SUICIDE SQUIZZAAUUUUDDD!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Izzy & I had a wonderful opportunity to see a preview screening of a movie that I have been waiting YEARS to be released… and that is the latest movie from the DC Comics Cinematic Universe “Suicide Squad” from director David Ayer (“End of Watch”, “Fury” & “Sabotage”)!!! Now, for those who may not be aware… the Suicide Squad was a comic book series where a group of DC Villains are assembled by Amanda “The Wall” Waller (I’m not sure what her official title is other than “bad b**ch who runs sh*t” but something like director of some secret government agency) to basically use their powers to save the day as kind of… forced mercenaries (think Snake Pliskin in “Escape from NY”). In this movie, when Midway City is under a “terrorist attack” / Incan Witch Gods set on destroying humans, Amanda (Viola Davis) must assemble a team to take them out because… I guess Batman & Superman are busy in their own movie? Anyway, she assembles a team featuring the legendary mercenary Deadshot (Will Smith), the Joker’s ladyfriend Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), Killer Croc (Adewale), Slipknot (Adam Beach cameo), Captain Boomerang (why does Hollywood like Jai Courtney?), Diablo (Jay Hernandez), Kitana (not Miho from Sin City), and led by decorated officer Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman)… who also happens to be banging the lady who one of the witch gods has possessed. Got it? Good… now let’s go to the Pros & Cons…

What I Liked About this Movie

·         The Premise of the Movie – Look, I’ve been excited about this movie for years… and it has such great potential… and some of the aspects really shined. They’re a group of misfits coming together to do something good. Check. Not all criminals are absolutely evil… even if all they do is kill a bunch of people with no remorse. Ugh… okay, I’ll allow it under the right circumstances I guess. The overrunning theme of “bad b**ch” saying jump through this hoop or I’ll ignite a grenade that’s lodged in your skull to do her bidding. Dark… I like it. I love Escape from New York… hell, even L.A. wasn’t too horrible… or “Lockout” / Space Jail which was the same story (so much so that they had to pay an undisclosed amount to John Carpenter this past week, but not this movie). What I’m saying is… there’s potential. This is basically the Guardians of the Galaxy of the D.C. Cinematic Universe… and in case you forget, they’ll remind you at any moment with everything from the makeup of the team, the soundtrack, the color schemes, all that stuff. Seriously, I kinda want to do a side-by-side of the two groups… but hey, Guardians made a LOT of money… and this movie probably will to.

·         Harley Quinn eye candy – It’s what she’s there for… let’s be honest. Is her superpower the ability to make a dead man come as Mick Jagger would say? She’s f**king insane, brings a baseball bat to a gun & fire fight, doesn’t provide any intel on the situation, and is constantly getting people killed by trying to escape with her boyfriend but… DAT ASS!!! GIVE THAT ASS A SPIN-OFF MOVIE!!! Oh wait, they already are… so yeah, for being an absolutely pointless character in the actual movie, I can’t wait for all the drunk chicks dressed as trailer trash with a baseball bat with their boyfriends dressed as Li’l Wayne meets David Bowie during Halloween this year… but more on that other guy later.

·         Will Smith – The man is Hollywood gold. He can act, he has all the charisma in the world… and when he’s not making sons for his son Jaden to ruin, he’s always making money for producers around the world. Without him, this movie never gets made. Maybe some half-ass version of it but… he really ends up leading this movie. Between him & Viola Davis as Amanda Waller, that’s really 80% of the actual acting going on in this movie, I think. Also, action-wise, the scene where Deadshot goes solo ape sh*t on the army of “tar monsters” or whatever they are… easily the high point of this movie. It’s what the whole movie should have been.

