Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Did you see the games last night? Holy crap!!! That’s double overtime game with Kansas State & Xavier? Classic. Even the other games were pretty good. As for my brackets, I think as long as Kentucky ends up winning it all…and Baylor wins tonight (I had them “upsetting” Villanova instead of St. Mary’s today) that I might be set as far as winning this office pool. Then again, I have no idea what anybody else picked…but I assume very few people had champions other than Kansas or Kentucky. Maybe Duke…but I doubt it. Anyway, other than that, just having a grand ole time. It snowed a little bit the past few days…but only enough to have early morning ice on the roads. It cleared up once the sun came out. Getting really excited for Road Trip 2010…and in fact, I think this weekend is when I’ll start preparations like giving Gretchen an oil change, rotating the tires, all that stuff…and make sure I’m fully prepared (laundry, cleaning house, tie up loose ends, pay bills, etc). Then again, it’s supposed to be a beautiful weekend again…so who knows? Maybe Yosemite will call my name or something. Okay, I doubt that…but hey, you never know. Oh…and I’d also like to wish a happy birthday to my stepdad Lavar & my buddy Brooklyn…and a happy 2nd anniversary to Bubbles. Can’t believe it’s been two years since you moved down to Vegas already. Miss ya tons.

Today would’ve also been the 3rd wedding anniversary of my brother & his now crack whore ex-wife (the ex part is the only thing that’s really changed honestly). I’m sure I’ll be calling him tonight and trying to ease his spirits…while he drinks another fifth of Tequila Rose…and chases that with what’s left of his vodka…and probably a few beers after that. It’s what happened last year…but hopefully he has company again this time too. He’s a great guy… and a wonderful father… but we all make mistakes… and Love… Love is a mother f**ker… but I hope that you all get to experience it on a regular basis. Just remember, the bad helps you to appreciate the good. So yeah, here’s some news…

JACKPOT!!! - People fell onto a bag of cash like a pack of hungry piranhas after more than $100,000 tumbled out the back of an armored truck onto an Ohio street, local media reported. The bag split open after it fell off the back of the vehicle Wednesday and the driver drove away without noticing. But a whole bunch of people spotted the cash blowing down the street in Whitehall, a Columbus suburb, and a mad dash for cash ensued. "People were jumping out of their vehicles," one witness told NBC4 news. "Like when you throw some fish in and you've got a school of piranhas and they haven't eaten for a long time. It was funny." Another witness described a surreal atmosphere with people laughing, smiling and taking as much as they could carry. Workers at a nearby flower shop helped police gather up the money in boxes. Several people ended up bringing some of the cash into the police station…but only about $10,500 had been recovered by the end of the day, the Columbus Dispatch reported. Yeah, I was surprised the number was that high too. "We're hoping that more people do the right thing," Whitehall Police Sergeant Randy Snider told the paper. Police are examining surveillance camera video and photographs from cell phone cameras to try to track down the people who grabbed the money. Really? You can’t just say “Bank error in your favor, collect $500” and let it be? Would you take the money? Of course you would. Who wouldn’t? In fact, just to cover my tracks (since I’m easily identifiable in a lineup), I’d return some of it. “Here you go officer. I wasn’t sure where to return this to, you guys or the armored truck company?” “Sir, we have video of a man fitting your description loading up your trunk with three boxes of hundred dollar bills…and a several bouquet of roses & lilies from the flower shop…and you bring back (counts) a thousand dollars?” “Funny, I see a man fitting your description who might get a few hundred for himself if he keeps his f**king mouth shut. P.S. If that’s what I was allegedly doing, I was performing a public service and picking up litter. Roll wit dat!!!”

Utah Crime Update – Remember yesterday? With the kid robbing the convenience store…but didn’t want his mom to find out? Well, here’s another funny story from the Beehive State. Utah police say a man accused of stealing two phones from a convenience store (again, probably 7-11) was arrested when he flagged down the investigating officer and asked for directions. Police say the officer noticed that John White (most fitting name for a Utah resident EVER) matched the description a store clerk gave of the thief (“blonde, blue eyes, kinda douchy” could be anybody in Utah), and the address White wanted turned out to be the same one the officer was checking. How? The address had been left on a slip of paper the thief left at the gas station. White was arrested Tuesday after the officer found he had both phones, along with a small amount of marijuana. Police say charges are pending. Sigh… maybe he wants to go to jail. I wonder what the address was. His friend’s house? Somebody who wanted to buy a cell phone (that could be traced anyway)? HIS HOUSE? “Excuse me officer, I seem to be lost. Can you tell me how to get to 158 W Juniper Street?” “Better yet, I’ll give you a ride. Hop on in the back.” I wonder if he robbed the store in that bright yellow shirt too. Come on people, think before you get high and rob a place. Some people just need an education.

