules for an effective horror flick… but these are the key ones that this movie brought out. Perhaps I will share more with you later on… or maybe you can just wait until my horror flick comes out & you can repay me with $12 a pop on a fantastic movie that cost me a few paychecks to make & leaves me laughing all the way to the bank… I mean, shivering all the way to the bank… with a trail of urine… because it’ll be THAT scary. Anyway, here’s some news…

Zombie Update - If you thought “House of 1000 Corpses”, "The Devil's Rejects" and "Halloween" remake director Rob Zombie couldn't get darker, think again. Hitting the UK for a round of interviews, Zombie told Empire that his upcoming film "Lords of Salem" is set to be "the bleakest of all my films." The story follows ancient witches who unleash havoc on modern day Salem. Zombie elaborates: "There were twenty people that everyone knows about - obviously all innocent - executed as witches in Salem. The basic premise of the film is that there were a further four who actually were witches, who were killed secretly, and vowed one day to return to wreak havoc on Salem's descendants. That's when the movie jumps ahead to the present day and things start to go wrong." Shooting is slated to kick off April 18th. In the same interview he also confirmed he's opted out of the remake of "The Blob". So… I’ve seen Rob Zombie’s work… and I like it a lot. He builds more on the fear brought upon by the pure lack of emotions like compassion, mercy, etc. whether it’s a gang of insane rednecks or an unstoppable killing machine. The pure randomness of the attacks from these forces are enough to cause anybody to lock the door at night. Now, for him to say that his new one is the bleakest may just be a marketing ploy to make sure his loyal fans go to opening weekend… but bleaker than the other movies would definitely be an accomplishment… because yeah, sh*t is crazy. Now to switch it up a bit…

Operation Lion Ark - Twenty-five Bolivian circus lions rescued from poor conditions arrived safely in the United States, bound for a Colorado wildlife refuge. Dubbed "Operation Lion Ark," the 14 males and 11 female cats arrived at Denver International Airport last week on a jet chartered by Animal Defenders International (ADI), a British-American venture that advocates circus animal rights. "This has been a dream for so long, to empty a whole country of its circus animals," ADI president Jan Creamer told a crowd of about 100 who assembled at a United Airlines hangar to watch the event. Former game show host Bob Barker, a longtime animal-rights activist who funded the relocation, was on hand to welcome the cats alongside actress Jorja Fox of TV's CSI franchise. Workers unloaded the animals in individual crates amid applause from animal-rights advocates in attendance. Veterinarian Mel Richardson, who accompanied the animals on the 11-hour flight from Bolivia, pronounced them in relatively good health ahead of their move to The Animal Sanctuary in Keenesburg, Colorado, about 40 miles northeast of Denver. The sanctuary is constructing a biosphere on the 80-acre site so the lions can weather the cold Colorado winters (since I know that was your first thought too). Their long-term care will be paid for by ADI. The cats were taken from eight circuses after Bolivia passed a law in 2009 outlawing use of animals in circuses. Many were found emaciated and in poor health, and the animals underwent rehabilitation in Bolivia before the trip. After passing the law, Bolivian government officials gave circus owners one year to cease using animals, even domesticated ones, in their acts or face criminal penalties. ADI rounded up the animals from the circuses, effectively shutting down the industry in South America's poorest nation (so now they can get back to focusing on making cocaine). The cats will be kept in four prides to keep them close to family members as they adjust to the new climate and altitude. Cute story, right? See, I still have a soft furry side… don’t judge me because I despise ridiculous romantic comedies.

