Zoo, Sutro & MACHETE

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Thursday night, Dizzy & I went to a special screening of “Machete Kills” starring Danny Trejo, Sofia Vergara, Alexa Vega, Mel Gibson, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, and introducing Carlos Estevez (Charlie Sheen). For those who haven’t seen the original… or fake trailer in “Grindhouse” that started it all… basically Machete (Trejo) is a legendary Mexican federale who in the original, was thrown out of Mexico after the cartels killed his family & he stumbled into an assassination on a senator turned into a setup… and long story short, he’s now a leader of an underground revolution along the U.S.-Mexico border. In this sequel, now a mysterious group has killed the woman he loves (Alba) and he’s on a vengeful quest… while also hired by the President himself (Estevez) top go into the heart of Mexico and kill another revolutionary with a split personality… and a few nukes… but things are not what they seem… and Machete has to cut his way back to America & through a few thousand bad guys to get the truth… and exact revenge… but will it be even too much for Machete to bear? Spoiler alert: There’s a preview for the 3^rd chapter in the trilogy before the movie even starts. Still, the movie is GREAT fun if you’re into those super-cheesy action movies from the 80’s, there’s a lot of eye candy, decapitation, one-liners, and just a great time. It’s basically up there with “Gravity” as my favorite movie of the year so far… but for obviously completely different reasons.

 

Also, after the movie, Machete himself Danny Trejo came out & had a little Q&A session with us… and I got to ask him a questions. “Given your past (check Wikipedia), how does it fell to be a leading man in Hollywood?” Technically it’s true… even though I had to explain to my coworkers who he was repeatedly when they asked me who he was & what he has been in. His response: “I’m just waiting for somebody to pinch me, it’s a dream, man!” Basically he seems like a cool dude who grew up in the gangs of LA back in the 70’s but then turned his life around in late 80’s and has been going good ever since.

 

 

Saturday night, Dizzy had homework to do, so while she was doing that we watched a few documentaries. First was “Through the Exit Door” which comes from a director named Banksy, whose a pretty infamous graffiti / street artist all over the globe. The movie starts out with an eccentric French shopkeeper in LA named Thierry Guetta, who basically videotapes everything around him… and has for many years. Well, he finds himself intrigued by street artists like Shepard Fairey & seeks them out to film them & document their art’s creation from conception to execution in the night like a kind of art ninja or international cat burglar… but leaving behind street art instead of stealing jewels. Then the world is introduced to the art of the ever-mysterious Banksy (tagged the West Bank Wall, etc) and Thierry seeks him out. Banksy admires his passion & lets him into his world… but then discovers that Thierry is… a little out there… when he makes this 90-minute flash-fest of his footage… so Banksy offers to help him out with his ROOMS OF FILM & suggests that Thierry go out & make some of his own art. What follows is… pretty f**king hilarious. The documentary in general is very interesting & I enjoyed it immensely… and watching it with an artist looking to make money in the field… and myself being a bit of a cynic of the whole art community… made it all the more enjoyable to see eccentric people doing crazy sh*t. Very intriguing movie though. I highly recommend it.

 

Next up was “Room 237” which is a 2012 documentary about some of the fanatics & their wide-ranging and interesting interpretations of the Stanley Kubrick film “The Shining”. Now, I’ve seen “The Shining” twice in my life… and it’s a very intriguing, unsettling horror film based on the novel by Stephen King (even though the movie is definitely Kubrick’s take on it in many ways). I enjoy it… and it’s quite iconic. The theories & ideas presented in the movie range from the interesting & philosophical… to some things that may just be some unlikely editing errors… but they’re all rooted in the basis of those interviewed seeing Stanley Kubrick as an extremely intelligent man & gifted director… and depending on the person interviewed, either they felt that Stanley was bored while making this movie & just wanted to mess with people… or he was implying that he was the director that filmed & orchestrated the moon landing in 1969. In either case, this movie is also an interesting look into the minds of various people who may or may not be eccentric, like “Exit Through the Gift Shop” but I definitely wouldn’t watch it if you haven’t already seen “The Shining” once or twice. Otherwise it’d just be pointless… but there are some interesting topic points that you can kind of judge for yourself. Again, I’m a little cynical… but I do believe that Stanley Kubrick was a genius director & a master of unsettling an audience to get them immersed into his films… and it seems to have works on these interviewees to the Nth degree.