Odd Book Titles - A book charting the frontier between handicrafts and geometry on Friday won Britain's quirkiest literary award, the Diagram Prize for year's oddest book title. "Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes" by mathematician Daina Taimina beat runners-up "What Kind of Bean is This Chihuahua?" and "Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich." Prize overseer Horace Bent (tehehe, Ho Bent?) said "the public proclivity towards non-Euclidian needlework" proved too strong for the competition. "I've never won any prizes before. This is my first prize and it's wonderful," said Taimina, an adjunct associate professor at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York (GO BIG RED!!!). The winning book's title may be odd, but the subject is serious. Taimina uses crochet to create hyperbolic planes, surfaces on which lines curve away from each other instead of running parallel, as on a flat plane, or converging, as on a sphere. Her creations, which resemble complex coral formations, have been included in art shows and hailed by academics for making tactile concepts in geometry that can be hard to visualize. "These are two-dimensional objects which you can see only in three dimensions. If you want to see three-dimensional hyperbolic space you can't because you have to be in four dimensions. Understanding these hyperbolic planes, you understand just the first step." Holy crap that concept just got me at half-staff. I love it when people talk nerdy to me. Anyway, founded in 1978, the Diagram Prize is run by trade magazine The Bookseller. Its rules say the books must be serious and their titles not merely a gimmick (ugh…okay?). The winner is decided by public vote. The other finalists were "Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter," "Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots" and "The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease." Previous champions include "Bombproof Your Horse" and "Living With Crazy Buttocks." How are those not gimmicky titles? Bombproof Your Horse? I assume that’s even a typo…and it’s about fortifying your house. Living with Crazy Buttocks? I’ve seen people with MAD ASS, like for days…but crazy buttocks? “Help, my ass has gone crazy.” I think I saw Oprah’s do that on a South Park episode. Anyway, congratulations to this year’s winner & honorable mentions. I’m sorry I will probably never read and/or see a copy of your book. They sound amazing.

Return of the Ghost of Orson Welles - A recently discovered recording of the late Orson Welles narrating a children's Christmas novel will be employed in the 3D live-action/CG hybrid movie "Christmas Tails" says Indie Movies Online. Robert X. Leed penned the book back in the early 80's and got his friend, Welles, to make five reel-to-reel recordings narrating the book in 1985. Several months later Welles passed away and the recording has essentially been sitting on a shelf. Now, special effects studio Drac Studios ("Curious Case of Benjamin Button") will develop an adaptation of the story in which ill reindeer makes Santa consider cancelling Christmas, and the group of canines who team to help save the day. Todd Tucker will direct from a script by Matt Thompson. So there you go, the great filmmaker Orson Welles is making Christmas movies from beyond the grave. Awesome, right? Finally, the last image of him won’t be voicing Unicron in “Transformers: The Movie” or being reincarnated as a mouse bent on world domination (Brain of “Pinky & the Brain” masterfully voiced by Maurice LaMarche). So yeah, I still probably won’t see it…but hey, you’d be amazed at what you can find when you go through all your old junk on the shelves. Some find old baseball cards, some find pictures they drew as children, some stumble upon dirty videos of their parents, and some find narrations by cinematic legends. You never know unless you look.

Well, I guess I really don’t have much else to say today. Can’t really think of any good movie list or little points of insight or anything like that. Sure, I could post some pictures of some really hot chicks…but without the proper context, what’s the point? Oh yeah, to see some pictures of some really hot chicks. Hmm, well anyway, here's a link to something that I think you'll find absolutely hilarious. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Nerd Alphabet

To wet your appetite...

Talk Nerdy to Me

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

You may have noticed that I’m a bit of a nerd…and admittedly so. I’m not just talking about something like…Bubbles pointing out to me yesterday that I basically planned my day around football (in my defense, there seriously wasn’t anything else to do while it was snowing yesterday) but MUCH more nerdy than that. Like what you ask? Well, as you know, this web-based journal is a valuable resource to anybody looking for updates in the world of Pandas, Dinosaurs, Sexbots, Bad Movies, and things that just fascinate me. However, last night, while people my age were our burning the midnight oil to get those last party hours in before work in the morning, I too was up late. What was I doing? Watching the Discovery Channel. Oh yes!!! I was watching several shows including “Planet Earth Extremes” where there were the Ethiopian Highlands where there are lakes and rivers of sulphuric acid & baboons that live on cliffs (No, not Stallone in “Cliffhanger”) or hummingbirds that live in caves & use sonar or Macaques in Indonesia who adapted in the last 5 years to SWIM for their food in a flooded forest and these massive caves that are home to some of the craziest f**king things that you can imagine…and I was just mesmerized by this stuff…and it was so beautiful & interesting to me that I simply lost track of time for like…four hours. The worst part, I’m probably going to check it out again tonight (thanks DVR). So yeah, now you know how I party here in Tahoe when it’s snowing outside (PS It's a blizzard right now). I like to check out what’s going on in Ethiopia. So to continue my research into the nerdy studies, I give you the news…

