Showing posts with label care bears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label care bears. Show all posts

Friday, August 27, 2010

More Signs of the Apocalypse

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I hung out with Pork Chop at his new place in Tahoe Donner… and it’s pretty nice. A little far away from work in stuff which would be a pain in the winter… but yeah, very nice. We had a few beers, talked about this and that, being a fellow Eagles fan he was a little pissed that I’m going to the Eagles-49ers game… but even more pissed that it was on his birthday, 10/10/10. That was going to be his birthday / housewarming party for the place & he wanted me to be there… but oh well, next time I’m sure. We’re actually gonna head over to Reno for the Great Western Rib Cook-Off next week, followed by some bowling, so that should be fun. Oh, also, Pork Chop’s roommate made us some WONDERFUL salmon with ginger slivers, grilled squash & zucchini, and some potatoes for dinner. That’s living.

The other night, I watched “Youth in Revolt” starring Michael Cena, Ray Liotta, Fred Willard and… Michael Cena again. Now, I don’t understand the appeal of Michael Cena (or his doppelganger Jesse Eisenberg) but hey, he’s only mildly amusing to me at best, usually irritating. Yeah, I’m rooting for The World in that Scott Pilgrim movie that just came out. Anyway, this movie is about a teenager (Cena) who meets a lovely interesting girl, falls in love (in his eyes), and then has to move back to Oakland. Now he wants to move back to be with her… utilizing various schemes created by his evil & suave alternate persona Francois (also Cena), which includes everything from lying to vandalizing to manipulation to spreading unfounded rumors to burning down half of Berkeley. Spoiler alert: It is kinda funny at some points… but in the end, I was just kind of sitting there like “So… wait, what? If I’m a persistent felon offender, then I get the girl in the end? That’s what I’m doing wrong?” So… yeah, check it out if you like Michael Cena. You see plenty of his awkwardness. Then again, maybe my final thought on the movie wasn’t completely unfounded…

Do-Gooders Shunned like Moochers - The fact that groups of people typically choose to expel selfish individuals is no surprise. But new research suggests such troops often want to kick out generous members as well. This counterintuitive behavior could be rooted in how such giving people make others feel bad, or simply in how they stand out from the crowd, researchers suggest. Initially, psychologists were investigating if groups would tolerate individuals who contributed little toward group endeavors but also mooched little of the subsequent payoffs. The researchers told 104 college students they were each in groups of five, in which each member interacted via computer. In reality the other four members were played by the computer -- three of the programmed members made consistently moderate choices, while the fourth typically made more extreme decisions. Each group member was given 10 points. The students were told they could invest as many of the points as they wanted into a bank, and were told how much the other members invested. The number of points in the bank was then doubled, and each member could then choose to harvest up to a fourth of the points in the bank. Any leftover points were then doubled, and the process started over again for several rounds. The students were told that at the end, the points would be converted to tickets in a lottery for coupons to campus eateries. At the end of this experiment, four students were selected at random to get food coupons. When asked whether they would like members to stay or leave the group, as expected the volunteers wanted to expel selfish moochers who invested little but harvested much, while they were indifferent to those who invested as much as they harvested. Surprisingly, however, generous members proved as unpopular as the bad apples. Puzzled, the scientists ran the experiment twice more, asking volunteers if they thought generous members were either confused or simply behaving randomly. In general, people don't like dealing with either incompetent or unpredictable individuals, and thus might want such members to leave the group, the psychologists reasoned. However, these studies not only replicated the initial findings, but also ruled out incompetence and unpredictability as reasons for the volunteers' common desire to kick out selfless members. Now fascinated, the researchers conducted the experiment once more, this time asking volunteers why they wanted to kick out members who gave to the public good while asking little in return. Nearly two-thirds of the time, the students essentially said such generosity made them feel as if they fell short by comparison. They said, "He makes us all look bad," for instance, or "People would ask why we can't be like him." About one-third of the time, the volunteers wanted to kick selfless members out apparently because they just deviated from the norm. They said, "This would be OK if someone else in the group was being like this, but no one is so it's wrong," for instance, or "I probably would have been OK with him if I hadn't seen everyone else's choices and saw that he was so different. He's too different from the rest of us." A few of the remaining miscellaneous reasons students gave suggested suspicion of some ulterior motive. They said, "I'll bet later on she or he would stop giving so much and would start taking more," for instance, or "This person probably wants us all to start taking less so they can come in and take a lot more and get more than us." These new findings fit in with past studies revealing that people often dislike exceptional competence or offers of help. This might stem from a competitive desire to do at least as well as whoever is setting the standard, leading to a drive to iron out differences between members of a group, even at the group's overall expense. In other words, although generous members might objectively benefit the group, subjectively others may see them as a problem. The selfless people in question likely find this lack of appreciation rather surprising, the researchers added. An interesting next step is to look at the reactions of generous people toward such rejection. They may spurn these groups and dubbing them ingrates, reduce their selflessness to fit the norms, or perhaps even increase their generosity if they see their efforts as important, the researchers noted. Study researcher Craig Parks, a social psychologist at Washington State University, and his colleagues now want to see what conditions might help keep such generous members in the group. "If we accept that chasing such generous people away is objectively not a good idea, are there things we can try and do to encourage others to not worry so much about whether this person seems to be behaving fairly or unfairly, or violating social norms," Parks said. "How can we build tolerance of people who behave like this?" When asked, Parks noted this "biting the hand that feeds them" behavior could represent a kind of problem that people have trouble reasoning their way through, much as they do at times with logical fallacies or statistical puzzles such as the Monty Hall problem. "It could have to do with some kind of flawed reasoning about the world," Parks said. Parks and his colleague Asako Stone detailed their findings online Aug. 5 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, since I know you want to read more on this. Anyway, just an interesting little study that I found kind of perplexing… you know, kind of seeing myself as a shunned do-gooder in some ways. Some people just don’t trust you… no matter how much you do for them or how worthy of their trust you are. Just part of the human condition, I guess. Oh well… we’ll see how that all plays out once the Apocalypse comes…