·         The Soundtrack – There’s a pretty prevalent theory out there that if your movie is sh*t, as long as you spend a lot of money on easily recognizable songs that keep people vested in the movie, you should do okay. Guardians did this. Deadpool did as well. However, there’s a very thin line before overcompensating and making a soundtrack absolutely ridiculous & annoying. Now… I have the soundtrack as something that I like on this movie because… it was okay. However, there were quite a number of points in the movie where I thought “this song doesn’t work here, there should be an orchestral score or something else… the music is stealing the scene, not complimenting it.” You’ll know the scenes when you see/hear them… but yeah, I’ll allow it in this case.

What I Didn’t Like About This Movie

·         “The Threat” – Look, I’m giving the drama introduced in this movie a pass because you need conflict for the movie to work. I get that. My question throughout the movie though was… okay, so a little backstory, the Enchantress & her Brother (Incan Witch God things) are these super powerful beings, thousands of years old, and are reawakened in present day Midway City. Humans no longer fear them… so they are devising this weapon to destroy all humans… and apparently it takes the Enchantress several hours of belly dancing & levitating about a hundred tanks & hummers in a giant orb a few hundred feet in the sky over a skyscraper to create this weapon while… her brother scratches himself in the corner? Okay, I dig it. What is this weapon? What could it possibly be that will destroy all humans? I mean… it’s not like they’ve been tearing through them like tissue paper anytime they approach them, or turning them into an army of tar monsters as I mentioned before. The weapon… is basically just a way to blast satellites… and satellite dishes… apparently knocking out our communications links & making it so the citizens of Midway City (and I assume the world) can’t play Pokemon Go. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Where’s Superman??? Is he at another congressional meeting??? (slaps forehead)

·         The Joker – Look… I admire that Jared Leto has gone full method acting into being a crazy f**k while preparing & playing the Joker role. I get it. I also know that without Joker & Batman playing a part in this movie you’re left with… Rick Flagg played by Robocop reboot guy (who actually did pretty damn good in my opinion but… kinda thought he looked like a meth head most of the time) and you need it to tie into the cinematic universe that they’re making. I know why the Joker is in the movie… but this Joker is not the Joker. In this movie, Joker is all psycho… with no fun or flair or charisma. Frankly, no idea why Harley Quinn or anybody would enjoy being in the same room as this guy… less fall in psychotic love with him. This Joker just seems so f**king angry all the time & is not enjoying himself, which is kind of the basis of his entire character. That f**king annoying laugh of his is the perfect example. Think of a good Joker laugh! You’re thinking of Mark Hamill’s from the animated series probably, right? Not the laughing pocket thing from Jack Nicholson’s pocket once the batteries wore out of the first Batman movie. He’s just not intimidating… or likeable… or anything that Joker should be. The love story with Harley is just more disturbing than anything relatable. I get it… their mental health is lacking. Also, he dresses horribly… but hey, colorful, right?

·         Captain Boomerang – WHY DOES HOLLYWOOD INSIST ON JAI COURTNEY??? He’s just not good! Also, the character is an Australian guy with mutton chops who throws boomerangs. Okay. What else you got? Oh, he chugs random beers in almost every scene? Awesome. What else you got? He carries a pink unicorn stuffy? You stole that from Deadpool! Why? Ugh… okay, well at least he does something at some point in the movie to help out in any way, right? NO!?!?!?!

·         Killer Croc – Sigh… do you remember Jamie Foxx as Electro in “The Amazing Spider-Man”? I’m fairly certain that they just adjusted the color of the costume from blue to green to make this character. Poor Adewale probably had to be in makeup for like six hour each day… to do little more than move like one of the monkeys from “Congo” and try his damnedest to make intelligible words come out of his mouth. He was supposed to be the Drax the Destroyer of the group but… ugh… nope. Bane was more intelligible than Killer Croc.

·         Adam Beach Cameo – Poor Slipknot… played by Native American actor Adam Beach (“Windtalkers”) but… well, let’s just say that when you’re introduced really late in the movie & your superpower is being “able to climb anything” that you might as well be wearing a red shirt in a Star Trek episode.