How It Starts – You may ask yourself “How does one become a nerd?” Well, it helps to be smart…or at least able to grasp simple concepts. Another way is just to be a little persecuted as a kid…and science fairs are great for that. Well, fire officials said a San Diego middle school was evacuated when a student's science project was mistaken for a bomb. Fire-Rescue spokesman Maurice Luque said a vice principal's concerns prompted the evacuation of Millennial Tech Magnet Middle School Friday afternoon (not enough Presidents & Civil Rights Leaders, we have to name schools after magnets now?). Luque said an arson team took photos and x-rays of the empty plastic bottle with wires and determined it was harmless. Luque says the 11-year-old boy was trying to build a motion detector from instructions he found on the Internet (can’t find bomb plans there…) and parts he bought online with help from his father. His parents did not realize that the object looked threatening. He said the student was "a genius-type kid" who undertook the project on his own, had no intentions of hurting anyone or causing any disruptions…yet. It all starts with being a genius-type kid and undertaking your own projects. Then you move on to your own experimentation (and not of the two tipsy female coeds in their jammies variety) after some jerk makes fun of your acne. Then before you know it, you’re writing your manifesto and mailing “motion detectors” to the establishment. I’m just saying, keep an eye on this kid. Nerds can be turned evil too. Just ask Doctor (blank) in just about any comic or movie ever made.

Spiderman Eyes Burj Khalifa – Being an engineering nerd, I was amazed to hear about this world’s tallest structure being completed in Dubai…and thought it was cool that it was named after the King of Abu Dhabi who gave the city BILLIONS to help them through the recession for the time being…but because it happened last month when I didn’t have internet, you all missed out on it. Luckily, this ties in with the last story about the future Doctor Octopus because the French Spiderman (not Peter Parkaaaa) Alain Robert has set his sights on scaling the world's tallest skyscraper. The Gulf emirate of Dubai opened the glistening 828-metre (2,717-foot) concrete, glass and steel skyscraper on January 4th. "I'll have to do it... maybe between January and April 2011," he was quoted as saying by Malaysia's official Bernama news agency late Saturday. "I know the people of Dubai, they are interested (in seeing me climb the skyscraper)," he added. Robert, 47, was in Malaysia to receive an award for his extraordinary feats in scaling tall buildings. Skyscrapers he has climbed include the Empire State Building, the Sears Tower and Taipei 101, according to his website. He admitted that climbing the Dubai tower will be a tough mission because of the Middle Eastern heat. "The problem in Dubai is the hot weather (of) up to 40 degrees (Celsius, 104 degrees Fahrenheit). My biggest fear is to waste my time on earth. For me, climbing is as important as eating and breathing. Climbing skyscrapers is my lifetime love and passion." Last September Robert was fined by a Malaysian court after he scrambled up the 88-story Petronas Twin Towers with his bare hands in less than two hours…and four months later, he’s receiving an award. You gotta like a person with Passion for what he or she does. Whether it’s climbing skyscrapers, knitting sweaters, raising children, filming pornography, singing showtunes, digging up dinosaurs, driving a taxi, making people healthy, telling jokes, whatever. We should all be so lucky as to have a real Passion in life. Good luck, Monsieur Spiderman.

Pink Snowmen – Also tying in with our earlier discussion of explosives, some snow in a Buffalo neighborhood turned a deep shade of pink after a cloud of powder was released during demolition of a business that used to make food coloring. As surprised parents and pet owners wondered whether to ban outdoor play, state health and environmental officials collected samples. A demolition contractor said a pipe that contained about five pounds of residual red dye No. 40 ruptured at a building being torn down near the former Buffalo Color plant Thursday afternoon. John Yensan of Ontario Specialty Contracting says powder was carried by the wind across homes, cars and streets. Authorities said the dye didn't appear to pose a health problem (though it’s derived from petroleum, banned in Denmark & not recommended for children throughout Europe due to its link to health risks like hyperactivity). A water truck was sent in to clean up…and apparently make pink ice. Anyway, just thought I’d put the image of pink snowmen in your head.