Apocalypse Update - A 79-year-old Sheboygan, Wisconsin woman who couldn't find any help when a rattlesnake showed up on her patio said it was no big deal taking matters into her own hands. Margaret Street said she used an ice chopper to kill the snake with three cuts behind the head. She made some calls hoping to find someone who could help her. She said when that failed she killed the snake because she was afraid it could hurt someone at a nearby elementary school. Dale Katsma, with the state Department of Natural Resources, said the massasauga rattlesnake is endangered in Wisconsin, but photos suggest this was a prairie rattlesnake, which isn't endangered or native to the area. He told The Sheboygan Press the snake may have been aboard a train bringing materials to a local salvage yard. Regardless of what you believe, the snakes are commuting now. Hitching rides on trains, going to places they shouldn’t logically be, for God’s sake, we’re talking about rattlesnakes in Wisconsin. That’s like finding an alligator in… well, Wisconsin. You may be saying, “$teve, you’re crazy. Why would a rattlesnake travel hundreds of miles just to take out an elderly lady in America’s Dairyland?” Because she knew how to fight back. Maybe that’s part of their master plan, to take out those who know how & aren’t afraid to fight back. Think about it. With them gone, what would the rest of mankind do? Piddle in their pants and just wait to be devoured. Not on my watch, b**ch! “$teve, you’re nuckin’ futz! Not only is the idea of snakes, bears & other woodland creatures trying to overthrow the human race a completely idiotic idea… but there is certainly no way that they are communicating and formulating some kind of master plan in doing so. Your logic is flawed. Good day sir.”

Snake Takes Out Hospital – I’m sorry, you were saying something derogatory about my warning? Oh, you’re done now? Great! A snake slithered into a switch box outside a New York hospital, where it met its maker… but also caused a 10-hour power outage. Officials at Vassar Brothers Hospital in Poughkeepsie, New York say backup generators kicked on Tuesday afternoon when a common-variety snake got into the switch box and disrupted the hospital's main power supply. Workers found the dead snake inside the box. Hospital officials say there were no patient care disruptions caused by the outage, which lasted from 3 p.m. Tuesday to 1 a.m. Wednesday. Some emergency room cases had to be diverted to other hospitals. While squirrels and other small animals have been known to get into electrical equipment and cause outages, a utility spokesman says it's the first time he's heard of a snake doing it. So to recap, one single solitary snake… took out an entire New York hospital… for ten full hours. Scared yet? Perhaps not this time. They were able to divert the sick & wounded to another nearby hospital temporarily… but what if when IT goes down, and their coordinated attack leaves our hospital powerless, and there’s no other hospital to go to… then what? I wouldn’t be surprised if they found remnants of explosives when this happens again. Oh yes, I’m talking about serpentine suicide bombers. Traveling underground, taking out power lines, phone lines, gas lines, fence lines, hisssssssssssss-BOOM!!! Who’s crazy now? What’s your “logical” explanation? The snake was cold, or attracted to the vibrations from the circuit breaker’s electric current, found it’s way in there & completed a circuit setting itself ablaze and causing the outage? Yeah, because the logical thing to do when you’re cold is stick your finger in the power socket. Yeah, that’s less crazy than my idea. It’s okay, I forgive you for criticizing me. You’re still not scared?

Throw In Some Dragons – For centuries, the largest lizards in the world, the Komodo Dragons, have been completely isolated on the islands of the South Pacific so that they won’t rip humans limb from limb in ravenous hordes with their diseased jaws. These things are HUGE!!! Like alligators that can run 20 MPH plus in packs… like four-legged raptors. Luckily though, they’ve been contained to these islands… until I read this article. Twenty-two Komodo dragons have hatched at the Los Angeles Zoo this month, giving a modest boost to the world's endangered population. The zoo's adult female Komodo, Lima, laid the eggs back on January 22nd. The first one popped through its soft-sided egg shell on August 8th and hatchlings kept coming for two weeks. Komodos are the world's largest lizards and are popular attractions at zoos from the United States to Europe. All 2,500 left in the wild can be found at the 700-square-mile Komodo National Park in Indonesia (allegedly). Komodos are cannibalistic and usually eat their young and eggs of their own species, so zoo officials say staying alive is tricky for a hatchling (or maybe it’s the dragons way of weeding out the week so that they will grow to be mighty generals of the Apocalypse). This is the first time the Los Angeles Zoo has succeeded at a breeding attempt. It joins fewer than 10 other zoos in North America that have made it work. Eleven babies will eventually go to the Columbus Zoo in Ohio and the others will go to zoos assigned by the Species Survival Program, curator Ian Recchio said Thursday. Los Angeles will just keep Lima and the adult male, Buru. It is exciting to know "the hatchlings from this clutch will go on to help ensure the survival of the species," Recchio said. Hatchlings are 14 to 20 inches long and weigh around 3 ounces, but they will grow to about 9 feet and can weigh 200 pounds or more. Males tend to be slightly larger than females and sometimes have yellow spots on their snouts but are otherwise gray. They have about 60 needle-like teeth that will grow back quickly if one falls out. They will cut their prey into sections and then swallow without chewing. They drink rarely, getting their fluids from the blood of their victims. There are no Komodos on display at the zoo now, but before the offspring all leave Los Angeles, some of them will be shown at the Winnick Family Children's Zoo. Yes, I just said that they will be on display… at the CHILDREN’S ZOO. In the wild, a young Komodo will sprint up the nearest tree to avoid being eaten by adults. They will stay in the trees and eat insects and other lizards until they get too heavy for the tree. By then, they will have developed enough to protect themselves from adult Komodos on the ground. Komodo dragons in the wild eat 80% of their weight and then go without food for several weeks. They will eat snakes, other lizards, reptile and bird eggs, carrion, deer, pigs, goats and dogs... but luckily have not developed a taste for manflesh (yet). They will even try to eat larger animals, like horses and water buffalo. The dragons are probably best known for their venomous saliva. It is naturally harmless, but picks up deadly pathogens because of the food they eat, Recchio said. The Komodos are immune to the bacteria, but the animals or humans in their path can be in nearly instant trouble. The animals are believed to have descended from a larger lizard on Indonesia's main island Java or Australia around 30,000 years ago. So now there are at least two dozen of these monsters in America’s most populous city, with others strategically positioned throughout the United States (including San Diego if you remember). Snakes, dragons, bears, what’s the next animal to join this coalition?