Overall Impression - I would definitely check out the movie. Thanks to the marketing & PG-13 rating and all the stuff that came up recently… I went into this movie was some low expectations, especially considering the badass potential of the premise. Jesus… WILL SMITH IS IN THIS MOVIE!!! MARGOT ROBBIE!!! Tom Hardy was almost in this movie until he was replaced with Robocop last minute. Amanda Waller makes her debut!!! JOKER & BATMAN!!! The movie was better than my low expectation… but not as good as what it could have been. Typical middle of the road stuff… and frankly, there are a few good scenes… and a few scenes that’ll make you question who the f**k made this movie (slow motion in the finale keeps popping up in my mind as “WHYYYY?”) but overall, compared to a lot of other movies out there, this wasn’t bad. There were… mixed reviews in the theatre that I watched it in afterwards… but more positive than negative. I hope there’s a good R-rated version of this movie coming out with the Director’s Cut but… I’m sure it’ll be middle of the road as well. Still though… DAT ASS!!!

Anyway, just a few thoughts to throw at you before you go & see the movie this weekend. Let me know what you think… maybe you’ll get a shout-out on the Everything I Learned From Movies Podcast!!! Have a great day everybody!!

The Hunger for Dew

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Saw a few good movies this past week… first up was “Sicario” starring Benecio Del Toro, Emily Blunt and Josh Brolin. This movie is about an FBI agent (Blunt) who joins an elite task force that is cracking down on the Mexican drug trade… by any means necessary. Her ideology is called into question as their methods are not “by the book” but… can it be by the book when those that they are fighting against don’t play by the book? The movie is… intense. I loved it. There are twists and turns throughout… Benecio Del Toro gives a great performance… really everybody does a great job… there are great cameo performances… the subject matter is dark & disturbing… definitely one of the best movies from last year that I’ve seen. Even the parts of the movie that some might see as slow… still pretty damn intense. Even the occasion establishing aerial shots of the Juarez / El Paso area are great at showing that… basically the land is pretty barren… yet people live there… and they’re struggling every day to survive in this fruitless land… and then they drop you in the movie up close. Man, it’s just a great movie. Lots of violence & language… definitely rated hard R but… holy sh*t, go see this movie if you’re not squeamish.

  

Also, this weekend, Izzy & I continued the series of movies by continuing with “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” and “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part One” with Part Two coming out later this year. For those who don’t know, the original movie set up the world of basically an alternate reality United States where after a major civil war, there are 12 Districts essentially ran by a Capital City (that may or may not be located in Salt Lake City looking at a few maps online?) and... basically once a year, they get one teenage girl & one teenage boy from each district… and have them fight to the death in a completely controlled environment for sport… and maybe the winning district gets food. Why is this how it works? You know what… don’t think about it too hard… but apparently this gives Hope to those who are being oppressed. Well, the first movie is about this girl named Katness (Jennifer Lawrence) who volunteers for these Hunger Games to save her little sister during the lottery selection process… and spoiler alert: She wins! After 2.5 hours and a LOT of shaky cam, that’s the end result of the first movie… but that’s only the beginning of the story. Now she’s a symbol of Hope for the common people of all the districts… and President Snow (Donald Sutherland) is not a fan of this… but he can’t make a martyr of her… and basically, I’m just going to say… you kind of have to soldier through & watch the first movie to get the basis of the movie (or at least try to)… but it’s really the following movies where the cool action & intrigue actually pops up. There’s a lot of political maneuvering, some decent action scenes, a sprinkling of teen angst, but far more stuff like PTSD and morality issues rather than “Oh man, which boy do I love?” and all that other Twilight BS… it’s mostly a movie about REVOLUTION!!! And sprinklings of Revenge!!! Go check them out!!!

