Dawn of the Panda Age

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's been a busy little time with getting ready for a Mini Comics event this weekend... and in doing so, I completed my first mini-comic. You can check it out at my new blog at RoboPanda Comics. Be sure to follow it & you can keep up on all of the latest RoboPanda updates. Yes, right now it's just a little intro blurb & this mini-comic... but soon... oh boy, you're going to see where YOU can get your RoboPanda comics & various other swag. So excited for it...  Once again, the link is...

 

RoboPanda Comics

robopandacomics.blogspot.com

 

Go ahead... Do it now...

 

I can wait... these movies reviews will still be here...

 

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and please tell your friends & family...

 

and even strangers if you feel the urge

 

 

These reviews are probably going to be a little more brisk than previously... because it's late... but you'll get the jist. If not, ask me... and I'll gladly elaborate. The first movie up is "The New World" starring Colin Farrell as John Smith, the man who is famous for marrying Pocahontas in the early 17th century. It's a beautifully shot movie by director Terence Malick... and attempts to be more realistic about what really happened during the settlement of early America by the English... and then they try to throw in a whole love story with John Smith (by the way, she was like 12-14 years old when she was married the first time, right? That's just how it was) and then later with Thomas Rolfe (Christian Bale BTW). It's also 2.5 hours long... so yeah, beautifully shot but... pass.

 

Next was "The Man with the Iron Fists" starring Russell Crowe & the writer / director / star / WU TANG MUTHA F**KA The RZA!!! It's the story of a blacksmith (Rza) who is caught in the aptly named Jungle Village between feuding clans & new visitors in feudal China. The director RZA gives his unique view of the martial arts movie genre... and I personally liked it... even if the names are ridiculously distinct to that persons traits or role in the flick, I dig that. The actions sequences are decent, the story is... well, it's a martial arts movie... the soundtrack is... distinct with the Wu Tang flavor throughout... basically I really enjoyed it... and you probably will too if you enjoy the genre. There's fights, one-liners, betrayal, drama, revenge, all that good stuff.

 

Next up is "Silent Hill: Revelation" which is the 3D sequel ten years too late to the original video game adaptation. Basically, this movie picks up ten years after the end of the last one... and if you didn't see the first one, there's ABSOLUTELY no reason to see this flick. I did...and the story didn't make any sense in continuity. Anyway, if you liked the original, still... don't watch this one... for the story flaws... and it's exactly the same eery creatures & sequences as the first one... just done worse with really no scare factor whatsoever... other than how awful the lead actress is... and she'll be in "The Great Gatsby." Don't even want to imagine the amount of BJs to get that job based on this movie. Pass please.

Next is "Seven Psychopaths" starring Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, Tom Waits & Woody Harrellson. It's the story of a few writers / dognappers who are on a mission to make money & write the next great American novel / screenplay. It sounds weird... but I absolutely insist that you go see this movie. It's pretty well done... it's crazy... I mean... look at the actors in it... they're all crazy & doing it at their best. You'll love it.

 

Last is a National Lampoon's parody that I caught on Netflix called "The Legend of Awesomest Maximus" starring Will Sasso ("Mad TV" & "Three Stooges") and a few D-list players like the lovely Kristianna Loken ("Terminator 3" & "Bloodrayne") and Ian Ziering (yes, THAT Ian Ziering from the original 90210). It's a parody of the epic Greek movies like "Gladiator", "300", "Troy", "Spartacus" and the like... and it was actually pretty funny at points. I'd say a B on the parody tip. TEN times better than "Meet the Spartans" or whatever the hell that other one was. Check it out... like I said, it's on Netflix.

 

Well, that'll do it for today. I'll catch you up a little better on my life shortly. My mom, aunt & cousin are coming to visit in less than two weeks... so that'll be pretty awesome. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

$teve the Great & Powerful

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last weekend, the ladyfriend, her friend from Sactown & I went to a party at her coworkers... and we had some pretty strong drinks & good times. Great cast of characters she works with... while there, in the background was my first movie up for review this episode...