Tiger Update - Authorities at Bangkok's international airport found a baby tiger cub that had been drugged and hidden alongside a stuffed toy tiger in the suitcase of a woman flying from Thailand to Iran (for some reason), an official and a wildlife protection group said Friday. The woman, a Thai national, had checked in for her flight and her overweight bag was sent for an X-ray which showed what appeared to be a live animal inside, according to TRAFFIC, a wildlife trade monitoring group. The woman was arrested at Suvarnabhumi Airport before boarding her Sunday flight. The cub, estimated to be about 3 months old, was sent to a wildlife conservation center in Bangkok. "The cub arrived at our unit Monday," said Chaiyaporn Chareesaeng, head of the Wildlife Health Unit at the Department of National Parks' Wildlife and Plant Conservation Center, where the animal was put under close supervision. "He appeared exhausted, dehydrated and couldn't walk, so we had to give him oxygen, water and lactation (yummy)," said Chaiyaporn. "We have monitored him closely. As of today, he looks better and can walk a little now." A DNA test was expected to provide details about its origin (Hellspawn?), said Chaiyaporn. "I was a bit shocked because an animal isn't supposed to be treated like this," said Nirath Nipanant, chief of the airport's wildlife checkpoint. "Had the animal passed the oversize baggage check and gone through four to five hours of travel, its chances of survival would have been slim." The woman, identified as Piyawan Palasarn, 31, faces up to four years in prison and a 40,000 baht ($1,300) fine for two wildlife smuggling-related charges, police said. She denied the luggage with the cub belonged to her and said another passenger had asked her to carry it for them, said Adisorn Noochdumrong of the Thai Wildlife Protection Department. The cub could have fetched about 100,000 baht ($3,200) on the black market in Iran, where it is popular to have exotic pets (not just their wives either), Adisorn said. He said he did not know what the woman allegedly intended to do with this particular cub. He said his office wants the law amended so the maximum prison term is increased to 10 years. Wildlife experts say the number of tigers in Asia have plummeted over the years due mainly to habitat loss and poachers who sell their skins and body parts to booming medicinal and souvenir markets, mostly in China. Conservationists say the government needs to do more to eliminate trafficking networks that operate out of the country. "We applaud all agencies that came together to uncover this brazen smuggling attempt," Chris R. Shepherd, TRAFFIC's deputy regional director for Southeast Asia, said in a statement. Perhaps… or perhaps that’s what the adorable vicious cub wants you to think. Perhaps that woman’s family is now in danger because that cub’s parents were holding them hostage in exchange for transportation to the latest nuclear power where he already has a scheduled meeting with their ruler… we’ll just say “long funny name” to discuss a few things. Perhaps I’m just crazy… but on another note, seriously? Only $3200 for a tiger? Hmm… imagine walking that thing down the street. Can you imagine? “Oh my $teve, is that your new cat?” “Yup, rescued her from an Iranian shelter just last week during one of my many trips over there to help at women’s shelters in Tehran. Her name is Shibamba Makayla… which is Hindu for “Precious Flower that emits sunshine” (or whatever BS I come up with on the spot).” “Wow, that’s amazing. Is she safe? Can I pet her?” “I wouldn’t be walking down the street with her if she wasn’t safe… but don’t you find a little bit of danger quite erotic?” “Tehehe, sometimes.” “Tell you what, you can pet mine if you let me pet yours…” How did this go from an Apocalypse update to some really bad setup for an adult film? Sigh… such is my world. Well, at least there is some indication that we are able to fight back…