Most Paused Movie Moments – Now this is more like it though. Sharon Stone's infamous leg-crossing scene in "Basic Instinct" has been named the most-paused moment in movies in a poll from movie subscription service Lovefilm. Nudity was a big draw on the list Jennifer Lopez's naked bottom in 2010's "The Back-Up" coming in at No. 2, Jamie Lee Curtis flashing her breasts in "Trading Places" at No. 4, a flash of a penis in "Fight Club" at No. 6, and Nicole Kidman naked in "Eyes Wide Shut" at No. 10. Geek moments also ranked high including a Stormtrooper whacking his head on a door in "Star Wars" at No. 3, Captain America's shield appearing on Tony Stark's desk in "Iron Man 2" at No. 7, and a brief appearance by Pacman in the original "Tron" at No. 9. Rounding out the top ten are two subliminally sexual animated film moments - Jessica Rabbit's dress flapping up in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" at No. 5, and the shot where the letters 'S.E.X.' appear in the sky in a scene from "The Lion King". So what does this list tell you? People who enjoy films & the internet are sexually frustrated geeks. SURPRISE!!! So wait, J-Lo went bare-ass in a movie last year? How did I not get the memo? Also, the Pacman in the original Tron was news to me… but I fell asleep halfway through it when I finally watched it a few months ago. My bad. So what’s your favorite pause moment? Anybody? I kinda like the ghost girl in “Three Man & a Baby” myself.

Tarantino Update – Basically any moment in a Quentin Tarantino movie is pretty good too… and rumor has it, another one is on the way. Talking with Deadline at the Weinstein Company Oscar after party, filmmaker Quentin Tarantino confirmed that his new Western project is moving along nicely with a draft already complete. At present he's aiming to deliver the script within two months and get the film in front of cameras later this year. Unlike his "Inglourious Basterds" and "Kill Bill" screenplays, this one "came together much quicker and just flowed out of him". According to /Film, Tarantino previously hinted that the film's setting wouldn't be the American West but rather the American South which would allow the inclusion of slavery as a topic (and a role for Samuel L. Jackson?). Being a big fan of Westerns, I’m obviously a little excited about this one… but time will tell. I know it usually take QT about four years to hash out a movie… and last year was “Inglorious Basterds” so I’ve got some time to fester & wait. No need to rush, good sir.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. You’ll never guess who called me in the middle of the night last evening & was pretty much too drunk to tell me where she was at… and then I basically had to drag her into her bedroom. I’ll give you a hint… you’ve heard this story many times before. That’s right, four-time DBOY Bubbles… who apparently had a bad day at work (for some reason) but she got home safely, which is what’s important. So with that in mind, I might be turning in a little early tonight… but it’s okay, because we’re doing pulled pork sandwiches, Coronas & a Movie Night with the roommates. Also, did I tell you about my road trip next weekend? Jackie D has never seen LA… so she & I are going down to LA to meet up with Lilie, do that thing, then Laguna Niguel for some R&R… and Carmen may be joining us too… so yes, another epic road trip is well in the works. I know you’re jealous… as well you should be. So this weekend will be preparations such as oil change & tune-up… as well as I’m hoping to get a GOOD haircut & take some portrait pictures for my lovely mother, who has been bugging me for some pictures of me from this Millennium that don’t involve a drink in my hand (like on Facebook). So yeah, I’m willing to really step my game up for her… because she’s worth it… and I’m worth it. Anyway, have a great weekend everybody!!!

We've Found Roommates

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sorry, been a pretty busy week… and it feels like I’ve been saying that since I moved here… mostly because it’s true. In fact, I’m certain that I’m going to miss a few things in my wrap-up of this past week… but I blame the short term memory… and the booze.

First & foremost, Taco Tuesday was a complete success!!! All four of us roommates came together, made a fine meal of chicken & veggie tacos, black beans, Spanish rice, various salsas & margaritas that were actually pretty damn good if I say so myself… and wine for those who don’t care for tequila. It was the four of us, two adjoining neighbors that we’ll call Zack & Miri (because I love that movie), and then Bubbles with two of her roommates, so nine all together… and of course the sombreros. The dinner was delicious, the drinks delectable, the conversation hilarious, we will definitely have to do it again sometime. In fact, this coming Tuesday, Jackie D won 10 tickets to a comedy show near work, so we will be yucking it up VIP style at the late show with a two drink minimum. BOOSH!!! Oh… and here’s a picture of my sexy self… VIVA LA BROWN!!!