That is "God Bless America" which is directed by Bobcat Goldthwait (also directed "World's Greatest Dad") and stars a host of character actors you probably don't know but would recognize. Anyway, it's about an average divorced Joe who loathes today's society... especially all the assholes & stupidity. You know what I'm talking about... and if you don't, you're part of the problem. Anyway, he is fired from his cubicle job because he bought flowers for a coworker when she was having a bad day... and she claimed sexual harassment & hostile work environment. Since there's really no defense for that, compounded with his ex-wife & daughter being certifiable c-words... he basically snaps & goes on a killing spree... but no the usual kind, just the stupid assholes who kinda deserve it. Along the way, he picks up a teenage girl who joins him on the escapade... and the craziness goes from there. The show is pretty much a witty violent retelling of "Bonnie & Clyde" with a new generational twist & social commentary that I personally loved. I highly recommend it. Let me put it this way... if you can get through the opening minute when he shoots the neighbor's baby with a shotgun like he's shooting skeet... then you should DEFINITELY watch this movie. If not, bless your heart.

Next up is "Oz the Great & Powerful" which I saw with Dizzy's friend. The story is a prequel of "The Wizard of Oz" and the story of how the Wizard (James Franco) went from being a horny sideshow magician in Kansas to the merry land of Oz... and eventually its ruler (spoiler alert). Along the way he meets three lovely sister witches (Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz & Michelle Williams) and gets tangled up in their sibling rivalry... befriends a flying monkey (Zach Braff) and basically that's all I'm going to tell you. It's directed by Sam Raimi ("Evil Dead" & "Spiderman") and is a great kids flick that's also fun for adults too. Go check it out... or wait for Netflix or something, your call.

Speaking of Netflix, I then found "Guns, Girls & Gambling" starring Christian Slater, Gary Oldman, Dane Cook, Chris Kattan & the superhot Helena Mattson ("Species III"). It's the story of some dude named John Smith (Slater) who travels to an Indian casino in the middle of nowhere, enters an Elvis impersonators contest... and then gets involved in a feud between the owners (Indians) and a local rancher tycoon (Cowboy) over a stolen mask from the casino while he was knocked out. Throw in some quick wits, physical humor & a basically awkward appearance by a completely unconvincing bombshell assassin (Mattson) and you've got a straight to DVD movie. Oh yeah, Gary Oldman was probably on set for two days because he's in the movie for about three minutes & has... maybe five lines. I'm guessing he did this movie while he was in town shooting "Dark Knight Rises" or something. Go ahead & pass... but if you likes "Smokin' Aces" and that kind of thing then you might enjoy this if you're just searching for something.
 


One check off that's been on my Instant Queue for a while is "Howl" starring yet again James Franco in a biopic about the legendary beat poet Allen Ginsberg and his publicized trial over his four-part poem Howl released in 1955. The main draw of this film is the method of how the story is told... the poem itself is basically an autobiography... so as they go through the poem in the trial & through the various "interviews" with the actors, it unfolds more & more about the life & times of Allen Ginsburg & his creative process in San Francisco during the 50's and so on. Subjects such as recognizing & embracing his homosexuality, how his encounters with Jack Keroueac and others influences his writing, his observations of humans & American life... all come out in the story. Also, as the poem is recited there's animation included to kind of show what the reader/listener is kind of interpretting from the work. It's actually quite well done. Not sold? How about Jon Hamm ("Mad Men") being his lawyer? That's what I thought. Go check it out. You're welcome.

Lastly, last night the ladyfriend & I went to Punch Line Comedy Club and watched Dana Gould (probably most famous as longtime writer for "The Simpsons"). The warmup acts of Kevin O'Shea & Phil Hanley were pretty good... but Dana blew them all away. He's kind of the stereotypical longtime comic... late forties, Jewish, divorced, kids, been in the game a while, lots of personal stories to draw material from... but yeah, expert in delivery as well. Really knows how to own a room, I highly recommend that you get to check him out if you get the chance.