Bear Baying - A declawed, defanged bear is chained to a stake as hunting dogs bark and snap, trying to force the bear to stand on its hind legs. The training exercise called bear baying is intended to make the bears easier to shoot in the wild and it's only allowed in one state… the one state in the union that we KNOW we can always trust to be on the forefront of issues… and make the other states feel better about themselves… and that’s the great state of South Carolina. GO GAMECOCKS!!! Armed with new undercover video of four such events, the Humane Society of the United States is pressuring state officials to explicitly outlaw the practice, which the organization says is effectively banned in every other state (much like the confederate flag). Animal rights advocates say it's cruel to the nearly defenseless bears and harms them psychologically (Really? Defenseless bears? Let your kids play with ‘em). Hunters say the exercise popular in the state's hilly northwestern corner helps them train their dogs on what to do when they come across a bear during a hunt. But John Goodwin, the Humane Society's chief animal fighting expert (I want a job title like that), calls it "bear baiting" — a centuries-old bloodsport that is more for spectators' entertainment than instruction for dogs on what to do when they encounter wild bears. "This isn't about training dogs. This is a competition," Goodwin said a news conference in Columbia on Monday in conjunction with the public release of the videos. "If this is their idea of training a dog for hunting, then they're sending that dog on a suicide mission." State law on the issue is murky (much like the rivers). Statutes banning animal fighting have a specific exemption for dog training. And while South Carolina Attorney General Henry McMaster (great name, Hank McMaster) says animal cruelty laws prohibit bear baying, he hasn't prosecuted any cases. On Monday, a spokesman for McMaster's office said prosecutors were reviewing the videos. The videos, which were filmed with hidden cameras by activists posing as spectators, show an adult black bear standing on all fours, its back to a 4-foot high wooden fence, tethered to the ground by several feet of chain. Crowds of a few dozen line the dirt pen around it. The bear rises onto its hind legs as three hounds sprint toward it, which is precisely the point: Hunters have a better chance of killing a bear swiftly with a shot to its exposed underbelly. The unleashed dogs bark, show their teeth and swat at the bear, which lunges to the end of the chain, then backs up against the fence. Moments later, handlers pull off the dogs. A new team of dogs (most of them Plott hounds weighing about 50 pounds) soon takes on the roughly 150-pound bear. Dozens more will follow. "We really view this as a throwback to the days of the Roman Colosseum, when people filled an arena as spectators to watch animals pitted against each other," said Michael Markarian, the Humane Society's chief operating officer. Animals regularly died bloody deaths during the ancient battles Markarian references. But the Humane Society's videos show no bloodshed. Handlers need their dogs healthy for hunting, and the bear is needed for more exercise sessions. Along with staging activities such as dog races and field trials, hunting groups hold competitions in South Carolina to see whose dog team can most quickly get the bear to rise up on its hind legs, or "bay." "It's just training," says Brian Kelly, a hunting enthusiast who organized a bear baying in Greenville County in February. "There's no dogs that get in any conflict with the bear, and the dog does not get hurt." Kelly said the bear is kept in a cage while dogs on 3-foot leashes bark at it, with judges rating the dogs on how well they pay attention to and become accustomed to being close to the much bigger animal. That description isn't backed up by the Humane Society's videos, which clearly show the dogs and bear swatting each other. The dogs aren't on leashes, and one of them was injured after the bear slapped it, Markarian said. The only time the bear is shown in a cage on-screen is in the bed of a pickup truck, either before or after the baying. Markarian said bear baying is illegal in all states but South Carolina, though a review of some of those laws shows the ban is by default. North Carolina, for instance, has a law against keeping black bears in captivity except for zoos or for scientific research, but have no explicit ban on baying. South Carolina's ban on animal fighting has an exemption that allows bear baying, as long as there is no "repeated contact" between the animals. When the attorney general was asked to weigh in on the issue in 2008, McMaster issued an opinion saying he views the practice as illegal under the state's animal cruelty law. Bear hunting is permitted for two weeks each October in only three counties in northwestern South Carolina. Last year, hunters bagged 92 bears — the most ever recorded in a season. For a limited time in 2005, the state Department of Natural Resources issued 38 permits to keep bears for baying, all for bears that were already in captivity as pets or in small zoos. Fourteen of those bears have either died or been let go (recession has hit everything apparently), leaving 24 permitted captive bears, according to regional wildlife coordinator Tom Swayngham. At least eight of those animals are used for baying in the three counties where bear hunting is permitted, Markarian said. But the same bear showed up in all the events taped by the group's investigators, he said. The man identified by the Humane Society as the owner of that bear did not return repeated messages left by the AP. State records show he has permits for five black bears. Animal fighting has history in South Carolina, where the mascot of the state's flagship university is a "Fighting Gamecock" with metal spurs. See? I’m not crazy. The state's agriculture commissioner pleaded guilty in 2005 to extortion after admitting he took a bribe to protect a cockfighting ring. That led to a heated legislative debate about cockfighting, deadly contests between two roosters that have been illegal since 1917 but remain fairly commonplace. In 2006, Gov. Mark Sanford signed legislation raising penalties for cockfighting and outlawing hog-dog rodeos — events where dogs maul and maim hogs to subdue them — and other animal blood sports (a.k.a. Nature). State Rep. David Hiott of Pickens County, one of the counties that allow bear hunting, said it's unlikely the Legislature will revisit a ban on bear baying. If the Humane Society strikes out with lawmakers, it will ask wildlife managers to effectively halt bear baying by revoking the remaining captive bear permits, Markarian said. "They can put a stop to this cruelty immediately," he said. Thoughts? Here’s mine. I think those good ol’ boys in South Carolina are just preparing for the Apocalypse. You don’t hear much about black bears breaking into homes and such down there… unless you want to hear about how Junior got that stuffed bear right thurr. Besides, 92 bears? I think it’s a good idea to make sure that the dogs are still on our side. I’d hate to see the forthcoming war turn into another Civil War, where man is pitted against his brother… or rather, man pitted against his best friend. “Jasper, I thought we was friends.” “Haha, I’ve been affiliated with the Animal Resistance Movement (ARM) for years. I’ve been playing you like a Steinway, my friend.” “Wait, when did you learn to talk?” “All dogs can talk. We just choose to communicate using our complex array of barks that don’t translate to mere human ears. Don’t worry, I could never harm you, Cletus. That’s why that bear standing behind you is going to dispose of you.” Oh it’s too gruesome to imagine. Let us hope that it never comes to pass. Stay true, South Carolina. You’re a beacon of logic & understanding… by the way, sarcasm doesn’t translate when you type it out.

Anyway, I think that crazy talk will be enough for one day. No real idea what I’m going to do this weekend… but there is La Tomatina en Reno, which is that festival in Spain where they throw tomatoes at each other… and allegedly, Reno’s is the largest such celebration (?) in the United States, so that might be fun. Also, there’s their monthly Pub Crawl. Should be good sloppy fun. There’s also a wine walk or two here in town… and Burning Man starts on Monday but I more than likely won’t be attending that. Good times. Still no idea when my brother’s coming out here… but I honestly don’t care. I’m being incredibly too nice even considering it in the first place. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A New Great $teve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So last night, I’m home… and decide to make me some dinner. I was pretty hungry & just made a run to the grocery store… so I decided to make something, not really special, but out of the ordinary… and of course delicious. So I make me a quick Noah’s Ark with what I have. Oh… and for those of you new to the blog, Noah’s Ark is basically the signature dish if I ever own a restaurant, where you basically take two of every animal and throw it under a bun. Now, the ones that I usually make at a barbecue are a lot more… but last night I made one with a turkey burger, a beer braut sliced half so that it lies flat, a few strips of bacon, a sprinkle of bleu cheese, and of course a little barbecue sauce. Then I fried the bread like a Panini once all the ingredients were inside… you know, to seal it up nice. Sounds good, right? It absolutely was. Well, after that, the roommate and I basically watched a few hours of “Man vs. Food” on Travel Channel… and I sorta think that I missed my calling. Obviously I have a thing for incredibly delicious and unhealthy foods… and a bit of a competitive streak… and this Adam guy has the perfect job for that. Basically traveling around the country and looking for the best “pig out” spots to enjoy seared animal flesh. Burgers, barbecue, chicken, gravy, sausage, all the stuff that it’s stressed that you should eat in moderation, all on the menu… and it’s his job to try all the house specialties. And to top it all off, there’s always a food challenge… where he has to eat six pounds of barbecue… or six chicken wings that the sauce will take paint off a car… or eat a few hundred oysters… or a burger with literally everything on it, including the kitchen sink. It’s pretty epic… and it looks like fun (until the indigestion or fiery sphincter later on). Anyway, watching that stuff just makes me hungry, so guess what I’ll probably make for dinner tonight. Another Noah’s Ark. Oh well, we shall see. Here’s some news…

