Two Inches Below the Heart

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Wednesday night, we finally watched a movie that we’ve anticipated since we first heard about it on “Electric Boogaloo” the documentary about Cannon Films. The working title of this movie may have been “Space Vampires in London” and based off a similarly named novel… but this 1985 sci-fi feature from director Tobe Hooper (“Poltergeist”) & the writer of the sci-fi classic “Alien”… also premiered the flawless nude body of 19-year old French ballet dancer Mathilda May (still f**king stunning at over 50 BTW). I’m talking of course… about the movie “Lifeforce”!!! Now… I had never heard of this movie before the documentary… and I have no idea how that’s possible. It must have REALLY tanked. It also wasn’t on Netflix either streaming or via mail… so I actually bit the bullet… and purchased the Blu Ray sight unseen (thanks Amazon). So the story picks up in deep space… where an American-British collaboration space team is exploring Haley’s Comet, when they notice a large (phallic) spacecraft in the comet’s tail… and discover a weird sort of holding cell with these flawless humanoids in suspended animation (and some charred remains of giant bat creatures). Well, they decide to take three of the humanoids & one of the bat creature corpses on board… and set the course back to Earth. Spoiler alert: Something goes wrong. So then the shuttle is free-floating in Earth’s orbit (auto pilot) and they send another team of astronauts to go get them… but find that everything & everyone on board has basically been charred… except for the three humanoids. They bring them down to Earth… and soon find out… the horror that they’ve unleashed on the planet!!! Okay, that’s all I’m going to say… because I want you all to watch this movie by any means necessary. Hit me up if you want to watch it again! I’m not going to lie… based on the documentary (and other Cannon Films), I went into this movie with low expectations & just wanted to see some 80’s effects and some Mathilda May boobage… but this movie was f**king legit in a lot of ways. Here, I’ll break it down:

 

What I Liked About the Movie:

 

·         The Special Effects – Look, I recognize that some of the green screen portions of the movie are a little hokey & jaunted… and some of the puppetry effects are slow & dated by the 80’s… but compared to what I was expecting & have seen from other 80’s movies, this sh*t is on point! The green screen portions may be a little dated… and the comet is ridiculous… but the backgrounds & sheer visuals of it are on point with 2001 & some of the H.R. Giger type stuff. The puppetry effects aren’t bad… and there are a LOT of explosions. Knowing that the movie was done on a budget… I was seriously impressed.

 

·         The Symphonic Score – The London Symphonic Orchestra scores this movie… and it’s f**king amazing! They build great tension throughout… but it doesn’t seem old & repetitive. I think the end credits song is even one of the classics that they use on NFL Films presentation. Great job with the score!

 

·         The Randomness of Things – There are guilty pleasures of mine in movies… and it’s often from just not knowing what to expect. This notion of unpredictability was alive & well in Cannon Films movies. This movie is no exception. Because you really have no idea what to expect from the storytelling, the acting, the effects, and how they keep trying to connect these random threads for little or no reason… it keeps you glued to the screen… because you don’t want to miss the craziness (or random boobs). The “she’s a masochist” scene… whoa!

 

·         Sir Patrick Stewart – YES!!! Captain Picard is in this movie… and the scene where he’s on the table & the aura of Mathilda May is speaking through him to our protagonist… fantastic!

 

·         Mathilda May – Let’s not f**king joke about it… gorgeous. She may only be on screen for like… ten minutes maybe? She may not actually say any words in the movie (dubbing?). Make no mistake that she’s the focal point of the movie though in every conceivable way. I feel like teenage Angelina Jolie took some notes after catching her dad watching this movie & turned it into her empire.