WWF Helps Pandas – That’s right, the steroid-poppin’ behemoths of the WWF are donating 40 million yuan (about $6 million) over the next three years to increase the number of giant panda reserves in China. Many have speculated that they are doing this so that select superstars like The Big Show, John Cena or the Undertaker will eventually be able to wrestle these vicious animals in a steel cage match…or perhaps take up a spot in the Royal Rumble. The entertainment / environmental group also plans to build "wildlife corridors" between the 60-plus reserves to enable the pandas to move around more freely, WWF China representative Dermot “The Ogre” O'Gorman told AFP. "The only way we are going to protect the long-term security of the giant panda is to ensure that the existing habitat remains of high quality." O'Gorman said WWF will try to work with local governments to reduce the impact of tourism, highways and other infrastructure on panda habitats, as well as expand a scientific monitoring system to cover all the reserves. There are nearly 1,600 pandas living in the wild, more than three-quarters of them in the southwestern province of Sichuan. Pandas also are found in northwestern Gansu province and northern Shaanxi province. Another 290 giant pandas are in captive-breeding programs in China. Wait, I am just now getting word that apparently the WWF is no longer the World Wrestling Federation, but rather the World Wildlife Fund…which does make a lot more sense when you think about it. I was wondering why I had never heard of the WWF China circuit. Dang!!! Now I may never get to see a panda get whacked in the back with a folding chair by Vince McMahon. I’m mildly disappointed by that.

Doomsday Rescheduled - Scientists pushed back the hands on the symbolic Doomsday Clock by one minute citing hopeful developments in nuclear weapons and climate change. The symbolic clock that shows how close mankind is to self-annihilation was moved back to six minutes before midnight from five minutes on Thursday. The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, which maintains the clock and puts an illustration of it on its cover, attributed the move to efforts by world leaders to reduce their countries' nuclear arsenals and collaborate on climate stabilization. The group, which includes 19 Nobel laureates, said a key to the "new era of cooperation is a change in the U.S. government's orientation toward international affairs brought about in part by the election of (U.S. President Barack) Obama." Nuclear physicist Pervez Hoodbhoy at news conference held at the New York Academy of Sciences overlooking the World Trade Center site, said there had been "a shift in world opinion" recognizing that nuclear weapons are "no longer useful to fight wars and are not effective as deterrence." BAS board member Lowell Sachnoff added, "Global warming is more of a threat than nuclear war." It sounds like somebody has never visited Hiroshima. Anyway, when the clock was created in 1947, it was set at 7 minutes to midnight (because 7 was considered lucky?). It has been adjusted only 18 times before Thursday' move. The last was in 2007, when the BAS moved it forward by two minutes citing North Korea's test of a nuclear weapon, Iran's nuclear ambitions and a renewed U.S. emphasis on the military utility of nuclear weapons. So there’s a newfound hope in the world that we’re slowly but surely on our way to making the world a slightly safer place…or getting a few more drinks in before we start singing Auld Lang Syne & kiss the nearest hottie, I’m not exactly sure what the symbolism is. That is…until we look at the real story behind this Doomsday Clock – Nerds control Time!!! They can simply move time backwards…or if they so wish, push it forward into the Apocalypse (they’ll have to beat out snakes first). Not only that, I’m fairly certain that the BAS has some kind of Weather Dominator AND at the very least, an army of rudimentary cyborgs or mindless clones at their disposal. Once they’re comfortable with their level of control over them, they will take over the world…and the age of BAS will begin. It’ll start with underwater attacks in submarines designed to look like giant freshwater gamefish. Then packages will arrive with what appear to be fish wrapped in newspaper…but you haven’t ordered the paper in years. BOOM!!! An explosion and the mailman wearing a mask over his mouth screams out “BAS!!!” and retreats to the home base, the Doomsday Dome. Then the two vital forces of the Apocalypse (BAS & serpents) join forces to makes the new world order, COBRA. Who will save us? A special government task force composed of stereotyped specialists? I don’t think so. Sigh… I sure go a long way to make a reference to a cheesy 80’s cartoon recently made into a lackluster movie, don’t I? What can I say? I’m a nerd. And ugh…I’m pretty proud of it.

Anyway, enough of that stuff for today. The Doomsday Clock has been pushed back, the South has been freezing the past week or so & that’s probably killing off some of those snakes that were overrunning the Everglades, birds are chirping, the sky is blue and all the leaves are green, my heart’s as full as a baked potato, what a wonderful time to be alive. Oh…and if you haven’t already, please text “Haiti” to 90999 to donate $10 to help the millions of Haitians in need of food, water & shelter. Have a great day everybody!!!