 

So for the next month… I’m doing the No Mountain Dew Challenge that I’ve thrown on myself. I’ve been drinking Mountain Dew for a loooooong time. Basically since high school that has been my drink of choice… and when I was playing basketball 8 hours a day then I was at least burning off the calories (and I was definitely drinking more before). However, I’m going to try to cut it… and replace it with tea or water. Why? Well… I’m getting a few pounds of me… and let’s face it… soda probably isn’t the best for my organs. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.  Yes, I know it’s been on the $tevies for like 8 years in a row to give up… but I’m confident that it can be done. Come on cheer me on. Well, besides not having Mountain Dew around… how else can I kick it? Well…

 

This weekend, Izzy & I tried a little brewing experiment called “Mountain Brew” which… is exactly what it sounds like. Basically it’s beer… made with Mountain Dew, some other malt sugars, and yeast. I know what you’re thinking. “Why the f**k would you do something like this?” Well… because I’m curious how it will fare. I have no idea who it will turn out. Will it taste like alcoholic Mountain Dew? Very doubtful. Will it be a delicious experience? Probably not. Will it probably be some sort of horrible concoction that induces vomiting? Hopefully not. So then what will it taste like? I’ll let you know… but I’m hoping for some sort of citrusy pale ale… but I’m sure if it were incredible then every microbrewery would have a version of this. What if it’s great? We’ll be surprised… and even if it’s half-decent… then we’ve already got another idea ready to go: Dr. Pepper Stout. Anyway, here are some pictures of Mountain Brew…

 

Lastly, we’re in the final stages of getting our Podcast up & running… so I’ll have the link information out to you as soon as possible when it’s up & running and maybe we have a few episodes up too… you know, so you get an idea of what Izzy & I are throwing out there. It’s going to be amazing! Until then, have a great day everybody!!!

Super Bowl L50

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

This last week has been pretty crazy at work & at home with the presence of Super Bowl 50 here in the Bay Area. Last Monday, Izzy & I thought that since we were stuck in traffic so often & had to put up with some of the “benefits” of hosting the big game… why not check out some of the festivities? So we went down to the Embarcadero to see Super Bowl City.

 

First & foremost though, Izzy & I had the opportunity to see “Deadpool” the other night… a week before released in theatres. Yes, this is yet another comic book / graphic novel / superhero movie from the Marvel Cinematic Universe… and I know that a lot of you are tired of them. I’m starting to get there… but there’s some great movies out there… if not just for fun. This movie… is f**king AMAZING!!! Now… it’s rated R for violence, sexual references, language & other content… but if you know anything about the comics, then you already know this. Ryan Reynolds plays Wade Wilson… who’s a wise-cracking mercenary with a heart of gold… but when he’s diagnosed with cancer, he takes part in some experiments to overcome the illness by releasing his recessive mutant genes to help combat the cancer cells. Well… he soon finds out that it’s all a shame to make super soldier slaves… but not before they release some of those powers. He escapes the facility… but due to the process, he’s horribly disfigured so he lives with a blind lady instead of his super hot prostitute girlfriend (Morena Baccarin), and spends a lot of his time hanging with his comic relief bartender buddy (TJ Miller). Well… now he’s full of vengeance to take out the guy who disfigured him (Ed Skrein) and that’s BEFORE he decides to kidnap his girlfriend… yes… making this basically a wisecracking superhuman ninja VENGEANCE movie that’s rated R for violence, sexual references, language & adult content. This movie is basically MADE for me… and probably you if you’re an adult. I HIGHESTLY recommend that you go check this movie out… give it all your money. I would do the pros & cons thing… but there’s really not a whole lot of cons that I can come up with. The story is told is a way that it’s an origin story but keeps you entertained throughout… the acting it good… the effects are okay… the questionable actors (Gina Carano) are kept to a few words at most… it’s basically just a lot of fun & Ryan Reynolds is perfectly cast. This movie… is a THOUSAND times better than his first portrayal of Deadpool in that sh*t snack movie “Wolverine Origins” a few years back that I spent more time talking about my brother being “one of those guys” who talks about how the movie is different from the comics than talking about the movie. It just wasn’t good… and it had Wolverine, Deadpool AND Gambit. Sigh… anyway, a THOUSAND times better. Give this one all of your money. Don’t take the kids. Take the girlfriend.