On that note, I'd also like to thank Live Nation for being a bunch of money grubbing dicks & adding on $20 per ticket in fees ("convenience" & delivery) to an otherwise $30 (plus two overly priced drinks) to the Jon Lovitz show next weekend... because instead of that... we went to see Dana Gould for half the price... and can still watch Jon Lovitz at his best THIS weekend in all 22 episodes of "The Critic" so thank you for allowing us to do that... and you're not convenient... you're a monopoly... enjoy future lawsuits.

On that note, this bitter old ('er than last week) man is going to bid you all a wonderful weekend & may you have great levity in celebrating the day of St Patrick. Deuces!!!

10,000 Hours

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The past few days have been pretty average… seen a few movies… worked on my comic a bit… stuff like that. The big thing has just been thinking about the Future & what it holds… and what I’m doing to make it great for myself & my kin. A thing that’s been coming up recently is the whole theory of spending 10,000 hours to become a Master at something. I think it originally came up with some athlete saying something about it on a news clip & it just kinda stuck. Well, I got to thinking… what am I a Master of based on that theory? I’ve come up with a few things that I believe meet the criteria:

• My Job – I’ve been in basically the same profession with varying degrees of salary & responsibility for the past 13+ years. Damn, first off that make me feel old. Then again, even though the job has changed over the years, locations have changes, markets, personnel around me, all of that… I’m pretty sure there’s nobody out there who would argue that I’m NOT a Master at this Game. Period.
• Basketball – Though I’ve definitely played more than 10,000 hours over the course of 15 years where I did it 30-40 hours a week, I wasn’t always surrounded by teachers & mentors so I relied more on my own observations and of course, practice. Perhaps that’s why it’s not my job… because you can do just about anything for 10,000 hours… but unless you’re focused & constantly pushing & striving… then you may not get the desired results. Also, your size & nationality may play key components too. Don’t hate. I’m only being real.
• Sleeping – I think we’ve all done our fair share of this “activity” so hopefully you’ve all got it mastered… or at least under control.
• Movies – This is about the only other thing that I’m guessing may crack that hour barrier. Combined over the years, that’s about 5,000 movies… 150 per year… one every other day… yeah, easy. Have I mastered movies? I’d like to think so… but just the watching part. I’m not expecting to jump into the director’s chair & produce an Academy Award winning flick.

With that in mind, I’ll have to look to start venturing out into mastering other things… but in the meantime, all me to share with you some of mastery… Movie Viewing… especially bad ones…

First up was from a few weeks ago that I just forgot to comment on. On Netflix, I stumbled upon “Zombie Lake” which is a French film from the early eighties. Shot on a budget of about 500 francs give or take (before the Euro & I honestly think they spent all of the money of the climax… you’ll see), this movie is about true love… and the bonds of love & family that cannot be separated… even if one is a blood thirsty zombie. Okay, so… there’s a small French town with a lake… and basically beautiful naked big tittied women are disappeared… and because it’s France, nobody is doing anything about it (plenty more where they came from?). Then the truth comes out… back in WWII (forty years earlier at this point), some Nazis were pinned back & killed by the villagers… and their bodies dumped into the lake… but they came back as zombies. Yes, Nazi zombies… still in surprisingly dapper uniform too. So what does this have to do about love & family? Well, one of the Nazis apparently had a loving (and kinda drawn out) “roll in ze hay” with a French girl shortly before being executed & dumped in the lake… and ta daaaa… forty years later, he has a 12 year old daughter. I kinda like to think that maybe it’s his granddaughter so I can kind of think FOR the writer… but yeah, probably not the case. So yeah, then the climax comes… and I don’t want to spoil it… oh hell, you’re not going to watch it (unless you like boobs, lots of them). Basically Nazi zombie dad saves his daughter from some of the other zombies… and just when all hope seems lost for the villagers… enter a flamethrower (see? Budget blown). Fin. You’re welcome. Pretty horrible flick unless you’re laughing with others.