 

Sunday morning, we headed out to the San Francisco Zoo to see the animals. Dizzy hadn’t been since she was a young’un & I hadn’t been in over a year since the kiddies came to visit last year… so it was going to be fun. Here are the pictures…

 

STOP!!! Hammer-kop...

Is it racist?

Now you know where to find them... South America...

Next stop was the abandoned Sutro Baths of Ocean Beach. The Baths were the world’s largest indoor swimming pool complex when built towards the end of the 19^th century… but burned down in 1966 and was abandoned afterwards. Today, the ruins are located near the legendary Cliff House restaurant but can be examined firsthand… but be careful, there’s a lot of steep paths and… the water is pretty nasty if you were to fall in. However, since it was a beautiful sunny day, it was pretty amazing to think that 50 years ago this was a pretty prestigious water complex. Enjoy!!!

 

Ooooh... a cave adventure...

Back in its heyday...

After the Baths, we went to a private tour of Speakeasy Ales & Lagers in the “Dog Patch” area of town. The guide Tyler gave us a wonderful quick 20-minute glimpse around the facilities… and of course, we picked his brains a little bit about the process. Their size is still fairly small, just a few thousand barrels per year… but they specialize in lagers (cold fermented) and have, in my opinion, a pretty solid “noir” look to their labels, marketing, and just the overall appeal with the Prohibition/Speakeasy theme… and most importantly, the beer is pretty darn good. We sampled a few & relaxed in their lounge area, which was fairly small, but intimate & great for the space allowed and designed appropriately. I recommend checking it out if you get the chance.

 

This is what blow-off looks like on a larger scale...

Dream – So, I had a little bit of a crazy dream that I though I’d share with you. I was unloading a bunch of boxes into a one-bedroom apartment, pretty standard, nothing to special about it, living area was the whole kitchen/living room all together with a small corner bathroom & a back door leading to the bedroom. I’m just about finished unloading all of the boxes& moving the furniture in… when a lady in a blazer walks up with a young couple and a sleeping baby in a stroller. They look in the door and the realtor lady says, “Excuse me, what are you doing?” “I’m… moving in…”

 

“This family is moving in. Did you register with the leasing office?” Of course since it was a dream & I had no memory of doing this… I immediately felt into a feeling of “Oh God, I don’t believe I did… then why the hell would I be moving all of my stuff? I hate moving… why would I do it willy nilly? Oh f**k me, I’m going to have to move again… and these guys are going to have to wait for me because it’s dark outside and… oh crap…” Anyway, the realtor lady ran off… and I was there with the young couple and the baby was just sleeping away. “Sorry for the confusion, I ugh… I’m not sure what’s going on but I thought that this was my new apartment.” I talked to the guy & got to know them a little bit while the mom took her baby into the bedroom to set her down.

 

Long story short, they didn’t have a whole lot of furniture, basically just the bed, the stroller & a crib… so they said it was no issue really if I had to crash there for the night. Then I noticed that there were bunk beds that I guess came with the apartment, so I asked “Hey, it may actually take a few days for me to find an apartment if everything’s out of whack… what if I helped out with rent for this month & we can share the furniture, y’all can use my pots & pans & stuff… and I’ll just crash on this bunk bed out here since I guess you three won’t be sleeping on it. I’m usually working all day anyway & when I’m not, I’ll be looking for a place. Would that be cool?” “Sure, I don’t see why not…” and that was about the time the dream ended with… my alarm going off for an early day at work.

 

Anyway, that should do it for today. Big day coming up this weekend with our first batch of homebrewed Irish Ale ready for tasting… as well as volunteering with Meals on Wheels & a Pokémon Tournament! Wish us luck! Have a great day everybody!!!