Another Great $teve – It’s a rare and blessed occasion when I’m able to sing the praises and induct a fellow great $teve into the Hall of Recognition. A folk hero in digital times, JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater has been thoroughly embraced by the Web. Not only have news stories about his meltdown on a plane from Pittsburgh to New York City been exceptionally popular on the Internet, but he's been feted in all manner of online tribute. Now he receives the ultimate tribute from me. Slater has consistently ranked as one of the most popular topics on Twitter and has birthed a small cottage industry of Facebook pages, with titles such as "Free Steven Slater" and "I Support Steven Slater." One group, dubbed the "Steven Slater Legal Defense Fund," is seeking to raise money for the airline veteran. More than 650 people are members of the group, which was founded by Gary Baumgardner, a pilot who pledges transparency in donating all the collections to Slater. He said he had raised more than $1,500 as of early Wednesday. What’s that? Oh you haven’t heard the Legend of $teve Slater? It’s f**king fantastic. Allow me to share. Steve Slater, 38, was a flight attendant with JetBlue. Basically, while loading the plane, there was a confrontation between passengers over overhead compartment space… and Steve stepped in. A female passenger berated him… and Steve turned the other cheek. After the plane landed Monday at John F. Kennedy International Airport, Slater was again berated by this woman because a bag that she stowed below the plane wasn’t readily available, allegedly calling him a motherf**ker. What happened next is the stuff of legend. Slater is accused of cursing at a passenger over the intercom (specifically saying “To the b**ch who called me a motherf**ker, f**k you!”), then dropped the intercom, said “I’m out!”, grabbed a few beers and exited on the plane's emergency slide. Awesome, right? It gets better. Two hours later, some fifty officers and marshals surrounded Slater’s home and arrested him… while in the act of sexual intercourse. Yes ladies & gentlemen, imagine if you will, a house completely surrounded by cops like they’re raiding the home of Pablo Escobar, they bust down the door, only to find this great $teve putting the good hurt on a loved one, slinging man jam all about his home. Needless to say, he was arrested and jailed before being freed on bail. A defense attorney says Slater didn't put anyone in danger. The website Free Steve Slater has been launched in support of Slater. It introduces itself: "Steve! This page is for you! Get in touch and let us know what you want to do with it!" One of the trends on Twitter has been to imagine T-shirts dedicated to Slater's audacious escape. Film critic Roger Ebert was among those churning out ideas, including: "Front: `I may be under arrest...' Back: `But I got two free beers out of it.'" Actual T-shirts were already for sale online, though with the more simple "Free Steven Slater" printed on them. On eBay, luggage tags reading "Steve Slater: An American hero" were for sale, as was a painting of Slater holding a prison number, which was going for $355 as of Wednesday afternoon. Other designs took the easy bait of parodying flight manuals. One that quickly went viral — designed by Aurich Lawson, creative director of the technology news website Ars Technica — is labeled the "proper technique for exiting aircraft" and shows a generic figure descending an inflatable slide with two beers in hand. "Watching people root for him ... is half the fun," Lawson said in an e-mail. "The reaction makes the event larger than life, kind of catapulting it into myth status overnight." Response in song has been common, too. On Tuesday, Slater was led into a state court in the New York City borough of Queens to be arraigned on charges of criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and trespassing, counts that carry a maximum penalty of seven years in prison. After posting bail, he told reporters, "It seems like something here has resonated with a few people. And that's kind of neat." So what do you think? Would you have done it? God knows we’ve all wanted to… and God bless this man for actually doing it (though it may send him to prison, which is unfortunate). Sometimes keepin’ it real goes wrong… but still, kudos… and welcome to the Hall of Recognition, Mr. Slater. Really wish there was a video somewhere of this event...

Taxi Awards – Ever wonder where the best taxi drivers are? Or where the worst taxi drivers are? Well, now you know. London taxis, with their friendly drivers who actually know where they are going, are ranked best in the world, according to an annual taxi poll. The survey by travel website hotels.com found London taxis, despite being the most expensive, beat rivals across the globe to head the list for the third consecutive years, scoring a total of 59% in votes on several categories by travelers. London taxi drivers were voted both friendliest and most knowledgeable. Drivers in the English capital must pass a rigorous examination called The Knowledge to earn their taxi license. New York's yellow taxis came second in the list, scoring 27% which was up 10 percentage points from last year even though Manhattan's cab drivers tied with Parisian taxi drivers as the rudest (that’s bad). Travelers said New York had the most available taxis. Cabbies in Rome were voted the worst drivers in the world with almost one in 10 travelers thinking the Italian capital had the world's worst taxi drivers when it came to the quality of driving. "Traveling by taxi is one of the first experiences that many travelers have upon arrival in a new city. In fact, the research found that cabs are by far the most popular method of traveling from the airport to their hotel," a spokesman for hotels.com said in a statement. The global poll scored city based taxis for their levels of cleanliness, value, quality of driving, knowledge of the area, friendliness, safety and availability. Rounding out the top five were Tokyo with a total score of 26%, Berlin with 17%, and Bangkok famed for its tuk-tuks scoring 14%. I’ve gotta give it up for Bangkok because a cabbie there helped save my mama a few months back. Madrid's taxis were ranked sixth in the poll, followed by Copenhagen and Dublin with 11% and Frankfurt and Paris with 10%. Taxis in Sydney fell short of the top 10, scoring badly in the areas of value for money, availability and knowledge of the area. The survey for hotels.com, part of the Expedia group, was conducted among over 1,900 travelers between May 11-28 this year. I have to agree. London taxi drivers are probably the best out there. Though I have a lot more experience with New York, Vegas & Miami over the years. I’ll tell you who’s probably worst on the list… and it’s my old mistress Vegas. Had MANY a bad experience… rude, unknowledgable, overpriced, lie about accepting credit cards, get all b**chy when you make love stains in the backseat, the list goes on and on, which is unfortunately because that may contribute to why half the drivers on the road out there are intoxicated. Anyway, your thoughts?