 

What I Didn’t Like About the Movie:

 

·         The Vampire Thing – Look, I know that this is based on a story about space vampires… but this movie didn’t really have vampires. I also know there’s the whole thing at the end of the 2^nd act where Professor Exposition starts saying that perhaps the legends of vampires of the old world were based on these humanoids and blah blah blah… but you know what’s NOT explained? The giant bats!!! Is that part of their maturation? Once they hit a certain galactic age, do they just sprout wings and become fanged gargoyles? (I smell a sequel?) These humanoids suck the “lifeforce” out of humans every two hours to keep from… basically exploding into dust… and from what I can tell, their powers are being stunningly sexy, strength, being impervious to bullets (grenades?), some telepathic powers, the ability to transfer their lifeforce into other people & shattering glass with their comatose expressions… but they don’t transform into bats, rats or any of that other vampire stuff… garlic is fine… there are no fangs… there’s no cloaks and/or poofy shirts… hell, there’s not even clothes unless I assume the set was about 40 degrees and they just wanted to drape a sheet over the actor to keep them from freezing to death! What’s the one traditional vampire thing about the whole movie? How they can be killed… IRON STAKES THROUGH THE HEART… or as the movie puts it, something like “The Old Way! Leaden iron… through the energy center… two inches below the heart!” You know… the Old Way. None of these newfangled ways like… grenades.

 

Overall, I’d say that you have to check this movie out at least once! Hell, I’m going to watch it a few more times… probably because it’ll be an episode on the Podcast… but I may be getting ahead of myself on that one. The movie is a little difficult to find… but well worth it.

 

Wednesday night, I met up with some of the future in-laws for dinner at Elevation 66 Brewing to celebrate my future mother-in-law’s birthday. It was a lot of fun… the food was great… the people were even better… here are some pictures…

 

Saturday, Cesar, Heather & KJ were in the Bay Area… so while Heather was at a seminar in Oakland, the boys Cesar & KJ came to have fun with us… and we had a great breakfast at a place called Grindz in Pac Heights… and then went to check out Japantown… and then relax (long night before for them) by watching “Animal Fight Night” on Netflix… seriously, that show is DOPE!!! We ended the evening with dinner at Elevation 66 (yes, twice in about 48 hours… boom!). Here are some pictures…

 

Sunday, we had a birthday party for Izzy’s mom & sister Tess at the Aunties’ house… and we get to see the wee nephew Everett… here are pictures of that too…

 

 

Lastly for this update, Izzy & I had some brewing stuff to take care of. First up, we had our Barrel-Aged Barleywine to bottle (and test before various birthday celebrations in the coming months) so here are some pictures of that…

 

…and then we had an empty barrel with a little souring going on… so we barreled our intentionally Sour Chocolate Stout from the double batch a few weeks ago to age in the barrel and get a good sour going that we can visit in a few months…

 

...kegging our regular Chocolate Stout...

 

…and lastly, we transferred our Homegrown Galena Hopped Pale Ale to secondary.

 

Whew… a pretty busy week if I say so myself with both of us working full-time… but a LOT of fun & a LOT more fun to come. So until next time, have a great day everybody!!!

Brewing Up Some Fun

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Saturday, we did a Costco run and a lot of cleaning up around the apartment to make it hospitable… and we stopped by Izzy’s house to see how her pets are doing… but more importantly, see how our hops are growing…

 

but after running around the bay area, we ended up at Izzy’s Aunt’s place for a barbecue… and it was pretty fantastic. Great food, great peeps, and a few hours by the fire pit getting that camp smell all over us… good times…

 

Sunday was a busy brewday which started out with us brewing another batch of Dunkelweizen like we did a month ago. This batch is for an SFHG competition and the first batch was pretty fantastic to style… but it was also kegged… and nearly gone now due to deliciousness. We brewed the same recipe, the same way, the only difference this time around… is we’re using the FastFerment fermenter!!! We got the replacement part & it’s working just fine… so we’ll see how it does…

 

 The next morning, already foaming like crazy...