Wednesday & Thursday were mostly hanging out with Jackie D & Carmen watching movies & chatting about their future plans… and just having a good time. The first movie was “Not Easily Broken” starring Morris Chestnutt, Taraji Henson & Kevin Hart. Basically it was a drama about two married people (Chestnutt & Henson) who communicate poorly & are pretty damn selfish. I could go into more details… but why? It was a pretty good movie and all… but it just reached a point where I was like “You’re both f**king crazy stubborn children & you need to sit down and talk things out without taking your ball & going home.” Kevin Hart was great as the comic relief though.

Next was “Just Wright” starring Queen Latifah & Common. The story goes… Scott McKnight (Common) is a basketball All-Star for the Nets, but he blows out his knee… and Miss Wright (Latifah) is the therapist in charge of bringing him back… but she’s also the sister of his gold-digging ex-girlfriend, but hey, he’s a nice guy with a sh*t load of money, she’s a smart & funny therapist with a few extra pounds on her, who knows? It’s an okay romantic comedy, but I don’t plan on seeing it again. Not gonna lie. You may wanna give it shot though. Rom-com’s are my life… and it’s not costarring Renee Zellweger.

Friday night, Jackie D & I went out to the Mission area to have some wonderful Spanish tapas & paella at a great restaurant called Pirabo, followed by the funky Afrobeat sounds of Albino at the Elbo Room. You may remember Albino from their concert in Lake Tahoe several months ago… and they were amazing as well this time. Jackie D even feigned interest for a while… but wanted to dance dance dance somewhere else, so we then headed over to Blondie’s to shake our asses. We closed that place down and of course, Jackie D had not one, not two, but FOUR guys follow her on the way out trying to get the digits (with this tall white boy next to her). She was laughing hysterically as they were trying their lines and re-introducing themselves thinking that she was drunk, but she basically said to them in the most cheerful voice possible, “Thanks! Nice to meet you (blank). I’m never going to see you again. Ever” and then we had a delicious burger at Urban Burger, hailed a cab & had another epic evening to remember.

Saturday, we had another roommate interview. Oh, by the way, did I explain the roommate situation effectively before? Carmen is moving out tonight. We offered the room to McDavis but she backed out on Friday after Tracy sent her an email (no idea why). Red & Belle found places elsewhere. Tracy doesn’t want to meet New York (whatever). Lame, right? Well, Jackie D was offered an incredible job in Philadelphia… and after consideration the past few weeks, she’s decided to take it… but it ended up being the perfect situation, because Nurse was interested in Carmen’s room, but needed to get furniture… but Jackie D is leaving all of her furniture (bed, armoire, desk, etc) so Nurse will be moving into Jackie D’s room in a few weeks… but we still need to find someone for Carmen’s room. Got it? Good.

The interview on Saturday was with EIEIO, because I make up the names. She seemed sweet enough & was gainfully employed nearby… and of course kinda cute, so I was down. There was one thing though… and it was her quiet, yet high pitched Valley Girl syntax… where she would like use “like” like every other word, right? You know what I’m saying, I just demonstrated. I didn’t really mind… but Tracy didn’t take to it too well. At this point though, if the next few interviews didn’t go well, I was ready to offer the room to the next person that would sign a check that wouldn’t bounce, f**k what Tracy had to say in the matter.

Then Jackie D & I went clothes shopping in Union Square. What? Me? Shopping for clothes? Yup. I have to step my fashion game up apparently... and Jackie D insisted on taking me. I learned a lot about what looks good on me & what doesn't. I need some help... but got off to a great start thanks to her. She's good peeps.