Maternal Quartet - Four sisters from one family have each given birth within four days. That's four sisters, four babies, four days. The same obstetrician delivered the babies of three of the sisters — 27-year-old Lilian Sepulveda, 29-year-old Saby Pazos and 24-year-old Leslie Pazos — in the same suburban Chicago hospital on Friday and Saturday. A fourth sister, Heidi Lopez, gave birth on Monday in California. Family members said the women didn't plan the timing. Obstetrician Dr. Jean Alexandre, who delivered the three babies in suburban Chicago, calls the births "very unusual but wonderful at the same time." No planning huh? Hmm, I know what you ladies did last Halloween… forty weeks ago. Apparently there was a lot of something something going on. Anyway, just thought that I’d share the story with you. I’m sure the parents of these sisters are insanely busy trying to see all the new grandkids.

Panda Update – Speaking of babies, a giant panda born and raised in Japan has given birth to two cubs, her second set of twins, a zoo official said Thursday. Nine-year-old Rauhin gave birth to a female and a male cub Wednesday at Adventure World zoo in western Wakayama prefecture -- where she has spent her whole life -- after mating naturally with a panda brought from China (bow chicka bow wow). Rauhin was the first Japanese-born panda to breed when she gave birth to twin cubs in 2008. Her caretakers at the zoo conducted artificial insemination to improve Rauhin's chances of breeding two years ago, but the new babies were born as the result of natural mating with the Chinese male panda, the zoo said. "The two pandas go together very well," Adventure World spokesman Tadashi Ishikawa told AFP. "Giant pandas usually have a mating season only about three days a year (birthday sex? Must think they’re married), which makes it very difficult for them to breed. But the environment here seems to be good for our pandas." Captive giant pandas are known for their low sex drive, which is exacerbating falling numbers as their natural habitat in southwestern China is encroached on by development. There are currently 10 giant pandas in Japan, eight of them at Adventure World, but they all belong to China -- including Japanese-born Rauhin. China is to send another pair to Tokyo's Ueno Zoo for a price tag of almost a million dollars a year, to be paid for over the next decade (like sports stars, only w/o the sex drive). The money will be spent on wild animal protection in China. An extension of the lease can be negotiated, and the Tokyo zoo can keep babies born to the pair for the first two years, although China retains ownership. Ling Ling, the last panda owned by Japan, died of heart failure in 2008 at the age of 22 -- the equivalent of 70 human years. So there you go. Either we’ve got a panda mommy having twins every few years… or cloning has taken yet another major step forward… or they’re just very convincing robots. You can never tell with Japan involved. Yay pandas!!! Some may think that they’re just giant infertile raccoons… but I personally know that they are…

BEARS!!! - A brazen black bear with a late-night hankering for supreme pizza surprised a Montana resident last week, and it's not the first time the animal has eluded capture. The bear is believed responsible for about 21 break-ins in the Red Lodge area in south-central Montana over the past few weeks. I repeat: 21 Break-ins… over the past few weeks. In the most recent heist, Marek Rosin said he awoke at about 1:30 a.m. on July 29 to find the bear had pushed open the door to his back porch and was raiding his chest freezer. "He was about four feet from me with his head in the freezer munching on a pizza. It was almost comical if it wouldn't have been that close." Rosin scared the bear off before it could eat anything more (like Mr. Rosen). Most of the break-ins involve the bear climbing through a screened window or breaking through a screen door to access refrigerators or freezers, said Shawn Stewart, a Fish, Wildlife and Parks biologist. Stewart said he thinks a single adult black bear is causing most of the problems (is that considered profiling? I know it would be if I were to say a single adult black man is causing most of the problems… and that’s just changing one word). Two culvert traps were set up, but the bear has avoided them. Apparently he’s smarter than the average bear… because another bear was captured and relocated. Seriously, how can you tell them apart? Over the past few days, no new reports of bear break-ins have come in. It's unknown if the bear might have left the area. Bear incidents are also being reported south of Bozeman, east of Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming and around Jackson Hole, Wyoming. "It's fairly widespread," Stewart said. I know that the great $teve Colbert has been reporting on the threat of bears for years… and I’ve been reporting on the threat of snakes… could they somehow be forming some kind of multispecies coalition to overthrow their human overlords? I only ask this because… well, there’s bears in them woods out here. I figured the snakes wouldn’t be much of a threat given the cold… but bears, this is their territory. I’m must saying, keep an eye out.

On that note, I’ll call it a day. Tonight's a meteor shower & Truckee Thursdays. The weekend’s coming up soon… and not too sure what I’ll be doing… but I know there’s a Blues Beer & Funk Festival at Squaw Valley on Saturday… so I’ll probably be hitting that up. Huey Lewis & the News are in Reno too. Can’t really go wrong with them. Now when I hear of Huey Lewis, I can’t help of think of “American Psycho” and the timeless line “Sabrina, don’t just stare at it. Eat it!” Good times. Have a great night everybody!!!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Adventures in Babysitting: Vegas

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's been a few days since my last report...but I've been in Las Vegas...and though I'm gonna warn you ahead of time that there's no tales of debauchery or wild parties or drunken adventures, so if you're looking for that, I'm afraid that I'll have to disappoint you. There's actually not even any accompanying pictures to go along with it. Sadly I have to start off by saying that two legends passed away over the weekend with comedian Bernie Mac and the great musician Isaac Hayes moving on to the next gig in the sky. Odd thing is that both men star in the upcoming movie "Soul Men" with Samuel L. Jackson and directed by Malcolm D. Lee ("Undercover Brother"). In the November flick, Mac and Jackson star as soul singers who agree to reunite and perform at a tribute for their recently deceased band leader after being estranged for a couple of decades...with Hayes playing himself, of course. Life is an amazing and mysterious thing. Be sure to treasure every moment with those that you care about.

Let's see, Wednesday was good news because my manager certification has finally been given a date. After that, nothing much really happened other than housesitting for my dad while he was in Sturgis (probably having the time of his life). After that, I went to the airport. While waiting for my plane, there was a few dozen Chinese students in a tour group chatting away. Some of the girls were glancing at me and giggling from afar. Not sure what that means...but it was probably my Dee's Nuts shirt...or not. It might have been lost in translation. I did try to start a conversation with a guy, maybe seventeen or so, that sat next to me...with my one semester of Mandarin that I took almost three years ago. It didn't last very long...actually like two exchanges. "Ni hao." "Ni hao. Ni hao ma?" "Wo hen hao xie xie. Ni na?" "Wo hen hao. (Mandarin I don't know)" "Sorry, that's all I've got for Mandarin." "(Blank stare)" So I felt a little better knowing that I knew a little more Mandarin than he knew English. Oh...and in case you were wondering that exchange means, "Hello." "Hello, how are you?" "I am good, thank you. And yourself?" "I am good, purple monkey dishwasher..."