We also tried a new method of taking stickers off bottles… so now we can use most beer bottles for our own use with some cleaning. For example, we get a 12 pack of Anchor Porter… and now instead of recycling them, we can take the labels off & use them for our own brews. Heck, even label them ourselves if we so choose…

 

We also FINALLY bottled our barrel-aged Scotch Ale which had been sitting in our whiskey barrel for the past three months… it’s delicious…

 

We then immediately filled the barrel with our Chocolate Porter for a 3^rd round… and possibly the last one using the barrel that won’t be a sour ale… I’m interested to see how it turns out… but we’ve got a few months at least until it’s ready…

 

So yeah, busy little weekend… but nothing compared to the rest of this week, hence the quick update. More fun stuff coming soon though… have a great day everybody!!!

Little Beers & Little People

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Okay… first & foremost, I have to tell you about this movie that I had never heard of… and I’m a little angry because of it. That movie is 2003’s “Tiptoes” which is a smaller independent film… but with a cast featuring Academy Award winners Matthew McConaughey & Gary Oldman… along with peak Kate Beckinsale… Patricia Arquette’s crazy ass… and two of my favorites Peter Dinklage & David Alan Grier… yet I’ve never heard of it. HOW??? Well, let me tell you why… it’s a horrible movie. No, not the premise or message or anything… just the execution of the “story” and… wait, wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me set the stage for this movie first… it’s the story of a well-to-do man (McConaughey) with an amazing apartment… and a superhot artist girlfriend (Beckinsale) who just dropped the bomb that… wait for it… she’s pregnant! So… the man becomes INCREDIBLY worried… not about being a father or something typical… but because he comes from a family of little people… and he’s afraid that his genes may lead to their progeny being little… oh & they’ve never met or really mentioned each other’s families apparently. Anyway, here’s a list of the actors & a basically synopsis of the characters that they play:

 

Matthew McConaughey – He plays an apparently wealthy firefighter trainer who’s concern over bringing a little person into this world, despite being a major part of a benefit for little people to start the movie, turns pretty f**king dark… where he destroys (the world’s weakest) wall in the doctor’s office when he finds out it’s going to be little… grows increasing distant for the first few months of the child’s life… and then basically kicks out his wife & child at the 2^nd act. How will the 3^rd act end? My guess is horribly…

 

Kate Beckinsale – She plays an artist who makes horrible, horrible life decisions (“you can just say artist, $teve”) and even worse art… and frankly, I don’t know who dressed her for this movie… but even though she’s Peak Kate Beckinsale, I’m barely even aroused by her because of her wardrobe choices & hairdos (there’s one that’s a mix of Bram Stoker’s Dracula & Princess Leia) and that’s not even to mention the RIDICULOUS stuff that she says… here’s an example of some of the awkward sentences that will be spoken in this movie: (to her fiancé McConaughey) “You had a circle jerk with a bunch of midgets… I’d love to see that.” Ugh… That’s some sexy pillow talk… (slide whistle down) I also still have no idea what the tattoo is on her arm but… my money’s on Anne Frank & Izzy’s is on Shirley Temple… either way, she’s getting judged justly & harshly.

 

Gary Oldman – Gary Oldman is an American treasure! “Ugh, $teve… Gary Oldman is English.” HE’S EVERYTHING!!! HE’S A F**KING CHAMELEON!!! The man could play a live-action Easter Bunny and I’m all in… you are too. However… this role… is just a ridiculous stretch. I’ll explain it slowly, please try to keep up with me. He plays… McConaughey’s brother… wait, there’s more… his TWIN brother despite 12 years real life age difference… and the makeup & abs make it look more like 30 years difference. Oh wait… there’s more… he’s also… a biker, WAIT!!! One more little thing… he also wears glasses. They want you to believe that Gary Oldman is Matthew McConaughey’s twin badass four-eyed biker brother… how crazy is that? Crazy, right? Yeah… HE’S ALSO A F**KING MIDGET!!! (Mind exploding!!!)