Next we move to the mid-eighties with “Transylvania 6-5000” starring Ed Begley jr, Jeff Goldblum & Jeffrey Jones among others. It’s the story of two reporters (Begley & Goldblum) and their crazy hijinx as they are sent to Transylvania to investigate werewolves. What? Oh, going to Transylvania doesn’t make sense for werewolves because that’s the home of Dracula? Weird… yeah… it’s basically trying to bring a Looney Tunes cartoon to life… but forgetting that Jeff Goldblum & Ed Begley aren’t exactly Abbott & Costello. I found it pretty hard to watch actually… but hey, that’s just me. It’s good to see Jeff Goldblum thirty years ago… we tall guys need to stick together. Also, you get to see a lot of Geena Davis cleavage back when she was young.

Next up was “Get the Gringo” starring Mel Gibson in the directorial debut of Adrian Grunberg, the 2^nd unit director of movies like “Traffic”, “Apocolypto”, “Master & Commander” and a few others. It’s the story an American criminal (Gibson) who just makes it across the border into Mexican with a few million in cash… but is then caught by the federales and taken to… a unique Mexican prison, that’s more like a horrible Mexican town with armed guards in crow’s nests. There, this American befriends a small boy (because families are there too) and his mother… while trying to figure a way to get out of jail, get his money & get revenge… while also trying to save this mother & child… and not dying. It’s actually a pretty good flick if you like movies like “Payback” and those with an anti-hero figure in the lead… one liners… action… violence… come-up’ns… it’s got it all. I highly recommend it.

 

There was also an interesting Hulu series called "Booth at the End" that was shot on a budget of $20 for coffee, I think... but it's basically a series of individuals meeting up with a mysterious man at a diner booth... and basically, they get something if they do something. Simple as that. Is he God? The Devil? Simply a messenger? Some sort of wizard? Who cares? The point of it is... if you want something, he looks into a book, and if you complete the task given to you, you get it. Simple... yet the stories are interwoven. I suggest checking it out. Great concept.

 

Lastly tonight is “Bad Ass” starring Danny Trejo, which is a fairly new movie that I’m pretty sure went straight to DVD (or Netflix). It’s the story of a Vietnam vet (Trejo) who has been selling hot dogs for forty years in the Barrio... until one day on the bus, some Aryan brotherhood guys start up some sh*t… and he knocks them the f**k out. Of course, he becomes an internet sensation… and shortly after, his vet buddy is murdered & the cops won’t do anything about it… so he starts looking for answer… vigilante style. Do you like Trejo being badass? Like he knows any other way to be? Can’t wait for “Machete Kills” or “Machete Kills Again… In Space”? How about some cameos from Roc (Charles S. Dutton) and Mr. Potato Head (Ron Perlman)? Well then, I suggest that you check this flick out. I liked it. It’s an action flick… with old people… kind of like Expendables.

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight… better get some plans for the weekend before it’s too late. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

The Art of Asian Pole

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, this weekend was hella fun... because our first stop was to finally see the Asian Art Museum that I had heard so much about... and they had a special exhibit of the Terra Cotta Warriors. I was blessed to have seen the site in Xi'an about seven years ago... but this was still VERY cool... and the rest of the museum is pretty amazing. BEHOLD!!!

And as I said... the rest of the museum was pretty amazing as well, here are some quick pics...

 

"Make a move & the chick gets it..."

 

Monkey Attack

I like the look on the demon's face on the ground...

 

Cock fights... they're not just in the South

That's odd...

I may get this tattoo...

After the museum, we headed over to Studio Botan to see a choreographed presentation of pole dancing. Yes, the lights were on. Yes, they were lovely ladies gettin' down on the pole. No, they do not have change for a twenty. No, they didn't have booze (unless you premixed your own drink... WINNING!). It was pretty amazing... and I highly recommend checking them out of you get a chance. Here are some quick pics... since video is kind of forbidden because some of these ladies are going to the International Pole Dancing Championships in a few weeks. No, that wasn't a joke. There really is an International Pole Dancing Championship. You're welcome...

Anyway, now that you're heart is chuck full of art... Have a great night everybody!!!