Saturday night, Jackie D, Bubbles, the Other $teve (Bubbles’ gay boyfriend) & myself went on an awkward evening. First off, we didn’t start until like midnight because… I’m not entirely sure why. Then we went out to the bar where The Other Steve works at… but it was a private party (and I think was a gay bachelor party so… really not my scene), so then we walked to another bar that was pretty much a dive, but they made good drinks. We were there for about a half-hour, then walked to Icon under the geist that it was 5-6 blocks away… when I counted more than a dozen… and we finally got to Icon, were there for about 10 minutes before it closed… and at this point, the buzz that I had going was gone. Next was the After Hours Party, and basically… I didn’t feel it. First off, there was a cover charge… and for some reason, Bubbles & Other Steve didn’t have any cash on them… and they KNEW it was cash only. Whatever, so we go in, it’s dark, the “bartender” is some dude with three jugs and a bottle of vodka. “How much are drinks?” “$10” “What do you have?” “Vodka.” “Just vodka?” “And cranberry juice or soda if you want it.” “For $10?” “Yup.” “Hell of a business you’ve got here. I’ll take a few vodka & cranberries, please.” Cash only of course, so I’m personally down a C-note and we’re a minute in the door. Then came the 45-minutes in line for the one bathroom (I was seriously looking at one of the many sinks available as an alternative) all while house music was playing & the only light was a projector playing some fashion show. Also, there was mid level drug use, which is definitely not my scene. Still, we were there for a few hours… but then everybody wanted to go, except Bubbles. Her roommate who invited us was there though, so she’d be in good hands. Yeah, overall, just kind of an awkward night… but mostly because the planning was half ass. Seriously didn’t know where we were even going until we left… at midnight… and yeah, you know the rest from there. Oh well, you know what they say, when in Rome… “Actually that isn’t really relevant to this situation.” Sorry, I still don’t know what that means. “You’ll get it.” So yeah, slept like a baby starting at 5:30 AM.

Sunday, I woke up around 10 AM because we had another roommate interview at 11 AM. This one may very well be the next roommate… and we shall call her… Splits. Well, she was a professional gymnast & now works with the always nationally ranked Stanford University team (so that means she & Nurse would be making that commute because they love the Presidio so much) and she’s got the gymnast body. You know, short, thick & I’m assuming flexible… which daddy like, but yeah, not trying to get awkward like that. She also had a very warm smile… and she was basically answering questions almost exactly like I was, about loving the area, being in the City but also surrounded by nature & the beach, all the great things to see & do, chilling at a jazz club, going to festivals, all that stuff. So yeah, Splits may be the new roommate… which if you think about it… means that I’ll be sharing an apartment with an actress, nurse & gymnast. The way I see it, worst-case scenario, actress become a drama queen… then nurse steps in to try & calm her down… and if that doesn’t work, gymnast gives her a spinning back kick right in her ass… all while I watch from a safe distance. We shall see.

After that, I wandered around the Presidio on a beautiful day… then met up with Jackie D to go find some pulled pork sandwiches using Jack Daniels’ pulled pork at Safeway. Oh, by the way, found a place with great Southern food called Hard Knox Café near my house. So yeah… basically we had to go to two different Safeways to find it, which wasn’t quite as bad as the four places that I had to go to in finding ice for Taco Tuesday. Seriously, what the f**k kind of gas station doesn’t have ice? Apparently, all of them in San Francisco. Anyway, we did some grocery shopping and watched a few movies with pulled pork sandwiches, red beans & rice, and a selection of wine. Delicious!!!

First up was “Prince of Persia: Sands of Time” starring Jake Gyllenhall, Gemma Arterton & Ben Kingsley. It’s the story of a peasant boy who was adopted by the King of Persia, grows up with two brothers, and then (shockingly) he is betrayed by somebody, framed for the king’s murder & has to run off to find the truth & avenge his father’s death. Throw in some mystical dagger with some sand that can make you go back in time, a few incredibly predictable plot twists, some inexplicable English accents in the middle of the Hindu Kush & yeah, you’ve got a whitewashed Disney movie. That being said, some of the action scenes were pretty cool & full of parkour… and there were a few funny moments…but yeah, kinda wish I had the dagger to go back two hours & use it for something else. It could’ve been worse though…

Because next was “Legion” starring Paul Bettany, Charles S. Dutton & Dennis Quaid. Now, the first time I saw the preview for this movie, where an old lady in a diner in the middle of nowhere says “Your baby is going to burn!” and then starts climbing the walls & sh*t, I knew the movie would NEVER live up to the preview. Why? Because it was unexpected. Anyway, basically it’s “The Prophecy” set at place called Paradise Falls in BFE where the Christ child is being born by a mother who still smokes & is helped along by a mechanic who she doesn’t care for but isn’t the baby’s daddy (apparently God is?). Enter the angel Michael to try & save the child from an army of angels because God wants to wipe the world of humans… and two hours later you’re looking for that dagger again. Really didn’t care for this movie. Double pass.