 

Peter Dinklage – This… may be my favorite. The great Peter Dinklage plays… Gary Oldman’s friend… who is a very proud & chauvinistic French Marxist biker… and everything that comes out of his mouth is f**king gold. However, I have a theory. Hear me out. I believe that Mr. Dinklage was supposed to play Gary Oldman’s character… and that originally there weren’t two biker characters, just him. Why do I think this? Well… I’m thinking that he was signed on… but in order to get funding for the movie, they wanted more name recognition (made in 2003 before “Game of Thrones”) so they brought in Gary Oldman… and thus the role was split. Furthermore… he doesn’t really do anything in the movie except bang Patricia Arquette’s character, spout French obscenities, have health issues for exposition about the struggles of little life… and has cornrows in one legendary funeral scene (that I assume was filmed separately from the rest, just on the way it’s shot). There’s no real reason for him to be in the story for progression.

 

Patricia Arquette – An extension of Peter Dinklage’s awkward addition is this character… who was THROWN OFF A BUS (no reason given) in the middle of the desert, I assume to die… and luckily right behind the bus… are two little people on big bikes to pick her up… and she & Peter Dinklage bang a lot… she has so little to do with this movie that I don’t think she changes clothes for any scene in this movie… just one outfit over the course or a year-plus.

 

David Alan Grier – He’s a showman & host of the little people fundraiser… and then is found banging Gary Oldman’s girlfriend later in the movie… it’s more of a cameo than anything else… for this Tony nominated actor. Good to see DAG in movies though.

 

The big question: Would I recommend that you watch this movie? Just to give you some perspective, when the two-hour cut of this movie was given to the studio, the director Matthew Bright was IMMEDIATELY FIRED and hasn’t worked in Hollywood since… and then the studio made some serious cuts & edits to get it to 90 minutes and… I think that’s why there’s a lot of loose threads & seemingly idiotic decisions… maybe that extra 30 minutes had some development points that were cut out… but yeah, probably not. It’s an interesting movie to watch with friends and basically make fun of… but yeah, if you want to see well respected actors do ridiculous things… and I loved little actors getting roles including the legendary Ed Gale as McConaughey & Oldman’s father… but yeah, it’s pretty bad. Watch while a little buzzed… and yes, you’ll have to rewind a few times because you thought you missed something… and you didn’t…

 

Sunday morning, we brewed a Chocolate Stout which we may later barrel age… but even if we don’t, we’ve made the same recipe in the past (with hazelnut extract) and we usually drink the keg in about three weeks… so it’s just a good recipe. Here are some pictures…

 

Another cool thing we found out at NHC was FastFerment which is a cool plastic conical fermenter with a reservoir in the bottom to collect the yeast during fermentation, a built-in thermometer to keep accurate track of the wort temperature during fermentation, and quick & easy switching of attachments for bottling, kegging and anything else that may need to be done. We are really excited to use it… but we ran into a problem when we added our wort into the FastFerment… and there was a little leak where the metal thermometer stand meets the plastic of the carboy/structure. It wasn’t much… but even at the miniscule rate, over the course of several weeks, it’ll basically drain anything above the leak (about two gallons of the five) AND there’s more possibility of infection (if wort can get out, other things can get in). So unfortunately we had to transfer to the standard glass carboys… but I’m sure we’ll get a new FastFerment quickly… or I might just have to work all the points where metal meets plastic with some epoxy or something. We shall see… here are some pictures of the process…

 

Next, we kegged our Dunkelweizen… which is the dark roasted German wheat beer recipe & due to a few scheduling things (graduation, graduation parties, weddings, NHC, etc) we weren’t able to really do a secondary fermentation, just kept it in primary for five weeks… so we’re curious how it’ll turn out… but if it’s anything like the sample from the hydrometer, it’s right on course for a 5% wheat beer and it tastes delicious…

 

More fascinating beer & movie related things to come this week… including movies so good that I decided to see them a 2^nd time!!! Yes, one of the ultimate compliments to movies made nowadays… watching it TWICE!!! IN A THEATRE EVEN!!! Until then, have a great week everybody!!!