 

Back to football... Super Bowl City was… well… to be honest, it was basically a BIG promotional platform for the NFL’s many sponsors… from Bud Light to Pepsi to Hewlett Packard to Verizon Wireless to CBS Sports to anything else that Peyton Manning forgot to mention in his post-game interview. After getting through the security checkpoint, we wandered around to see what was going on… and there was a lot of stuff to buy… but the interesting stuff was little tents / structures where you could see some new promotional technology for a company… we caught a game-winning touchdown pass with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background (that we could then hashtag CBS Sports for a chance to win free junk mail) and there was also a concert venue for free concerts. The night we went, it was a guy named Alomar… never heard of him… not good enough to Google. Alicia Keyes was on Saturday night though… and because it was free, they had to close the doors at 2 PM so that people wouldn’t literally stand on one another. Anyway, here are some pictures…

 

 

Friday night, we met up with Izzy’s mom & aunties for some wine sampling & karaoke at Four Fools Winery in Rodeo (near their homes). The venue is small, nice, and very communal. I really liked it. It’s kind of a wine taproom meets a storage facility for other vineyards… but they’re growing so that they can get their own vines one day. We basically spent the first hour or so chatting up with some of the owners… and yeah, they were pretty great. We sampled their wines, had some snacks, and then it was off to the great room to sing “Naughty Girl” like a f**king boss…

 

Sunday was the big game… so we went to a party with some elderly lesbians (as is the norm most weekends as you may have noticed) but it was hella fun! The party was… not the game… that was actually pretty hard to watch with all the turnovers & sloppy play… but that Denver Defense really took over. Well played guys! That’s really all I’ve gotta say on this game.

 

Now for the REALLY BIG NEWS from this week. Izzy & I have FINALLY… recorded a PODCAST!!! Yes, it only took like… three months… but we did it. It’s recorded… and should be coming to the internet in the next day or two… and to iTunes shortly after that. Details to come… but again, it’s called “Everything I Learned From Movies” or you can just hashtag #EILFM and it’ll be trending before you know it. Until then, have a great day everybody!!!

T-Rex Wars: The Force Awakens

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

So I mentioned during my Christmas post the other day that I watched “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” twice… but I didn’t elaborate on it. Why? Lots of thoughts… but also don’t want to spoil the hell out of it for the three people who haven’t seen the movie yet… but then I figured that if they haven’t seen it at this point, they could probably give two flying f**ks about what happens. IZZY!!! IF YOU’RE READING THIS… STOP READING THIS UNTIL YOU SEE THE MOVIE!!! Or at least the Nostalgia Critic review… but even then, this really isn’t going to contain a lot… but you don’t care anymore. You’ve been on social media the past three weeks. You know that Jar Jar is the Sith Lord by now. What’s that? Oh you DIDN’T know that? Well schucks my gartners, the cat’s out of the bag now. Anyway… have you seen the first Star Wars movie from 1977? Yes? Good… then you’ve basically seen this movie… with some new characters (surprisingly few new characters) and rebooted for the next trilogy and a bunch of spinoffs. Seriously, this is the story of an android who is given some top secret information… and falls into the hands of a desert planet farmer (?)… who meets up with an aging apprentice… and they travel the galaxy helping some rebel force… against some empirical force… who has access to weapons that literally destroy planets… and the whole time there’s a tall, dark, ominous figure that wears black, talks like he’s asking for a ransom & has magical powers… as does the desert planet farmer… you know what, I really liked this movie! Just go check it out! There are flaws… but it’s a great experience! Now I’m just going to through out some theories and random thoughts… spoilers… if you care…

 

·         I had been mentioning in the months leading up to the release event of this movie with all the secrecy about the plot & its various twists… that I was going to be SOOOOOO happy when it was revealed that Jar Jar Binks with this new Sith Lord (Kylo Ren) or revealed to be the new emperor. Now… I thought this both because it would’ve been a total Kaiser Soze move… and let’s face it… in the prequels, that dipsh*t became a Senator. Holy sh*t! He was playing everybody! I meant it jokingly… but apparently that was a REAL THEORY and apparently was part of the original trilogy as my brother told me during Christmas… and he showed me a few videos… and when I watched “Episode I: The Phantom Menace” again with my Aunt Pat a few days later… it totally made some sense. Basically, I’m still hoping that the real brains and/or brawn behind this new First Order (Empire) is Darth Jar Jar.