Breaking News Badly

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

I had a few moments the other day, so I went through some news snippits that I think you might enjoy…

 

Insulation Man: American Hero – Some people are just kind of lucky. While remodeling his newly purchased home in Elbow Lake, Minnesota, David Gonzalez noticed something unusual amid the old newspapers that had been used as wall insulation. It was a copy of Action Comics #1, the very first comic to feature the granddaddy of all superheroes, Superman. StarTribune.com spoke with Gonzalez about his amazing find as well as a subsequent family accident that knocked down the value of his windfall. "I knew it was worth money," Gonzales told the Star Tribune. "But I had no idea how much." So far, the answer is, well, a lot. With roughly three weeks left on the auction block, the high bid is around $113,000. Not bad, considering Gonzalez bought the ENTIRE HOUSE for $10,100. But, still, the comic could be worth a lot more were it not for an argument among family members. From StarTribune.com: “When his wife’s aunt grabbed the comic book amid all the excitement of the discovery, he grabbed it back and tore the back cover. Experts downgraded the comic book’s condition to a 1.5 on a 10-point scale. To put that in comic-book context, a 9.0-grade Action 1 fetched more than $2 million recently.” “That was a $75,000 tear,” said Stephen Fishler, co-owner of ComicConnect, a New York City online auction house that is selling Gonzalez’s treasure. He says the comic book would have graded out at 3.0 without the rip. The moral: Your wife’s aunt can only do wrong when asked to help you reinsulated your house in the first place… but now she owes you at least $75,000 when she kicks the bucket, just to break even. Oh… and don’t be grabby grabby children. The Star Tribune also spoke with Vincent Zurzolo, co-owner of ComicConnect. "It’s so hard for anyone to fathom that, in this day and age, you could still discover a comic book that nobody has known about because this book was in a wall of a house for more than 70 years," Zurzolo said. "It’s pretty miraculous that it even survived and it’s only had one owner." Got a small fortune burning a hole in your pocket? The auction ends June 11^th. See? Sometimes you just have to keep your eyes open.

 

Cellular Supercharger - A local California teen’s invention could potentially knock down cellphone-charging time to a superfast 20 seconds. So far, the energy-storage device has powered only an LED light, but it has the potential to do much more. The future certainly looks bright for 18-year-old Eesha Khare, who pocketed a $50,000 prize for the Young Scientist award from the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair in Phoenix, for her tiny and possibly revolutionary device. Khare sees the device as potentially powering car batteries, cellphones or any electronics that could use a rechargeable battery. When asked what inspired her invention, Ms. Khare said, “My cellphone always dies.” Simple enough. There’s definitely a market out there for it. The supercapacitor, she explains on CBS San Francisco, is “basically an energy source device that can hold a lot of energy in a small amount of volume.” Just think of the large computers that we had even 20 years ago… and how limited their memory was (remember floppy disks?). Now, you can basically hold the Library of Congress in a flash drive. That’s the kind of potential in this discovery. If she plays her patents right, this chick could be RICH!!! The Harvard-bound teen has caught the attention of Google, who has approached her about her device (in order to steal it away from her). Regardless of what happens to the supercapacitor, we're sure to hear more from the high school senior—at least according to Khare. “I’m going to be setting the world on fire,” she said. Oh my… I guess… wait… holy sh*t… is she a SUPERVILLAIN? Already? Usually it takes some sort of catastrophic mishap in the laboratory or some sort of interstellar genocide before you become enraged against humanity & want nothing more than to set entire planets on fire with your inventions. Super brilliant, young, maniacal, holy crap… and her name is… KHAAAAAAAARRRRRE!!! KHAAAAAAAARRRE!!! If she starts quoting Klingon proverbs, I say take her out as soon as possible. In all honesty though, great job Eesha! You may have saved humanity… for now.