Anyway, that was the week that was. Lots of fun, lots of adventure, and lots of adult beverages, but I’m quite responsible. This week should be more of the same. I’ll be sure to keep you posted. Have a great day everybody!!!

Taco Tuesday Redux

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the living room & bedroom are pretty much taken care of now… and damn if they don’t look amazing. Here are some pictures of my new living arrangement now that it’s somewhat presentable…

Later this week will be roommate interviews for ladies looking to move into Carmen’s room. Why just ladies? Funny fact: Not my decision there. Since the other three roommates share a bathroom, my roommate… we’ll call her Tracy, doesn’t want to share the bathroom with a guy. I’m not going to complain at all. If that’s your thing, that’s your thing. Apparently guys are stinky creatures who don’t necessarily leave the toilet seat down… but we’re also pretty handy to have around to squish spiders, lift objects over 20 pounds, provide a new point of view & not bad eye candy so… alright then. I have no problem with only interviewing the ladies. The other roommates need to be there though… because I’m incredibly easy going… and after the standard “Where do you work? What are your hobbies? What are you looking for in a roommate situation?” then it can quickly turn into “How do you feel about tall, gainfully employed, disease-free men?” “Can you touch your elbows behind your back?” “Describe to me EXACTLY… how freaky… is TOO freaky.” “Tell me your top five sexual positions… and why?” “It said on your email that you were a gymnast… yeah, I don’t see it. You’re going to have to show me” and that would just get awkward REAL quick. So yeah… they should probably be there to take over the questions while I take notes or doodle or something. Should be interesting.

Last night, Jackie D & I met up with one of Bubbles’ roommates and went to our first Taco Tuesday, which is apparently a simple event held at Nick’s Crispy Tacos (or Blue Light) where it’s $2 tacos & $3 beers, which sounds awesome. Totally down. Well, we got there… and it was standing room only with a line weaving throughout the establishment, which was an interesting mix of taco stand, bar, restaurant & club… but I was just looking to get my grub & my drink on. We stood in line for about 45 minutes and pretty much got separated from Bubbles’ roommate, so it was really just the two of us having a few beers & enjoying tacos (not half bad). It was while we were discussing the event… that I had a revelation. Earlier in the evening, I was fixing up the living room, when I noticed that in our foyer closet… there were SIX vacuums… no joking… but also there… were six sombreros. So I said “Next time… we’ll just have to have Taco Tuesday at our place.” Jackie D’s eyes lit up like the 4th of July… and so next week, we’ll probably be having a Taco Tuesday at Casa de Love… complete with sombreros… and probably play Robert Rodriguez movies in the background on the wall… and use the money from selling off the excess vacuums towards tequila or something. I’ll keep you posted.

After Taco Tuesday at Nick’s Crispy Tacos, we went back to the apartment and watched “Good Hair” starring Chris Rock, which is a documentary about the African-American hair trade & the Bonner Brothers Hair Show. Now, I know what you’re thinking… and why would a white boy who barely runs a comb through his luscious mane want to see this show? Well, it was Jackie D’s suggestion to Netflix it… but I had heard about this about a year ago & wanted to check it out… because like many markets aimed at the African-American culture (tobacco, jewelry, cars, etc) I knew that the profit margins for the hair trade were INCREDIBLE but the people getting rich off it… are Caucasian & Asian. Being a marketing man, I understand it… but wasn’t really in the know as to WHY it was that way. This brought some of that to light… and of course, it’s Chris Rock so there is plenty of levity throughout. I’d say give it a gander if you’d like.