 

·         For a moment in that little scene that’s even in the trailer, where Finn & Poe do that whole glancing “Hey, good luck” stare before they go into battle… I was pretty sure those two were going to end up gay lovers. After watching the movie… I’m still not entirely convinced that’s not going to be a thing later on. I know they’re pushing the whole Finn & Rey love story thing… but let’s face it… they did that with Luke & Leia the first trilogy before they dropped the whole brother-sister bomb & made it really awkward. Finn & Rey can’t be for whatever reason… maybe Luke gives her the whole attachment leads to the Dark Side speech from the other movies.. Finn is heartbroken… in walks the new Han Solo (Poe, like Kung Fu Panda) to mend his broken heart. Give it to the third movie… and fan boys, get ready to REVOLT!!!

 

·         Speaking of the brother-sister bomb… so… Kylo & Rey are the kids of Han & Leia, right? That’s the not-so-subtle hint that’s laid on pretty hard… or is that one of those “Lost” things like “No, it’s totally not Purgatory… it’s something else!” and then that’s what it ends up being? I mean… it’s not like the same guy ran that show & this movie franchise, right?

 

·         Captain Phasma (the chrome stormtrooper) is totally going to be… I don’t know… competent in the following movies, right?

 

·         Everybody noticed that Matt Parkman from “Heroes” (Greg Grunberg) was one of the guys in the Rebel Alliance, right? You know, Matt Parkman? The guy who could read minds in “Heroes”? Like… Jedi mind trick sh*t? Just sayin’…

 

·         To learn the ways for the Force, Kylo studied under Luke Skywalker for years… and then turned to the Dark Side to become the apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke… and had the charred skull & helmet of Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader in his room that he basically worshipped… and basically turned his life over to the Force… and is a skilled lightsabre fighter… and he was beaten by a diminutive desert farmer who has never handled a bladed weapon before (only a shepherd’s stick or whatever) and it shows… and didn’t even know that she had the ability to even conjure the Force until LITERALLY minutes before their battle… and she just closed her eyes (while he stood there doing nothing) and then it was like “swipe, done, over, pose, off to the next one”. Yeah… MAJOR problems with the Final Battle… and that’s after the “Finn vs. Kylo” battle.

 

·         Also, what the hell was with Kylo’s chest thumping thing? I’m sure it’s on the cutting room floor.

 

·         Most importantly though: Didn’t the Rebel Alliance WIN at the end of Return of the Jedi??? What changed??? NOTHING??? NOTHING!!! I’m sure there’ll be spin-off movies and shows that explain how it got back to exactly what it was… but whatever. Check it out.

 

New Year’s Eve was super happening for Izzy & I. We had an N64 Party with J-Mo & his friend… and played “Mario Kart” and watched “Mad Max: Fury Road” because we’re badasses like that… and went to bed shortly after midnight. WOOHOOOOOOO!!! Screw you guys… it was still pretty fun!

 

This past weekend, we also met up with Izzy’s aunts and went to the showing of T-Rex Planet at Craneway Pavilion in Richmond, which is similar to the dinosaur thing that we went to in San Jose a while back… but basically life-size replica dinosaurs in a convention center setting… BOOM!!! Here are pictures…

 

I’ve been super busy with my MANY MANY jobs with only one paycheck… but I’m determined to get this podcast thing up & running soon… and you shouldn’t be disappointed. Until then though, have a great weekend everybody!!!