The flight arrived a little late...but it didn't matter...because we had to sit on the tarmac for about an hour too because, get this, they told us over the intercom that they were having trouble starting one of the engines. Why would you tell us that? I'm not afraid of flying or anything...but there was a 7-year old brat in the seat behind me who wouldn't shut up about it. "Did you hear that? We're going to get up in the air and crash? The plane's gonna go woo, woo, kerplooosh, AAAAAH!!!" By the way, he wasn't being a dick and trying to scare people. He was really scared about it...and had to make sure that everybody knew about it. The lady next to me was a little freaked out...or just fidgety or something. His mom said, "It's okay. They're going to fix it before we take off." "No, they're not. They're just going to put some gum on it or something and it's going to explode on reentry (are we in a rocket ship now?)" So that's when I turn around and say, "Hey buddy, no need to worry. I'm an airplane engineer...and it's actually surprisingly difficult to crash an airplane. You're much safer here than riding your bike...and they won't let us leave until the plane is fixed." "I don't have a bike." "Me neither. High five!" Hand was raised...but he looked at it like it was an uncooked Pop Tart. I was left hanging...by a spectacled 7-year old brat. "Don't worry playa. We're perfectly safe." Moments later, we crashed into the Great Salt Lake. Okay, we really didn't. You would've seen it on the news. I basically just left it at that...and the kid just talked quieter. I then asked the lady next to me if she wanted some water or something...and got it for her...since we weren't going anywhere.

Then he had our one-hour and two-minute flight...followed by an HOUR wait for my luggage (had to check because I had a Mach 3 Razor and a tube of toothpaste). After about twenty minutes, I started talking to the guy next to me at Baggage Claim about how this was ridiculous and blah blah blah...but worst of all, my ride was waiting in the parking garage for me...since I first got there...and I made her wait...because it took them an hour to unload my bag. Anyway, that was really lame...but we got home and to bed by midnight-ish. Which sucked because Bubbles had work the next morning, so I felt bad for that. I made it up to her with a neck massage...because that's what I do.

Thursday

I woke up a little earlier than I wanted to...but because I was babysitting Keanna, Bubbles' 6-year old roommate. Now, she has been through a lot of drama over her life, especially over the last few months, but she's honestly one of the sweetest kids that you could ever imagine. She really liked to play with Cookie (me) too. Every few seconds it was "Hey, wanna play (game)?" "Sure, why not?" We played Perfection, Connect Four, drawing, paper airplanes, basketball with crumpled paper, and a bunch of other games over the course of about eight hours (Bubbles was at work & her mom Barbie was running errands).

That night, Bubbles and I were going to meet up with Hedelia and her kids and little sister at La Salsa so that the kids could play (and hopefully run themselves ragged) and the adults could sip on some margaritas. It worked out splendidly. During that time, Hedelia suggested that I speak with HR director again to see when they'll start hiring again...because allegedly it may be next month or sooner. So I will certainly do that this week. Other than that, we watched some TV while it allegedly rained (and flooded) in Henderson...but we didn't see a drop on our block. Slept like babes.

Friday

Again, it was my day to watch Keanna and we played more games. She kept saying stuff like "You're fun...because you're like a kid." It may be true. I have some youthful enthusiasm when it comes to playing with kids. Also, she had Guitar Hero...so we played that for a bit too. I had never played Guitar Hero before...but it's exactly like Rock Band when it comes to the guitars. I mentioned to Keanna that I had Rock Band at home...and now she can't wait for me to move down there too. Also this day, Barbie had a bit of drama with her ex and had a yelling conversation over the phone (as I tried to distract Keanna in her bedroom and outside so that she didn't have to hear) and when they went to run some errands later on, the ex stopped by, so Bubbles & I were there to mediate. Good times. Not really though.

That night, we had Fatburger for dinner at Sunset Station (good eats) then Bubbles & I met up with Hedelia and her husband to go see "Step Brothers" with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. For those who haven't seen the previews, it's about two bratty forty-year old men who become stepbrothers when their overprotective parents marry. It's a pretty crude and ultimately stupid comedy...but it does have its moments. If you were expecting more than you haven't seen the last half dozen Ferrell flicks or something. During the movie, Bubbles started having a migraine again so we headed back home after that (around midnight anyway) and I did my usual nurse routine to help her out...and it was greatly appreciated.

Saturday

Saturday was housesitting day for one of Bubbles' friends...but it was okay because we got to see their pets (two cute bulldogs named Tilly & Willy and three chubby cats, one named Mr. Beefcake) and get to use their pool and have some fun. Now, I'm a fair-skinned guy. I lathered on the sunscreen...but I knew that it wouldn't do much in the long run...especially when it's around 110. We had a great time though. We played variations of volleyball (variations because Keanna can't swim and didn't want to learn, though I'm a pretty good teacher), Red Light-Green Light, Marco Polo, and even a little adventurer game that she & I played while Bubbles made PB&J sam'iches. In that game, we went through waterfalls, fought off monsters (like a mermaid beach ball & a snake-like vacuum pump) and raced around the edge of the pool. We all had a great time...and I have the splotches of red upon my shoulders and chest to prove it...but at least I have some color now.

When we got home, we were all pretty tired, so we decided to watch some movies. Bubbles took a nap (other headache coming on) so Keanna & I watched a movie that was actually one of my favorites as a kid, "The Care Bears II the Movie." Here's the really scary thing though...about thirty seconds into the movie, I realized that I was singing along with the movie that I hadn't seen in probably twenty years. Basically, the plot of the movie (for those who care) is about the Care Bears & Care Bear Cousins starting out as babies and get babysat by John & Dawn...while their friend Christy makes a pact with the evil Darkheart, who's after the Care Bears to destroy all the caring and kindness in the world...starting with a summer camp that the three real kids are going to (in the ultimate "Red Dawn" strategy of taking over from the inside-out, I guess). Anyway, I don't want to give away the ending...but it's definitely worth a watch...if you have kids that like it. FYI - It was one of Bubbles favorites growing up too...but she'll never admit to knowing all the songs. Allegedly, she's too cool for all that. Here are some other things that I noticed about the show that intrigued me...