Monday night, we also watched “Mortal Kombat” which we hadn’t seen in years… but for some reason, we just thought it would be a good idea. You’ve all probably seen it, based on the 90’s video games, pretty horrible acting & dialogue, but hey, you were a kid, so you’ve seen it a few times. Really the only reason that I bring it up… is because, as reported here before, they’re apparently going to reboot it… and it’s going to be aimed at adults this time (so hard-R rating). They had the teaser video a few months ago starring Michael Jai White (“Spawn” & “Black Dynamite”) & Jeri Ryan (“Star Trek Voyager”) and they’ve signed them on to do the movie now. Michael Jai White is set to play Major Jackson 'Jax' Briggs while Darren Shahlavi ("300") will play Kano in the upcoming live-action digital new media series "Mortal Kombat" from Warner Premiere. Kevin Tancharoen, who directed and produced the unofficial "Mortal Kombat: Rebirth" fan short which scored over 10 million views worldwide, will "bring the same directing style to this live-action digital new media series". The press release also confirmed tweets from actress Jeri Ryan that she's set to play Lieutenant Sonya Blade. Both Ryan and White starred in the 'Rebirth' short film. Shooting on the project is currently underway in Vancouver. Each episode will provide never-before-revealed insights into characters featured in the upcoming videogame set to hit store shelves starting April 19th. Oh yes, there’s a video game tie-in of course… it’s Mortal Kombat. Anyway, here’s some more news…

Book of Kisses - Ever wondered about the political uses of a kiss, the kiss's changing status or legendary movie kisses? No? Well, do you find yourself needing to say the word in Albanian, Icelandic or even, perchance, Maori? Fear not. "A Compendium of Kisses," the guide to everything oscular -- that's "of or pertaining to kissing" for the unenlightened -- tells all about one of the world's most universal gestures, whether simple greeting or sublime. "When I came to look at the kiss, the romantic side is such a small part of it," said British novelist and actress Lana Citron, who compiled the book. "I love how when you're born, the first thing is, you're kissed, you're welcomed into the world. It's this little gesture that follows you throughout life, through all the most important parts of your life." Citron's interest in kisses began with a short story she wrote a decade ago about a lonely woman who collected kisses in jars -- such as one for the lover who spurned her, one that was full of yearning -- and labeled them. That led to her invitation to do an installation of kisses in jars, all labeled, as part of an art exhibition. The response of viewers sent her to the internet, searching out books on kisses and deciding to write her own when nothing seemed just right. "It was almost like opening a Pandora's chest and just being overwhelmed by all the different ways a kiss is expressed, the meanings attached to it and the things it symbolizes," she said. "I fell in love with it, I really did. I was submerged in the world of kisses for a year and came out of it with a book." Her compendium mingles brief kiss anecdotes with kiss factoids and scraps of poetry to cover evolutionary kisses, bonding kisses, artful kisses, screen kisses, bike shed kisses or first kisses, passionate kisses, Kama Sutra kisses (giggidy!), animal kisses and even The Death Kiss, to name just a few. She also traces the evolution of kissing through history, from its use in Christian religious ceremonies -- "greet ye one another with a kiss" -- to its social role as a greeting on many levels, including between kings and the vassals they ruled. "Then the kiss suddenly becomes eroticized, also compounded by advances made in dentistry. Once it becomes eroticized, it also becomes highly contentious socially," she said. While she finds it difficult to pick one favorite fact about kisses, Citron does acknowledge being fascinated about the use of kisses in politics and history, from its involvement in accusations about witchcraft down to the present day. "Superficially, you have sex scandals, kiss and tell scandals, which many politicians fall prey to," she said. Though most of the book is written in a tongue-in-cheek style, Citron becomes practical when asked for kissing advice. "Basic hygiene, I think, is the only thing I'd say." Sounds like an interesting little book, right? I’m sure that you can order it online somewhere. You know how I feel about reading… and the subject matter would probably just piss me off a bit… but then again, I do have a sincere love for trivial knowledge… and I’m sure there are plenty of pictures.