 


 

Bug: The Other White Meat – Speaking of trying to save humanity, researchers say that Thailand is showing the world how to respond to the global food crisis: by raising bugs for eating. The United Nations' Food and Agricultural Organization released a study and handbook Tuesday on what they call 'six-legged livestock' — edible bugs and worms that can help meet global food demand that is expected to grow by 60% by 2050 (combination of more people & fatter asses I believe). The agency says they provide a rich source of protein, vitamins and minerals. The study was conducted in Thailand, where insects including crickets, grasshoppers and bamboo worms have long been a part of diets, especially in rural areas. Entomologist Yupa Hanboonsong says about 200 insect species are eaten in Thailand. Cricket farming alone is already a $30 million industry there, but only a few other species have been commercially marketed.

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “I could never eat bugs. Yiiikkkk…” First off, we’ll see if a few days without another food source will convince you otherwise. You may start seeing a pile of maggots like a handful of chickpeas. Secondly though, it’s actually a pretty brilliant idea… which is why it won’t catch on here in the states until it’s almost too late. Think about it… these insects that they’re talking about are full of protein & nutrients like the report says, grow & reproduce at a nearly astronomical rate, can be cultivated basically ANYWHERE, as far as content goes it’s healthier per pound that anything else your eating short of vegetables, and hell with as much spice as we mix in with anything anymore you probably wouldn’t even know it’s beef or bug or tofu. Now, I’ve eaten insects and various other creatures while I was in China for a month… and they’re really not that bad. Crunchy texture & a little awkward at first… but hell, Rachel Ray does a book collaboration with Myke Hawke (“Man, Woman, Wild” and I’m waiting for the spin-off after he & his wife have children “Man, Woman, Wild, Child”) and you’ve got a new fad that could be the next bacon craze. Wait… what the hell am I saying? Bacon is bacon. Bugs aren’t going to compete with that… well, at least as long as we still have pigs. Sweet delicious pigs… Anyway, had I startup capital, I’d want to get in on the ground floor of this industry of Grub Grub. It’s going to catch on, just you wait. Mmm… now I’m thinking about bacon…

 

Bacon Update - With Washington state about to embark on a first-of-its-kind legal market for recreational marijuana, the budding ranks of new cannabis growers face a quandary over what to do with the excess stems, roots and leaves from their plants. Susannah Gross, who owns a five-acre farm north of Seattle, is part of a group experimenting with a solution that seems to make the most of marijuana's appetite-enhancing properties - turning weed waste into pig food. That’s right, I’m talking about marinating bacon in THC to create some kind of stoner super-food. Watch out Funyuns! Four pigs whose feed was supplemented with potent plant leavings during the last four months of their lives ended up 20 to 30 pounds heavier than the half-dozen other pigs from the same litter when they were all sent to slaughter in March. Reasons? They sat around, played video games all day & had a permanent case of the munchies. Oh wait… here’s the expert opinion. "They were eating more, as you can imagine," Gross said. Giving farm animals the munchies is the latest outcome of a ballot measure passed by Washington voters in November making their state one of the first to legalize the recreational use of pot. The other was Colorado. Both were among about 20 states with medical marijuana laws already on their books. The federal government still classifies cannabis as an illegal narcotic, and the Obama administration has not yet said what actions, if any, it will take in answer to the newly passed recreational weed statutes. Matt McAlman, the medical marijuana grower who provided the pot leavings for Gross' pigs, says he hopes the idea expands with the likely impending expansion of Washington state's marijuana industry. "We can have pot chickens, pot pigs, grass-fed beef," he said. Draft regulations issued last week to govern the burgeoning recreational-use industry seem to leave open that possibility. The rules dictate that marijuana plant waste must be "rendered unusable prior to leaving a licensed producer or processor's facility," adding that mixing it with food waste would be acceptable. Gross' pigs were butchered by William von Schneidau, who has a shop at the famous Pike Place Market in downtown Seattle. In March, von Schneidau held a "Pot Pig Gig" at the market, serving up the marijuana-fed pork as part of a five-course meal. He quickly sold out the remaining weed-fed meat at his shop but plans another pot-pig feast later this summer, he said. "Some say the meat seems to taste more savory," he said. The results beg the question of whether pot-fed pork contains any measurable traces of THC, the mind-altering chemical ingredient in cannabis. The European Food Safety Authority reported in 2011 that "no studies concerning tolerance or effects of graded levels of THC in food-producing animals have been found in literature." The agency also noted that "no data are available concerning the likely transfer of THC ... to animal tissues and eggs following repeated administration." So there you go… maybe the best thing about the whole process is that it gets rid of the waste to somebody who will buy it… and it really doesn’t affect bacon other than makes it more desirable to a market that simply wants it for the implied effects of the diet. Kind of like buying a rum cake to get a buzz. Obviously I like the idea. It doesn’t hurt anybody… and starts a fledging new market to stoners with disposable income… or people that might just be curious about an allegedly healthier food alternative (similar to open range chicken, etc). I don’t see this growing as much as Grub Grub… but you know damn well I’m going to try it out when I see it at the Farmer’s Market as soon as it’s approved here in California. You know, most of the agricultural centers for marijuana are just across the bay in Oakland. Some of you may be saying that this is just another sign of the Apocalypse where humans are trying to fuse God’s creations together in some sort of unholy & unnatural union to make things better… and that always has horrible consequences in the movies (in real life it usually makes things like turducken & garlic butter & phablets). However, this is the one that should really unsettle you…