  • I believe that all the Care Bears have regrets...namely the matching heart tattoos on their right butt cheeks

  • The voice of Christy was done by Cree Summers, who voices Foxxy Love on the "Drawn Together" series

  • Why is that when the Care Bears do the Care Bear Stare, they close their eyes and laser beams show out of their chests like Iron Man?

  • If True Heart (bear) & Noble Heart (horse) were the only Care Bears...then they had a bunch of Care Bears...and Care Bear Cousins (lions, raccoons, elephants, monkeys, penguins, etc) were are the Care Bear Daddies?

  • Also, were both True Heart & Noble Heart girls? They both sounded like it...and in that case, were they like...a couple...or just friends?

  • Why do I still have the songs stuck in my head?



After that, we had a dragon trifecta starting with "Dragonheart" starring Dennis Quaid, Dina Meyer, David Thewlis (simply an unattractive man), and the voice of Bond, Sean Connery. I believe I already talked about this one last time I went down to Vegas for the weekend...but I actually got to see it this time instead of leaving about ten minutes into it. Then we watched the sequel "Dragonheart: A New Beginning" starring...well the Masterson kid from the Pirates movies. That's about it. It was pretty dumb...but what do you expect from a straight-to-DVD sequel? The third leg was "Eragon" with Jeremy Irons and the evil John Malkovich (for about thirty seconds...but even that's enough). We all really liked "Eragon" and Bubbles is really looking forward to the sequels (told her that it was based on a series of books). Oh...and my ability to pay attention to movies came in handy because both Keanna & Bubbles have a tendency to ask questions throughout the movie like "Is that the bad guy?" "What just happened?" "Who's that guy?" "What?" "What's the blue thing? Why is it so important?" "What's that smell?" and I was there to catch them up on the story...and leave them wanting when it was supposed to be a surprise...unless they gave me that pouty faced look, then I'd tell them anyway.

After Keanna, went to bed, Bubbles & I watched "Red Eye" a thriller starring superhot Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy. This story is about a young woman who boards an airplane to find out that the person sitting next to her has her father being watched by an assassin and simply wants her to change a high-profile senator into a different room at the hotel that she runs...or her father dies. It's actually really creepy...and I had seen it before but it was good to see it with Bubbles because she really likes scary movies that aren't gory and this fits the bill (rated PG-13 though directed by Wes Craven). I would recommend it to anybody out there that likes a good scary flick...and without the superbloody stuff that plagues the industry these days. Bubbles & I realized how much that we miss our Movie Nights that we used to have. She's a lot of fun.

Sunday / Monday

We slept in this day because we were pretty much planning on doing an all-nighter since I had to be at the airport around 5 AM Monday morning. Anyway, we woke up, watched Keanna, did some grocery shopping, went to McDonald's so that Keanna could play in the area...but she was being bossy to some older kids (like 11 or 12-years old) who were climbing where they shouldn't have been...so after a few warnings and her still doing it, we left. Barbie got home, we watched "The Bee Movie" which was surprisingly good. I say surprising...because I'm not a huge fan of the Seinfeld...and I know that you'll judge me for saying that...but it's the truth. It's okay...but I can't understand why people say it's the greatest comedy in TV history. That's all. However, I would recommend this movie to anybody with children...or without. It's about a bee who decides to finally break the code of silence with the human race...and basically ends up suing them for all the Honey in the world. That's a poor summary...but the movie's much better & funnier than it sounds. Check it out. "We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. Black & Yellow!!!"

After that, Bubbles & I watched a bunch of episodes of "The L Word" series starring Jennifer Beals, Mia Kirschner, and a lot of steamy scenes with beautiful young ladies...so I was interested. Oh...and lesbian drama, so Bubbles was interested in that too. It's a pretty good show. Thanks for introducing me, Bubbles. After that, we basically just talked as best friends do, dozing off a few times for quick naps until she took me to the airport at 5 AM.

I made my 6:20 AM flight...but it didn't matter because we were delayed an hour again for...inability to start one of the engines. Was this the same plane? This time, the people next to me were a guy and his little two-year old son Isaihia (same name as one of my best & oldest friends). The guy kept apologizing when he would scream or something when sitting on the tarmac for an hour. "I'm sorry." "That's okay. He's what? About two?" "Yeah, just had his second birthday." "It's all good. I have a niece about his age and I spent all weekend with a six-year old myself (showed off my gangsta Care Bears tattoo on my arm)" "Nice. That probably costs a pretty penny." "Nyeh, she just had to ask nicely and bat her eyelashes a bit. I'm a sucker...all the way to the soggy white stick." "I hear ya, man." Eventually I got home and took a nap and showered up and all that stuff...then I started typing this up. Now, I may go find something to do...or just stay home and relax. All in all, it was a great trip.

You may be asking, "So...you did NOTHING in Vegas?" If you mean like no Blue Man Group, concert, VIP party at the Forty 40 club hanging with my boy Jigga, or anything like that...then you're absolutely correct. However, I did exactly what I planned on doing. I hung out with my friends who I care about...and had a great time. I'm a sucker for making people smile...and I did plenty of that this weekend.

Oh, speaking of which, almost as soon as I landed, my sister-in-law gave me a number for a friend of hers named Porsia, who's "sweet and absolutely gorgeous, 23 years old, and has a two year old son. Text her please." So eventually I did...and she seems like a nice girl and wants to meet me next time I go up to Ogden to see the family. Then again, they all start out sounding nice before you get to know them and they destroy your soul from the inside. Just based on my experience. Anyway, I'll keep you posted when/if that happens.

Have a great night everybody!!! RIP Mac & Ike the Ripper!!! I hope that Brett Favre enjoys playing for the Jets. Check out the Olympics...and best of luck to Michael Phelps in his pursuit of swimming gold. Again, big thanks to Bubbles, Barbie, and Keanna for a wonderful weekend!!! Love you all madly!!!

Where Should I Go Next?