Sexual Networking – Ever wonder why Facebook is worth BILLIONS? Besides as the social media implications, this survey may have found out why. Nearly four out of five women and three of five men say they believe texting, Facebook and other social networking tools cause new couples to jump into bed faster, a survey released on Monday showed. But only 38% of women say they have actually slept with a date any sooner because of digital intimacy, according to the 1,200 women and men who participated in the third annual sex survey by Shape and Men's Fitness magazines. Smart phones and laptops are the new toys that lead to the bedroom, it said, with nearly 80% of women and 58% of men saying social media tools leads to sex faster. Texting is the No. 1 way lovers stay in touch, the survey found, with men texting 39% more often than phoning and women 150% more. Even before the magic begins, 70% of women and 63% of men use Google and other online tools to screen potential dates. That’s right. Chances are you’re being cyber-stalked… even before you go on the date. Hmm… do you think they’ve checked out this blog? Anyway, 65% of those polled said they had been asked out by text and 49% through a Facebook message. Once the relationship clicks, 72% of women report scouring a current partner's ex-girlfriends' Facebook pages. Even in the heat of passion, some people just can't get enough of their digital devices, the survey found. When a call or text comes in during sex, 5% of respondents said they glance to see who is calling and 1% say they stop to answer the phone. Crazy… because I assume that’s EXACTLY what voicemail was invented for. And when the spark is extinguished, digital dumping is the new way to break up, with 43% of women and 27% of men reporting getting a text along the lines of "It's not you, it's me." For the heartbroken, the Internet keeps hope alive, with 81% of all respondents saying they won't de-friend an ex on Facebook and 75% admitting to constantly checking a former sweetheart's page. I’m sure that if you’re already reading this though, you probably already had a pretty good idea about this (or you were checking up on your boy Dr Love… who still misses you). It amazes me how digitized things are nowadays. Everything’s online. Call me old-fashioned, but I still like the idea of strolling in a park somewhere, running into somebody, chatting for a bit, sharing a few laughs, asking to meet up later and THEN being rejected like a bad kidney. This new world where rejection comes within a few clicks of a keyboard confuses & therefore angers me. Oh well… evolve, $teve. You’re not always rejected. Even the blind squirrel gets a nut once in a while. Wait, was that dirty?

Hitchcock & Hannibal - Anthony Hopkins has once again entered talks to play legendary filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock in "Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho" for Montecito Pictures says Heat Vision. Based on Stephen Rebello's book which "Black Swan" scribe John McLaughlin has adapted, the story tracks how Hitchcock, at the height of his game as a director, decided to make a 'lowly' horror movie that no studio wanted to touch initially. The film of course went on to become one of the most famous of all time. Sacha Gervasi, the filmmaker behind acclaimed 2009 documentary "Anvil! The Story of Anvil", entered discussions to write and direct the film this week. Hopkins had been attached to a previous version of the film which Ryan Murphy was tipped to direct while Helen Mirren was to play his wife Alma Reville… but that apparently fell through. I’m sure Sir Anthony can play the HELL out of Hitchcock… and the best part is… he’ll also be unintentionally creepy… kind of like when he played Richard Nixon… which would be perfect for the director of a movie like “Psycho” to be portrayed. Eh… we’ll see if it happens. Here’s something that IS happening that’s even creepier…

Borat as Saddam - Paramount Pictures have announced that they will release Sacha Baron Cohen's new comedy "The Dictator" worldwide on May 11th 2012. Larry Charles, who directed the comedian in hits "Borat" and "Bruno", has come aboard to direct. The film tells the heroic story of a dictator who risked his life to ensure that democracy would never come to the country he so lovingly oppressed. It is inspired by the best selling novel "Zabibah and The King" by Saddam Hussein. Baron Cohen, Scott Rudin, Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, and David Mandel are producing. The latter trio join Cohen as screenwriters on the movie. Eh… it could be pretty hilarious. I’ve been surprised before by SBC. Respect. Booyakasha!!!

So that’ll do it for another day of awesomeness… but I’ll be back soon… and may have tales of a new roommate. Or just further news clippings & boring stories about my awesome life or something… you never know, this blog isn’t really that structured. Have a great day everybody!!!