 

Apocalypse Update - An 18-foot, 8-inch Burmese python set a record for the longest snake ever captured in South Florida, where the exotic species has taken up residence. College student Jason Leon snared the female python in a rural area southeast of Miami earlier this month, when he saw part of it sticking out from brush along the roadside, said Carli Segelson, a spokeswoman for the state's Fish and Wildlife Commission. The python broke the previous record set in 2012 by a 17-foot, 7-inch snake caught by researchers studying the impact of the growing population of pythons on the Everglades National Park. My guess is that their findings have been silenced by the government to avoid public panic. With the help of his friends, Leon wrestled and killed the snake with a knife (MAN!!!), Segelson said. He then reported the find through Florida's "IveGot1" program, which connects callers to wildlife researchers. Seriously? That’s the name of the program? “I’VE GOT ONE!!!” “That’s great… is it over 12 feet? Otherwise we’d just say throw it in the trash can. The Burmese python is an invasive species in Florida. Native to the region from India to lower China, the species has been documented to grow as long as 26 feet and weigh 200 pounds. Florida sponsored a python hunting competition in January to see whether annual hunts might put a dent in the local population, and to provide specimens for further research. Personally, I think they need to up their hunting season based on the research coming out of the region. Theories on how the snakes got into the Everglades include dumping by pet owners and the destruction of a nearby exotic pet dealership during the 1992 Hurricane Andrew, and some even say they were planted here by the Chinese spies under the hypnotic control of the mysterious snakelord KA… but that’s probably just me. The important question is… what do we do now? Keep randomly finding these six-meter behemoths on the sides of our street attacking our infrastructure? Or do we take the fight to them? I think we need to get out there & make snake meat & snake skin the newest “hot thing” before they destroy the Everglades… then Florida… then the South… then AMERICA!!! Oh… and eventually the world. I’ve been documenting these finding for years now… we need to take action. Write your senator! Write your President! Write your mother (cuz she misses you)! Get all the machetes you can swing! Sh*t’s about to get real! VIVA LA ARMEGEDDON!!! Danny Trejo, are you with me?

"F**kin' ay Holmes!" 

Sofia Vergara?

 (inaudible over titty machine guns)

Alexa Vega?

"Wait... how old am I?" 

Amber Heard?

"I'm a lover not a fighter..."

 

 

 

Michelle Rodriguez & Jessica Alba?

"Yup yup!"

 

President Sheen?

 "Let's nook the f**kers!!!"

Ugh… Lady Gaga?

 "Sure... I'll make a cameo..."

That’s right, we need everybody in on this… and I’m really excited about “Machete Kills” coming out September 13^th… can you tell? Anyway, that concludes this broadcast… have a great day everybody!!!